This isn’t short term, is it? :(

[laura081008]

I’ve really had enough.

I’ve been stuck in my house since March.
My baby was 5 weeks old at the start of lockdown she’s now 19 weeks old!!

A history of health anxiety and ocd mixed with post natal anxiety and a pandemic Had really taken its toll on me.

Since March we’ve been to the Drs 3 times for vaccinations, we’ve driven to our parents and seen them through the car and we’ve been on lots of walks.
That’s it.....

We’ve not been to any shops or supermarkets.

I’ve still yet to pluck up the courage to have a socially distanced garden meet / park walk.

My husband returned to work 4 weeks ago (wfh) so it’s just me and DD during the day.

I’m starting to feel so down. I’m desperate to get out and have some sort of normality, but my fear of Covid are stopping me.

I honestly thought after lockdown that things would have improved, or if they hadn’t, we’d stay locked down for longer.
I didn’t expect to be going to restaurants and having to take these precautions.

I love the cinema but just couldn’t imagine being able to relax and enjoy a film under these circumstances.

I really don’t think this is just a short term measure and it worries me things will be like this for much, much longer.

I just don’t know how I’m going to live my life like this.

I know I have to for my baby girl, but being ill and taken away from her absolutely petrifies me :(

I’m running out of ideas of things to do at home and most mornings now I’m waking up feeling teary, down and with little motivation.

I hate this new “normal”.

Your mood can dip when your untreated PsA inflammation increases - just after having a baby, it's very likely to be flaring again.

Could you ask your doctor about being rereferred to Rheumatology? They are still doing clinics and getting on a waiting list is better than not doing anything at all.

@laura081008 I helped someone with this by putting things into perspective, she hadn't been out at all - look up your local covid figures for deaths from (and with) and cases - our local figures were 6 so I was staying local until I'd plucked up the courage to venture further.

[quote laura081008]@Quartz2208

Who are you scared for yourself or your baby?

THings have improved slowly but surely things are getting better but it is going to be a step by step process and it is starting that first step

I worry about us both.

I have mild asthma, psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis(not on any medication for arthritis)

Everything I’ve read says people who have died from Covid tend to have more than
one underlying health condition.
I feel like my chances of survival are small :([/quote]
You're way overestimating your vulnerability IMO.

I read an article in the new york times a few weeks back that said asthma is not something that they consider to be too much of an aggravating factor for covid 19. They thought it was in the beginning of this epidemic, but now they know that the virus hits those with cardiovascular diseases hardest. Less than 3% of those who died from it in NYC had asthma and most of those people had other health conditions, too.

I was interested to read this because I also have asthma, except mine is severe asthma. Yours is mild. Psoriasis is not known to be a significant risk factor, is it?

Are you overweight? Apparently 80% of the people who die from this virus are overweight or obese. So one way to reduce your vulnerability is to lose weight if you are overweight. Otherwise as a presumably young(ish) person I think you are worrying far too much.

Sorry, that figure is less than 5%. Here's the article: www.nytimes.com/2020/04/16/health/coronavirus-asthma-risk.html

Take baby steps OP, but you're going to have to be really brave and creep slowly out of your comfort zone. A socially-distanced meet-up with your DM in the garden is a good start. Joining the other mums in the park for a socially distanced meet up should be next. Your baby is so little she isn't going to crawl off, so take your picnic blanket and sit 1m+ away from each other and go and see some real people face-to-face.

The conditions you have are not on the 'vulnerable' list. Mild asthma was never on the list and neither was arthritis. Articles this week say anyone under 50 who doesn't have one of the listed vulnerable conditions are more likely to die in an accident than of Covid-19. On Peston last night, Matt Hancock stated that the most recent research shows that 70-80% of people don't show any symptoms at all, even if they get it!

Please talk to your GP about some anti-anxiety meds. Your MH has clearly taken a big hit with having a baby during such a stressful time. Be kind to yourself, but also be brave. You know there's a problem and you know how to fix it - so start with little things - but get out of the house regularly. See other people for a walk or sit down in the park. I suspect that social isolation is a big part of your misery and anxiety. It's common in women who have just had a baby, this virus has just magnified that.

I don't know if anything here is going to help you OP.
You clearly have a MH issue and are having CBT for it.

You have sadly interpreted the risks incorrectly, to fit your own mindset.

you have almost NO risk and only yesterday a top scientist said that for people who are young there is more risk of dying in a road accident than dying from Covid.

Your baby's chance of dying is less than 1 in a million.

Your existing health issues are not 'issues'.
You have asthma- mild presumably, and none of the other conditions you have amount to anything. If you are not using immuno suppressants for your arthritis, you are not at risk.

You can still go for walks in the park with you r baby and with friends as long as you keep apart.

I feel like my chances of survival are small

The reality is that even if you were an overweight 80 year old diabetic with cancer, you would more than likely survive.

There is reason to keep social distancing, avoiding being in busy places, not going on public transport etc. Going for a walk everyday with away in a pram is fine. Having friends in the back garden at 2 metres away is fine.

I'm highly vulnerable, blood cancer, and even mild colds can knock me off my feet.

But we have to live.

I've started going out for walks and bike rides.

I've let the kids see their friends as long as they are careful. It's been good for their mental health.

You have to find a balance.

I absolutely feel for you so much OP. What a massive challenge this is. You have had a baby and cared for a baby, during the most challenging of times.
Small practical steps...

1. Make some notes as to how you are feeling
2. Contact your GP
3. Take a look at support in your area. I'm not ashamed to say, I have rung a couple of help lines during this period.
4. Talk to your Mum
5. Force yourself to get dressed and take baby out. Try to pass the time of day with a neighbour, talk about the weather, anything.
6. Contact friends and ask to met up. Keep it small, very small. Half hour in a park.

Psoriasis is not known to be a significant risk factor, is it?

Not to increase OP’s fears, but did want to correct this in case anyone else reading this was unaware. Psoriasis is an autoimmune condition and autoimmune conditions are a risk factor - the one constantly mentioned is type 1 diabetes.

My mental health has really improved since I started a new job. As I’m vulnerable, I (and most of the organisation) are to WFH but I’ve been in the office a couple of times to set up IT etc

I’ve gone on the bus, lots more walking than normal and been to Greggs, Costa Coffee and Pound Land! Wooooo! Just having casual interactions with other people has really helped me.

@laura081008

*Does she not nap at all? That is rough. Even during the regression we got cat naps 😢 baby will get over tired as at 4 months should still be having 4 naps, even if they are tiny ones. *

No we get no naps at all at the minute. The days feel long.

I honestly think if you took her out in the pram she would nap. 4 month olds have wake times of less than 2 hours so really should be getting something! I would be struggling too. I really hope you can go. I have felt more anxious post partum so I understand but I really cannot imagine never going out right now.

Darkened room with white noise? Cuddled to sleep? Dummy? Sleep help is out there if needed though I'm sure you know! Xx

@Howaboutanewname

Psoriasis is not known to be a significant risk factor, is it?

Not to increase OP’s fears, but did want to correct this in case anyone else reading this was unaware. Psoriasis is an autoimmune condition and autoimmune conditions are a risk factor - the one constantly mentioned is type 1 diabetes.

The risk factors are uncontrolled severe disease or multiple medications/a couple of hospital only/rarer ones, in particular.

All the more reason to ask about a referral - reassurance and treatment by people specialising in the area.

I sympathise. At the beginning of lockdown, I imagined that when restaurants, cinemas, pubs etc reopened, it would be because Covid had completely gone away and we could go back to normal (proper normal not new normal!) It's taking me some time to get my head around the new normal.
I can accept that all these things have opened again and I'm glad for the sake of people's jobs, mental health and the economy, that they have but I don't feel ready to go to any of them yet. I have been going to Tescos throughout and it's honestly not so bad. Even going getting a bit of shopping seems to lift my mood. I feel quite safe in there so would encourage the OP to try a small trip to a supermarket.

Are you sure she doesn’t nap as that is very young to have dropped them. If you take her for a walk in the pram or buggy I’m sure she will nod off.

Thanks everyone.

I’m just really struggling.

I know I have posted a few times before but I think it’s getting to the point I feel so lonely and I’m sat stewing on my thoughts so much.

I want my baby to have a full and happy life, but my fears are so deep that I’m finding it impossible to get back out there and live life.

For instance; I really wanted a Costa coffee. I haven’t had one for ages.
DH suggested drove through, but I was too paranoid about touching the cups so decided not to go and get one. 😞

I feel like I’m drowning in depressive thoughts.

I just don’t have any motivation for my own life.😔

DD will nap if she’s on me, she naps if I feed her to sleep or we go for a walk.

But as soon as I put her down she’s instantly awake.

DD will nap if she’s on me, she naps if I feed her to sleep or we go for a walk.

But as soon as I put her down she’s instantly awake.

Then my lovely, in the nicest possible way, why are you putting her down? She’s your only baby and you’re not going anywhere! Get a drink, get the remote control and get her to sleep and then at least you can sit and relax and have a rest. And everything, but everything, looks better when you are less tired and less stressed.

@PotteringAlong

DD will nap if she’s on me, she naps if I feed her to sleep or we go for a walk.

But as soon as I put her down she’s instantly awake.

Then my lovely, in the nicest possible way, why are you putting her down? She’s your only baby and you’re not going anywhere! Get a drink, get the remote control and get her to sleep and then at least you can sit and relax and have a rest. And everything, but everything, looks better when you are less tired and less stressed.

I don’t want to put her down.

I’m an advocate of attachment parenting so I’m more than happy to have lots and lots of cuddles.

But DH made a comment to me a few days ago about not doing enough during the day and I’ve since felt under pressure to not just sit down. ☹️

Laura, I have messaged you

Bless you OP,
I think you have PND.
Please talk to your GP. If I'm right, you will be blowing everything out of proportion - I talk from experience!
When I suffered, after the birth of twins, I was convinced, absolutely convinced that my DH would have a car crash, every single time he drove the 2 miles to or from work.

If you do have PND, of course you are stressing about Covid.

Please get help from your GP - tell him/her what you've told us. I'm sure then you will be able to get the risks of Covid into perspective. Hundreds of us could explain to you how the risks are minimal for you (they are) but if you are suffering from PND, it won't help.

Tackle your PND, and then I think you'll be able to see and understand why it is perfectly safe for you to take small steps to broaden your horizons.

I've been where you are - it's horrible - but you will get through it, but you have to take the first step - talk to your GP!

You need to tell your DH to back off. Get him to make an account here and tell people he said that! What does he think maternity leave is for? Spring cleaning?

Some babies don’t mind being put down, some babies need to be held, it’s a physical need and you’re doing an amazing job providing the security she’s telling you she needs. My previous velcro baby is now the most loving 4 year old you could wish to meet - she just loves me (and I her!) and I’ve commented more than once on how often I feel she’s verbalising what she was trying to communicate as a baby. The memory of how hard those early days were is still very fresh in my mind though (as is the resentment of how little help my DP was).

You sound like you have a hefty dose of PND alongside getting to grips with one of the most mentally demanding jobs in the world all at the worst possible time historically. You will be okay, you’ll start being able to glimmers of light and enjoying the world around you again and you’re taking productive steps to do that. You will find you’re own pace but it will involve forcing yourself to do things you feel extremely uncomfortable about. I think meeting with your mum friends (even just a one on one) is the place to start too. I think most of them will be able to recognise where you are right now even if it’s not to the same extreme - be honest with them and you might find some support there.

If you do want to work towards better sleeping what cracked it for us was either buggy naps or both lying on a mattress so I could sneak away (worked maybe 6/10 times) but even these weren’t really effective till much older (9 months to a year). I tried so many different strategies and spent a fortune. Oh and my dd never spent a night in her (very bloody expensive) cot!

Looking back now I wish I’d just gone with the flow instead of fighting it - my baby needed to be close and I was giving her what she needed. I was being a mother. It’s hard at the time because it never seems quite convincing enough that things will ever really change. I promise you they do though.

@laura081008 please know you are not alone I feel like this and crying now :-( the mental health aspect this is causing is horrendous

@wilodene I am screwed then as I am overweight petrified now

@SophieB100

Bless you OP, I think you have PND. Please talk to your GP. If I'm right, you will be blowing everything out of proportion - I talk from experience! When I suffered, after the birth of twins, I was convinced, absolutely convinced that my DH would have a car crash, every single time he drove the 2 miles to or from work. If you do have PND, of course you are stressing about Covid.

Please get help from your GP - tell him/her what you've told us. I'm sure then you will be able to get the risks of Covid into perspective. Hundreds of us could explain to you how the risks are minimal for you (they are) but if you are suffering from PND, it won't help.

Tackle your PND, and then I think you'll be able to see and understand why it is perfectly safe for you to take small steps to broaden your horizons.

I've been where you are - it's horrible - but you will get through it, but you have to take the first step - talk to your GP!

I really have been thinking about this a lot. I’ve questioned so many times if I might have PND.

I’ve just assumed the way I feel is due to the pandemic.

I cant really describe how I feel.

I woke up this morning and before I even fully opened my eyes I felt a sadness, an overwhelming feeling.

It takes a lot of effort to dress, do my hair or even attempt the tiniest bit of make up.

It just all feels like I’m going with the motions.

Then I feel incredibly guilty as have a beautiful baby and I shouldn’t be feeling sad.

She’s amazing and if it wasn’t for her I don’t think if even bother getting out of bed.

@Deblou43

Sending hugs xxxx