Anyone else hit-the-wall?

[GrumpiestOldWoman]

I have lots to be grateful for, can WFH, big house, big garden, laid back kids/DH and I had been coping well with lockdown.

Really slumped now though, finding it hard to get my head into gear for work and a bit teary and down. I'm being disciplined about work/family time and have downtime at weekends but still find myself dreading Monday morning. Oh to be able to go for a swim/see a film/have a day out.

Has anyone else found it really tough just lately? What's keeping you going?

[AllTheUserNamesAreTaken]

I’ve had two Covid walls so far - the first in the days after school closed and then the second was the other week

Like you we are very fortunate but still found myself tearful, stressed and really struggling. I am so grateful to be in the position we are in, as no money worries and family are all healthy, and I have v understanding employer but still struggled to cope last week. Stressed, tearful, couldn’t sleep

[FlappyFish]

Thank you for this thread. I feel like if I dare articulate that this is shit. Really shit, then people will just bite my head off and be all Dementor saying “well you could be in hospital”

I miss my work travel. I miss seeing anyone other than OH. I’m sick of it all. Feeling so low and miserable. Yes, it could be worst. But I am almost in mourning for the life I had.

[Wishihadanalgorithm]

To parents of children who are struggling with school work, I say take the pressure off. My 6 yo Dd who is bright and super keen is now hating school work and the daily zoom meetings. I say this for all children even secondary kids.

If you can get your kids to do some of the National academy or BBC Bitesize lessons to keep them ticking over then that is good enough. For those in 10 and 12 who are struggling it is much more tricky. Just let teachers know how things are and request film/programme lists that pupils can watch - a bit of learning without all the pressure. Not ideal but if well-balanced adults are struggling we can’t expect too much from our kids. (And I say that as a real no-nonsense, none of this snowflake malarkey old-school type of teacher).

[AgentCooper]

Yes. I started off feeling shite then actually felt suspiciously well for 5 weeks. At week 6 I crashed and had my worst bout of anxiety and depression since May leave 2 years ago. Now in week 8 I’ve been feeling more normal but shaken by how bad that was.

I had this overwhelming feeling of there being no point in anything, nothing to look forward to. But I had a chat with my psychologist on Wednesday who pointed out that it’s understandable because right now there pretty much is nothing to look forward to. But it won’t be like this forever.

I just can’t be fucked with all the doom mongers and self appointed COVID town criers telling us all it’s a sin to wish we could live our lives again. I’ve been furloughed and I’m with my 2 year old 24/7. DH is wfh and works all day, giving me the occasional much needed solo toilet break but always saying ‘can you be quick?’ It’s fucking shit. I want to hug my mum, dad and sister so much.

[ReySky]

I feel so meh. I have a 20 week old baby who family are desperate to see and hold. Video calls just aren't quite the same. I know it's petty in the grand scheme of things but I feel like I'm missing out on things like mum and baby groups that I was so excited for. I miss so many simple things like popping to the shop for something frivolous, entering a supermarket with my husband, not having a panic attack because I've gone the wrong way down a one way aisle and consequently being glared at, mindlessly browsing clothes shops, sitting in a beer garden on lazy sunny afternoons, planning a drive somewhere without then realising that toilet facilities are no longer available so having to scrap said plans, discovering National Trust places and nature reserves, and last but not least having five episodes of Eastenders a week. I try talking to DH who is far more optimistic than me and very much a 'live in the moment' sort of person, which is lovely, but I really can't take much more of this, despite trying to "take each day as it comes" (am also sick of that phrase). I'm absolutely terrified of the impending recession / depression and every time I hear of redundancies or another company folding, I get a horrible sad feeling in my tummy. Am on maternity leave till October and was planning on not going back as we can just about afford it, but now fretting about that. I am sad thinking about what Christmas will be like this year.

Have had some dark thoughts that I wouldn't voice in real life, and that I wouldn't act upon, but I can't take much more of this. Desperate for normality to resume ASAP.

[MabelMoo23]

Thank fuck for this thread.

This is me this week. I’m on my knees, I’m so exhausted, I just want to go to bed or lie on the sofa. I’ve got no motivation and no energy.

Got 2 small children, 2 and 4, I’m furloughed and desperately miss work but husband is still working full time so taking care of the kids is on me. My house is a mess, but I just can’t get the energy to go anything with it.

I miss my parents, I miss being at work, I miss just having a moment to breathe. I’m running round after everyone else, the kids are whining and it’s on me. Our holiday to Florida has been cancelled and I’m really low about that. I’m terrified I’m going to lose my job.

And yes, I confess, I’ve thought about getting COVID-19 so I can just hide in bed and sleep. Pretty shitty I know.

It’s just relentless and I can’t breathe

[headachehenry]

My ASD son asks me every day whether he'll be allowed to go back to his school as it's the only thing that gives him any purpose and enjoyment. It makes me so sad as he doesn't really under social distancing so he's even more of a social pariah than ever and school risk assess him in that 'computer says no' way. He'll probably never be allowed back to school while covid is around and it's the only thing he wants 😢😢😢

[GrumpiestOldWoman]

flappyfish

Mourning is a good word for it.

[Wilmalovescake]

Me.

Everyone else at work seems to be loving working from home. I feel more desperate every day.

Have been googling houses I could afford if I left DH. Am fucking desperate for something that isn’t these walls, and homeschooling whilst working full time.

I’m going to go out somewhere on my own tomorrow. I don’t know where but I’m drowning here.

[NaturalCleaningParticles]

Me too. I was doing ok between weeks 3ish and now but I just can't be fucked anymore. I'm so tired and bored and it's such a battle to get my 8yo to do any work, meanwhile I have to stick the 5yo in front of the telly for hours. I'm eating crap nonstop as it feels like the only pleasure left so now I'm getting fat too. Feel like this whole year will pass us by and it's so sad. Also feel sad my kids are missing so much school, especially when I read things saying this could take 2 years to play out! Just shoot me now!

[Changeyname40]

This too shall pass. Unmumsnetty hugs.

[Titsywoo]

I'm ok I'm just worried about my teens and the lack of social interaction and education. It's so bad for them - I wish I had a date when I could say to them it will all go back to normal.

[FloggingMoll]

Yeah, hit a wall today. Only child DD who asks me every day can she go back to class (meaning nursery). Work hours have been reduced but thank fuck I can work from home. DP whose job was gone in the first week of lockdown and who's now become a key worker worried about bringing the virus back to the house and DD getting it. The sudden realisation today that when the kids do go back to school it'll be nothing like the place they left behind.

No garden, but I can't raise the enthusiasm to go for a walk and I'm watching DD get increasingly sadder and lonelier. Shit day.

Hugs to everyone.

[CoachBombay]

Yes, I'm there have been for about a week now.

Single mum, WFH and community work 40+ hours a week. I've given up on homeschooling it's just a battle with DS5 who has ADHD and suspected low level autism.

Reading the Welsh assembly government guidance on lifting lockdown and our shit traffic light system, even if we get to green we will still not be able to see other households without social distance in place. We could be at green till there's a vaccine or treatment. Which means I'm unlikely to get a cuddle.or a hug from anyone any time soon.

And you know what, I think that's all I want is a hug. A genuine heartfelt hug from someone. I'm so tearful, stressed, exhausted and fed up, I'm far from a great mum, I'm borderline shit at it at the moment. I'm so down, so angry and frustrated with everything.

[Indecisivelurcher]

I have hit the wall. So has my 5yo. We've had a blummin awful day. She just wants to either 1) be in charge or 2) see her friends. Unfortunately so do I... Luckily my 3yo is still his happy self. I'm driving 40 mins to meet my sister for a social distancing walk tomorrow. I need the lift.

[UncleFoster]

Ive been really struggling this week. Initially I was feeling really low but actually managed fine since pretty much the fiest week.

Then slowly starting last week ive just plummeted. I have no motivation to do anything. Feeling depressed and anxious, snapping at poor DP. And i cant pull myself out at all.

I'm missing my parents, my friends. I am still working but its totally different to what Im used to (NHS), and I really loved my job before. Its not at all the job I signed up for, I miss my job as it was before.

I love my DP but Ive had enough of just his company. I want to fo to the oub or out for dinner. I had a lots of fun things planned this summer, which have all ben cancelled. Obviously this is necessary but theres just nothing to look forward to, theres no reason to keep going.

Ive had some dark thoughts as well, they have been quite overwhelming.

I just feel so out of my depth. And sad for my old life.

[KaronAVyrus]

I’ve hit a wall this week. Seriously had enough of all this shit.
Sick of the clapping
Sick of going on the same boring walks
Sick of going to Tesco just to see something different
I’ve totally had enough.

[LookingForward6]

We are all amazing women with our own daily battles. If we get out of bed and move to the sofa then it’s an achievement. If we feed our kids (and forget any fruit and veg) then it’s an achievement.
I hit a wall two weeks ago and managed to come out of it, but it’s all so flipping dull isn’t it? I miss meeting up with friends. I want to hug my Mum. I’m bored of looking at people on a screen. I want to start dating. Another zoom quiz is going to make me screaaaaaammmm!! Wfh full time so feel very grateful for that, but trying to home school two kids on my own. We ordered takeaway pizza tonight, it made me happy not to cook

[GrumpiestOldWoman]

lookingforward that's a great sentiment (though also set me off crying again )

[RunningNinja79]

Yes me.

Just sick of all the doom and gloom now. Even when there's something that may just be positive (like the anitbody test) I dont believe it and think that it wont work out and we are stuck like this forever.

At first I was quite hopeful. Over last weekend I was hopeful, now I just feel like this is it. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to get excited about. Life feels pretty shit right now and I have no real reason to complain.

[BreadmanAndCake]

Struggling here. Husband at work but I've been furloughed. An increasingly bored 2 year old who I am desperately trying to keep entertained. I'm also 10 weeks pregnant and cannot shift the utter exhaustion. I feel lucky that I don't have any school age children to try and teach at home and I feel really bad for those that do - it must be so difficult to juggle that on top of everything else. But I'm so desperate for a semblance of normality - nothing lavish, just a hug from my parents or my sister, or for my toddler to be able to interact with other children.
I'm so sorry for those having a shit time x

[Fortyfifty]

Yes, me too. This week has been the week Ive felt it most. In normal times I work from home or from quite a solitary office space but wfh now is taking its toll. I think it's because they're is no separation between work and home. In normal times I'd be going out and doing other things wrapped around working from home. It's also hard having everyone home all the time. The house feels like a student house with teens leaving tech and mugs in every room.

I'm panicking at the thought of a summer of two teens rattling arund the house with no activities or holidays. And I'm sad not knowing how or when I'll be able to see parents who live 200 miles away. Weekends are better - we make an effort to cook something nice, come together as a family, drink! but I too dislike Mondays. It's all so dull.

[Direwolfwrangler]

I’d like to join please! Absolutely cannot be arsed with this anymore. Work is at home but full on. We’re trying to keep a toddler entertained without resorting to tv all the time. We have a lovely house and I know others are much worse off but lord I just want to see my parents and maybe have a latté.

[LookingForward6]

Sending hugs @GrumpiestOldWoman

[SantanaBinLorry]

I hit a wall this week. Strangely i'm on top of a fair amount of stuff - kids are getting stuck into schoolwork. I've meal planned to death and the freezer is full. Sorted out deliveries from local businesses, which we had wanted to do for a while. Its nice having my milk delivered. Me and DP get on really well and laugh all the time. And the kids really are pretty great, dont bicker (much!) and happily entertain each other and themselves. The mood in the house is good!
BUT - if and when this is over I'm pretty fucked. Im on unpaid leave from my shitty job and unlikely to return. Aaaaaall of my experience is in an idustsrty thats gonna take a fair while to recover, if at all. Thats if I can actually physically work to the capacity Im used to, I seem to have a new joint with creeping artheritis every day - my hands are fucked :( We wont be able to afford to move out of the small flat we only hoped to stay in for 12 months. We probably wont be able to get another property anyway once we start claiming benefits.
Plus, Ive homeschooled and been poor before... was the hardest few years of my life :(
Just cant see a way out or any positives right now.