Can work force me to ask grandparents to watch the kids?

[Lifeisconfusing]

Iv been furloughed as I have 3 kids at home,dh works away Monday-Friday, so no childcare.

Since 4th July am I right that grandparents can Now look after your children? Problem Iv got is one set have health conditions and feel it’s too soon and the other side work (nurse+teacher) if work call me and tell me Iv got to come back what will I do ? It’s not very clear to me what my rights are. Thanks

oops meant its nit their problem

predictive text again NOT rather than nit!!

The posters on here containing they have had to work are nearly all WFH. I imagine if you have to go back in to work you will face a similar childcare iasue. I can't believ the bitterness and jealousy pouring out of these posts at the op who is in a very difficult situation that many ( mostly) women are facing, just because she has been on furlough ( though no fault of her own) and getting ' supposedly free' money.
Grow up people. It isn't the ops fault your lives are ' supposedly worse than hers because you are juggling WFH and children.
Nowhere ahs the op said she doesn't want to solve her problems she was looking for some advice and help to deal with a difficult situation and telling her to just suck it up.and resign if she can' t solve the problem immediately by just going to work and ignoring the childcare issue does not qualify as reasonable advice.

Op I am sorry you are getting a hard time. It is a difficult situ for you. You have had some nuggets of good advice amongst the dross and jealous bullying . I'd say you need to buy yourself some time with unpaid leave etc as suggested and put the children any lists for childcare that are available to.you locally as you may also need out of school care come September I really understand your reluctance but you may need to consider childcare in your house with people you don't know yet.

The alternative unfortunately is leaving your job but you need to consider if that is the best option for you. Good luck

Also ignore any comments about not trying to negotiate with your boss because it would be ' unfair'. Yet another childish comment. Of course you can try to negotiate but also bear in mind what you can offer the company in exchange for any concessions . So you could.offer to take a free months of unpaid leave as long as your job is there for you when you get back. That may work in some cases but not in others. As others have said you are legally entitled to some unpaid leave for childcare . It won't be much but look into how much and take that , if only to get yourself sorted.

Bumblingbovine if you read the full thread you will see that later on OP reveals she was WFH prior to being furloughed which would have been very useful to know from the outset!

It would actually make most sense for the OP to have this conversation directly with her employer rather than us speculating as we don’t know the job role or the employers perspective.

I don’t think she received ‘jealous bullying’ at all but rather lots of useful suggestions for childcare and sensible advice to return to work if work is available for you! People were just pointing out that they have had to manage similar childcare issues as they have not been furloughed. I’d be interested to hear what she now intends to do.

@bumblingbovine49 thanks very much.

I did wfh for about a week but company decided to furlough me. It’s not possible to work from home now because company felt it wasn’t working

Lifeisconfusing have you spoken to your employer about when you are due back to work? Following all the advice you have received what are you planning to do to enable yourself to return to your job?

I feel you have several options.
Your DH takes some leave (this shouldn't just be your problem)
You ask your teacher grandparent for the odd day?
Employ a nanny? Many nannies are desperate for work at the moment as lots of redundancies.

Bumblingbovine if you read the full thread you will see that later on OP reveals she was WFH prior to being furloughed which would have been very useful to know from the outset!

I am not sure why her working from home (or not ) status has anything to do with it. People who work in jobs that can be done from home are very privileged (yes even the ones who have to do childcare at the same time, though I appreciate that is incredibly difficult).

The op has a job where the employers have decided after a trial that is not possible to work form home so has been furloghed. That is not her fault and I do not understand the vitriol being poured out because of this. She is perfectly within her rights to explore her options with regards to going back to work and how to manage childcare when she has been put in a very difficult situation, without being called lazy and 'entitled (in the worst sense)'

I genuinely fail to see how whether she is WFH or not is relevant to her question.
Do the people who are currently juggling working from home and childcare honestly think their situation would be improved if their employers insisted they came into the office to work and they were left wondering how to manage their childcare in that situation?

I say again that in general people who can do their jobs from home have been incredibly privileged in this crisis

Years ago we took on a girl who was doing a Nursery Nurse course at our local college. Kathleen came in 3 days a week to look after our 2 little ones and it worked well for all of us. We paid her a decent (but not massive) wage and she was able to practice what she was learning and gain valuable work experience. Would something like that work for you?

Bumblingbovine49 - does it not occur to you that people who have been wfh may also now be being called back into work?? They may also have to find childcare going forward.

The OP has had loads of suggestions for childcare - holiday clubs / students /childminder/ nanny/ grandparent that is a teacher / agreement with friends / leave for her & her partner - no one said it was a doddle but it's far from impossible to 'manage their childcare in that situation' i.e. arrange childcare for when you are at work

Bumblingbovine49 - does it not occur to you that people who have been wfh may also now be being called back into work?? They may also have to find childcare going forward.

That is exactly my point and why I can't understand the vitriol that she has been subjected to. She asked for advice and what her options were as up until now she had a solution in place for childcare and now needs another one. Laying out her options is fine but gleefully telling her she needs to man up as everyone else has to is not only rude but incorrect anyway. She may well be able to ask for more furlough and to negotiate this with her employer.

Of course they may not agree but to berate her for having the 'temerity' to suggest that is where I draw the line. Employers are well able to take care of themselves and to have an adult conversation about what they are willing to do and what they aren't for an employee. Berating the op for being 'entitled' and 'selfish' and causing the the 'poor employer' some work or discomfort are frankly mad. Of course she should try to negotiate the best deal she can for herself, always understanding that the employer may not be obliged to offer her what she wants

More information on furlough from the employees point of view this can be found here:
workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/coronavirus/

I understand it from the employees perspective. I understand the OPs preference is to be furloughed until her children return to school in Sept.

However I am also seeing this from the perspective of the employer and her co-workers. You obviously don't hold the 'poor employer' in very high regard based on your comment above but many are desperately trying to keep their businesses afloat and keep people in employment. As I mentioned earlier in the thread my DH runs a business & it's not a walk in the park at the moment! You obviously think her colleagues should cover her work for her over this period. Maybe they will end up doing that on a permanent basis? It's no skin off my nose if she ends up getting made redundant.

Try also looking at this from the perspective of the taxpayer. Would you normally expect the public to pay someone's wages while they don't work over summer? With the exception of people shielding and those who work in places that are still unable to open then if work is available people need to return to their jobs. This may mean employees need to be proactive in arranging one of the many options of childcare mentioned above.

The sometimes testy responses to OP are because it's not reasonable to ask to extend furlough based on childcare at this point in the pandemic. Your message that 'Of course she should try to negotiate the best deal she can for herself' is not considerate of the others involved at all.

How do you think an AIBU would go 'I want my furlough extending over summer until my kids go back to school as my parents won't be available and I'll have to arrange alternative childcare'?

sorry if I missed it but if one of you is a nurse and one a teacher why is childcare over the summer an issue? Surely the teacher is at home.

@dairyfairies

sorry if I missed it but if one of you is a nurse and one a teacher why is childcare over the summer an issue? Surely the teacher is at home.

Think you have crossed wires if they were nurses or teachers neither would have been furloughed in the first place

dairyfairies sorry if I missed it but if one of you is a nurse and one a teacher why is childcare over the summer an issue? Surely the teacher is at home.

That's one of the pairs of grandparents. Lots of posters suggested asking the teacher grandparent to help over summer but OP didn't respond on here to that.

I feel like I’m in a parallel universe reading some of these threads! There was one yesterday where the lady was told on Friday she was expected back at work on the Monday! How exactly is she supposed to find childcare at short notice during a pandemic?! But according to Mumsnet she was completely unreasonable and should have had a plan to stop at a moments notice!

Here, the OP is being chastised for not having a plan on the basis of “well what would you have done pre-Covid?” Well probably her usual non-pandemic tried and tested plan that’s currently not available?

I’ve been WFH FT through this whole thing with no childcare - on account of there not being any - and no school because apparently that’s not a thing anymore either. Normally I would have had my Easter and summer childcare booked in from January but that’s not happening is it so now like pretty much everyone else in the country I’m staring down the barrel of another 8 weeks at home with my kid trying to juggle not losing my job.

OP I made a spreadsheet and tried to fill in time as best I could with a patchwork of some time off here and there, now we can mix, some friends, one week at a club I managed to find. I don’t really understand how they’re able to run when the others aren’t and my son doesn’t really like it but 🤷🏼‍♀️ And as someone mentioned above I had the genius idea of asking my neighbours bored out of their minds teens to do a few days. It’s certainly not my usual 8-6 platinum childcare but at this point I’ll take anything I can get.

As you can’t WFH - and the govt advice is still to do so if you can so do review that decision with your employer - I’d recommend a friendly well known to you local teen or a professional nanny.

Good luck, I hope you sort it out.

according to Mumsnet she was completely unreasonable and should have had a plan to stop at a moments notice

Furlough was never indefinite or for a certain period of time so yes anyone with any common sense should have known it could end at any point and at least looked into other options available, if not already have a plan B in place for when the inevitable happened.

Too many threads where they're in utter shock at being asked to return to the work place . I can only assume they would think they could remain furloughed until it suits them to return.

I'm on mat leave at the moment and when I return was going to do a mix of nursery and grandparents looking after my baby. They are in their early 60s and healthy.

Genuine question after reading this thread as most people have been suggesting grandparents straight away- have the guidelines changed about grandparents looking after kids? I've been finding it strange that the gov said nurseries and childminders are fine, but a relative isn't?!

I have a few months left anyway but wanted to know if there's anything officially changed yet, or if it was more people being more relaxed since the easing (and maybe the Dominic Cummings stuff!). At the moment we're still not letting people hold the baby since lockdown started and have been patiently waiting as I thought they'd at least say something about childcare with relatives but maybe they're not going to and everyone's doing it anyway?

@jldy2020

I'm on mat leave at the moment and when I return was going to do a mix of nursery and grandparents looking after my baby. They are in their early 60s and healthy.

Genuine question after reading this thread as most people have been suggesting grandparents straight away- have the guidelines changed about grandparents looking after kids? I've been finding it strange that the gov said nurseries and childminders are fine, but a relative isn't?!

I have a few months left anyway but wanted to know if there's anything officially changed yet, or if it was more people being more relaxed since the easing (and maybe the Dominic Cummings stuff!). At the moment we're still not letting people hold the baby since lockdown started and have been patiently waiting as I thought they'd at least say something about childcare with relatives but maybe they're not going to and everyone's doing it anyway?

Maybe this is what OP meant by being confused by childcare?

jldy2020 it's hard to keep up with what is and isn't allowed! bumblingbovine49 shared a useful link workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/coronavirus/

Assuming you are in England:
Can I leave my children with a family member or friend if I don’t have childcare available?

England: According to social distancing guidance in England, from 4 July, two households will be allowed to meet indoors. This means that informal childcare can be provided.

Enjoy your maternity and I hope your families get to spend more time with you and you baby soon.

Uhoh2020 Furlough was never indefinite or for a certain period of time so yes anyone with any common sense should have known it could end at any point and at least looked into other options available, if not already have a plan B in place for when the inevitable happened.

This. Furlough was a temporary, emergency measure. Just because the general scheme was extended it never meant that all people furloughed would continue to be furloughed until Autumn. I'm surprised that employees and employers are not communicating better between themselves about it.

Just because dh works away doesn't mean he doesn't get annual leave though most jobs get 20+days..... you will have accrued leave as well so that could cover a couple of weeks maybe holiday schemes if GP still unwillingly after that....

If you only work part time and with three children, your best bet is informal childcare using a uni student. Put an advert up somewhere where young people hang out and in the shops. Make it clear you have three and their respective ages. Decide the wage and write it down on the ad so you don't waste time. Interview and so a trial run on a night out or something.
You have my absolute sympathy. I'm in the same boat and can't sleep with the worry.

uhoh2020 Furlough will end, yes. But if the situation hasn’t changed re childcare - and you can request to be furloughed for childcare- it is unreasonable to be expected to magic up childcare out of nowhere. You must see that?

As usual parents (mums, really) are disadvantaged. We picked up most of the slack through this and are now told we have to get back to work when there is no possible way to do that!

I have no skin in this game btw I’m not on furlough (though I would bloody love to have been!) and have worked/home educated/entertained/slowly lost my mind all the way through. I just think it’s a ludicrous situation and you cannot just quote the usual norms.