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Original poster

I think I was naive.

301 replies

Gatorgator · 14/05/2020 09:04

In my head - when this started - twelve weeks was worst case scenario. I knew the virus wouldn’t go away obviously, but I thought after twelve weeks the nhs would be better prepared, we’d know more about the virus and there would be a degree of acceptance that we just have to live alongside it and know there’s an elevated risk. I’m in an at risk category so I’m not just dismissing this risk.
However instead it seems that we are going to live like this indefinitely. I didn’t think theatres, sporting events etc would be open for a long time, nor did I think the travel industry would pick back up, but I did think I’d be able to visit my elderly parents who live two miles down the road.

Now it seems like this is the new normal. All meetings are going to be virtual. We are having (unsuccessful) virtual play dates with other children. The few friends I’m still communicating with I’m mainly messaging but really - if I’m never seeing them again then what’s the point?

There are a couple of big Christmas things nearby that are annual events and they are cancelled. More and more I’m coming to realise that this is it. This is in fact the new normal everyone keeps talking about. Only seeing the people you live with and being terrified to even leave the house to collect something essential like a prescription.

OP posts:
chatterbugmegastar · 15/05/2020 06:48

But the nhs isn’t overwhelmed.

All/most surgeries are cancelled and trying to get a meaningful appointment with a GP is a challenge, cancer care has been scaled back and so on

I'd say that's very overwhelmed

Also, OP, your friendships are only worthwhile if you can see your friends face to face? What the actual??? I'm glad you're not my friend Hmm

Sandybval · 15/05/2020 07:03

@KatySun do you really think that we have it worse than those during the Spanish flu? Because if so, I despair. No, there wasn't social distancing as we know it because science didn't know it was a thing, lockdown as we know it didn't happen because there was no social net, people had to work. People also didn't have an instant means of staying in touch with eachother, or getting supplies delivered etc. It also disproportionately affected young people, I think it would have been far more terrifying then for DD. Not minimising what is happening now, but it's quite insulting to the people who experienced it then that it's compared to now.

Dowser · 15/05/2020 08:17

Isoneedtorun
I agree
Lockerbie, the tsunami , London bombings, bombings in Ireland etc..all awful in their way did not affect most of the world .
This has
I think it’s probably why people are comparing it to the world wars which touched many more people and has helped to raise a collective fear.

I can’t do fake cheery. That just wears out what stamina I have left.
I can do positivity.
Not all the time.
I can pull myself up by my bootstraps and look for the good.
But sometimes we just need to grieve for the lives we have lost . Our own , our loved ones ..that’s the hard bit..and look for some joy wherever we can.
Tell our young ones. This is survivable. Society is always changing.
Those that are flexible will manage the changes better.
It won’t always be like this.
There will be some good that comes out of this.
It’s hard.
I don’t always believe my own words but history tell us this is so.

KatySun · 15/05/2020 08:34

I did not say we had it worse Sandy - I said there was no historical precedent for this situation. That is not a value judgement of better or worse.

RedToothBrush · 15/05/2020 09:00

One of the things I found hardest about lockdown was understanding what it meant.

On the day the schools closed I bumped into a mum who said hello and asked me how I was and I was honest about what it all meant and how long it would last. She was relieved as she thought it was just her.

Our children's WhatsApp group shot down any suggest it would go past April, never mind last 18months in some form.

They all spent a week sharing brilliant ideas of all the amazing things they could do with their kids and what they could home school etc etc. Great enthusiasm.

But I could tell that they'd crash and burn in a fortnight and there was no mental preparation for how long it would last. Its really shown.

It's been awful. As the penny has dropped people have stopped talking. Loads of parents clearly feeling very insecure and inadequate because they haven't managed to bake cakes etc that week with the kids. Especially when others have.

I think there has been a huge issue with expectation management and realism throughout the crisis in this country and tbh I think it's been actively detrimental to people's health.

My group chat which could have been an enormous source of support has been quite the opposite and I've ended up deeply resenting the thoughtlessness of some and the early shooting down of anyone who dared suggest that it wasn't a sprint but a marathon.

For me it's head down, get on with it day by day, understanding the progress we have made from the stats and just carrying on. The fake cheerfulness and optimism just do my head in. Someone has put up a sign nearby saying 'believe'. Everytime I see it I want to rip it down. It makes me angry. Believe in what? Fairies? Or if enough people believe hard enough coronavirus will instantly disappear? It's nonsense. It made me realise just how much I think differently to others and that's more isolating than lockdown itself.

Even now, there are some very strange expectations of what will happen when.

I think it's really damaged relationships with other parents in the long run.

It's not good.

ravenmum · 15/05/2020 09:12

Funny, I live in Germany, but I found 9/11 personally scary on an international level. Watching the second tower falling on the TV, I looked out the window imagining that a world war was about to start and bombers might fly past any moment... That didn't happen to quite that level, but for me it still feels like the start of a long period of really awful terrorist attacks in many countries.

Our children's WhatsApp group shot down any suggest it would go past April, never mind last 18months in some form.
The thing is, it might have done and it might not have done. The people who thought it would last longer have turned out to be right where you are. But in other places, though the virus is still around, life is already going back to normal now, so the people who predicted months and months of lockdown are the ones who were wrong. There was no way to know.

Givenupno · 15/05/2020 09:22

The whole thing is insane. Developed countries have limited the initial spike by decimating their economy and by sacrificing our normal way of life, normal healthcare and People’s mental health. People have died

Huge parts of the world have just carried on as normal and people have died but without the fear and other impacts.

This isn’t going away, we are all going to get it (or have already had it and not noticed) and we need to just get back to normality ASAP. There is logic in slowing the spread so loads of people don’t end up in hospital when the hospitals can’t deal with the numbers but people need to accept we will all catch it and people will die as a result. We can’t just put life on hold forever, we might as well all be dead as living miserable lives.

Also, and not a popular opinion, but if you make a life decision to work in healthcare or teaching then you must have understood that you were putting yourself in a situation where you would be exposed to bugs and illness? The shop workers, bin men and millions of others didn’t and have all just cracked on.

RedToothBrush · 15/05/2020 09:38

The thing is, it might have done and it might not have done. The people who thought it would last longer have turned out to be right where you are. But in other places, though the virus is still around, life is already going back to normal now, so the people who predicted months and months of lockdown are the ones who were wrong. There was no way to know.

I paid attention to the government response. I wasn't just guessing. You make it sound like I was. THAT is naive.

It was obvious.

I'm so sick of the 'no one could have predicted' shit. They did. And the same people have been consistently right.

I'm so bloody sick of it.

RedToothBrush · 15/05/2020 09:41

We had a government line that 'there was a low chance of an epidemic in the uk' until WHAT date? WHEN PLANES WERE STILL LANDING FROM ITALY WITH NO MONITORING OF PEOPLE GETTING OFF THEM.

How hard is this?

ravenmum · 15/05/2020 09:48

I'm not saying you were guessing randomly. I'm saying that even the best predictions could have turned out to have been wrong, as they were just predictions, however well based. We know a lot more now, after just a few months, than we did when we started making those predictions. Many people thought the NHS would be overwhelmed, but it hasn't been. Even the Nightingale hospital was not actually required in the end.

randomer · 15/05/2020 09:55

@Dowser, good post, thanks.

Isoneedtorun · 15/05/2020 10:00

RedToothbrush

I'm so with you

My WhatsApp channels are often leaving me feeling isolated and down, it's not what I'd imagined tbh. Everyone bickering about what we can and can't do, some chats full of how wonderful lock down is and how they don't want it to end, jeez it's doing my head in. I understand where you're coming from totally.

Mittens030869 · 15/05/2020 10:41

@Isoneedtorun

I agree absolutely. My DDs need our lives to get back some normality. DD2 in particular is missing her friends so much now, it makes me really sad. It doesn't impact me much, as I'm still ill and wouldn't be going out anyway, but this is no life at all for our DDs.

I'm worried, as my DH has asthma, but we can hardly wait until there's a vaccine available. At some point, we need to get our lives back on track.

RedToothBrush · 15/05/2020 10:50

I'm not saying you were guessing randomly. I'm saying that even the best predictions could have turned out to have been wrong, as they were just predictions, however well based. We know a lot more now, after just a few months, than we did when we started making those predictions. Many people thought the NHS would be overwhelmed, but it hasn't been. Even the Nightingale hospital was not actually required in the end.

It was needed in London.

They turned people away from it as there wasn't the staff for it...

You sound like the person who goes on holiday in hurricane season and is surprised when there's a hurricane 'that no one could have predicted'.

ravenmum · 15/05/2020 10:52

I predicted that it would be a lot worse here than it has been. I sound like someone who was proven wrong.

RedToothBrush · 15/05/2020 10:56

I've come to the conclusion that people walk around with paper bags on their heads.

Dowser · 15/05/2020 10:57

Thank you Randomer.
Also I hate theism’ we will all get it’
I don’t subscribe to that thinking at all.
I don’t believe we will all get it at all. I was one one of a few children who didn’t get Asian flu in 1957 ..and schools did not close then. Well mine didn’t.
When our teacher went down with it, me and the one other girl who didn’t were transferred to another class.
Our school did not close down and I don’t remember any deaths.
I was only 5 so I wouldn’t know if there was any hype about it. I was a bright little thing and I’m sure I’d have been aware of adults talking. I don’t remember any family members being ill with it and we were all in close contact. I saw my nana , aunt and uncle every week.

So, please keep me out of ‘ everyone will get it ‘ scenario.
I’m doing everything in my power to not get it.

Dowser · 15/05/2020 10:58

Theism? The idea

ravenmum · 15/05/2020 11:09

I just have a mask. I wonder if a paper bag would work. You could cut out eye holes.

Thisdressneedspockets · 15/05/2020 11:28

Chris witty has stated that not everyone will get it. I would love to understand more about that.

I think I was naive.
Thisdressneedspockets · 15/05/2020 11:29

In fact not just not everyone will get it but a high proportion will not get it

Egghead68 · 15/05/2020 12:33

Ravenmum I don’t know what you predicted but this is far from over (at least some hospitals are preparing for a second peak in the autumn) and it is looking from the ONS excess deaths as though the official death figures are a massive underestimate.

Egghead68 · 15/05/2020 12:35

The Nightingale Hospital in London was certainly needed but would not accept patients when other hospitals tried to send them there.

helpfulperson · 15/05/2020 12:42

Also, and not a popular opinion, but if you make a life decision to work in healthcare or teaching then you must have understood that you were putting yourself in a situation where you would be exposed to bugs and illness? The shop workers, bin men and millions of others didn’t and have all just cracked on.

I agree with this. I live in Scotland and totally support us still being in a stricter lockdown but I truly appreciate those who have made it possible for this to happen.

Cornettoninja · 15/05/2020 12:46

Many people thought the NHS would be overwhelmed, but it hasn't been. Even the Nightingale hospital was not actually required in the end

I have said this before on this forum so apologies to anyone who thinks I’m a broken record - this very much depends on perspective.

The NHS has basically ceased services bar acute emergencies and covid or anything that can be dealt with via telephone. From a general healthcare perspective it most certainly has been overwhelmed. It’s been a case managed capacity but the impact of delayed treatments and diagnosis will be enormous.