This isn’t short term, is it? :(

[laura081008]

I’ve really had enough.

I’ve been stuck in my house since March.
My baby was 5 weeks old at the start of lockdown she’s now 19 weeks old!!

A history of health anxiety and ocd mixed with post natal anxiety and a pandemic Had really taken its toll on me.

Since March we’ve been to the Drs 3 times for vaccinations, we’ve driven to our parents and seen them through the car and we’ve been on lots of walks.
That’s it.....

We’ve not been to any shops or supermarkets.

I’ve still yet to pluck up the courage to have a socially distanced garden meet / park walk.

My husband returned to work 4 weeks ago (wfh) so it’s just me and DD during the day.

I’m starting to feel so down. I’m desperate to get out and have some sort of normality, but my fear of Covid are stopping me.

I honestly thought after lockdown that things would have improved, or if they hadn’t, we’d stay locked down for longer.
I didn’t expect to be going to restaurants and having to take these precautions.

I love the cinema but just couldn’t imagine being able to relax and enjoy a film under these circumstances.

I really don’t think this is just a short term measure and it worries me things will be like this for much, much longer.

I just don’t know how I’m going to live my life like this.

I know I have to for my baby girl, but being ill and taken away from her absolutely petrifies me :(

I’m running out of ideas of things to do at home and most mornings now I’m waking up feeling teary, down and with little motivation.

I hate this new “normal”.

@BigChocFrenzy I hate to sound all 'link please' but I'm really interested to see where you got that information from? Not because I don't believe it but because I want to read all of it.

Hello I feel for you as having a baby is stressful enough.
However I think that locking yourself away indefinitely could do much more harm than the virus.
I read the other day that one in 1,700 people have it, that number is rising every day. So if you see a small number of people the chances that they have it is teeny. And if you socially distance properly and stay outside the chances of catching it assuming they’re not coughing all the time is teeenier!
I think aim for baby steps such as inviting your parents to come and sit in your garden- or go and sit in theirs if you feel more comfortable.
I had a no napping baby and a walk out with the pram every day did us both the world of good. I got fresh air and exercise and baby had a sleep. Again the risk here is extremely small.

Your baby does not need anyone but you, play music in the house, get her into the garden and make some time for yourself each day if you can ( no naps is hard, but work around it by leaving her in a swing or playmat on her tummy for a little while whilst you have a break)

It is great you are seeing your mum, try and expand slowly each week gradually so you are gaining confidence.

Your situation sounds tough (I also had a bad sleeper/Velcro baby and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done!).

One think I would say is please try and get on top of the thought you need to entertain her. Honestly your baby doesn’t care and would be perfectly happy if it was just you and her for the next couple of years anything else is just frills.

Distracting the baby to give you a moment of headspace is a different thing - go with whatever you find works and use it as much as you want to/can. There are various baby classes being held on YouTube which might be worth a go and that baby club thing on CBeebies. I wasn’t above playing those meditation music videos with brightly coloured abstract videos to get dd’s attention for a bit. Another surprising time waster was a helium balloon. I used to clip it to the foot of her sleep suit and she’d kick it about in the air for ages giggling like crazy.

Once you find a way to get her distracted without your input you can take the time to process some of your thoughts.

It’s really a hard stage at the best of times take some comfort in the fact that time will sort out a lot of your issues naturally and the tough bit for you is waiting it out but you can do it. This time next year right now will be a memory, think about how much has changed in the last twelve months. It won’t always be for the better but nothing remains the same

Also if you can get dh to look after your baby of an evening a trip to the supermarket late at night when very quiet is quite liberating. Take mask and hand gel. I found it terrifying at the beginning of the lockdown but enjoy it now because it’s almost the only peace I get all week.

Did you do an antenatal course, if so can you keep in contact electronically at least? If not try getting in touch with your local NCT group as they may be able to put you in touch with others who have similar age babies.
It is hard as I made friends at toddlers etc but it is the same for everybody and hopefully won’t last too much longer.

But you don't have to live your life like this . It can be improved in small steps. Could you go for a walk first thing or in the evening when it is less hot and busy. You may find your dd naps if you do so. then you can build up to meeting maybe one other mum at a time outdoors before the group. Can your dm visit you in the garden. Your baby will not mind every day being the same for a while but you will. Are you worried for your baby or yourself?

Why not do some additional research on the actual no. of cases in your area, to try and put it into context? My local paper tells me that the total no. of confirmed cases in my district is 66 - this is cumulative, eg since testing began, and has gone up by 1 in the last week. Google tells me that the total population of my district is 114,000. Although there wasn't much testing near the beginning of the outbreak, and there are a lot of people who are asymptomatic, who therefore won't have been tested, those figures show me that there's probably not much infection around in my community on a day to day basis. The covid19.joinzoe.com website is also useful - it estimates the level of symptomatic infection in districts on an ongoing basis - nearly all the UK is estimated to be under 1% at the moment (my district is .3%).

Having a small baby has parts that are wonderful - but there are also parts that are isolating and tiring and boring and so freaking tedious. The days can be very much the same when they are at the age yours is currently. If she doesn't take naps currently it's even harder for you get a break.
A visit to the GP might be very helpful and reassuring for you. It's also true that medication can help to take the top slice off the anxiety. That might well free you up to feel a bit more free to move around a little bit more outside the house. Do whatever helps.
You might well find out that others share many of the same fears as yourself.
I know I share that inner fear deep down, as a mother, of getting sick and having to leave my children.

*I have a fantastic group of mums from our antenatal classes.
We text each other most days.

They’ve all started meeting in the park for walks but I’m too frightened to go*

Please go!! I know you're very anxious, but I had my first meet up with a few of my 'mum friends' yesterday and it was absolutely amazing!! I was on cloud 9 when I got home, it was the most normal I've felt things have been in months. My daughter slept like a log too!!

As other posters have pointed out, your chances of surviving if you do catch covid are so so high, and community transmission is really low now, and if you stick to 2m distance you'll be very safe.

They’ve all started meeting in the park for walks but I’m too frightened to go

OP please read some factual information about covid. You cannot catch it from the air. There is zero risk attached to going out for a walk.

And also research about number of cases in your area. The Sunday Times published a list of the worst and least affected areas on Sunday and mine was about 10th in the list of least affected (where my mum lives,was 3rd least worst affected!). If the numbers are incredibly low that should reassure you,

But I reiterate - you cannot get it from going outside for a walk.

OP. This isn’t your first post saying exactly the same thing. You are clearly really struggling with your anxiety here. You need to seek help. There’s only so much people can advise & support you online. Nor can any of us change what’s happening for you. We are opening back up & you need to start trying to live again. For your sake & your babies.

Your perspective of the risk is driven massively by your anxiety. The risk to your baby is minuscule & if you are young & healthy, your risk is also very small. If you catch it, you’ll likely be a bit poorly, recover & move on.

The virus isn’t going anywhere but currently it’s circulating a low-ish level in the UK. Community transmission is v low. It’s still mostly hospitals & care homes. The NHS has good capacity & recently the brilliant discovery a cheap steroid can save lives has come forward. Things are seeming a bit more positive and therefore, we can move forwards cautiously. We will not go into a full lockdown again unless things get horribly bad.

And you need to as well. I also have a young baby born two days before lockdown started. We’ve followed guidance and are now enjoying life again. My elder daughter started back at nursery when able. We go to the shops for food (not exactly enjoyable with the bloody queues but normal none the less), I go for walks & picnics with friends & their kids. I’ve been for a bbq with some relatives, I go sit in my elderly grannies garden with my baby.. even my mum who is a top shielder is now going out for a couple walks a day & we sit in each other’s gardens & have lunch (we don’t share food etc). We are off to the zoo next weekend for a belated birthday trip for DD1, I’m so excited/apprehensive is it will be the first full day trip we’ve attempted with DD2! She’s not the biggest fan of the car or pram 🙈 but fingers crossed!

It’s not ‘normal’ but I feel like I’m living again.

The risk to most people is v small. Life isn’t without risk. Your kid will get ill multiple time’s as a child. The amount of coughs, colds, sick bugs, rashes we’ve had are countless. It’s all part of childhood. And you’ll get ill too. And that’s hard. All 3 of you fighting for a bathroom with a stomach bug is bloody awful. But you come out the other side.

Please, please seek help OP. It’s not good to be so afraid. It’ll ruin your life & you’ll miss out on such lovely things as your child grows. You don’t want to look back & wish you’d sought help earlier etc.

Everything I’ve read says people who have died from Covid tend to have more than one underlying health condition.

It's people who have multiple 'metabolic issues' like diabetes, heart problems, high blood pressure who are most at risk.

As with a PP I looked on our district statistics. No new positive cases since mid May. Nobody in hospital with it. 1 death in early May, none since.

I am someone who will carry on taking all sorts of precautions regardless of what others do, as I have some health issues myself and live with two other adults with health issues, one of whom would probably be at very serious risk. I observe the 2 metre distance and am absolutely not going anywhere near a cinema.

Even so, that doesn't mean there's nothing we can do to get relaxation and look after our mental health. Our son does a weekly meet-up with a friend in a park: they sit on separate tree trunks and each bring their own bottle of beer. I speak to my neighbour over the fence every day. Dd who is training as an actress (so not being able to go to theatre or be close to other people is pretty disastrous) watches films while connecting with friends online and has online drama lessons. And she has at least one weekly "restaurant evening" with a friend, each in their own bedroom with a meal.

Since your child is a baby there is not going to be any difficulty with toddlers smearing snot all over each other. This does actually make life a whole lot easier. There may well be activities you can do with a friend and still observe social distancing. Have a chat with your parents and see what they can come up with.

Those of us who do need to be extra careful also need to be inventive. It won't last forever, but just for now it's probably a good idea to be creative enough so we don't break.

Take small regular steps OP. Things are very different to March

1 in 1700 people are infected. If you live somewhere densely populated then I'd start by going out for a short walk when there aren't many people say 7am. If you live somewhere rural then visit places that are as quiet as possible.

Outdoors is much safer than indoors which reduces risk. A socially distant chat on picnic blankets 2m apart with each person bringing their own drinks and snacks should be great.

80% of people have no symptoms or very mild symptoms and you have the fact that you're female and young on your side. If you're white this also reduces your risk.

35 under 20s have died. Your dd will be confined to a pram or buggy so won't be touching infected surfaces and I'm guessing that she has no conditions? She will be able to socially distance as she's not mobile

Op you have made the decision to effectively imprison yourself and your daughter.

I’m out with my two, buying ice creams from the local shops. Even going on pedal boat to hire this afternoon. Been round for outdoor drinks with couple of friends, enjoyed take away coffees, beach.

The ball is in your court

You will think I am being brutal.
And I am.
However i think you need to be More anxious about your mental health than mild asthma and psoriasis

Your baby doesnt really need all the baby groups etc at 4 months, and it doesnt matter for them if each day is sort of the same so don't feel guilty on that score. HOWEVER it really really matters for you!!! Trust me - you will likely feel so much better if you start gradually entering into the outside world. You can wear a facemask for yourself if you are nervous, and of course can still stick to social distancing guidelines (a baby in a pram will be safe anyway - actually much safer than older babys/toddlers at the licking walls stage)
Human beings werent designed to be isolated for long periods - especially at the new mother stage.

As pp’s have said you really need help for your mental health. I suspect that even without the virus you may have struggled. My sil had horrendous pnd 14 years ago. She still obsesses over safety, the environment etc. In these circumstances she would have definitely been even worse.
It’s horrible for you to be going through this but you need professional help and perhaps medication and you definitely need to get out of the house.

Sorry you are suffering and something is going wrong with your CBT if you are still believing you are at high risk of dying. Your have taken information from the media and reinterpreted it to fit your catastrophic view. None of the conditions you mention, even asthma, are high risk conditions for Covid. There is even research ongoing about what it is that is giving people with asthma better outcomes from Covid. Keep working on your CBT, you must do your homework every day. You must try to expand your life a little or you will not stave off depression.

Don't be scared of medication, you might find some support here too maternalocd.org/

I’m also very cautious but last week I left the house to assist with a socially distanced community support event at my local church. I was very nervous and it felt odd to be amongst strangers to be wearing a mask and gloves and directing people to sanitiser in a building where I’ve had so many happy social times. If it’s any comfort, by the end of the session the strangeness had worn off and I won’t hesitate to volunteer if I’m needed again.

I’ve been chatting to friends today and although 2 of them are mad keen to start mingling and socialising again, most of us are being very cautious. No meet ups until after July 4th and even then we will be restricting it to outdoors, small groups and maintaining the 2m rule. Things will get back to normal eventually but we see no need to rush it.

You’ve been through a massive life change this year already, people struggle with being new parents even when the world is normal Factor in the scary times we are living through and it’s no wonder you are anxious. There’s no rush, take it at your own pace.

Bless you. I would encourage walking in open parks. The virus doesn't transmit well outside due to sunlight and humidity

The situation regarding new cases has changed dramatically in many areas- which I have found very reassuring. Where we are, there was only 1 new case diagnosed last week. In the neighbouring LA there was also just 1.
You are very safe to go for a walk with a couple of friends, or have a friend round to sit in the garden.
I have started to do a few things - been to the supermarket which was absolutely fine. Lots of measures in place. We take the children on a daily walk and stop for an ice cream or chips some days. We go to the beach which is busier now but easy to keep your distance. One afternoon DH hired a 2 person sea kayak and he and DS1 spent the afternoon in the small bay with it having lessons and enjoying the water- I paddled with DD and DS2 and we took a picnic. MIL is in our 'bubble' and she babysat twice in the last week so DH and I go out for a late walk and the restaurants on the quay are selling takeaway food and drinks. One night we saw another couple we know and had a drink with them- I had a large G and T and he had a pint- and we sat on the grass and watched the sunset over the river. There were other people around but not near us. It was lovely. I always take hand sanitiser wherever we go.

It is a different life but starting to feel more social. Do some nice things for yourself and your baby - just manage the risk to make it as small as possible.

You said

"I have mild asthma, psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis(not on any medication for arthritis)

Everything I’ve read says people who have died from Covid tend to have more than
one underlying health condition.
I feel like my chances of survival are small"

I don't think that assessment of your chances of survival is factually correct though I understand you are talking about feelings.

I understand for every risk factor, more people survive than die after infection with COVID, including the elderly BAME male with chronic diseases.

Did you ever receive a shielding letter - if you are based in England then I expect not, based on what you've said.

So your risks are exceptionally small. In which case, what you have planned seems sensible. Progress from managed meet ups with family to going to the shops and restarting your life to the extent your anxiety allows with use of hand washing, face masks and social distancing.

Good luck and try to remain engaged with whatever MH services and support you have in place.