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Original poster

Queuing finally broke me today

140 replies

SpringBlossomIsBeautiful · 20/05/2020 12:19

I’ve continued to work throughout as I’m SE & don’t qualify for any grants etc.
I’m shopping for 3 families who haven’t left their houses for 9 weeks due to shielding. It’s stressful with endless lists, receipts etc as well as extremely time consuming.
Today I got to Tesco at 8.10am as I needed to be at work for 9.30 (5 minutes drive).
I was 3rd from the front by 9am when we were stopped to let the elderly & vulnerable in (I have no issues with this) .
At 9.25 I had to leave the queue empty handed. Over an hour of my day wasted & now I to go back this afternoon to get what I couldn’t get 😫
I’m exhausted & just don’t think I can do it anymore but at the same time I can’t let them go without.

OP posts:
Nearlyalmost50 · 20/05/2020 13:30

I don't think you could spend £350 a week on an Iceland shop!

Smileyoriley · 20/05/2020 13:32

Definitely agree with other posters- this is unsustainable. My grandson is shielding so my daughter signed up for online delivery and after a very slow start is now on their system. She also has home delivery from a local small shop, so the help is out there, even if it's far from perfect. My husband is in the vulnerable but not shielded group so we do click and collect from Sainsbury's which I can highly recommend, although it gets very booked up so you have to organise well in advance.

Pinkdelight3 · 20/05/2020 13:32

That's crazy. You need to stop shopping for everyone else and let them sort out online deliveries. It's impossible to do all that while working full-time. You're no good to anyone if you're broken. Prioritise your health and sanity. No one can accuse you of not doing your bit but it's clearly unsustainable.

Nearlyalmost50 · 20/05/2020 13:32

If they have £350 to spare on food, they could shop completely online from farm shops, local stores with delivery, Iceland, Amazon basics and so on. I think for that price, they could do the work themselves. You really shouldn't be doing this on top of working outside the home.

Hollyhead · 20/05/2020 13:34

Go in the evening - I’ve not queued to get in a shop all lockdown.

HairyFloppins · 20/05/2020 13:38

That's madness. I am not shielding and not on any special list and been able to get a delivery shop most weeks from Tesco/Sainsburys. I live in a big city though. Iceland always have loads of slots near me.

You are a good person OP.

ifonly4 · 20/05/2020 13:39

Sympathies, OP. I volunteered to shop for three elderly, luckily there's only one I'm shopping for constantly. I hate shopping now, the queues, not being able to get something and then having to backtrack the aisles for an alternative. Dread to think how it'll be when I'm back to my full hours in a week or so.

Yes, if you're shopping for younger people who have internet access, it's now up to them to sort deliveries, click & collect. This is going to continue for a while.

Poppy146 · 20/05/2020 13:40

You're a wonderful person OP, but please don't put this much pressure on yourself. To rush around shopping for three people before work is just unsustainable.

I get stressed having to queue and shop for my own family. I absolutely couldn't do it for three others.

Can you ask two of them whether they have other family/friends that can help?

There are many volunteers where I live (London) who absolutely would lighten the load for you. Most places have many people willing to help out.

KaptenKrusty · 20/05/2020 13:40

Go at the end of the day - 8 or 9pm!

I’ve not queues once for a shop by going later in the day!

Things are back in stock so you can usually get all you need

Awbu · 20/05/2020 13:43

Agree Krusty - if you cannot access other help then shops much quieter in evenings especially Monday and Tuesday according to my insider at Sainsbury’s taps nose

AndwhenyougetthereFoffsomemore · 20/05/2020 13:45

OP, you are a good, good person to have done it so long! I think lots of people who are working/holding it together/homeschooling AND supporting others are hitting a wall at the mo (or is it just me?!) - it was manageable for a few weeks, but it's getting more exhausting. I agree with everyone else that you need to see if these families can explore alternatives - £350/week shop is a HUGE task, and that's just one! Esp when you're having to find stuff you don't normally buy/think through subs etc. I would be honest and say you're finding it too much, and they need to explore online options - lots of local farm shops/coffee shops/restaurant providers are now doing online delivery so with a week's warning it really should be possible to manage most of their needs ... esp if they have £350 to burn: nice butchers/etc. If you're feeling kind, you could think what IS manageable for you and offer that - e.g. I can do a top-up of a few items in xxx store every two weeks/I can help you find a list of local options. Well done for managing so long, you're a star!

megletthesecond · 20/05/2020 13:46

Don't they have internet access? If they can keep logged into the supermarket web site and refresh every so often then something should come up.
I'm not on the vulnerable list but I've had collections every week and a handful of deliveries. Although we may be in a lucky area.

Beautiful3 · 20/05/2020 13:49

There is a kind local man who has been getting the shopping for the elderly and vulnerable in our area. He posted on fb yesterday that he has become ill. He has been doing the shopping for people on top of working. After experiencing chest pains, his doctor has now told him to stop running around after everyone and to rest at home for two weeks. You must look after yourself. You have been so kind to have done it for so long. But its going to make you feel ill.

I honesty would tell them that, " I'm sorry but all the queuing and shopping for everyone is so stressful. This week will be the last time I do it." Ask on the local fb sites for independent milk/meat/fruit &veg people who deliver. Then send those over to them. If you dont then you could be doing this for a year, or until a vaccines been created!

toolatetooearly · 20/05/2020 13:49

Wow, 9 weeks of this? I'd have jacked in this stressful shopping for them ages ago. Sounds like they're taking advantage of you.

ClientQ · 20/05/2020 13:50

I have only managed priority with sainsburys, slots definitely weren't easy to get! It's ok now but I had a month where I couldn't get anything delivered

mindutopia · 20/05/2020 13:51

I would encourage them to figure out how to be resourceful and find other ways. We have basically been behaving as if shielding - I have an underlying health condition and I just missed being on the shielding list due to a medication change last year. So to play it safe, we've treated it as if we are (I can wfh easily, dc are both home obviously, dh is self-employed but works alone so no contact with others).

I've not found it difficult to get all the things we need with just a little planning. I've found I could get online shopping slots throughout (usually 1 every 2 weeks) without much trouble. I get a fruit and veg box from a local wholesaler (they could deliver, but I go collect and they just put it in the book, no contact needed). A local farm shop delivered a load of meat and I stocked the freezer. I've not needed to go to a shop or anywhere in public since mid-March and I've not needed any help from anyone.

Unless they have special needs or are 80+, I would imagine they could arrange all of this easily themselves (or at the worst, you could arrange for them).

lilgreen · 20/05/2020 13:53

That sounds like too much for one person. Do they not have any other friends or family?

HollowTalk · 20/05/2020 13:54

OP, are you the the one who was barred from Asda?

yungnewmama · 20/05/2020 13:55

Really respect you for doing this for your friends since its a difficult time right now. However, can you not refer your shielding friends to a volunteer group? Maybe they can help since you have so much on your plate with work on top of everything else. Sending you well wishes x

MarshaBradyo · 20/05/2020 13:57

£350 is a huge amount to get, carry and deliver to them. And then the others on top. It’s crazy. You’re doing too much.

SpillTheTeaa · 20/05/2020 13:57

OP, are you the the one who was barred from Asda?

Oh yes because the shop was something like £350 and doing 3 people's shop. Probably could be just coincidence

NaturalBornWoman · 20/05/2020 13:58

I’ve just messaged them to say I can’t deliver today (that takes me about an hour & half)

Were you going to leave it all in the car while you went to work? That doesn’t sound ideal.

Anyway, shielding families should be able to get deliveries so you’d be more help helping them set that up and they’d know when they were getting their shopping.

mencken · 20/05/2020 13:58

click and collect is the way forward for this. Or contact the local facebook volunteer group (there will be one) and unload what you can't do. This is unsustainable.

reallifegetsintheway2 · 20/05/2020 14:00

It is Bank holiday Monday and half term. The shops are going to busy in the evenings too. Can you ask them, nicely, if relative could help out? Say you are very tired?
In the South East - the R number is low, so their risk is lower.
Are you going to continue from 1st June? That's when most people's shielding stops.

EngagedAgain · 20/05/2020 14:02

I get you, I'm in a similar situation, and to start with I felt so pressured, and ready to throw the towel in! What I started doing was if there was much of a queue to not bother. Seems to take an age doesn't it with all the one way system etc. I don't personally like shopping in the evening but usually no queue and less people. Think in your case you're probably better off going early or in evening.