Is anyone else suffering from depression?

[Hugecloudsofdarkness]

I am just wondering if anyone else has fallen into a very deep, dark depression like I have? It's been getting worse and worse since March for me, since lockdown.

I wake up and dread the news everyday. I don't feel settled as I am constantly terrified at the thought of being locked down again and our family business going under (we wouldn't survive another lockdown) and therefore losing our house. I am devastated at seeing how my children have suffered from being out of school. One of my children is very shy and she now won't leave the house without a fight.

I understand the masks (not the timing of them though) but I can't help but feel even worse when I leave the house and see everyone in masks, arrows instructing people where to walk/stand and messages being played over and over again through the shop microphones about staying safe and not going near anyone.

I honestly feel like I am trapped in a complete nightmare. I was having a really nice dream about normal life last night and woke up this morning shaking when I realised that actually, the nightmare is true, not the dream.

Please can anyone who wants to tell me to get over it stay away from this post. I am truly so delicate. I am on antidepressants btw. But they aren't going to help me when I am constantly terrified about all of the above.

No I haven't, covid doesn't bother me. But it doesn't matter what I think because this is how you feel and it's perfectly valid for you

Whilst not affected by covid, I have suffered from depression and severe anxiety in the past so I wanted to offer you because it's quite simply horrible. I'm sorry you're struggling so much.

@OpheliasCrayon
Thank you so much

Yes ☹️ I’m calling time to talk today and going to try and get some quick CBT or something. I’ve been signed off work for the second time. Feel like such a phoney ☹️😫
I go to sleep dreading the next day, wake up with a deep of gloom in my stomach. Can’t plan ahead cause I’m scared. Intrusive thoughts stopping me from doing anything. Afraid of jinxing anything if I act too happy or positive. I can’t even make my child’s dinner without freaking out that I didn’t wash my hands before or convincing myself I coughed over it. Throwing it away and starting again.
Missing friends and family. I have family abroad and I’ve convinced myself I’ll never see them again or step foot in our house and that my child won’t know them.
Developed some strange phobia or going into work.
Convinced myself Winter will be lonely and depressing. Pushing my husband away.
I feel for you. Please DM me if you want to talk xx

Also from me. I know what it feels like to be severely depressed.

Pre lockdown I was on 60mg of Prozac. Today I am not on anything. My mental health is the best it’s been for over 5 years. I can only attribute it to working from home

I find my own mood is in a bad place since lockdown. Just at the edge of depression, and small things can easily "trip" me into a downward spiral of self-loathing. Funnily enough, though, my usual anxiety is mostly gone now (things feel so shit, there isn't much to worry about!)

I'm past caring about the virus, but the constant changes of rules really do my head in. I'd like stability and predictability. Full lockdown was stable, after a while, but getting out of lockdown is stressful because you can't plan anything anymore (e.g. I thought my childcare was sorted because I'd be working from home, but now things may change come August!)

Seriously, though, we can hope by Christmas we'll be past all this. So hang in there!

The government scared everyone shitless with their over the top "stay home or people die" mantra. It's gonna take some people years to get over this Covid shitshow. I'm angry.

Sending you big virtual hugs. I was in a great place pre Covid, took a lot of inner self work through meditation and acceptance and then lockdown happened and I was not able to meditate and I have slowly slipped back to old patterns. Doesn't help that I'm having issues at work and now have been signed off due to back pain caused by incorrect set up for home working. Long story that is not overly relevant but basically I allowed it to happen through trying to please everyone and not cause a fuss. ( Old pattern ) I am using my 2 weeks that I have been signed off for initially to not only strengthen my back but also get myself back to where I was pre Covid. Already resumed my meditations and am reading and listening to as much about grounding myself again
realigning my chakras , healing and self love. Currently reading Untamed - stop pleasing , start living!! Meant for me I think!

There is hope, I truly believe that. I overcame so much and I know it's possible again.

Hugs again x

I’ve been there before and can feel myself drifting back there. Not good.

I think so. I'm not worried about corona but I hate this 'new normal'. Masks everywhere, arrows everywhere, dont hug so and so, wedding was cancelled, honeymoon was cancelled, nothing to look forward to. I get up, work at the kitchen table, go to bed. OH is a key worker and out all day. I feel like a housewife waiting for him to come home. Hes just come home in a grump (which is fine, tough day and normally it wouldnt bother me but hes the only human I see all day) so I'm just keeping my distance now.

We're literally just existing with no purpose and achieving nothing.

I think I am more affected than I realised. I live in a flat without a garden and I used to work in an office that gave me a lot of my social interaction and now we have been told working from home is permanent. I am single, but my DD and her bf lived here with me up until recently, they have moved in to his family home as his DM is very ill so they are looking after the dog while she is in hospital. My DD hinted that this may be a permanent move. I enjoy my own company normally but have realised I could basically be alone for a very long time without any normal social interactions, like work etc. I spend most days in bed, in my pjs working on my laptop and lie awake all night, unable to switch off and then the next day it starts all over again. I know I need to buck up and get myself into a more positive routine, my house is a mess and I cant be bothered to do anything as no one will see it anyway. I feel like I am just killing time until its all over. I am not sad though. just have a lack of enthusiasm about anything. I am 55 and made the decision before lockdown to work past retirement as I so enjoy being with my colleagues in the office and have made many friends there. We catch up on teams but its just not the same. Everyone is in the same boat though arent they?

I find the situation, and the thought of wfh until at least the end of the year, depressing. But I'm not in a depression.

I know EXACTLY how you feel I am on sertraline after being swapped from citlopram last year I went into deep depression and suffered horrendous withdrawals and still am .. I had gone back to work and this started ... I am not depressed but low , constantly anxious and hate wfh constantly (luckily they are opening our offices august ) when I go back to work petrified of my parents looking after my children ... Chris Witty and P Vallance comments made me cry .and the mask wearing tipped me over the edge ... this is not living this is existing ... a lot of people are feeling the same

I wouldn’t say clinic depression but certainly a low mood. My entire routine has been disrupted - whilst everyone else seems to back at work I’m stuck working from home (and hating it). I assumed that as places started to reopen, I’d feel happier about the increased normality? But no, I almost have no desire to shop or go to restaurants etc like I normally would. I don’t know what’s wrong with me - it’s like there’s a dark cloud hanging over me

Clinical*

People are REALLY affected. I'm a private therapist and I usually get maybe 10 enquiries a month (that's still more than I can take on). I now get that a week.

Depression, anxiety, sleeping problems, relationship breakdown - 4 most common issues people are contacting me about.

You and half the world are not alone

Also my hair started to fall out (stress induced). My dermatologist said they’ve seen a sharp increase of patients with this condition triggered since the pandemic

Yes it’s awful. No motivation, anxiety but without the energy to process it so it just festers. I’ve forgotten the life before, not that it was much better but this has made things seem amplified. We will get through it I think (somehow)

Pre lockdown I was happy and full of life with a great life. Few months in I spiralled into anxiety low mood and insomnia. Feel totally overwhelmed by it. No joy in anything, I've become withdrawn and just want it to be over now. Not sure if anti depressants might be an option for you? A lot of my friends have gone on them these last 12 months as they were struggling with sleep and low mood. Once cases reduce and vaccines are done we will return to some normality and with this will come relief and joy. Take care

Sorry to read this, OP

My mood has dropped to bad depths too. I was meant to see the mental health team today for an assessment but I cancelled it. I am not worth helping.

@XenoBitch

Sorry to read this, OP

My mood has dropped to bad depths too. I was meant to see the mental health team today for an assessment but I cancelled it. I am not worth helping.

I don't know you but I've no doubt you are worth helping 💐 Can you phone the team back to rearrange? X

I’m so fed up. Feel like life is on hold, although it’s better than it was in full lockdown. It’s so depressing seeing everyone in masks, everyone avoiding each other, queuing, sanitising, one way systems, not touching or hugging. I’ve been working from home for so long and really miss the social side of seeing people at work and getting out of the house every day. So sick of working at home.

It’s a bit better now we can get out at weekends and go places, but covid does take a lot of the fun and spontaneity out of life.

I’m still finding it so hard to accept that this is how we have to live now. I wake up every day and obsessively check the news, hoping things are getting better. Then this Indian variant comes along and makes everything awful again.

I wear my mask, comply with the rules and have had my first dose of vaccine. But I just really wish things would get back to normal now.

It’s the constant fear and uncertainty that I find so hard to deal with.

I’m also pregnant and due this autumn, so I’m worried about what kind of world we’ll be in by then 😞

I was surprised to see the date on the first post
I definitely feel things are much worse than they were. This year has been much harder and no sign of improvement. So difficult.

I do get down if I let myself dwell on it. I'm not afraid of covid, long or otherwise. But I find the dystopian nightmare we are living in utterly dark and joyless. Most of the time I just try to avoid society and enjoy the world in our little bubble in the garden or in nature, but when I can't take my kids swimming, they have to have music lessons on 'zoom' for over a year or I get shouted at by someone working in a shop for not following the rules correctly I feel pretty low so I sympathise, because had my income also been affected I think I would be feeling very, very down.

Agree entirely @Ostara212. I breezed through lockdown one, almost enjoyed it. The school closure fiasco in January 21 was probably the first time my mood went through the floor.

btw your statement "long or otherwise" did make me laugh, thank you.

I think the dystopian potential wasn't so clear to me last year, there was still a chance it was my paranoia.