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Original poster

How long would you realistically comply with not visiting family?

99 replies

Lizzy20201 · 13/05/2020 00:32

I couldn’t give a flying fuck about pubs, shops, etc... not being open (aside from potentially losing my job!) but not being able to see my family is doing my head in. I am moving back in with parents come end of June as my tenancy is ending and right now isn’t a good time for house hunting. If I wasn’t moving back in with them, I realistically think if I couldn’t see them by July, I’d be tempted to go see them anyway. And I mean properly, not 2 metres away.

How long realistically until people will make their own judgment (ie, if no one is at risk) and go and see family? Or friends?

I haven’t broken lockdown rules to date and don’t plan too, I’m just wondering what people’s ‘breaking point’ will be.

This is why I don’t believe the doom-mongering “this is the new normal of Zoom calls and not seeing family til 2021” as I believe at some point people’s wish to socialise will kick in and enough will be enough. Long term, I don’t think social distancing past in public places will be reasonably obeyed with. Ie, we could have 2m distance in restaurants and shops to respect the vulnerable, but in private I believe people will make their own calls.

Opinions?

Also, I understand if you are shielding this may impact you more heavily. This is why I hope a vaccine is found sooner rather than later so it doesn’t come to this.

OP posts:
TowerRingInferno · 13/05/2020 06:48

Family - indefinitely. It’s been quite a relief to have a good reason why I can’t see them (toxic mother etc).

It’s my friends and my hobby with friends that I desperately miss, and evenings at the pub with them.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/05/2020 06:49

Not much longer to be honest. My mum would like to see us, she's not elderly or vulnerable so we will be meeting up with her outdoors now that we are allowed.

I would like to see my grandad but he's isolating so I'll leave it up to him to choose if/when he wants to see us. At some point I'll start going round for a cuppa and sitting outside his window if he wants company.

SnoozyLou · 13/05/2020 06:54

Up until now, I haven’t seen my family once. The farcical announcements over the past few days have changed my mind completely.

You can’t see 2 people from the same household, but you can go and see a different person everyday? You can’t see your family outside on their property, but you can go into a park and sit on a bench, where dozens may have sat before you? You can’t go into your family’s home, but you can go into work, with multiple people from multiple households? You can’t see more than one grandchild at a time from the same household, but you can send them all back to school. And it’s fine to travel to beauty spots. After all, it is only you that will have this idea - thousands of other people won’t all be on their way too.

I’m going to see my family, and their home but outside, for the first time in months. These latest announcements are an absolute piss take for people who have been sticking to the rules. In 3 weeks time, we’ll all be on lock down again as the second peak starts. I’m going to see my family (a) before either household starts getting out and about and (b) while I have the chance.

Bugslydoo · 13/05/2020 06:54

I’ve been seeing my nan, who is 85 has arthritis and cataracts,but has no other health issues. I go over to help change her duvet cover and to put her shopping on the counter as she can’t bend to pick it up if I left it on the doorstep! Also cut her grass etc And I took my kids too on Monday-dh went back to work, the kids haven’t been out in 6 weeks so they pose no risk to her, and I couldn’t leave them in the car because one has adhd and the other is autistic!

majesticallyawkward · 13/05/2020 07:04

Honestly I've said it schools do reopen in June I'll be visiting my mum. She lives too far away from even a 2m apart hello so I haven't seen her at all since the week before lockdown started.

I don't think I'll be sending dd back to school but if that risk is acceptable then the much smaller risk of visiting my mum is surely not an issue. She's not vulnerable in any way and we've been fairly isolated all this time.

DaphneFanshaw · 13/05/2020 07:05

I am going to see how things go in June. Although I wouldn’t mix in another household until it’s “allowed”
I work in a school so I may be going back full time at some point before the end of the school year. I am pretty sure I’ve had covid 19, so I’m not actually all that worried about me, DP and dc as we all had the same symptoms. I am worried about somehow carrying it to others though, especially my parents.

I suppose the next few weeks and months will be the test to see if this is the right time to move forward. I am not sure how much I can really trust the people who make decisions and that really impacts on when I feel comfortable meeting people.
I am usually a fan of the term “when it’s safe to do so” but no one seems to know when it will be safe, even the experts.

FourPlasticRings · 13/05/2020 07:07

How long realistically until people will make their own judgment (ie, if no one is at risk) and go and see family? Or friends?

If you're my neighbour, about five weeks ago. For me, no idea. I'm stuck at home all the time anyway. DH and DF go to work. I'd probably pop up and see DM when both she and I have had no hospital or doctor appointments for 2 weeks. There'll be no social distancing though, as I have a toddler (who has also been at home all the time since this started).

Gronky · 13/05/2020 07:17

It's probably the result of having many relatives abroad and growing up in a time when a flight cost as much or more than a nice car but, honestly, indefinitely. Compared to corresponding by letter and an annual international phone call, being able to talk to them over a high definition video call is quite manageable.

I would highly recommend planning video calls as an activity rather than as an allotted conversation. For example, my cousin and I had a small bake off (the fun of a shared activity more than outweighed the terrible biscuits I made). You could also identify something creative that one of you is experienced in and coach the other.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 13/05/2020 07:22

We live over 100 miles from family. Now that longer journeys for exercise are acceptable, I did consider driving an hour north while PILs drove an hour south for a picnic. But in a way we think it may be worse for DDs.

OTOH... A friend's DM in in end of life care, so shielded (at home) CV would be deadly. But she likely has weeks left. What would be better for her... Shielding to protect her... Or a last few happy weeks with her children and grandchildren.

I think there will come a point for many vunerable people were quality of life outweighs potential quantity of life.

Blobby10 · 13/05/2020 07:45

Siblings and their families I rarely saw anyway so lockdown hasn't been a big change. Parents - I used to see Dad every day as we work together but saw mum perhaps once a week. I still see them as I cycle over there and communicate at an acceptable distance. They are lucky to live in a house with an attached barn that I stand in whilst talking to them inside.

Haven't seen my OH for 8 weeks now apart from an 'illegal' night together after the first two weeks after which we both felt so guilty for breaking "The Rules" that we've not done it since. My adult kids are home with me. He lives on his own and can't currently work (dentist). I would love to be able to see him again very soon - was actually planning to see him this week but he's gone down with food poisoning/stomach bug so no way am I meeting him!

PotteringAlong · 13/05/2020 07:48

The week before we go back to school. Not see anyone so far and have adhered to the guidelines. But I am a teacher and DH is a teacher so from June 1st we are back ag school and all 3 of my children will be back in school / nursery as key worker children. So I reckon the safest time to see mum is before that happens.

Rhodri · 13/05/2020 07:51

People are already doing it. Grandparents want to see grandkids, parents need a rest and need childcare, and in my case my parents are quite elderly and the clock is ticking for how much time I have left to spend with them. If everyone is healthy and socially isolated then people think it’s ok to see a small number of family members. Or in the case of my neighbour, they’ve all had it so they don’t see why they can’t mix because they aren’t going to infect each other.

Pelleas · 13/05/2020 07:51

It would be unfeasible to see them without an overnight stay which isn't allowed at the moment. I'm taking it a day at a time.

Valkadin · 13/05/2020 07:56

We have obeyed lockdown 100%, I am ok with not seeing anyone for the rest of the year.

Bananasandorangesss · 13/05/2020 07:57

I’ve started seeing DM properly (ie no 2m rule) in last few days. Yesterday we took the children out together for a little exercise day trip for the first time and it was amazing to do something ‘normal’. HOWEVER we both had what we believe is corona at the start of lockdown - so on the basis that we should at least have some immunity and also that neither of us go to any public places, shops etc then we are both willing to carry on. I don’t think I would do it if we hadn’t had CV. As soon as the Roche antibody test becomes available I will be doing it, and if it isn’t available in next few weeks, I will do the Abbot one to find out for sure. Until there’s a vaccine there will always be a risk for the vulnerable groups - if the vaccine doesn’t come this year, then they will have to continue to isolate for several more months to be completely free of risk of catching it and how many people are going to do that??

Divebar · 13/05/2020 08:03

My DH is away on a residential course next week ( for the week). DH has been working throughout. I was contemplating taking DD8 to drive and see my DM for a week. I’ve been WFH the entire period and the lack of company is driving both of us nuts. I was hoping the announcement at the weekend would make it more acceptable but clearly if I go it will be in breach of the rules so I need to weigh that up... I dare say I won’t go but it will be an extremely tough week for us on our own.

zafferana · 13/05/2020 08:03

It really depends how old your DPs are OP and what their risk and their comfort level is. My DF and DSM are shielding, DSM is in the 1.5 million who received a letter from the govt as she has blood cancer. DF has a heart condition so is vulnerable himself and they are in their 70s. When we are allowed to travel again I am hoping to be able to visit them at 2m distance, sit in their driveway and chat. I will take my own garden chair and flask of tea and until there is a vaccine I suspect that as close as I'll be able to get Sad

But if your DPs are under 70 and in good health once the lockdown ends you will be able to see them. In fact, you could see them now, one at a time, as long as you stay 2m apart.

cantdothisnow1 · 13/05/2020 08:08

Watching the morning news today apparently it's safe to go and view a house , presumably with the inhabitants in it, but it is not safe to see my family in their house or even outside if there is more than one of them.

I can't see many people complying with this much longer, it's nonsense that it is safe (so long as it is supporting the economy).

Connie222 · 13/05/2020 08:09

Not for a long, long time. My only priority is my children. But then I don’t have any family, just my dad who this has been a welcome break from and the in laws who I can take or leave anyway. I do feel for people who have families that they are close to.

ChipsAreLife · 13/05/2020 08:09

One of the first things I said when they suggested schools may reopen is everyone will now say 'well if schools are open I'm seeing my parents'. Some comments on here echo that. The danger is it skews the effect of sending kids back as if R rises we won't know what the cause was.

I won't be seeing my dad, DB and MIL properly probably for this year at this rate as they're all vulnerable. If there is no vaccine, antibody test, effective treatment etc etc it's too risky. I've already lost my DM before her time so I'm well aware at what is at stake. Even if they suggest bubbles I'm weary as I have to go to hospital every few weeks soon (pregnant) and DH still goes to supermarket so we aren't risk free.

Blackbear19 · 13/05/2020 08:10

IDontDrinkTea Nobody will flame you for engaging your mums help. Do what you need to do.

I'm not sure that I can social distance much longer. I really miss my mum and I'm worried about her MH.

rosegoldivy · 13/05/2020 08:16

@idontdrinktea absolutely no flaming here.
I think the rules regarding childcare/keyworkers have to be taken with a pinch of Salt and common sense.

They have provided hubs where other children mix with children from other families and adults from multiple homes, surely the risk is less for DC to be with grandparents if possible and only if needed. Ie. No shielding, no under lying health conditions etc etc

I'm a key worker wfh and just about scraping by with a 10month old albeit my work load is significantly reduced and my house resembles a shit tip. (DH also key worker working 12 hour shifts) My work have now sourced more work which will be piled on in the coming weeks, IF I HAVE TO I will use my mum for childcare.

Standing beside you Awaiting flaming.

NaturalBornWoman · 13/05/2020 08:16

Until it's safe to do so

What does that mean

Well for me it means when we are officially told that the restriction on seeing family is lifted.

FourPlasticRings · 13/05/2020 08:26

One of the first things I said when they suggested schools may reopen is everyone will now say 'well if schools are open I'm seeing my parents'. Some comments on here echo that. The danger is it skews the effect of sending kids back as if R rises we won't know what the cause was.

Well, the cause will be re-opening schools if that's the trigger for people disregarding social distancing guidance. It'll be a secondary effect of schools opening, but still an effect of schools opening.

Bananasandorangesss · 13/05/2020 08:29

@rosegoldivy sometimes it’s a question of needs must. I don’t know what people will do if they are required to return to work but they have children in the years that aren’t permitted back at school. Suspect many will be leaning on grandparents. My mum is coming to help me with a bit of housework and childcare for a couple of hours tomorrow and it’s amazing to have that extra help as pre lockdown she helped so much and I miss spending time with her! Going to her house today for tea with the children.

@naturalbornwoman - I don’t think the governments message and safety necessarily go hand in hand. It is never going to be completely safe until they have a vaccine or at least a cure. I don’t anticipate the government will advise the over 70s to isolate for the rest of the year etc but it’s probably what they will need to do to remain completely risk free.