Am I being over the top?

[AlwaysWithTheCherries]

MIL has invited us over on Sunday. I accepted, said as long as the weather is nice then that would be lovely. She asked if we'd like a roast. I thanked her but said not to worry, we wanted to see her not have her in the kitchen cooking while we're outside. Well, you'll be in the kitchen with me, she says. No, I won't, I say. She asks why, I tell her because the rules are that you can meet in gardens but not inside houses. She then goes in to a rant about how over the top I'm being, I'm keeping her grandkids from her, she'll speak to DH and she's sure he'll agree.

I'm just getting really sick of this. I've followed the rules completely the whole time and I'm planning to continue following them because it's what I believe is the best thing for my family and our situation. There are medical issues which make this even more important to me. Both sides of our extended families have broken the rules in one way or another and that's absolutely their own choice. But I'm now being made to feel like I'm being ridiculous for refusing to do the same. Am I?

If you are breaking the rules and get ill as a result of it and you need hospital treatment you will also put hospital staff at risk. That isn't fair.

I don’t think you’re being over the top at all, rules are there to be followed so we don’t have a reoccurrence of a month ago when we had nearly a thousand deaths a day. I’m a strict rule follower too and hardly go out, not even for exercise because my house is my safe haven.

Extended family are breaking all the rules, travelling far to mix with others in their houses and it really gets to me, but it’s their choice. People don’t think they’ll be the ones to be affected, and that it’s others that loose loved ones.

I think some people think of the rules as a voodoo spell that can protect them, rather than as guidelines about which you should use your judgment.

Not everybody’s home is a “safe haven”...

I'd stay away altogether, she's trying to undermine you. That's not on! You and your DH and DC should be as one.

@ FluffyKittensinabasket I meant for me personally I understand not everyone feels safe at home and there are rules in place for that too. But it’s a different thing to just mix households, socialising going from one relatives house to another’s

Technically I’m allowed to mix households in the social bubble thing.

Which country are you in @FluffyKittensinabasket?

I know what you mean OP I am followiing the rules, so many are not though. Its wrong for those who are pretending this is over to blame you or make you feel you are in the wrong when you are doing the right thing

I think that you shouldn’t go into the house and you mil is being unreasonable. Personally I have stuck by the rules and will continue to do what makes me feel comfortable. And although it’s inevitable that some people will do their own risk assessment and may then make choices that I wouldn’t - it’s definitely my decision how much risk I want to take.

You aren't being unreasonable at all. You have to do what makes you feel comfortable and keep your family safe. If she tries to get your DH to agree, just don't go. That's manipulative of her to say.

You are not being ridiculous at all, OP! I despair when I see irresponsible selfish people on here trying to make out that breaking the rules is normal or acceptable.

Had this with my mum yesterday. They're both 70 but have been totally ignoring the guidelines- gadding round the shops every day etc.

Mum kept trying to get a cuddle from ds, trying to get into the house etc.

There's no malice, just stupidity.

We've been really sensible, one of us shopping once a week, kept ds from his friends etc.

I've given up begging them to keep themselves safe but I'm damned if they're inflicting their behaviour choices on us. Dp's dad is shielding due to low immunity and do does his shopping so it would be unfair on him too.

YANBU. We’ve been sticking to the rules throughout and intend to continue to do so. Luckily friends and family are too so no pressure being put on us by anyone.

I understand why people think that there are mixed messages but it’s really different briefly passing people in Primark etc to sitting in the same room as other people for hours. The virus is spread through the tiny droplets we expel when we talk and indoors with no breeze it can hang around for a while.

It is all about balance though, everyone’s got to decide their own tolerance for risk. TBH my life isn’t hugely poorer for not being able to sit inside someone else’s home so I really have no desire to break the rules, I’m not finding things difficult. If I was in a different situation I would weigh up the risk and might do differently.

Sounds like your MIL is just trying to make some kind of petty point though. I wish people would just respect other people’s choices on how they behave and get on with it. If we get a terrible second wave then those who didn’t stick to the rules will see that they should have been more careful and if we don’t then hopefully we’ll all just be thankful.

Have to say that I was cynical when loads of people said at the start of this that it would bring people together. Yeah right, it’s just given so much more for people to disagree on!

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, and I wouldn't let her in either.

YANBU, pisses me off some seem to be doing what the hell they like when we're sticking to it!
Attitudes like this is why parents and MIL think I'm being too rigid and should be breaking rules
As in everyone else isn't taking it as seriously as you, have some common sense and adapt the rules to your situation?
Erm, we have and we're fine thanks.

I have similar going on with my in laws. The rest of the family are pretty much ignoring the guidelines. Their choice, not one I agree with but I’ve made a real point of not saying that. I used to be very close to the in laws, but the constant pressure and guilt tripping is too much.

You are not being over the top, just listening to government advice.

I’ve no idea if mine or DH family think we’re being over the top. They all know us well enough not to comment.

You are definitely not being over the top, the government advice is there for a reason!

I also feel she is undermining you. I would tell her that you have decided to wait a week or two, and not go at all. I am surprised she feels she can talk to you like that. Has she always been so rude?

Dh should call his mother and tell her you that you will be rescheduling for another time.

If you go, I am pretty sure she will do everything possible to get you into that kitchen and not respect your views at all on the matter.

This is not really about CoVid or the government advice, it is about her total lack of respect for you. You need boundaries and lots of them around people like her.

By the way we definitely have not had people in our house at all, and probably won't until after the summer regardless of the official advice.

I would rather take all measures to avoid catching the virus, and hope for the vaccine to be here soon. There is nothing heroic about being ill in ICU because you didn't heed advice. Although it is receding a 1000 infections per day is still relatively high.

YANBOTT

1000 infections per day really isnt high, you know!

billy it largely depends if you are one of them I should think!

It depends on the percentage of the population that has it. 1000 out of 67 million is minuscule!

I'm amazed at the amount of people breaking rules and having no shame in doing so.

I had to laugh at fluffy kittens mentioning her dad being in her bubble in the same sentence as visiting a number of other houses. Your bubble isn't a bubble if its more than two houses!

Op, I'm with you. I've kept to the rules and will continue to do so. The only time I broke them was inadvertent. I heard we were allowed to go meet in gardens so arranged to visit in laws... however I hadn't realised the new rules didn't start till the Monday and we went on the Saturday.