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Original poster

Just checking this is fair - child maintenance

106 replies

Mitch22 · 08/05/2020 20:11

My husband usually pays £40 per week to his ex wife for one child.
When the lockdown happened we both lost both our income , both self employed, and have had to claim universal credit, which is just about covering our bills.

His ex wife is wfh, fully paid a very good wage.
At the time my husbands income stopped he spoke to his ex wife, who said they would just sort things out when he got his self employment support payment through.
As he is now on universal credit she is only due £7pw, as his income is £0.
Im pretty sure she is expecting a back payment of £40 pw.
How do we approach this? it is going to take a long time for us to get back on our feet, where as financially she hasn't been affected.
If my husband had lost his job in any other circumstances he would not be expected to pay £40 pw to her whilst on uc, so is this any different?

OP posts:
AndMyHairWillShineLikeTheSea · 09/05/2020 18:52

Going rate for self employed?

There's no such thing! It depends how much he earns. I would suggest that self employment isn't really working out for him if he earns less than the minimum wage.

Nixen · 09/05/2020 18:54

£40 p/w is pathetic. You don’t have any savings I’m guessing?

Itwasntme1 · 09/05/2020 19:50

I misread and thought op had two step kids. Still very low maintenance - and the attitude of going rate seems to be the least you can get away with.

Op will probably not come back. But I often wonder About women who post complaining that theIr husband has to pay towards the upkeep of their children. Don’t they see if they get divorced he will try to screw them over too?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 09/05/2020 19:55

I get £115 a week for one child. £40 is honestly a pathetic amount.

Willyoujustbequiet · 09/05/2020 20:02

See if you can manage on £40 per week when you become the next ex wife.

It will happen as your DH clearly is a gem of a man.

firstmentat · 09/05/2020 20:40

what music lesson costs £40?!
An hour of instrument tuition, quite the going rate, no?

AdriannaP · 09/05/2020 20:46

He paid £40 a week?? How is that fair?
If the child lived with him, he would spend a lot more. How awful.

AndMyHairWillShineLikeTheSea · 09/05/2020 20:49

£40 a week for 2 children, he must be claiming to only earn £14k? As I'm assuming they don't spend a lot of time at yours or you'd have said.

CJsGoldfish · 10/05/2020 07:53

It will probably amount to £40 pw which is fair
🤣
Did you mean to say that out loud?

Original poster
Mitch22 · 10/05/2020 08:15

Hi I'm back, just to set a few things straight then I'm leaving the thread.
The thread was never about the amount of maintenance, it was about what to do in the change of circumstances in these really difficult times.
The amount is low and my husband is not a high earner, but the amount decided on was based on factors other than how much it costs to bring up a child, and the amount was decided by the ex wife.
It was based on what she got in the divorce, the fact that she was mortgage free and my husband had to start again with a mortgage and the fact shes a higher earner.
The child is very well taken care of, goes without nothing and my husband is an amazing father.
The original £80 for 2 - one child reached 18 so it went to £40. He does not pay £40 for 2!
@lyingwanker thank you for being the only one who saw my point of view!

OP posts:
vengeancer · 10/05/2020 08:19

one child reached 18 so it went to £40

thank goodness an 18 year doesn't cost a penny anymore once they turn 18. Grin

OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe · 10/05/2020 08:19

£40 a week?!
Disgusting. Would hardly feed the child for a couple of days never mind a week or anything else they might need!
He should be ashamed of himself.

Incrediblytired · 10/05/2020 08:31

I think all the information was not properly laid out here at the start. All people read is “£40 per month” which on its own is poor. BUT the OP then returns to say that in the divorce, the ex got the house and is mortgage free whereas the father has had to start again. If you are a low earner then this makes a massive difference. Sounds like they agreed that she could keep the house and he pay less weekly rather than sell the house and he pay more weekly. I know what I’d take given the choice and it would be to be mortgage free!

Ilets · 10/05/2020 10:26

Amazing fathers don't try to wriggle out of paying for their kids if they are getting a government funded payout for their business as well as their universal credit payment. Is he trying to wriggle out of it, or is it just you?

We can't say anything about their divorce settlement just because he had to take on a new mortgage. Often one person gives up a claim on a pension, for instance, in return for the share in the house. That's still a 50:50 split

The whole 'self employed rate' sounds dodgy as fuck as a concept. More like 'i hide my income' self employed rate. You can't be surprised people were a bit Hmm about that

Itwasntme1 · 10/05/2020 10:34

Also surely the mother’s earnings are irrelevant? I understand they may have wanted to account for the mortgage, but this is about the dad taking responsibility for and contributing to his childs upbringing.

I hope the 28 has moved out and is totally self sufficient.

Itwasntme1 · 10/05/2020 10:36

In fairness to the dad, this may be op trying to encourage him to pay less, rather than him.

alittlerespectgoesalongway · 10/05/2020 11:39

No sure why everyone is giving you such a hard time OP. We don't know how much time your OH child spend with you. Could be with you 3 days a week and with ex 4 days. Meaning £40 a day per week. Or could be that your OH actually is on quite a lot income - something mumsnetters seem to find it hard to believe. £40 for a music lesson?! Nice world that sounds like!!! (and even reasonably priced music lessons are beyond the reach of many, aren't they?).

In terms of your question, then if your OH will get his full actual salary, reimbursed I think eventually, and as soon as possible, £40 a week should go to the child, as normal. If his income is not fully reimbursed then still, if possible, it should amount to £40 a week.

Beancounter9 · 10/05/2020 12:49

I think some of the responses on here are disgraceful to be honest. I hope you find a solution OP

itsme · 10/05/2020 13:02

If that's all that can be paid at the minute pay it, if when the SE payment comes he is able to pay more then up it then. He probably needs to speak to the mum though to address it in regards to her potentially wanting a back date. If she were to go to CM then for now all she would receive is the £7 anyway.

roarfeckingroar · 10/05/2020 15:08

Imagine thinking £40 a week is enough to fine to support your child.

Greenlorry · 10/05/2020 15:09

£40 a week is a lot for some people that’s what I get too.

ChrissieKeller61 · 10/05/2020 15:13

£40 per week towards the cost of raising his child, I honestly don’t know how people sleep at night

roarfeckingroar · 10/05/2020 15:15

£40 is not a lot of money at all. It's insane that so many men people think it's acceptable

ChrissieKeller61 · 10/05/2020 15:16

@Incrediblytired
Child support isn’t allowed to make up the consent order because circumstances change. You always have to support your child no matter what youve apparently given away in the divorce

Greenlorry · 10/05/2020 18:28

I don’t think it’s a case of what we think is acceptable it’s about what some of us are entitled to. Are you totally unaware some people don’t get a penny at all? Or some have numerous children.

People also live in different cities so if you live in London £40 a week wouldn’t go as far as in the North.