Is this all life will be from now onwards?

[Tartan333]

I have lost hope of things getting back to normal and I mean normal not the awful phrase "new normal".
This feels like existence, all the fun has gone from life, we are all ruled by covid now. Is this it now for the long term? Will it be years before we can do normal things again without masks, distancing, threat of covid etc?

It seems like a very dark future at the moment.

Brownie how is it comparable to being in isolation in a prison? That's just exaggeration. We have phones, computers, televisions. We can, most of us go for walks, go shopping, go for drives, get hair cuts, go camping, see people on the street, in gardens, from balconies, read, create, draw etc. You are confusing the complete removal of civil liberty and incarceration with lockdown.

I dont think these wild analogies help anyone least if all oneself. I'm of the grin and bear it mentality. What's the other option?

Of course it will get better, bad days happen but I am making the most of it and enjoying the peace. That is an active choice for me. I have had severe depression and anxiety in the past and have had to have strategies on coping and feel this has served me well.

Frankly it does help me to out this in perspective when compared to how some of the workd lives. Its grand to mean and feel despair but its not going to change your situation. We do how ever have a choice on our minds and hard as it is, mindsets can be changed.

For those lucky 'introverts' who hate the outside, ok, we'll see how that goes when actual normality comes back. I strongly suspect you'll be in the gym, the pub, and walking in beauty spots like everyone else but I may be proved wrong I suppose.

Being an introvert is nothing to do with hating outside.

I'm an introvert but I love going for walks.

Never been to a gym and hate pubs, can't see that changing with or without a "new normal".

I’m an introvert, but I still want to go out/see my friends/shop/go on holiday. Wearing a face mask and never shake anyone’s hand is not something I want to adjust to. I want the old normal for my kids.

If this is the new normal, stop the world I want to get off!

It’s not the same as being in prison isolation no, but what I meant was that isolation in general for humans can be so so bad for their mental health. People just think of it as “just sit at home and watch tv for months” but for those with DCs, especially if they are parenting alone, it can be a shit experience.

Grinning and bearing it is good if it works for you but not everyone is the same and I feel that telling people just to “change their mindset” makes people feel worse, it’s like telling somebody who is depressed to just be happy.

Those alone with DC are hit the hardest as we can’t do nice things like binge watch series on Netflix or take a relaxing bath or get a haircut or go shopping etc not possible with babies or toddlers needing naps. A positive mindset will only help so far and certainly won’t pay the bills when jobs are lost or pay is reduced. People are allowed to feel shit and sometimes it can help to have a rant. I hate it when people say “just be positive” it’s great to rant

My depression and anxiety about this comes and goes. Between 8 pmish and bedtime is the hardest but I know that I can get through that and mercifully go to bed. Rinse and repeat the next day. I am alone with my three teens and they have been noticeably more down for the last month I would say. Two have finished their coursework, the other one has lost all motivation and is doing no online schoolwork at all now, and I think lots of others at her school must be the same as her tutor is now not contacting us. Very strange in limbo kind of vacuum.

I'm an introvert. I'm going slowly insane having no space at all away from my partner and child. I love them but I need to be on my own to clear my thoughts.

I'm struggling with the 'new normal' because it doesn't feel safe. I'd love to see my parents in their house, but what if I've of us is carrying the virus unknowingly? Something being allowed doesn't stop it being foolhardy of you want to keep people safe. I'd love a takeaway coffee but that seems incredibly risky - someone else's hands all over it, the lids sat around on the side being coughed and sneezed on? No thanks.

I don't know how to take my brain down off red alert. And yes, I have anxiety. I had a check in with my therapist, he said everyone is feeling like this to some extent and I don't need any extra help.

I am not suggesting thinking positive nor have I said feeling bad is bad or that complaininh is silly. I have wrote my coping mechanism.

But at what point, seeing as this isn't ending tomorrow, can people actively try to do something about it if is damaging their mental health? Any suggestion of going this is written off. People dont seem to like the suggestion that any life situation can be more tolerable with active strategies in place. Read Victir Frankl for a start.

Its terrible situation for so many but misery lives company too.

*There is nothing better about this shit show than my life before. Nothing. Not one thing.

I fail to see how anything 'better' can come out of having your freedom forcibly removed.*

Completely agree with this. This situation is absolute shit. And I hate being told to 'look for the silver linings'. I guess that works for some people but I find it patronising and Pollyannish. Some situations really are shit, and there's no pretending otherwise.

I should be doing a summer teaching course that I love, getting to know my students, reconnecting with old friends, enjoying the summer, having a laugh in the staffroom. Just living basically. Now my students are initials in a circle on a screen several time zones away, and I 'interact' with my collegues via Zoom. While I fully acknowledge that I'm very fortunate to still have a job, it just makes me miss my old life all the more.

There is absolutely nothing positive about any of this. The 'new normal' can take a jump.

Some people are obviously quite sheltered and have never faced adversity. So its natural that many will struggle to initially cope with this challenge.
Oh do bog off. Its 18 months of not knowing if DS would come out of hospital alive that makes this so fucking hard. I'd LOVE to go through a pandemic without wondering if a necessary trip to the pharmacy will up killing my son

I am pretty much just writing off the rest of this year and hoping 2021 will be better. We are going to keep our expectations small and aren't planning holidays or anything. It's too disappointing when things get cancelled.

As long as my kids can keep seeing their grandparents the rest is bearable. It has really made me reassess what is important to me.

The last 3 months for me have been the toughest in a very long time

You are confusing the complete removal of civil liberty and incarceration with lockdown.

Yeah, don't be confusing the partial removal of civil liberty and incarceration with complete removal of civil liberty and incarceration....
/sarcasm

It is not the pandemic per se that is depressing me but rather our government's reaction to it. What keeps me awake at night are the long term impacts when the pandemic is over.

I am worried for friends and family with health issues when we are told nhs waiting lists will not be back to normal for 4+ years. I also worry about all the legislation that the government is currently putting through without scrutiny when minds are focussed elsewhere.

I doubt that things will return to normal this year, unless a vaccine is found and is rolled out to the entire population very quickly. It has been estimated that maybe 10% of the UK have had Covid 19 so far, which means we are a long way from having herd immunity. Until we have herd immunity, I don't see how things can return to the old normal, as people are naturally fearful of a virus that has a fairly high mortality rate (1% to 10%, depending on age and whether there are existing health issues). So, this new "normal" is likely to continue for another 6-12 months, which is going to be hard for many people.

People will adapt, because they have to, but it's understandable that people are missing all the things they have lost. It's fine to moan about how restrictive and depressing this new life is, it's also fine to look for the positives and try to make the best of things, and I think many people will alternate between these two mindsets. I would just say do whatever you can do, to make life tolerable/enjoyable, as far as you can, and try to accept that this is more of a marathon than a sprint, because I don't think there is any short cut through this.

I am a positive person. My family is generally well - we have no 'vulnerable' people. Both me and DH have jobs we can keep, not affected by furlough or potential job losses. However, I am this week very, very low. I know things should look better with restrictions easing but I can not get any joy out of it. 2 older teens, both affected severely by school/uni issues. Queues EVERYWHERE. Dad minor op required, postponed 3 times - now at least 6 months. I'm having physio and need further investigation, still a pain in the bum to organise even with private healthcare. My job is going to be horrendous in September. I can not speak to anyone because either they are down and I'm not in the mood to talk them up or they are OTT positive which I can't bear. I'm sure it will pass......

IcedPurple 'patronising and Pollyannish'
You've made me smile

When I posted my 'it won't be always this way, things will get better' post, it wasn't an intention to minimise how hard people (including myself) have found this.

One of the hard things about this traumatising experience, is that there aren't really concrete things for many people to point at and say 'that/this was/is traumatic.' about it and be able to convey the magnitude of feelings.

But when you think about the creeping horror of watching it approach us, the panic buying, shelves stripped bear because people rightly predicted shortages, then the sudden dramatic way we were told We Must Stay At Home'. The loss of freedom, not even free to seek a hug from family or friends. Kids removed from schools and friendship groups. Jobs suddenly vanished, shielded people literally kept to their houses for months on end. The difficulty in obtaining basic food items. The internet creaking and falling over, making adjusted work and communication patterns even harder. People dying. Friends and Family members dying.

None of that was normal. And as we start to re-emerge, this world we are re-emerging into, is not the one we left behind.

It's bloody fucking hard. There will be deep enduring scars on our souls from this. But it. will get better. We have some more tough times to come, some very tough times for some of us, but we will come through it. People are more amazing and more resilient than we ever can imagine. You personally are more amazing and more resilient than you can ever imagine.

Until we have herd immunity, I don't see how things can return to the old normal, as people are naturally fearful of a virus that has a fairly high mortality rate (1% to 10%, depending on age and whether there are existing health issues)

we're not naturally fearful of it, though. We arent naturally fearful of flu, are we? Which isnt the same (i know) but kills many thousands of people each year.

Those % are wrong. The lowest is not 1%

i forgot to say, we've been manipulated into being fearful of this by the government. The government aimed for us all to feel "personally threatened" by this virus, so that we could comply with staying at home, social distancing and all the other bollocks guidelines.

You know what though, i dont feel personally threatened by the virus, i feel personally threatened by the government, their sudden control of my life, their reluctance to educate my child, their continual fuck ups, their terrible reporting styles, the numbers that they change the rules on every god damn day.

The fucking virus itself, is the least of my worries.

I know how you feel completely OP.

I go through periods of being grateful that lockdown has given me the opportunity to live life in a different way and pay attention to things I perhaps wouldn't have in normal times - for example, OH & I have found some lovely local walks which we'd probably never have discovered otherwise. We've spent loads more time together and we don't feel the need to try and 'fill' the weekends anymore.

But I also feel quite down lately as at the beginning of all this I envisioned the lockdown easing as a time when things were so much better and we could take a big sigh of relief that Covid was on its way out. Now it's actually happening it's more like we just need to get the country up and running again even though not much is really better.

I'm torn between being glad to have some freedoms back, like being able to go and visit my parents in their house this weekend, but also being worried that every time I do venture back towards normality somehow - maybe seeing friends or visiting a restaurant/non-essential shops - I'm potentially endangering the people I love.

It's just such a shit time.

I think MN COVID threads are horrendously bad for people's mental health at the moment. Loads of negativity circling around and around - no wonder some people feel so utterly hopeless all the time.

The phrase "misery loves company" is pretty apt at the moment.

I am really feeling for my older relatives right now, my DM is starting to feel that although she was doing well before this, it will be too late for her by the time things get back to normal and she will never do those things again. I think a lot of older people are wondering what will resume in their lifetime, and even if things do, what will their state of mobility or general health be like after all this? Keeping on seeing people and pottering about in shops etc is really key to keeping your mobility and brain active at that age. It will be much much harder for them to bounce back.

I'm struggling because all my usual coping strategies are out of the window indefinitely. There is not a shred of normality in my life until at least September when the DCs set foot in their school again. DH is holed off upstairs and has been for 16 weeks. Goodness knows when true normality of a normal social life with organised activites and large scale events will be back on the cards.

I'm never sure where I lie on the introvert/ extrovert spectrum but I'm neither getting the alone time I need, nor the social variety.

I do know my blessings and they are not unappreciated. I've had adversity before, and I'm the kind of person that either ploughs through until a conclusion or segments life and copes with being busy and segmenting issues for their own context. I was back in school within 72 hours of my dad suddenly dropping dead in the street. I went and did the morning at my secondary school induction and the afternoon at his funeral. Do not tell me that I do not have reslience.

Very often it's the little things that make or break us and carry us through the dark times. I have so much (useless) sympathy for people trying to deal with the big shit without all the support of the little things at the moment. Grief 2020 must be extra difficult.

It's important to be honest about our fellings, big or trivial. "The new normal" is a steaming heap of bullshit, and the longer that people buy into it, the more suffering from unemployment, collapsed businesses, reduced public services and polarisation of the advantaged and disadvantaged.
Keeping an isolated life at home with minimal socialising is a valid choice. It doesn't mean it's a healthy one to impose on the majority of society for a prolonged, indefinite period with no clear end game.
Temporary inconvenience to reduce excessive (not all) deaths and help society to adapt to a new illness is one thing, but never pretend that is normal.

2 years of a childs life, thrown away is massive!

Who is throwing children's lives away? I'm a teacher and honestly, 6 months or even a year off school doesn't equal a life thrown away! Lots of children don't enjoy school. Children have been able to spend more time with their families. Technology has enabled kids (and adults) to keep in touch with friends and extended family. We live 4 hours away from my parents and PIL. My dc have seen and interacted (on screen) with them far far more during lockdown than in normal life.

@lazylinguist

2 years of a childs life, thrown away is massive!

Who is throwing children's lives away? I'm a teacher and honestly, 6 months or even a year off school doesn't equal a life thrown away! Lots of children don't enjoy school. Children have been able to spend more time with their families. Technology has enabled kids (and adults) to keep in touch with friends and extended family. We live 4 hours away from my parents and PIL. My dc have seen and interacted (on screen) with them far far more during lockdown than in normal life.

Lots of children dont enjoy school? True, for a variety of reasons, many of which may be able to be overcome. Just to say (as a teacher as well!) that oh well some kids dont like school do its great that theyve had 6 months off doing fuck all is utterly ridiculous. I dont particularly like paying my council tax, but i still have to do it because its neccesarry. Children need an education. Perhaps those children who have thrived with "home learning" will be home educated from now on, great - they're a small minority and this has affected more children negatively than positively.

SOME children have been able to spend more time with their families, many children have two full time working parents, so they've been at home entertaining themselves while parents work. Older children will have been left completely at home. Many children will have stressed / depressed parents who are facing redundancy, not being able to pay the mortgage, relationship breakdown because of lockdown. Some children will be being abused, mentally and physically. Some children will be starving. Some children may not EVER return to school.

your child might be happy with seeing their family on a screen but mine is not. It is not a substitute. My child gets really upset after a video call because he knows that he cant see his own family.

School is important for children, so is family, friends, even basic routine.