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Is anyone else suffering from depression?

65 replies

Hugecloudsofdarkness · 17/07/2020 09:28

I am just wondering if anyone else has fallen into a very deep, dark depression like I have? It's been getting worse and worse since March for me, since lockdown.

I wake up and dread the news everyday. I don't feel settled as I am constantly terrified at the thought of being locked down again and our family business going under (we wouldn't survive another lockdown) and therefore losing our house. I am devastated at seeing how my children have suffered from being out of school. One of my children is very shy and she now won't leave the house without a fight.

I understand the masks (not the timing of them though) but I can't help but feel even worse when I leave the house and see everyone in masks, arrows instructing people where to walk/stand and messages being played over and over again through the shop microphones about staying safe and not going near anyone.

I honestly feel like I am trapped in a complete nightmare. I was having a really nice dream about normal life last night and woke up this morning shaking when I realised that actually, the nightmare is true, not the dream.

Please can anyone who wants to tell me to get over it stay away from this post. I am truly so delicate. I am on antidepressants btw. But they aren't going to help me when I am constantly terrified about all of the above.

OP posts:
TownTalkJewels · 04/06/2021 00:19

Absolutely. You’re not alone at all. None of us has anything to look forward to. It’s no surprise that you’re feeling this way, so please be kind to yourself.

TickTockBitches · 04/06/2021 00:21

Yep. I've activated my self destruct mode! I don't know why I'm so down.

MonsterMash2210 · 04/06/2021 02:52

The thought that we could be living like this ‘forever’ is seriously starting to get to me.

I don’t want this life forever. It’s not sustainable.

However, I just have no idea how we will move on pass this.

At the moment it feels like we are taking one step forward and five steps back.

Every pieces of good news seems to be followed by numerous pieces bad news, some of which contradict the good news.

I am just fed up, and I am quickly losing the will to care about Covid anymore.

This life is just meaningless and pointless. If it wasn’t for my kids there is absolutely no way I would carry on.

TownTalkJewels · 04/06/2021 09:07

@MonsterMash2210 my feelings exactly!

shewalkslikerihanna · 04/06/2021 09:19

Oh ladies ( I think you’re all ladies)
I’m so very sorry so many of you are struggling so badly..
I wish I could reach out and help to support you, I really do.
This could easily have been me but after a lot of bad circumstances in my life over the years I took the decision not to let them destroy me completely.

This one was taken out of our hands but I just used the same approach.

One positive step I did use was to not rengage with the tv news.
I hadn’t seen any for a good 6 months previously and I decided that there was going to be nothing nice in it for me , so I wasn’t going to torture myself.

Then there were those stupid adverts where they had to keep mentioning covid didn’t they?
So, me and dh looked at one another, we’d just come back into the country where we’d seen no tv for 2 weeks ( March 2020) and I said I’m not watching any of this rubbish.
So, the tv stayed off. We watched a bit of Netflix on an evening. That was it.
( I’ve since seen that the msm has been used to frighten us to keep us in lockdown, well it never worked on us as we didn’t buy into it)

We got out every day. We looked at what looked like nonsense , not driving the car ffs and just did our own thing. Drove to the beach, took 5 minutes. The country park, the same. How were we going to get ill from driving our car? Still want to the supermarket etc
We’d just been evacuated from the Canary Islands with no sanitiser, no social distancing yet we were fine. The rules that were ludicrous and made no sense at all were ignored.

Seeing friends and family. Again, these are my reasons for being. All The hounds in hell weren’t keeping us away from my loved ones.
I have some health conditions and my husband has had a stroke.
We need their support and they needed ours.
We were sensible.
We were all fine.

I joined a support group. Women from all around the country
That’s been invaluable

Things are feeling more normal now.
I urge you to grab every opportunity you can with both hands
We had a 4 day break at centre parc in April . There were 19 of us spread over 4 villas and it was just amazing. The weather was very kind also.
We are fortunate that we have a caravan in N Yorks, so we go for about 4-5 days a week.
We visit lots of different places but york is our favourite. It’s getting much more normal down there.
There’s a lovely buzz and people are so friendly.

We’ve been to the cinema, we’ve eaten inside In restaurants twice and had some fabulous food.

The weather this week has been glorious so we had a big family bbq.
Last night we were at an indoor music gig.
Was wonderful and was well worth the 50 minutes trek to get to it.
My Dd has just popped in to pick up dh to take him kayaking.
She’s paddleboarded her way through it.

I’m having a rest as we are at a big family 18th tonight.

We’ve got a party to look forward to this month and next month we are meeting Welsh relatives in a city in yorkshire before they travel to a hotel near our home to see the rest of our family.

We aren’t going to eradicate covid so we’ve got to look after ourselves. Keep fit and well . Look after our mental health. I’ve been in that dark place decades ago and it took a long climb to get out of the pit...and seize every opportunity while we can.
Fear kills.
I’ve worked hard not to let it in.

shewalkslikerihanna · 04/06/2021 09:28

Sorry for the long post.
I’m trying to reach out to anyone still struggling.
I don’t want to look like smugly mcsmugface. With my health problems everything could turn on a sixpence , so this has been my covid journey.

It’s not all roses. Me and dh are soon to dip our toes into being elderly and we know how easily our lives could change for the worst.
Another stroke could finish him. A bad fall could finish me.
So every day is precious.
We feel we have a lot more to worry about in our daily lives than something we might not even get.

That’s the reality we live with and I’m sure there are lots of people in the same boat.

shewalkslikerihanna · 04/06/2021 09:32

@Hugecloudsofdarkness

How are you feeling today?
I wanted to reply last night but I was so tired after that long drive in the dark on unfamiliar roads . We didn’t get home till nearly 11 and my head was pounding
So, I had to leave it till this morning.

Hope you have something enjoyable to look forward to

Ostara212 · 04/06/2021 09:54

I don't watch the news either

But as long as there's masks and T&T I can't go back to my usual activities, though some haven't restarted anyway.

I think the poster with the long posts might be missing that many of us don't give a stuff about Covid, it's living in this dystopia that's the problem.

shewalkslikerihanna · 04/06/2021 10:27

Do you mean me Ostara
If so and in which case, I get that.
Yes, I get the dystopian nightmare.
We watched the handmaids tale just a few months ago feb or March while still in lockdown and it really brought home to me how quickly this all happened.

I found it horrifying.

All I’m saying, probably badly as I’ve got a stonking headache is, seize every opportunity you can.
As for masks, I’ve never worn one.

Ostara212 · 04/06/2021 10:36

@shewalkslikerihanna

Do you mean me Ostara If so and in which case, I get that. Yes, I get the dystopian nightmare. We watched the handmaids tale just a few months ago feb or March while still in lockdown and it really brought home to me how quickly this all happened.

I found it horrifying.

All I’m saying, probably badly as I’ve got a stonking headache is, seize every opportunity you can.
As for masks, I’ve never worn one.

Hello yes I can't get MN to display properly

Even if I didn't wear a mask, the fact that everyone is makes even a country walk look like a zombie invasion.

Of course I am trying to be positive but after 15 months, I'm very low on battery. Found a lovely walk to do in a new area on Sunday, but looks like there are no loos. So we can only go if we don't drink any water.

shewalkslikerihanna · 04/06/2021 13:19

My Dd got herself a shewee 👍

I’m very good at tuning out what I don’t need to see
But agree with you masks are awful and totally OTT especially outside
We didn’t have to wear them this time last year and shouldn’t be now

How can people look at michael give whooping it up wherever he is
Portugal is it?
And people are still buying into this
It ends when we stop.

shewalkslikerihanna · 04/06/2021 13:24

If this photo isn’t enough to have people say
I’m so over this shit, I’m not doing it anymore
Just what is going to convince them that we aren’t all in this together

Is anyone else suffering from depression?
boogiewithasuitcase · 04/06/2021 15:38

@shewalkslikerihanna

If this photo isn’t enough to have people say I’m so over this shit, I’m not doing it anymore Just what is going to convince them that we aren’t all in this together
When and where was this photo taken?
shewalkslikerihanna · 04/06/2021 16:16

A few days ago I believe

btwwhichonespink · 04/06/2021 16:42

@boogiewithasuitcase in Porto a few days ago! Gove has been to Portugal on a jolly and pulled the ladder up behind him once he got back.

boogiewithasuitcase · 04/06/2021 16:55

Thanks both. Unfortunately that doesn't surprise me.

Cafeaulait27 · 04/06/2021 18:24

I’m so fed up today after seeing the increase in cases 😞 oddly the main thing for me is working from home. Been doing it for sooo long. Missing just the act of going somewhere and being around people every day. So over zoom calls at my kitchen table all day!

CoffeeWithCheese · 04/06/2021 18:42

My mental health collapsed in January with the second school closure. I hit complete shutdown and sat in the garden staring into space for hours and hours day after day. I've semi-clawed it back to functionality (with a LOT of medication - I'm on the max the GP will prescribe) but it's still existence not life and I'm incredibly low if I don't consciously disassociate from the world outside my kids and DH as a protective mechanism.

Counselling helped a little but it's still no real life - what improved my mood most was doing a placement for my uni course, face to face, with real people - a day of that and I felt absolutely knackered and overwhelmed but alive again. That placement finishes in a fortnight which I think is why the mood slump has hit again.

It's hell - if I didn't have the kids I would have ended it in Lockdown 2.

IceLace100 · 04/06/2021 19:30

@Polkadotties

Also Flowers from me. I know what it feels like to be severely depressed. Pre lockdown I was on 60mg of Prozac. Today I am not on anything. My mental health is the best it’s been for over 5 years. I can only attribute it to working from home

Happy to hear this! Thanks

Ostara212 · 04/06/2021 20:39

Hugs to those who need them.

I'm seeing a friend tomorrow who I've not seen since March 16th 2020. She lent me a book. I haven't read it, I haven't been able to use my brain for more than work. Too stressy.

Re shewee, I shouldn't have to resort to that. I don't know for sure that the loos are closed but I can't take the risk on a 3 hour walk.

colouringindoors · 04/06/2021 20:43

Yes. I am existing. Staying alive because I have kids, and a very dear dad. But it's dark, really dark.

💐

CoffeeWithCheese · 04/06/2021 22:06

I don't sleep anymore for any longer than a couple of hours and am awake at stupid o'clock. I was getting through a lot of podcasts - but on total covid avoidance with the selection which has narrowed down my usual list no end. At least this time around the kids got angry at the politicians - the first time around my then-6 year old with language difficulties told me she couldn't sleep for "too much sad in her brain" which broke me completely. As long as the kids are doing OK - I'm doing what I'm on this earth to do.

NiceGerbil · 04/06/2021 22:11

Yes. I got pnd that went on for years, about 6 years ok, 1 week into lockdown 1 i had sunk again. Been on ADs the whole time. Not seen my work mates since last march. No leaving dos, no meeting friends in town. Barely left the town I live in.

I know lots of other people in the same boat, on ADs.

I love getting out into the work meeting new people going to gigs etc. How well people are coping depends on that sort of thing plus of course job losses, health of friends and family, deaths etc.

NiceGerbil · 04/06/2021 22:12

I've gone nocturnal as well. And don't get the exercise I used to going to work.

It's shit.

colouringindoors · 04/06/2021 22:56

I don't want to keep going any more