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Is this all life will be from now onwards?

249 replies

Tartan333 · 30/06/2020 09:03

I have lost hope of things getting back to normal and I mean normal not the awful phrase "new normal".
This feels like existence, all the fun has gone from life, we are all ruled by covid now. Is this it now for the long term? Will it be years before we can do normal things again without masks, distancing, threat of covid etc?

It seems like a very dark future at the moment.

OP posts:
hopefulhalf · 02/07/2020 08:57

It's been 3 months- 3 !.
To talk of wasting your childbearing years is perhaps a slight over reaction.

I watched something at the weekend which said social distancing had been a boon for online dating, but I don't know.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 02/07/2020 09:34

@PrincessAnnaOfArundale

Is it really that bad though? For now try focussing on the positives. Death rate and infection rate in UK is falling and things are opening up. Yes things are different, there are queues and distancing etc but apart from being mildly inconvenient I think a lot of people are making a bit of a drama out of it. By comparison to other countries who have famines and war, we really have nothing to complain about. I know this all sounds very patronising but people just need some perspective on this. Wear a mask, keep your distance and get on with it. Sorry to sound heartless but I really think our attitudes contribute a lot to how well we cope. I honestly don't think it is that bad. Maybe I'm lucky. It's temporary. Life will resume. I'm not in a hurry.
Yes it's patronising. Yes, there are worse situations we could be in, like war and famine, but they doesn't mean that people aren't allowed to find this shit.

From my perspective, the loneliness of wfh alone all week and not being able to see most of my (not numerous) friends because they live too far away and I have no car is more than just inconvenient. Since March the only things I have done outside my flat are supermarket shopping, 2 picnics in a park, and walking, either around residential streets or to and and then round a park. The furthest from home I have been is 2 miles. I have seen my boyfriend quite a few times since it was allowed and had 3 meetings with other friends. That is a huge amount less human contact than I would usually have in 3 months. I am an introvert but this is too little contact for me. I am lonely. And it feels shit.

And I am lucky in having a support bubble with my boyfriend so I can have him in my home, can walk with him without having to keep 2m from him, and will be able to go to restaurants with him without having to social distance from him. Other living alone may not even have that.

shieldedsally · 02/07/2020 09:45

I am honestly far more concerned about the fact that we have just put the country through massive economic pain FOR NO REASON because we unlocked too early, without a proper test and trace system in place. If you want to be cross about something, get angry about the appalling disorganization of this government.

eaglejulesk · 02/07/2020 09:47

Well said @PrincessAnnaOfArundale.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 02/07/2020 10:51

Wear a mask, keep your distance and get on with it. Sorry to sound heartless but I really think our attitudes contribute a lot to how well we cope.

Even that is harder for some of us. I have ptsd, the trauma underlying it involved suffocation...haven't managed to find a mask which doesn't have me panicking and reliving what happened within seconds.

I need to be out of the house and busy 100 percent of the time in order to distract myself from my thoughts. Lockdown has removed all my coping mechanisms. I've been through worse personally but I'm still hating every single second of this.

esveee · 02/07/2020 11:51

It's easy to say it's not that bad get on with it, when you're actually finding it to be not that bad.

I live alone with limited friends in my town (and they are mostly seeing their own families rn), my family all live in other towns and I don't drive. A number of my close family are very high risk so I've been avoiding them anyway. I live in an apartment in an ugly town centre so I haven't seen an open green space for months... I don't even have a garden to sit in. I'm furloughed with no guarantee of a job at the and of this, so I've spent most of the last 3 months inside. And on top of this there is nothing to look forward to - concerts, theatres, events, the holiday I was going to have. All cancelled. It's depressing and if it goes on much longer I won't give a toss about dying from a virus because I'm barely alive anyway at the moment.

BumbleWumble · 02/07/2020 12:09

@esveee

It's easy to say it's not that bad get on with it, when you're actually finding it to be not that bad.

I live alone with limited friends in my town (and they are mostly seeing their own families rn), my family all live in other towns and I don't drive. A number of my close family are very high risk so I've been avoiding them anyway. I live in an apartment in an ugly town centre so I haven't seen an open green space for months... I don't even have a garden to sit in. I'm furloughed with no guarantee of a job at the and of this, so I've spent most of the last 3 months inside. And on top of this there is nothing to look forward to - concerts, theatres, events, the holiday I was going to have. All cancelled. It's depressing and if it goes on much longer I won't give a toss about dying from a virus because I'm barely alive anyway at the moment.

I do fear dying from the virus or certainly going through the process, but at the same time I agree life as it currently is is not really worth living. I wouldn't want to leave my partner, family or friends, but I have thought to myself about this whole thing that there is an irony - that in order to live we are having to stop living.

I do look back at my life pre Covid all 46 and a half years of it. I think to myself why didn't I appreciate and savour every second of it. And how that time makes up almost my entire time on this planet up to a few months ago and I simply viewed it as normal life, but now that life seems an unachievable dream.

But hindsight is of course a wonderful thing. I don't know, maybe if I do get struck down with the virus or any other serious ailment, I will look back at this time now and desperately wish it back. But at the moment it just seems a deeply unpleasant existence. In addition to having the constant threat of a terrible virus hanging over us, there is the sudden inability to freely interact with other human beings. Without this so much of what makes life worthwhile is just not possible.

crosseyedMary · 02/07/2020 12:16

Nevermind our miserable reduced lives the elites with their private Islands are having a grand old time
they're having a lovely pandemic
m.economictimes.com/magazines/panache/jeff-bezoss-wealth-soars-to-171-6-billion-to-top-pre-divorce-record/amp_articleshow/76743514.cms
buoyant equity markets have bolstered mega-fortunes, even as tens of millions of people have lost their jobs

shieldedsally · 02/07/2020 12:30

"I don't know, maybe if I do get struck down with the virus or any other serious ailment, I will look back at this time now and desperately wish it back. But at the moment it just seems a deeply unpleasant existence."

It's all deeply relative.

I've been very, very ill in my life, and it does change how you see smaller trials like current conditions. And it makes you a bit impatient, in a way, with people who are finding difficult stuff that you know to be minor in the grand scheme of things. I would say that, even in the darkest times, there are always things that can bring joy and release, and it's about finding those in whatever circumstances you are dealt. Obviously, everyone is different but I personally find it much easier to think about what IS positive in the current moment than to be endlessly grieving over the loss of things I can't have.

This current situation is temporary. There will be a vaccine. There will be better treatments. We just have to hang in there for what is a relatively short amount of time, in the grand scheme of things.

GoldenOmber · 02/07/2020 12:46

What it reminds me of honestly is going through a very very horrible HG pregnancy. I knew it would end, I knew other women had suffered much worse in the past, I knew it was for a good cause, but it was still very miserable to slog through.

There were friends who tried to cheer me up and encourage me to look on the bright side and so on through that and honestly, it did not help. It felt more like they were uncomfortable with hearing ANY negative expression of feelings at all. What helped much more were the people who let me grumble and cry about it without trying to jolly me out of my feelings and said “yes it really IS rubbish, we are going to have a great party once this is over.” That helped me get through it much more than plastering on a bright sunny smile would have done (and probably did make me feel genuinely happier as well).

esveee · 02/07/2020 13:52

@shieldedsally is it temporary? If I lose my job, chances are I won't be able to afford my apartment and its unlikely I'll get a new job immediately. I don't have significant savings so it will likely take me years to rebuild my life if I'm lucky enough to be able to do so. There won't be many opportunities in my current field and I'm just old enough that employers are unlikely to hire and train me in different industries over a university leaver. Many, many people will be in similar positions. Is losing your house temporary? Your livelihood?

If my chronically ill family member catches it, the chances are they'll die. Is that temporary? Plenty of people have already died. Is that temporary?

People are dealing with mental health issues in isolation. That may well end up being 'temporary' for the wrong reasons.

"Smaller trials" is very relative and comes from a position of privilege where because nothing that bad is happening to you right now, you think nothing that bad is happening to anyone.

People are complaining about 'minor' things because a tiny bit of joy and normality would make life and the future just slightly less shit.

shieldedsally · 02/07/2020 14:00

@esveee - I have been there. I've done it. I lost literally everything due to being too ill to be able to work for many years. I was in constant agony and had no quality of life. I couldn't even leave the house. And yes, it takes your life in a new direction. But you can either spend the rest of your life grieving that loss and its unfairness, or you can get on with the hand that you have been dealt.

I absolutely think that losing a life to coronavirus is a different matter. We are adaptable, amazing creatures and we can handle a lot of the stuff that is thrown at us - but the one thing we can't conquer is death. Which is why I am very concerned that some people are treating this as if COVID-19 responded to wish fulfillment. Just because we'd like it to go away, doesn't mean it will. We need to look after each other, and especially the most vulnerable - and that means sticking with this, even if it is difficult.

shieldedsally · 02/07/2020 14:09

To put it another way: surely we can all recognise a difference between things that are genuinely tough (having a loved one in intensive care, having a loved one die of COVID-19, having to put your life on the line in A&E to help care for people who are unwell, losing your house/livelihood because of the pandemic) and things that are minor inconveniences (not being able to go to the pub, having to wear a mask, having to wash food as it comes into the house, not being able to go on holiday). It fucks me off that people are complaining about the latter - to be honest, it just makes me think the person is utterly self-absorbed.

wildone84 · 02/07/2020 15:08

I wonder how the patronising people on this thread would be feeling if they had a medical condition, lived alone, and not seen anyone they know for 4.5 months and worked from home, shielding that entire time. No hugs. No-one coming within 2m of them.

That's the situation I'm in and I've got another month of it. It's solitary confinement. Unless you've done it yourself you're just a patronising arse for passing judgment on other peoples' struggles.

BogRollBOGOF · 02/07/2020 15:19

@GoldenOmber

What it reminds me of honestly is going through a very very horrible HG pregnancy. I knew it would end, I knew other women had suffered much worse in the past, I knew it was for a good cause, but it was still very miserable to slog through.

There were friends who tried to cheer me up and encourage me to look on the bright side and so on through that and honestly, it did not help. It felt more like they were uncomfortable with hearing ANY negative expression of feelings at all. What helped much more were the people who let me grumble and cry about it without trying to jolly me out of my feelings and said “yes it really IS rubbish, we are going to have a great party once this is over.” That helped me get through it much more than plastering on a bright sunny smile would have done (and probably did make me feel genuinely happier as well).

I agree with this, although in my case it was SPD pregnancies. (Although in the first semester of the first pregnancy it was constant nausea where I longed for the relief of vomit, then the second semester my pelvis gave up. I can well believe the consuming misery of HG) Both times I knew that it wasn't going to last longer than EDD +14. And there was the "reward" of a baby. An end date does a lot to keep you going.

I went into this knowing that I get cabin fever easily. The dread of the unknown with lockdown looming was awful.
My friends were lovely when I was pregnant. On one occasion a friend came round with her baby already napping and I asked if she wanted to nap and we went up to bed together. Grin That kind of social comfort is hard to find at present.

It was a good job that I could't move easily because it saved me from slapping the "pregnancy isn't an illness" smunts. Even when they could see the pain and physical difficulty.
And of course I was in a better position than many people. Despite the obvious pain and limitations, I was ultimately healthy and so was my baby. But that doesn't negate my experience and curiously the more understanding people are those that have had other difficult experiences, and the most dismissive, those that had a pretty textbook time.

As a society we will get back to "normal"
For some people, the details will be little changed. Others will come through with grief, redundancy, relationship breakdown, educational gaps,aggravation of health conditions, abuse etc.
Lockdown increases the risks of these the longer it limps on.
Ultimately we're a social species (and have a contrary climate) so the main structure of society, mass events, culture, big celebrations will always have the demand to return.

And if I wanted a solitary existance homeschooling the DCs with a hermity DH permanantly lurking upstairs WFH, that was viable all along and will continue to be so. I wouldn't be preparing a good foundation for the DC's life though.

BogRollBOGOF · 02/07/2020 15:27

@wildone84

I wonder how the patronising people on this thread would be feeling if they had a medical condition, lived alone, and not seen anyone they know for 4.5 months and worked from home, shielding that entire time. No hugs. No-one coming within 2m of them.

That's the situation I'm in and I've got another month of it. It's solitary confinement. Unless you've done it yourself you're just a patronising arse for passing judgment on other peoples' struggles.

That must be incredibly difficult (as much as I've longed for an hour alone in my own home, neither extreme is healthy)

I hope better days come quickly for you. This is such an unnatural way for society to behave. Flowers

wildone84 · 02/07/2020 15:35

@BogRollBOGOF - thank you. I only have one more month of it to go thankfully!

TheLegendOfZelda · 02/07/2020 18:55

@shieldedsally

"I don't know, maybe if I do get struck down with the virus or any other serious ailment, I will look back at this time now and desperately wish it back. But at the moment it just seems a deeply unpleasant existence."

It's all deeply relative.

I've been very, very ill in my life, and it does change how you see smaller trials like current conditions. And it makes you a bit impatient, in a way, with people who are finding difficult stuff that you know to be minor in the grand scheme of things. I would say that, even in the darkest times, there are always things that can bring joy and release, and it's about finding those in whatever circumstances you are dealt. Obviously, everyone is different but I personally find it much easier to think about what IS positive in the current moment than to be endlessly grieving over the loss of things I can't have.

This current situation is temporary. There will be a vaccine. There will be better treatments. We just have to hang in there for what is a relatively short amount of time, in the grand scheme of things.

I'm just impatient with the people who think lockdown is the answer. It's taking so so long for the penny to drop that ...yes there might be a vaccine ...but we aren't going to live in lockdown til one arrives

It's hard, waiting for people to catch up

onedayinthefuture · 02/07/2020 20:48

I think if I've learnt anything over the past few years, is that mumsnet is absolutely not the place to be if you are worried or anxious about anything. I had the most horrendous time of my life and used to post as a different user, I came here looking for answers and for the message that everything would be ok. I just got drawn into further anxiety and depression. There are so many wonderful posters on here who in real life I would no doubt get on very well with but there are a hell of a lot and I mean a serious amount of extremely anxious and angry people who post here.

This and mainstream media is NOT helpful. It's almost like an addiction, I keep coming on here looking for like minded posters or news that the virus will go away soon but there are just far too many fear mongers that any joy is quickly taken away.

Bad times don't last forever.... I really feel for so many older or vulnerable people that are so scared but just try to take each day as it comes. There are 90 year olds surviving this virus but the media don't like to give us good news.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 03/07/2020 07:43

one day I completely agree. I think a lot of people vent here and it leads to weird threads.

I think humans can be inventive and clever and we will learn to live with this. We have to. I already feel we have retracted too much

shieldedsally · 03/07/2020 09:52

".yes there might be a vaccine ...but we aren't going to live in lockdown til one arrives"

I don't know anyone who thinks the country can stay severely locked down until late autumn. However, we are already in a very different kind of "lockdown" to the one we saw in March/April. The point of everything we have done has been to reduce case numbers so that we could get a test and trace system operational that would allow the outbreak to be kept under some kind of surveillance and control. That hasn't happened yet.

In my view, reopening this weekend is too early, particularly given the picture that is emerging of a disease that spreads readily in indoor spaces like pubs and restaurants. We need the track and trace system in place and we need real (not reported) case numbers to be at a level where it can work. Otherwise there is every chance that the enormous economic pain the country has been put through will simply be wasted, and we will be back to square one.

Other countries have managed this SO much better. I don't know why people aren't looking at their much lower death rates and saying "Why aren't we managing this in the same way?" Our government has been truly awful, pathetic, catastrophic and we have lost tens of thousands of people. Where is the outrage? Where is the emotional response to this level of mortality? There's something very, very wrong with this country at an affective level.

chancechancechance · 03/07/2020 10:29

I think it is quite scary how badly our country has handled it.

Some of the things said at the early stages are astounding, and things like track and trace are so poor.

It grates that they'd rather have a crap private testing system on principle.

FedHimtoTigers1990 · 03/07/2020 11:16

I've never worn a mask. Pubs and restaurants are about to open, schools are going back fully in September (and there's less than two weeks until the summer holidays), campsites and hotels are opening. Shops are open. I haven't had to queue at the supermarket for weeks. And shortly family and friends will be able to see each other. Sounds approaching normal to me.

Thats all very well and good but for some, they have lost their job or redundancy is imminent. They are stressed, mental health is low.

Ive not heard from my employer since i was furloughed 7 weeks ago. I'm still lying in bed because what is there to get up for? We now have 5 weeks of the official summer holidays now and I'm having to watch every penny incase i dont have a job to go back to. I cant take dc anywhere. It sucks, it all really fucking sucks.

Fudgemonkeys · 10/07/2020 18:35

@TheVanguardSix i agree Covid-19 is used as an excuse for bad service 😡

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