OP I don't know why you think this is a spoof? Teachers wearing masks is completely expected, as is closing communal spaces and one way systems. Not so sure about the spacing of tables but only because it isn't practical for most schools, unless lots of kids stay off.
I am expecting a temp check on arrival too, our school is already doing that.
We cannot expect schools to return in their previous manner. Workarounds will be needed for hearing impaired teachers and kids for sure, but there will be ways round this. That doesn't mean NO teacher should be allowed to feel safer by wearing a mask just because of one issue that affects a minority. Perhaps in those classes, a screen will have to be erected instead to protect the teacher. I don't know the answers, but I do know that teachers deserve to feel safe, as do all employees.
Well ventilated classrooms and a large gap between the teachers desk and the children may well be enough, then the option to wear a mask if needing to move closer to the children? I don't know the exact answers!!
I think it has to be expected that the kids will mingle and parents will take that risk by sending their children in. However I think its reasonable to expect teachers to be allowed to try to socially distance.