I made my little girl cry

[XxrosesxX]

So today my DD school sent out the rough plan of action for June 1st. Up until this point I had been hopeful my five year old could go back to her "normal" school life for a term before summer and year one.

I knew they were going to perhaps have less kids in. But opening the email today I just feel it's wrong to be opening. They are removing alot of toys, books and furnishing from the classroom. There will be strict rules in place and social distancing will be in place but they are warning us now it won't happen! Then it goes on to explain they may be in different classes with different teachers. They will be in smaller groups. All this will depend on the staff levels. Also they won't be allowed near other year groups and pick up times will be staggered.

My DD has been fine. I've kept it light. There
are germs. They are being cleaned. Then you can go back to school. I tried to gently explain and talk to her today. I explained she was allowed to maybe go back to school in two weeks. I explained how it might be different. Her eyes welled up. She nodded at Me. I asked her why she looked sad. She burst into tears and asked me if she will ever be in her classroom again and she didn't want to go into year one. I told her I didn't know who she would be with but some of her friends will be there. She carried on crying. I told her she was ok to stay with mummy until September. She wiped her eyes and said I'll stay here I think until the germs are gone.

I'm just sad for her. Isn't it horrible having to try and do the best for your child. One option is to go 5 months without her lovely school routine. The other is to send her to a strict place where she could pick up allsorts if anxieties.

I really don't want her worried,anxious and emotional. I feel like I can't fully protect her from the truth. I think she is starting to realise today what's going on and it's making her sad.

I'm sad for her. All that routine she had built up. Her relationship with her teacher. Her little friends who has started inviting her to parties. She will never be with those kids again in her first class again. Theres 3 classes next year so only 1/3 will be in with her.

I know she will be ok. But tonight Ive sent the form to say I won't be sending her. So therefore it's official. She won't be going back into reception. That first year is over. Whilst it's not the most important educationally it sets the foundations.

To be honest I'm not hopeful that schools will be running normally in September either. It's all a mess. All the money we've wasted on uniforms etc.

I know we are lucky to be home and safe. It's just ridiculous how Boris is reopening the schools! Not good for mental health at all.

Op I don't mean to be rude. But I think you are putting a hell of a lot of stress on your dds shoulders. I'm not surprised she's stressed.

September is very difficult to comprehend to children, that's why we talk about sleeps, 3 sleeps until Christmas etc.

I haven't even mentioned to my ds that he might be going back to school. It's still over 2 weeks away which is an awful long time for them. A lot can change in two weeks, they might not even open.

If they do, it might go well, you might change your mind. Don't put it all into your dd fgs.

My child is not picking up anxiety from me. I'm fine? I have a balanced view. I was sending her back. I read how different it will be. I read she won't be with a majority of her class. She won't be with her teacher. She could be in different rooms. I've also read about the social distance side of it. She can't touch her friends etc.

I've spoken to her once about it yesterday to see how she felt. I didn't talk to her about doom and gloom or the virus. I explained the school will be different.

Also the worries I have wrote on here are in my head. She doesn't read minds and I don't walk around all day chewing my nails and being anxious. We are having lovely days at home. So please don't accuse me of making her anxious.

Yesterday I had a chat with her about going back. I explained how it might be. She cried!
This is an entirely normal reaction!

Also op, at the moment a lot of schools are taking a really negative tone. They're basically trying to put parents off.

I understand teachers and leaders have got worried and concerns but I'm reserving judgement because a lot can change quickly.

We had to decide yesterday! So we don't have two weeks! So you are saying all these kids with rainbows in the windows who have not seen friends for weeks and have not seen anyone don't have any worries?

My child's not worried. She cried yesterday once when I tried to see if she wanted to go back in the new setting.

Teachers should be fined for scaremongering.

Yeah, let's find be all those doctors and nurses who whinged about no PPE.

Fuck it let's imprison any public sector worker who discusses anything negative about their job.

My kids will hopefully be going back at the beginning of June, I've not mentioned it to them yet at all. If it happens I'll tell them a few days before. I'll tell them some things might be different, but I certainly won't be framing it how numerous head teachers all over social media have been doing. I'm honestly shocked at how hysterical some people are being about this.

Teachers are right. The head doesn't seem keen at Mt daughter's school. No wonder. Would you want to be responsible for aload of five year olds who need to be split up everywhere on minimal staff and limited resources? Would you want to tell little Jonny off for touching Michaels arm? They are experienced in young people and they know that expecting them to change their ways to this extent and become sheep to this new way is cruel. It is cruel. It's nice for the few in schools now. But when you add a crowd and they are all muddled and trying to work out what they can and can't do you have chaos! Not to mention many teachers have asthma or diabetes or a family member who has medical issues. They will struggle to staff this?

The mistake you made was giving a 5 year old a lot of information that she probably didn't understand and then trying to put a decision that you should be making on her. You're the adult. Make whatever decision you want then present it positively to her and tell her everything's going to be fine.

Also op, at the moment a lot of schools are taking a really negative tone. They're basically trying to put parents off.

Yeah, they should have kept the details about different classrooms, staggered start, lunch in the same room, no mixing and having different teachers as a nice surprise for the first day.

The most important thing when organising hundreds of children and parents is not to go into much detail.

Op its interesting but to me it seems like you are trying to control your DC feelings .
Shes not worried
She obviously is as she cried.
But thats ok and normal.

So she knows shes going back and it will be different, so maybe talking about what she will be doing, who will be there, what she will like for lunch ?
Im not suggesting over riding her feelings but just giving her some things to look forward to?

Pass “ let my school in each morning and a huge amount of children hug me before they go in...am I meant to put me, and my children, and my very elderly parents at risk by letting them hug me..or do I tell them not to, and for my little ones recoil. ”

What is with all the hugging in schools these days? There’s no wonder they are hotbeds of germs and nits

Yeah, they should have kept the details about different classrooms, staggered start, lunch in the same room, no mixing and having different teachers as a nice surprise for the first day.

I did not say that and you know that that isn't what I meant.

I'm not going to get into an argument on the millionth bloody school thread, because right now everything you say other than "stay locked inside until magical month of September", is simply shouted down as impossible. And when September comes, it will turn into January.

Children rely on us adults to reassure them and convince them and right now because the adults are (understandably) fearful and anxious they're passing it onto children.

Because the days of kids being seen and not heard are over? Because they have learned kids need to be cuddled.

There was a women who wrote a book years ago In the 50s maybe? It was the parenting book that everyone was reading. They all followed her advice. Don't cuddle babies to sleeo. Keep them laid flat in a pram all day. Don't run to them when they cry etc. They have discovered since then that children become confident happier people If they get a hug. Doesn't mean you have to smoother them in slop. But if they are sad or missing mum then it's quite positive that a teacher can give them a quick hug. My child tell and cut her lip.l one lunch. The next day when I took her back to school the teacher bent down and squeezed her then put her hands on her cheeks and said I'm so pleased you are ok. Just nice isn't it really.

My dd is 6 and in Y1. We don't have details yet but I will tell her them much nearer the time. She understands life has changed and I think she will enjoy school even if it's very different. Dd is quite mature though- some of the parents will not send their y1s back as they don't think they will cope.

XxrosesxX I get what you mean about the hugging, it’s definitely a different environment to my experiences as a child.

We aren’t a very huggy real world are we so it surprised me when I saw it in the schools (in visits) I also thought physicality might be discouraged in schools due to safeguarding.

You can tell I’m new to all this!

I don't think they can put suncream etc on them though. I was actually surprised the other week before lockdown. A kid in about year 5 cried. The teacher said why are you crying. She said my mum drove off and I didn't get to cuddle her. The teacher literally pulled the kid close and said how about you let me have a cuddle instead. So I guess they can.

I did my work experience in a school 16 years ago. We was told not to touch them. We could hold hands. But no lifting them or hugs! So perhaps it varies?

Two weeks is a long time for a 5yo. Sounds like you've made way too big a deal of it. Do you know any keyworkers whose children are still attending school? The ones I know have DCs in reception, Y1, Y2. The DCs are doing well, school is a bit different but they've adapted and they're happy. They're enjoying not having to share playground equipment with as many others as usual, and they're making new friends from different year groups - it's really important to focus on positives when you talk to children about change. It's true that you cannot make children that age understand or respect social distancing. They need to take off their uniform to go straight in the wash when they get home, and give their hands a really good wash straight away.

Why would you say that to your child?!?!?!????? You've just frightened the life out of the poor thing. Why not wait until two weeks has passed, to see if school goes back at all and then tell her about it in a really positive light?

Well done for creating a fear of going back to school and potentially causing a 5yr old anxiety. Wow

Are you ok lol? I said how would you feel about going back to school soon. It will be different. You might be with a different teacher or in different rooms. But some of your friends will be there.

She asked if she would have Mrs Smith. I said I don't know yet.

She asked if her friend was going. I said I don't know but some children will go and others will be in September. She cried. Asked me if she will be little again and in reception. I said she will always be with her friends and told her year one is still fun and lots of nice teachers. She said I will wait until the germs are gone. I decided she may aswel stay home after reading the plan.

How have I caused her misery. The school wanted an answer yesterday so they can plan for the amount. I am not sending her back so she can be shocked by all the change. So she can be separated from the teacher she knows and is fond of. I am not sending her back and expecting her to just accept if her best friends are not in her group she can't touch them or see them. I'm not sending her back because it isn't going to be school! It's going to be a managed plan where kids are going to be taught to not hold hands. That they can't play with arts and crafts. They can't sit in the reading corner with books and cushions. They can't hold hands at break. They can't share food. They can't share drinks. They can't hug. Thats the reality.

No curriculum in place. No reading books coming home. No words to practice. No writing and maths. What's the point? They may aswel be home until they can offer them a sensible option.

The keyworker kids will be having fun because there's only a small amount! When another 200 go back (I'd parents send them) then they won't be getting as much special treatment. My DD would enjoy it there now too with just 15 other kids playing. But that's alot different to hundreds of kids needing to be kept apart.

It's ridiculous. If all these measures are needed then the risk is clearly too high to be opening up!

@HavenDilemma what an ignorant response. Children cope with change differently. Some children would be happy with just a couple of days notice, others need days, if not weeks to prepare. Some may even need complete social stories in order to prepare for the changes.

@XxrosesxX you know your child best and it doesn't sound like you have put the fear of God into her at all.

The school wanted an answer from YOU not from your DD! Five-year-olds shouldn't make decisions on something like whether how is the right time to go back to school. No way can they understand or cope with that. Five-year-olds get to make to decisions like "shall we make cookies or cupcakes". You gave her far too much information and freaked her out.

Ok. I think I know my child. We need to keep kids in the picture in a positive way. I made the choice after seeing how she felt. She's too little for the crap plan they are doing so she's staying home.

She's happy and baking cakes as we speak. So don't worry she's fine!

Oh for Christ 's sake, what did you load all that shit on the poor child for? She 's five!
One day back in the classroom and she'd have forgotten that life was ever any different!

@Justjn1

Thank you. You'd think by these replies I had read her a Stephen king before bed and told her we are all going to die from coronavirus. Jeez!