MIL wants us to be her bubble WWYD?

[ScatteredMama82]

MIL lives a 3.5 hour drive away. She lives alone, but has been driving to pick her OH up and bring him to stay with her for a few days every other week or so. She joked last week that now their ‘visits will be legal’. She then asked today when she can come and stay, as we can be her bubble. I’m totally against it. She already has a bubble with her partner, and she totally flouts the lockdown rules already. Back at the start of lockdown she was going out multiple times a day, and doing stupid things like going on the bus to post a parcel that was entirely non-essential. I feel bad for saying no, I know she is lonely and missing the kids terribly but I just can’t go along with it.

I would tell her that the bubble is supposed to be for a single adult to be able to mix and that as she has her OH it’s not actually ok for her to mix with you yet. Do you have a single mum friend whose DCs get on with yours? If maybe say that for the kids’ sake you’re ‘bubbling’ with their friends or something.

*if so, maybe say

It’s for two single adults households isn’t it?

No, only one has to be a single adult household.
I’d say no OP, she’s already in a bubble with her OH.

@steamburn No, only one household needs to be a single adult household. The other household in the bubble can be any size.

OP, I would point out to your MIL that she is only allowed one bubble and has chosen to bubble up with her OH.

Tell her you're already bubbled but you're so glad she has her Oh for support

I'd just say, "Not yet", that you don't feel it is quite safe at the moment.

It would be a breach of the rules/ guidelines (whatever they are!) if she formed a bubble with your family because she's been seeing her partner- so he's her bubble.

I'd just tell her that.

Sounds like my mother. She doesn’t understand either.
Even if I could I wouldn’t want to be near her.

I could agree to this in exceptional circumstances: she’s really lonely and it’s affecting her health, DC are sleeping and eating badly because they haven’t seen her for so long, you can’t go on without her support anymore .... but if it’s not the case I would tell her that she chose her bubble already. You could do it in a voice full of reproach. She actually could chose you and decided not to!
What does your DH think about this?

She is a single person HH, folk, so OP is just saying the MIL previously broke rules.

I disapprove of you condemning her bus journey & parcel posting & multi excursions/day. I'm surprised she takes bus if she routinely drives far to fetch her OH, though. Good on her for using public transport when feasible. I'll wager she has been only one on bus.

Rest is up to you. You'll have to negotiate with your DP since she is his relation. Doesn't matter what we think.

@ragged why is it ok for her to do as she pleases when we are all being told to stay at home? I’m going stir crazy trying to work from home with 2 kids but we are sticking to the rules. Why should I not be angry that she has chosen to break the rules time and again?

Considering the shops are reopen from today, and that huge groups from hundreds of households are gathering daily to protest about various causes, i really don't understand why it is against 'the rules' for families to see each other.

I would certainly be seeing my parents if they were alive.

Unless of course you don't like your MIL and this is a nice convenient excuse..... 🤔

You're moaning about what she does bc you don't like her in your life. and probably haven't liked her for years. I wouldn't bubble with someone I didn't like so that answers your OP, too.

You'll have to work out with your husband & your DC how to live with someone in your life (not bubble decision, but in other/future contact) that they probably love but who you resent. That sounds very tough, indeed.

It's not your business if your mother in law breaks the rules but you are not unreasonable to refuse her coming down to yours at the moment.

I’m not saying we won’t see her. I’ve suggested we meet for days out somewhere in the middle. I’m not agreeing to have her to stay.

Do you have additional risk factors? I'd see someone if I liked them under the circumstances you descrived. When she went on the bus maybe she was lonely. I can't imagine how hard it would be to be locked in all alone. If I didn't like them I wouldn't bother.

If you are nervous about her passing along Coronavirus and you actually want to see her I'd have a discussion about what both households will and won't do.