Grandparents

[Tyranttoddler]

Do you think there will be a change to guidance which allows children to hug grandparents (under 70,not shielding specifically)? Or do you think the new guidance of allowed to go inside but stay 1m+ apart will be the new norm for some time?

If you want your children to hug their grandparents, and you’re all happy with this, just let them. No one will know.

I know plenty of people are doing this, but my mum won't do so until she is allowed to according to the 'rules'. So I just wondered if people thought this might actually happen soon or if actually we are more likely in the 1m+ for a long while. Its particularly difficult as I rely on my parents for childcare.

I'm under 60 and just hugged my 6 year old GS for the first time in months at the weekend. He's not particularly 'huggy' as a rule but asked as he was excited I bought him something and DD said she saw no reason why not
Must say it made my day

That's so nice june I bet your grandson loved it too.

We changed the rules for our family last weekend.

Someone we know had a stroke and it really brought it home that my mum hadn't cuddled my children since March.

While the cases are low and the r rate is down in our area, we're going to enjoy it. If it rises again, we'll change it.

Yes I'm totally with you on that point. My mum is equally desperate to see her grandchild and equally desperate to follow the rules. She is not going to change them in our family but I wonder when the rules might change properly.

Is it that your mum doesn’t want to break the rules per se or that she sees the rules as an indication of risk? I would have thought that the government aren't expecting people to adhere to the 2m rule indoors with close family without explicitly saying it.

What I mean is, they won’t be encouraging people to hug but their behavioural modelling would take into account that a lot of people will make physical contact with eg parents and they are willing to relax the rules anyway, if that makes sense

Yes that makes sense and that's also how I see it. I think she thinks those are the rules and everyone else is also adhering to them too so she cant deviate. Then at the same time she is upset when she cant go near my 2 year old.

It’s a tough one. I can’t really imagine when they will explicitly allow physical contact or if it’s something they will announce as such

Do you think at some point they will allow GPs to do childcare? Its not possible for us without physical contact as I have a toddler. Usually my dad looks after DD two days per week. I'm furloughed at the moment but will be back at work in August. I have booked an extra day at nursery from September, but have been hesitant to book two extra days.

That must be difficult OP as I agree they are expecting families to hug etc when meeting indoors (can’t imagine couples who have been separated will be keeping their distance...) my mum didn’t last long with keeping socially distant from her baby grandson when we met in the garden a few weeks ago and I wouldn’t have expected her too, tbh.

How does your mum feel about the 1m+ guidelines?

I'm in the same position c33po. If I were to need 2 extra days at nursery I would need to get an extra job. Which I will absolutely do if I need to, but I don't want to!

We stuck to the rules until my grand-daughter's birthday in the middle of May. We were used to seeing them both a couple of times a week as we look after them while my daughter works. We had all been at home and decided it wasn't a high risk so we met for a picnic outside and the adults distanced but we had contact, including hugs, with the grandchildren.

As it turned out my daughter had to return to her teaching job a couple of weeks later so we are now back doing our normal childcare duties. It doesn't really make any sense to observe social distancing from my daughter or son-in-law either now so we are just operating as though we are one family unit. We have been doing this for a month now and have all been fine.

I dont think they will come out and say its ok to hug grandparents,because there will still be a risk. My kids have hugged one set of grandparents now and seeing the other set at weekend. They are all in their 50s. They have 4 great grand parents in their 80s who we will obviously not be visiting. It is time for people to make their own assessment of risk

@TheChineseChicken

"If you want your children to hug their grandparents, and you’re all happy with this, just let them. No one will know.'
Your response didn't answer either of the 2 questions the OP asked in her opening post. They are asking about the guidance, not for people to tell them to ignore the guidance. They can work out whether or not to do that for themselves.

@C33P0 My mum's been looking after DD since the announcement on support bubbles - our nursery is still closed, and DH and I are WFH FT; we're not seeing anyone else and still avoiding shops and busy places, the number of cases in our area is low, so consider the risk to be low. I think you have to consider if your DF is in good health, how much contact you have with the outside world, and if the benefits outweigh the risk.

We allowed cuddles from mid June with one set. We haven’t seen the other set as they are older/more vulnerable and I’m still not comfortable with the risk. I think it’s the grandparents themselves that have to decide what is most appropriate for their risk.

For me there is a big difference between a healthy 55 old woman and a morbidly obese 75 year old. At the other end of the spectrum, there are probably much older people whose quality of life is in decline and some people may be faced with balancing the risk of seeing them for the last time versus risk of Covid. I have an older relative In her 80s who has largely given up with social distancing with close family. She’s got Rapidly declining dementia and quite frankly doesn’t want to spend what could be her last few months if being with it alone.

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite the OP and I have already developed the conversation between ourselves, thanks

We aren't hugging yet - I work in a hospital (though not front line) dh in a school and kids are at keyworker school so I think we are quite high risk of being potential carriers. We have in-laws here second weekend in July and I'm sure they'll struggle not to hug but I think at the moment it's a bad idea for our set up. Would feel different if we weren't all at school / work

@OccasionalNachos

That must be difficult OP as I agree they are expecting families to hug etc when meeting indoors (can’t imagine couples who have been separated will be keeping their distance...) my mum didn’t last long with keeping socially distant from her baby grandson when we met in the garden a few weeks ago and I wouldn’t have expected her too, tbh.

How does your mum feel about the 1m+ guidelines?

My mum feels OK about 1m but I think what she wants is to pick her up. The thing is, she could-except I've put dd in nursery so I can return to work, because they weren't comfortable having her. And now they wish they had had her If we were in Wales they could see her properly from next week.