Anyone else hit-the-wall?

[GrumpiestOldWoman]

I have lots to be grateful for, can WFH, big house, big garden, laid back kids/DH and I had been coping well with lockdown.

Really slumped now though, finding it hard to get my head into gear for work and a bit teary and down. I'm being disciplined about work/family time and have downtime at weekends but still find myself dreading Monday morning. Oh to be able to go for a swim/see a film/have a day out.

Has anyone else found it really tough just lately? What's keeping you going?

[priya38]

Just reading through this thread has made me think about what the suicide rate is during this lockdown.

It's very sad times indeed.

My days are up and down. One day I may not feel like even getting out of bed (even though I do) and some days I'm all full of energy, like too energetic. I think the effects of this lockdown is suddenly now having a psychological affect on people. And this is going to go on for months.

[Twattergy]

Yep this is toughest week yet. And i have nothing to complain about compared to others on this thread. But this week I am angry, not sure with who. I think the false hope around schooling is partly to do with it. I'm worrried im fooling myself around antibody tests and vaccines (I am letting myself believe they are coming soon...today's antibody test does sound great...but...I'm losing faith). I'm annoyed by Zoe fucking Ball's fake jolity. Annoyed by having to leave huge amounts of space walking past people in the outdoors when we know you can't catch it by walking past someone in the outdoors...
Everything is annoying this week!!!!

[Napqueen1234]

This thread is giving me life again. Two v small kids, PND and can barely pull myself together each morning for them. Keep thinking awful selfish thoughts (the other day I lay in bed wishing everyone who needed to die from covid would hurry up and die so this would be over and we could get back to normal). I’m embarrassed by how selfish I am but I can’t cope with this. Every day is a struggle.

[madroid]

Me too. After the first two head spinning weeks I settled into it. Kept my head down, WFH like I was on speed, gardened, cooked, cleaned, exercised etc etc.
Then this week Bam.

Just feel like I can't be bothered with any of it.
I took this afternoon off and went for a drive and walk and was fighting back tears for a the last hour of my walk.

I blame Boris. I think we should have had an adjustment period. He should have said from 1 June we'll start easing. Then we could have planned and looked forward to that for a few weeks. It would have felt planned and well organised. Instead of chaos and more balls ups from our inadequate government that somehow just is the final straw for me.

But I am so sorry for those with health problems and young children to cope with on top of everything else.

PS AND NO I DON'T WANT TO BLOODY WFH PERMANENTLY thanks, in case anyone is asking

[justanotherneighinparadise]

I felt like this last week. This week I’m feeling more positive. No idea why.

[Jeffersona]

There's that big split between those who are absolutely loving the lockdown and want it to go on for as long as possible and those who are really struggling with it.

[itsasmallworldafterall]

@priya38
Oddly enough I was just reading the data from ONS and there was zero deaths from suicide for England and Wales in the month of April

[Fudgewhizz]

Yep feeling the same here. 35 weeks pregnant, in pain (PGP/SPD), still got morning sickness. I'd feel better if I could get stuff done in the house (lord knows there's enough to do!) but I can't physically do it. There's a very real chance I won't have a job to go back to after mat leave as my entire industry worldwide is potentially up the creek due to Covid. DD is desperate to go back to school.

I think it's the not knowing when it will end. If somebody could tell us (I know this is impossible) it would be easier to cope with. Instead there's so much speculation, incompetence from the government, lack of communication and clarity.....

[GrumpiestOldWoman]

I never wanted it to ho on forever jeffersona but I'll admit that until about an week ago I could see things that I preferred about it, appreciating good cooking and baking rather than always grabbing convenience food etc. This week that's gone out the window, I'm sick of cooking yet cooking is really the only hobby I've still got.

[NellyTimes]

Yeah, me too. I'm furloughed at the moment and my job should be safe, my kids are 12 and 10 and handling homeschooling and isolation well, we live in a nice village so able to go on walks each day, so I have a lot to be grateful for, I know that.

But I'm so bored and sad and angry, just permanently angry. Not with the kids, they've been great, but with the situation, with the government, with the feckless people, everything. I'm so fed up of every day being the same. I don't live with my partner and I miss him so much. We talk all the time, but it's not the same. I'm tired of there being nothing to look forward to. I'm scared. I miss my family and my friends. I'm tired of feeling all of these things. I'm tired of giving myself a hard time for being so pathetic about these feelings, even though I think it's perfectly fine for anybody to be struggling at this time, but for some reason I don't apply that to me.


I feel angry and sad for everyone. I can't imagine how some people are coping when they have so much more to deal with than me. All of our lives have changed and nobody's for the better. I just want to run away but there is nowhere to run to.

But mostly, I'm just so fucking angry.

[cheninblanc]

I did ten days ago, turned the corner again. I'm a key worker so plenty to be grateful for in terms of work. I let myself hit that wall, and bounced back. X

[MadisonAvenue]

I was doing okay-ish until I had a call two weeks ago to tell me that I was now on the shielding list, due to a stupid fucking health condition which causes me no problems whatsoever (to the point that I don’t ever give it a second thought and forget that I have it, because I’ve always been told by doctors that it wasn’t something that’d cause any problems ha fucking ha) and I’m fit and healthy. My son has the same, he’s 20, and I’m so worried about the effect this will have on him and his career.

Since then I’ve gone to pieces. I’ve cried more than I ever remember crying before and the most trivial of things set me off. I can’t see an end to this, can’t see the joy in anything. There’s nothing to look forward to because everything we had planned for the coming months is cancelled. I can’t sleep very well at night and feel weary all day. I’ve never really worried about my mental health before but I am now.

[Jeffersona]

@GrumpiestOldWoman I do think unless you're a total hermit there's only so long you can stay at home for without a purpose. I wouldn't mind WFH through the week at all if I actually had things to look forward to at the weekend.

[Thatbitchcarolebaskin]

And in response to the poster who mentioned the deep sleeping- I can’t get out of bed until 09:30 (with the 3 and 5 year old jumping all over me!). Then I feel like I’m still asleep for a few hours after.

This week I’ve been setting an 8am alarm and haven’t slept later than 8:15 am which is an improvement but still feel so heavy in the eyes and like I could spend the entire day in bed

[Thatbitchcarolebaskin]

I’m just so depressed. My work/life set up was perfect. Life has never been easy for me, and I felt like I was finally getting it (feeling smug even).

I’m one of these people that find life and happiness quite difficult, just when I thought I’d started recovering from feeling like this... corona

[Whydidyoucallhimatortoise]

Found my people. I have had a couple of ‘Covid walls’ (I’m stealing that phrase) but this one is the worst because my kids seem to have hit it at the same time.
Their motivation for school work, standard of work and resilience have all plummeted over the last couple of weeks. They don’t want to go on a walk or play in the garden. They just desperately want to see their friends properly, not on a screen.
Dh is holed up in his home office and I’m doing a shit job all round.
I keep wondering how we can escape somehow/somewhere but obviously we can’t.
I have never cried as much as I have in 2020!

[TheCatsBlanket]

Oysterbabe - If YOU are in the high risk group then YOU stay at home. If YOU have symptoms then YOU stay at home. If YOU are scared of catching covid then YOU stay at home. If YOU want to keep your kids safe at home until there's a vaccine then crack on

What you said is EXACTLY the way I feel about it.

[jollybobs89]

Glad I've found this thread. Got a 6 week old and a 2 year old. Spent the other day just crying feel like it's Groundhog Day every day! I'm normally always out and about meeting friends obviously on mat leave at the moment but on my days off play dates with my toddlers friends play areas parks etc now I just feel super lonely even tho I'm not as I'm home with two kids! Feel that I'm on social media too much just feel all round rubbish!

[Mintypylonsfryingsurplus]

Yep who knows how long our mental health will suffer for or even if we can bounce back?
The government did a brilliant job of making us so frightened, fear is great to control people, add in isolation and all the other truly shit situations its no wonder so many people struggling.
Thank you all for being honest. I feel so much empathy at your individual struggles Derxa I am so sorry too.
How you all manage to carty on with kids too I cant even imagine the daily stress levels.
I have felt so selfish for moaning, I have DH for company a rented house with garden and I try to be grateful. But I feel so flat.
The time I get out of bed us getting later and later and the limbo of every day feeling like a bad Sunday is getting to me.
I feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway, just sat waiting for something to happen to escape.
I am menopausal, my youngest left home to live with gf day of lockdown so struggling with empty nest and wondering if this is as good as it gets.
Struggling with lingering post viral ( Covid??) Who knows without a test which would be negative anyway.
Was supposed to start a job mid March, but no one to train me so didnt start.
DH furloughed so money very tight. Was supposed to buy a house in Summer but savings that were for a deposit now gone.
Both middleaged and facing the fact that we will never probably know prosperity in our lifetimes again, or be able to assist 3 adult children as much as we would have liked.
When I stated this to my mum she said at least you are alive...
It sucks. I am angry. So Angry that they knew in Jan this was global and still let 18.1 million people in from Jan to lockdown more if you factor the fact they only just quarantining.
The government could have closed our borders in Jan, chucked a load of money at flights etc getting cancelled, tracked and traced and we would be like New Zealand now.
Its not being able to plan and do basic things, the monotony of every day. The hours, how to fill them, be productive.
I am looking for a job now, I just dont think I can live in fear anymore just existing.

[Kljnmw3459]

I'm finding it difficult to accept that I may not be able to see my parents or inlaws this year, they all live abroad and are in the vulnerable category due to age and preexisting conditions. I find it easier to take it 3 weeks at a time, so it doesn't get too much.

[AgentCooper]

Sorry if this sounds horribly selfish but this thread has actually brought me some relief. A fortnight ago I really thought I was sinking back into a very bad place with my mental health and that I was getting beyond hope.

Seeing that other people are experiencing the same fear and sadness makes me feel less alone/doomed. I hope for all of our sakes that this doesn’t go on too much longer

[LoLo2020]

I feel for everyone, I work very long hours (NHS) and have done since the outset of this horrible virus. In amongst having a six year old to try and homeschool and entertain and getting our daily exercise slotted in, it has been hard going! I've had some real low points, teary and bad tempered. Stayed away from booze for the most but gained lots of weight and feel pretty Bleurgh! Generally. Reading all your comments has offered some level of comfort despite the fact it's sad to read how some are really struggling now. Massive, remote hugs!

[Turquoisesea]

I’ve really hit a wall today too. Just so fed up, told my 12 year old not to bother with the homeschooling today, my 15 year old DS is spending far too much time on his Xbox, Im sick to death of cooking and just the whole relentlessness of it. I’ve been so miserable today and cannot be bothered to do anything.

[bluetongue]

This has been the worst week for me too.

When this all kicked off I’d just returned from a holiday to Japan and was in what I called my ‘Zen’ zone after being severely depressed before my trip. Nothing could get to me and I was just happy to still have a secure job when so many others were unemployed.

Now the holiday buzz has well and truly worn off and I’ve found myself feeling angry and frustrated this week. I was meant to be selling my house and possibly moving cities but it’s all been put on hold. Who knows if it will even happen now as my house value has doubt plummeted and it feels like the last six years paying the mortgage and upkeep cost has been for naught. At least if I was renting I wouldn’t be stuck here with my awful neighbours

[YouLando]

Lost my temp job at the beginning of lock-down, so not even wfh or out of the home, but still losing the plot the last couple of days.

My year 6 DD is coping valiantly with being home-schooled by a crabby ratbag of a mother, god knows how DH is not filing for divorce.