I know this is ridiculous- jealously of people who have got it 'easier'

[Chalkee]

I'm expecting some harsh responses and perhaps that's what I need so please be honest with me.
As this lockdown goes on I'm becoming more and more jealous of people who I consider to have it easier than me with this situation, so that might be people without kids, people who haven't got to work from home and have their time to themselves etc etc.
I've got 2 DC, youngest DS is 1 and he is a handful at the best of times, lockdown has made him clingy and such hard work. I'm also working from home which involves me sitting at the computer for a good portion of the day, DS does not like this and whinges and sits on my lap messing around most of the day. Eldest DS refuses to do any schoolwork and I don't have the time to argue this with him so he is playing games all day. I feel like such a failure and then I see people on fb who are single/no kids or grown up kids etc moaning they can't cope and are bored watching Netflix all day and it makes me so jealous!
What I would give to have had a few months to myself in a lockdown to read/ watch boxsets! I know everybodys situation is different and for people living alone it might be just as tough for them but this jealousy is driving me insane.
I speak to family daily and tell them I'm fine but inside I want to cry and run away.
I know how this sounds, people are dying daily from this virus and I'm moaning that I have to sit at home all day, just tell me to man up.

I think no one has any right to have anything other than compassion. Everyone is entitled to their feelings.

I don't have children and at times that has been a huge blessing in terms of this being easier. At times it's also been excruciatingly painful and lonely and has really brought home how much grief I'm carrying about not having my own family. Everyone is going to respond differently to this.

You can only do your best and get through things a day at a time.You aren't a failure - this is just an unprecedented situation and incredibly hard.

You are allowed to feel how you feel. I’ve had pangs of jealousy for sure - were working full time with two kids under 5 and I keep coming across friends or people who have been furloughed (sometimes both parents) and can be ‘fun mum’ with their kids while I have no energy. Or friends only working two days a week. It’s natural to feel a bit jealous so long as it doesn’t overwhelm you.

I have a 2 year old ds, split from his father and I'm working from home. I totally get feeling jealous of those sitting around watching Netflix and going on nice walks! I just try to remember there are also loads of people out there who have it worse than I do too.

We have 2 children and every time I see something about why not take up this hobby / start watching this TV series / do this online escape room / whatever I just think I wish, and know how much easier this would all be with older children. Then I feel guilty.
I saw something along the lines of we're all in the same storm but in different boats or something that I think sums it up nicely.

I think everyone has the right to feel jealous. On the flip side, I am furloughed and I am jealous of people who have secure jobs because I'm in danger of redundancy. I am a single parent and I'm jealous of people who have partners because at least they can try and work around each other/have someone else to entertain the children sometimes.

I think everyone will have their own problems during this pandemic. YANBU, it's a hard time.

Whatever it is like for you there are others who have it hard in different ways. My children are teenagers and do their own thing, manage their own school work. I am alone nearly all the time and missing company. I'd love to be busy doing more with their education but they don't need me and I've got too much time on my hands to worry about some difficult stuff that has been going on since before lockdown started.

We all have our difficulties, they are just different and what seems easier to you might not be easier for me.

I think it's very hard to see how others are getting along and feel anything other than jealousy sometimes, but it does come from both sides of the fence. For all I'm jealous of all my child free mates, I'm also aware of how crushingly lonely some of them are. I'm not working at the minute, and my husband is on furlough until tomorrow, so we've had a relatively easy ride, but there's been times when it's been horribly boring and frustrating, or difficult to get space for anybody and that's been hard too. You absolutely have my sympathy, but i guess everybody has had their struggles. Horrible times for everybody really, and YANBU to be feeling rubbish about it all.

I have well-off, retired-young parents and a child-free (by choice) sister who is off work on full pay. DH and I are working full time from home with 3 small children. I've had to mute WhatsApp because I can't face anymore chat about cocktail hour, gardening, long bike rides or elaborate virtual quizzes/escape rooms/cooking lessons.

Why would you think that's an unreasonable point of view? Is there a reason for your skewed thinking, who wouldn't be envious of someone who appears to have an easier life than them? That's the natural way to think surely.

I wish I was earning at the moment, of course I'm envious of people whose jobs havent been affected and not only have no money worries but are actually better off due to less consumerism

Allow yourself to feel jealous. It’s ok. We’ve got an autistic 5 year old, and twin 2 year olds. It’s been really tough.

Next door to us are a couple in their 60s. Their kids have long since moved out. Christ do I envy them.

Don’t fight it. It’s fine.

You are allowed to feel how you feel.

Exactly this.

Everyone's situation is so individual. I'm a single parent of 3 children working f/t from home in a busy role. I have no support, my children's father has popped up occasionally but mostly not, and has been zero help in terms of the practicalities around Covid restrictions (shopping, home-schooling), and used it as a way to be even more abusive.

If I try & describe this to my family, they are like 🤷🏻‍♀️ 'he's always like this', like what am I going on about. So I don't bother saying.

But - on my good days I feel great - eg kids in good form, work going well, getting some exercise.

Then I'll have a day where it all seems impossible & I'll feel utterly broken.

I've realised people don't get it. Of my immediate team that I manage, and the wider team in which I work, people don't get it. I hear people with partners at home, some who don't work, or who work part-time, talking about how stressful it is & I think 'whaaat?'

But then I realise, it is, for them. And I shouldn't judge (tho I really wish they would have a bit of sensitivity not to go on about it to me!)

You are absolutely having a tough time. It's ok to have all those thoughts - I get it, you end up feeling guilty that you're thinking like that, but it's ok. You're doing the best you can

What I would give to have had a few months to myself in a lockdown to read/ watch boxsets!

The grass always appears greener OP. I can understand why you feel the way you do, I’m in a similar situation to you - but I wouldn’t in a millions years wish that this situation had happened a few years back when I was living the ‘carefree’ life. I would have been working from home, but no where near busy enough to keep me occupied all day and my flat mate was a pharmacist and would have been out literally all day. I would have been so lonely and I think my mental health would have suffered. It’s really tough, I don’t think you need to man up at all - but I would definitely think you’re jealousy is in many ways unfounded. I really don’t think watching boxsets alone for months is all it’s cut out to be... but a day or two of it would certainly be nice!

I think pretty much everyone has it tough in one way or another.

DH is full time wfh, as is DD. Both good jobs, no money worries. They are quite jealous of those who are able to get out and about to the beach for example. Both work for health and pharma, so quite a bit of stress currently with their jobs.

DD2 is a year 12 and has lots of stress over uni applications, this years exams, at home, which will be used for uni applications, and then what happens next year. She has been doing a lot of work from home, but is very depressed with her lack of social interaction.

We have very elderly parents. None has contacted covid, inc. the two in care homes. However, three out of the four have been in hospital, and two are dying. We haven't seen them since well before lockdown. The remaining one wants to die, as she can't take any more isolation.

The weather has been great, and we have a large garden and countryside to walk in, that's been our saviour.

So, we all have our pluses and minuses. I don't really think anyone has it ideal.

Try being grateful for what you have not what you don’t
You say it’s difficult working from home with two DC but some people would be very jealous of your situation, infertile couples, women who have to put their kids in childcare to go to work, those who have lost their jobs etc
I think sometimes we take what we have for granted and it’s very easy to become envious of others (fake) lives as portrayed on social media

It’s ok op- we’re mostly all suffering in one way or another.

On the surface I may have it easy. I’m a SAHM, my dc are 9 and 17 and don’t give me any trouble. Dp works and helps a lot when home. However, I have a chronic pain condition and don’t sleep much.

I’m jealous of those who aren’t in pain.

So, we all have our pluses and minuses. I don't really think anyone has it ideal.

A couple who are in a happy relationship, both introverts, wfh in secure, low stress well paid jobs, hobbies and interests that take place at home. No underlying health risks.

I quite understand you feeling like that OP, trying to work from home with a clingy toddler is so tough - I’ve seen my DS and DIL struggling hugely with theirs.
Lockdown has been a very, very unequal situation. Those who are enjoying it as a prolonged holiday are a smug minority, everyone else is just trying to get through it one frazzled/lonely/anxious day at a time.

Firstly, you are envious, not jealous. You covet what others have. You wish you were in the same situation.
Like you've said, everyone has it difficult but just in different ways. There is always a balance though. Look at the people you know - they are bored and not enjoying doing nothing. They've lost the challenge of work, their sense of self-achievement that comes with successful completion of tasks, they might be at risk of redundancy later on. Some might be envying you because they wish they were able to work from home, they might wish they had babies, they might feel worth less because they feel their companies don't need them to help get through these times.

Envy isn't a very nice quality. It eats away at self-esteem. When services are available, I suggest you get some help to increase your self-esteem and confidence.

In the meantime don't tell your family you are okay. Tell them you are struggling so they can help with moral support. Try and eat healthily, get fresh air each day and get a good night's sleep. That will all help your mood.

If anyone is finding it hard, they are finding it hard. Doesn't matter if the rest of the world has it easier or harder. That doesn't affect you as an individual.

That said, I do try periodically to think of those who do have it harder to try to get some perspective. And try to acknowledge any good bits. It doesn't help an awful lot though.

Your problem is the perception that they are having an easier time than you because they don’t have children. However, they could be on furlough or already been made redundant and have spent the last 2 months in a state of perpetual anxiety because they don’t know how they’re going to pay their bills and find another job. With no kids to distract them from their anxiety.

They could have had severe mental health problems before this and being forced into isolation with no mental health services has pushed them even further into an mental health crisis. What if they weren’t suffering with their mental health beforehand but had a very active social life and are now struggling not being to connect with anyone? What if they have no kids but this has highlighted all the problems in their relationship?

Some people, with or without kids, are enjoying this time. For a lot of people though, they are finding it hard and there isn’t one stress that is bigger than the others. It’s all going to depend on your personal situation.

I’ve worked in a care home throughout all of this and I’ll admit I do feel very bitter/jealous towards people who can work from home or who have been furloughed whilst I’m putting my life at risk. I’ve felt like most people on furlough or who didn’t work prior to this have seen this time as a long paid holiday and it really makes me mad when I see them swanning about enjoying the sunshine. But then I don’t know how they’re feeling inside do I? I don’t know just how much this is all affecting them mentally or what they to deal with.

No one chose their jobs based on the fact there would be a deadly virus sweeping the world and no one can help the situation they’re in. Whether you’re at home chilling, working from home or on the frontline, you are entitled to feel any type of way that you want.

It’s awful for us all in different ways and I think we’re all quite entitled to feel however we bloody want about it. We’re all just dealing with the situation we’ve been handed.

I think as PP have said, the amount of people who genuinely are treating this period as one long holiday are very few and far between. Lots of people on furlough are concerned about what it means for their jobs long term, for example; or single people are struggling with isolation and loneliness. Childless people struggle with the constant stream of “no one without children could POSSIBLY have it as hard as I do”.

And everyone should know better by now than to judge based off social media. Photos of BBQ and sunshine don’t mean that person is living a worry free life.

I feel it too. I am also single and very lonely so the jealousy is from a different angle.

Last week someone at my company came on a Zoom call and proceeded to spend 15 minutes showing us all her new garden furniture so that she is able to work in her garden at home whilst the weather is nice.

This is someone a similar age to me earning 100k+, her husband probably earns similar and they have the dream lifestyle; big detached house, 2 lovely kids, 2 cars, etc whereas I am in my top floor studio flat no bigger than some of the meeting rooms at our office, is on a main road so I can't even open the windows properly. I have to work on my sofa and coffee table as there isn't enough room for a desk or proper chair (I couldn't afford one anyway).

It upset me for most of the weekend.

Last thing I'm going to suggest is that you "man up". Most men I know are coping worse than the women. (ok - sexist generalisation!!)

I'm WFH and hate it. I don't have the right kit (requested at the beginning of March), I have to tiptoe around a grumpy OH and a demanding, selectively deaf ancient MiL. Because i'm at home OH thinks I am available to chat to, do shopping, cleaning, MiL wrangling etc. and then gets upset that I start working at 8 am and am still working at 7pm. I popped into the office yesterday when there were minimal staff "to print things" but it was in fact an excuse to chat (from a long distance) with people I haven't seen in 2 months.

So same problems really, just a different location and family.

You might think people have it easier, on the surface but you never know what is going on in some peoples lives behind the scenes. I often find on here some people throw the insults around when they think you are better off than them from something you have said, but they dont know you from Adam.
If you have your health, that's the most positive thing you can have.