I made my little girl cry

[XxrosesxX]

So today my DD school sent out the rough plan of action for June 1st. Up until this point I had been hopeful my five year old could go back to her "normal" school life for a term before summer and year one.

I knew they were going to perhaps have less kids in. But opening the email today I just feel it's wrong to be opening. They are removing alot of toys, books and furnishing from the classroom. There will be strict rules in place and social distancing will be in place but they are warning us now it won't happen! Then it goes on to explain they may be in different classes with different teachers. They will be in smaller groups. All this will depend on the staff levels. Also they won't be allowed near other year groups and pick up times will be staggered.

My DD has been fine. I've kept it light. There
are germs. They are being cleaned. Then you can go back to school. I tried to gently explain and talk to her today. I explained she was allowed to maybe go back to school in two weeks. I explained how it might be different. Her eyes welled up. She nodded at Me. I asked her why she looked sad. She burst into tears and asked me if she will ever be in her classroom again and she didn't want to go into year one. I told her I didn't know who she would be with but some of her friends will be there. She carried on crying. I told her she was ok to stay with mummy until September. She wiped her eyes and said I'll stay here I think until the germs are gone.

I'm just sad for her. Isn't it horrible having to try and do the best for your child. One option is to go 5 months without her lovely school routine. The other is to send her to a strict place where she could pick up allsorts if anxieties.

I really don't want her worried,anxious and emotional. I feel like I can't fully protect her from the truth. I think she is starting to realise today what's going on and it's making her sad.

I'm sad for her. All that routine she had built up. Her relationship with her teacher. Her little friends who has started inviting her to parties. She will never be with those kids again in her first class again. Theres 3 classes next year so only 1/3 will be in with her.

I know she will be ok. But tonight Ive sent the form to say I won't be sending her. So therefore it's official. She won't be going back into reception. That first year is over. Whilst it's not the most important educationally it sets the foundations.

To be honest I'm not hopeful that schools will be running normally in September either. It's all a mess. All the money we've wasted on uniforms etc.

I know we are lucky to be home and safe. It's just ridiculous how Boris is reopening the schools! Not good for mental health at all.

Send her to school, if she's unhappy then you can see about keeping her home.
Some of us are desperate to get our children back to school for genuine mental health reasons! Your post just made me dispair!

I've not said anything to DS about returning to school. I won't until I know whats happening and what it will be like and I'm happy with it for him.

Ok. But do you think schools are safe to reopen. They clearly are not? Hence why they are putting crazy things in place that are unrealistic.

I understand about the mental health worries. I also want my child back with her friends and stuff. But not like this. Because she won't be allowed near half of them.

Open your eyes. If it's safe to open up why do the books and soft toys needs to be taken. Why do the kids need to be seperated and denied to touch others?

It's like taking them to macdonalds and telling them they can't eat. Or taking them to the pictures but they must keep their eyes closed. Don't see the point. Not like they will be reading and doing experiments? It's not like they will be sat in groups learning phonics. It's a waste of time.

I think in part that this is the problem of a one size fits all approach. In Gloucestershire there have been 1300 ish cases of covid-19 recorded and 220 ish deaths. There were no new cases in Gloucestershire yesterday and 0 covid deaths. I'm happy for my Dd to go back to school because 1 she really isn't thriving under lockdown and 2 I think it's safe 3 I know school will take precautions. I would be fine for her to hold hands with classmates, play in the playground etc. It makes sense to keep kids in smaller groups and remove toys that can't be easily cleaned. I am sure i would feel differently in an area with more cases or equally an area with less.

Its also the one size fits all approach for kids and staff.

Theres little thought about provision of staffing for those who are vulnerable such as pregnant women. There is nothing in the guidance about how heads should address this for example. Equally there isn't anything in the guidance about what schools should do for children who have conditions that leave them vulnerable.

Before DS's school broke up, the head made a point of sending an email to say that the school didn't have the capacity to plan for shut down and give homework to children who were in isolation with symptoms in the household. They were completely rushed off their feet dealing with anxious children (and parents) and setting up a system at short notice (and again with little proper guidance) for keyworkers.

Our head is very proactive, down to earth and hardworking. You really couldn't ask for a better head. She deals with some monumentally difficult parents diplomatically. If she says they were struggling they were. She's certainly not a 'left wing activist type' if you want a stereotype. (If anything its the opposite).

She takes the safety of both kids and staff seriously. As well as the welfare of the parents (and grandparents). All three aspects are something she takes seriously as she sees the school as part of the community as a whole rather than it solely being about purely the children. (You can't protect the welfare of the children if you don't consider the welfare of the staff and of wider families - if a teacher or parent dies that has an impact on the child's welfare).

The whole thing has been laid in a really bad and white way and has huge glaring gaps over whats being asked.

Things like who moves all the stuff that is no longer supposed to be in classrooms. How long does it take. And where does it go.

An example: The school had a small flood in the library area and the school asked for volunteers to help move stuff back afterwards. We had 6 parents who went in for a morning to do this. There wasn't a huge amount but it was the cleaning and the sorting that went with this.

How can they do similar under the present conditions? Who is there to oversee, sort and move things. Whilst the school is still open for key workers and the teachers are still setting homework?

There is too much magical thinking and holes you can drive a bus through. And children's welfare is only being thought about from one aspect but not all.

Different children have hugely different needs.

How does the school reopening in these conditions work for kids who have an assigned one to one TA? Is it discrimination to fail to provide this? Do you reassign these TAs (potentially risking losing them in the future when the LEA comes along and say you don't need one to one tas afterall)? Does this mean the other 14 kids in the same class as the one who needs the TA lose out before the teacher is constantly looking after just them (which is why they got the TA in the first place). There were incidents in DS's class before christmas because of one such child, which resulted in injury to staff. How do address similar health and safety issues?

There's points in the guidance about putting up barriers in corridors to make sure there is a one way system. But what about fire safety if you do this?

When you scratch the surface of it, the safety of the children and staff does not start and end with covid-19.

OP I totally agree with your view and think you have to do what is best for your dc.
My dgs has to go to school as both his parents are key workers. He enjoys being with other dc as he’s an only child but he still has anxiety about the virus. He’s 8 and was asking last week if he will die if he goes outside. This even though they walk the dog everyday.
My dil would love to be able to keep him at home with her. But she can’t.
He’s supposed to stay with us for the summer break and is desperate to do so but we don’t know if we can have him as we live abroad and Ryanair are reducing the flights by 40%.

Will my ds and dgs have their flight cancelled, we don’t know.
Should we drive to the uk and fetch dgs, we don’t know.
Who will care for him if we don’t, we don’t know.

Children need consistency and certainty and the plans for schools and child care are far too vague.
I’m not surprised children are anxious.

Your dd is lucky to have a good mum who is putting her child first.

Haven’t RTFT but there’s no way I’ll be telling my 5year old DD anything about going back until the Friday before when I’m sure it’ll be happening.
Then I’ll be framing the conversation ‘won’t it be exciting to see who’ll be in your class group with you’ and lots of ‘I wonder if you’ll get your teacher? Who would you like to have if she isn’t there? Oh I hope it’s Mrs x too’ etc.
My DD knows about the virus but she isn’t worried, anxious, scared or sad because I haven’t shown her any of those emotions.

Coronamoaner
Children can be worried, anxious, scared or sad without it being because the parents showed those emotions. This is a huge period of change and not every child will skip gaily through it simply because their mum put on a brave face.

It’s sad but she will still only have the option of social distance schooling in September so best to remember schools are changing for the foreseeable because of this.

Of course if you think the extra maturity of a few months will help then leave it to September but best to emphasis that school will be different because it will be whenever she goes back.

It’s sad but she will still only have the option of social distance schooling in September so best to remember schools are changing for the foreseeable because of this.

How can schools fully reopen and do this?

No in September we will not still have socially distanced schooling AND a full return to primary.

97% of Head Teachers have said the idea is completely unfeasible and not grounded in reality. Their union has advised them not even to plan for it because the suggestion is so ridicilous.

@Justin1... erm... March to September IS six months with no education. How are you counting it otherwise?

Perhaps you mean that pupils would normally have six weeks off in the summer, so that should be taken away. It still leaves four months. There's lots of research on 'summer learning loss' (Google the phrase if you don't believe me) that even a six-week holiday creates, and the way that this disproportionately affects children from less privileged backgrounds. It's not just that they don't learn new skills, pupils actively regress, in ways not seen during shorter Christmas and Easter breaks.

So what do parents really think the effect of a break four-times longer than the longest school holidays is going to be? In addition many children will have spent that a lot of that period of time indoors and glued to a screen for many many more hours a day than any research shows is acceptable for in developing brains. A child who spent the normal summer holidays without a holiday, without any stimulating activities or social life, and with parents working like crazy as they watched TV for six weeks would normally be regarded as an underprivileged or even neglected child.

People need to realise (and I say this as someone who teaches at university level and spends a lot of time every year on admissions, and on thinking about differential outcomes between good and bad schools) that missed schooling is a very negative and risky thing for most children.

They don't have enough answers. They are "winging" it at the expense of 3-4-5-6 year olds. The youngest people who need structure. We said they are staying home because of the germs. Now we are going to send them back and say there's germs so wash your hands. Stay away from people. The toys can't be here now. You won't be having a reading book. It just sounds like a summer school. May aswel just be for the key worker kids who need the childcare.

The rest may aswel do worksheets at home. Saves the stress of banning them from hugs, books, toys and soft materials. Just over the top. Open the schools when it's safe for kids to be kids.

FWIW my view is that primary schools should have remained shut until after the summer break, certainly for all those below years 5 and 6
The potential risks to children and staff coupled with all the effort staff and others are having, and will have to put in to make the environment as safe as it can be will surely outweigh any. educational and social benefit the children will gain from returning for just a few short weeks to what will be a very strange environment for them.
The last couple of months been difficult for all of us with children of nursery and school age but to me it just makes more sense to dig in and put up with a few weeks more.
I’m willing to stand corrected by others with more knowledge than me, who feel that the educational benefit will be worth it but being realistic I fail to see how this can possibly be in the proposed environment and with teachers who are being asked to do the impossible.
Year 5 and 6 are a different kettle of fish altogether - they have a better understanding of what’s going on and a more urgent educational need than the tiny ones who have years of primary school education to catch up on the months of formal education they’ve missed.
I know there are those who will feel that the most vulnerable children need to be protected and if they are in school they can be, and helped. As I understand things the vast majority of these children are already attending schools kept open for key workers etc and it’s hard to see what extra benefit even this group will gain if schools reopen as suggested.

My dd is in reception too, and we have made the decision as things are she wont be going back in June. I feel sad for her missing her friends and we're doing our best at home. I wouldnt feel comfortable sending her and have been having anxiety dreams since it was announced, her dad works in a larger city than the one we live in, hes currently working from home as it's not safe for him to be in the office while following government guidance, our logic being if it's not safe for him (no underlying conditions) it's not safe for her. What gets me most is my dd would be aloud to mix with 10 families I dont know but she cant see my parents who I know have been leaving the house as much as us (so just for the shop). And anyone whose sent their child to school before lockdown will know schools banged on about germs and kids are very aware there are germs so I dont think youve said anything wrong to your child I'm sure I've said similar to mine .

@hopsalong I'm well aware of the implications of summer learning loss. My point is that schools closed on Friday March 20th and the summer holidays begin on July 20th - that's 13 weeks. Then don't forget to deduct the two week Easter break and the one week half term teachers and pupils have continued to work through. That leaves 10 weeks of what would have actually been teaching time. So yes they've been absent from school for five months but they've not missed out on 6 months worth of actual teaching. And I am absolutely not diminishing the importance of those missed weeks in education but we need to at least be factual about the amount of learning they have missed out on (and I appreciate there are social/wellbeing implications which actually I think are more concerning but you seem to be coming from the worry offalling behind academically). I think it's much healthier to trust, which as you are an educator I'm sure you can appreciate, that these people are highly skilled and know how to cater to children's needs. I imagine the curriculum will be adapted in order to get children moving but the good news is EVERYONE has missed the same amount of time. Of course some children will have received better home schooling than others but even there im sure there will be misconceptions teachers will have to unpick and reteach. Let's not forget that children up and down the country every year miss huge chunks of their education due to illness such as cancer or even accidents and lots of those children grow up to be successful well-rounded individuals whilst there peers have continued day in day out to access education. It's about perspective.

If the six months for structure etc (rather than education) is essential, please explain why the Scottish and Northern Irish government aren't saying we need to reopen the schools early?

Sorry OP I also think you also projected your feelings onto your DD. The conversation you have described is you telling your DD that you don't know this or that (which is fine noone is suggesting you lie). But you didn't seem to offer her anything positive about returning (for example a subject she enjoys or she could have her favourite lunch). So now she has a fear of the unknown up until September which will be building up over the summer. Also schools very well could have the same set up in Sept what happens when she crys as she doesn't want to go back then? I dont sit in either camp as I think it is up to parents to decide whether they choose to send their children back to school but parents need to be careful about how much they project.

The thing is: nothing is likely to change. It is actually safe right now today for kids to be kids. Thank god. Imagine how awful this situation would be if covid was like meningitis or measles and posed a serious risk to children. The schools could open tomorrow exactly as before as far as children (other than a small no who are shielding) are concerned.

It's all about perception. At the moment we're very focussed on upwards-transmission and the threat posed by children with no or mild symptoms spreading the virus to vulnerable and elderly people. That threat is real, or course it is. But there are different ways of dealing with it. We could let young and healthy people live almost exactly as they did before and make much greater efforts to protect and shield people who are likely to get very sick or die. Preventing deaths in care homes, for example, has very little to do with school closures.

The fact that we haven't put the young first is political. And there's been a hell of a lot of propaganda to frighten people into going along with the solution.

Boris has needed to conceal the woeful lack of testing and PPE (both are needed to protect people in hospitals and care homes), and the fact that the NHS has been starved of funding by successive Tory governments. He's also looking after the interests of the unusually elderly and often wealthy Brexiteering Tory voters who gave him his massive mandate. Not the young, who barely voted for him, or children, who can't vote at all.

Anyone who thinks Boris gives a shit about, say, the lives of children living in tower blocks in poverty or women in abusive relationships or people with cancer or simply ordinary working people is very wrong. He probably doesn't really give that much of a shit about the blue-rinsed OAPs who voted him in, either, but they're on board with Brexit and he's going to keep them happy.

The lives vs lockdown binary is actually a very convenient way for the right to formulate debate because it evacuates the possibility of liberal-left opposition. (Labour voters pro economy rather than people?)

Re Scotland their term ends in June but starts again in August.

I am well aware of this.

However one of the arguments seems to be about missing six months of structure being missed and thats harmful.

So why is six months ok for Scotland but not England?

They will both miss the same amount of education.

As for Wales, since we LIVE IN THE SAME COUNTRY as the Welsh, and if people are crossing the border into England for School and Work and Vice Versa in some cases why are we incapable of sharing testing capacity. Infections in Wales do have some affect on England.

Or is government really that stupid to say, Oh this is a pandemic but screw the Welsh?

It does not matter about devolution if we are not giving adequate support from central government in a crisis to support all parts of the country.

And yet again I'm hearing "its the teachers fault".

ODFO with that shit.

It doesn't matter how they are funded. If there is a problem in a pandemic the government should just be stepping in regardless because the virus doesn't go 'oooo look wales, oooo look england'.

Its dumb as fuck and a political issue not one about welfare.

It shouldn't be 'someone else's' problem. Its everyone's problem anyway.