Is it just me, or is this working from home with children completely unsustainable?

[Lovemyphone]

I'm terrified that the schools will remain closed until September.

I'm wfh with two dc. Youngest is 4, as the weeks go by it's becoming more and more unbearable and I can't do it much longer. I'm on my own because dh is still out at work. My employer have been pretty good and taken a 'just do what you can when you can' approach. But the work is picking up again, at the same time the dc are climbing the walls now.

I can't even make a phone call or do an online meeting without constant "mummyyy", or one of them hurting themselves, or asking for snacks, or trashing the house.

Surely it's neglect to essentially leave your children unsupervised for 7-8 hours a day? Which is essentially what you're expected to do.

Is anyone else in this position and just cannot possibly see how this can go on?

Currently trying to scramble some food together as DH forgot to feed the DC and is still on aN unplanned work call ...

Breathe ...

Nearly bedtime everyone. Another day down

We heard today that our nursery will not be reopening on 1 June so we're now madly trying to scramble around to find a childminder for DD.

I swing between frantic anxiety and activity to feeling utterly desolate and despondent.

Sorry to hear you've had a rough day @Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow. It's so damned hard.

Well done all

I need to remember not to read any other threads on mnet

Yes at least ok this thread there is no #making memories bullshit

It’s getting through the day without screaming or before lunch!

Just found this thread. I feel like I'm losing my mind with the continual juggling act. I am supposedly FT wfh as an in house lawyer with DC aged 4 and 8. Found the last couple of weeks tough. DH been in office practically all day today. In grand scheme of things, in a fortunate position but the pressure of trying to do it all is taking its toll.

Monday’s are the the worst. I broke down sobbing ‘I want my life back’ when my other half got home today

I'm in a similar position. DH full time wfh, and I was part-time wfh plus. Dd, aged 2, used to go to nursery half the week.

I managed to negotiate down to the bare work essentials when lockdown started, but the workload has started creeping up. Combined with the fact the last seven weeks have used up all my clever toddler time ideas, I've now hit the super whammy of bored, weepy toddler, mental fatigue, work emergencies, and days that are wobbling between chaos and exhaustion.

I cannot do this until September. DH is taking time out of work to look after dd, while I speed through tasks. I'm making mistakes (I got myself locked out of the business account last week because I was so ragged), and there's no breathe time (even going to play gym used to give me 30 mins of a clear head).

I'm getting worryingly tired after only seven hours of being awake. I think it's the sense of limbo and cabin fever, and the fact there's no way to really change the paradigm for even a day.

@Packingsoapandwater

You’ve just articulated exactly how I feel. I read a thread on here (the HR have people been signed off with MH one) and poster said they felt people coping best had a routine.

Was determined to turn a new leaf get up early this morning and do some exercise for me. I’m getting a decent walk each afternoon pushing DS buggy and with Ddog but I need to do something more intense. Bollocks to that - I just lay in bed between 5 am and now promising myself Id get up in 10 mins. Absolutely no motivation

Nursery key worker say as she’s happy to come do some babysitting, I think 3 mornings a week is about what we can afford (paying 25% retainer to nursery). But ‘D’H is being an arsehole saying we don’t need it, we’re coping, no one else has childcare so why are we special . Due to time zones he works through all afternoon, whereas I have to work in the evening, and when he’s ‘on shift’ in the morning slot, he just lets DS potter about at his feet, not engaging with him. Getting a babysitter in would let me get some evening time back a couple of times a week.

I’ve tried explaining to him that most people I know are spreading part time hours over full time, furloughed, with send DC to grandparents/ school/ childcare the moment they thinks it’s safe, scrabbling around for CM or nannies. The poshest couple we know are unfurloughing their nanny. Meanwhile DS is under stimulated , grumpy, and there’s been a split lip and banged head when DH wasn’t paying attention He doesn’t seem to get it - but we are in Scotland and this is going to go on for months. I don’t think we’ll get our FT nursery place back any time soon after they open either hearing plans in place in England.

Blondie I thought I had seen something around the holding payments not being legal for nurseries

Also: yes get the babysitter time, would be 100% onboard with that

The people that I know who are managing still have their nanny...

Yes following the nursery retainer thing with interest, tbf ours are topping up the workers to 100% (they feel/felt staffing would get competitive when 1140 hours comes in in Scotland, as there aren’t enough qualified nursery nurses). There’s a separate thread in that, don’t wish to derail this one.

You are my people

I've just realised that I can't wait for half term week..normally i would dread half term if I was working from home and had my DS at home with me. But now I'm thinking it's going to be a piece of cake! Working from home and having my DS there but not having to homeschool as well!

100% pay for babysitting if you can.

Our work changed so we both have to work out of the home now. We are paying a neighbour to come in and babysit...it's been a total life changer. Get home from work and the kids have school work done, lunch eaten and tidied up, they have gotten fresh air and exercise. I get to relax a bit in the evening instead of catching up on all the home/school stuff. It's been massive in reducing stress (helped by the fact the neighbour is great and doing lots with them), luckily as my health was really starting to suffer.

Oh, we are broke now but sane, so worth it.

Found out today that DD1 in YR1 will not be going back on 1 June

Anyhow. Let’s wait and see what the school finally decide they can cope with.

Both DC will be at the CM from 1 June now.

@pitter what reason have they given for not opening to your dc class on the 1st?
Still waiting to hear definite details from my dc school although they have indicated that its possible not all the school years prioritised would be able to come back on 1st June

Just can't do this today so posting in solidarity
I have a busy high pressured job with a supportive DH in a busy and pressured job.
I am senior and my job is external facing.
I am supposed to be part time but business is the busiest it's ever been but also massively under pressure because of COVID. Work is like an avalanche every day. I have teams to lead, stakeholder and boards to attend and thinking to do.
I love my job and I love my kids two primary age children but I'm broken. Start at 6am- eldest goes to bed 10pm, rinse and repeat.
Can't be furloughed (too critical)
Can't take leave (too critical)
Family all shielding - some with cancer and in vulnerable groups.
We have been trying not to spend because DH job particularly is under threat but neither child is in a year to go back so it's looking unlikely until sept earliest.
I cracked today - we need some sort of childcare - I'm broken and can't continue like this

Welcome cocktail

It’s been 9 weeks with no end in sight - I think spending on childcare is 100% a wise decision if you can make it work for your finances

Uhoh well the line is something like the govt haven’t confirmed and won’t confirm until later so need to have time between that and them coming back

They did mention every day once it does start, just not sure the hours or who would actually be the teacher / whether the class is split

Thank you, thank you OP!

Trying to balance full time work from home and homeschool is nigh on impossible. Even my comparatively enlightened colleagues are asking why some people are going down to two days a week ("not sure why their partners can't help" - er, partner is covering those two days, I suspect!) and blathering on about creating home office space to increase productivity and be professional when I have to take my (many) video calls in the loo.

DD has no siblings to either play with or generously help her get over her fear of maths, so we get tantrums and tears most days at the mere thought of work. She does have video calls with her friends, which is interaction of a sort but is yet more screen time for her. I fear for her mental state as well as my own and can do sod all about it. And as for me...apparently I'm welcome to slack off on the research work I actually enjoy and might bring some results that mean something, but not the video calls that do my head in and take six times as long as an actual meeting might.
Keeping a routine - we've tried as far as possible but it just feels like doubling up on everything at the moment.

When I hear people talking about the 'new normal' my head goes to very dark places TBH.

Thank you for the welcome @pitterpatterrain
Solidarity @permanentlyexhaustedpigeon
I just can't do this til September I really can't !
Have put out an advert today for childcare
It will help I think - just taking the edge off

Hi all - can I join?

Massively struggling this week. DH full time WFH and has to make calls constantly, me 3 days WFH as a lawyer, work incredibly busy and requires proper concentration which means I can’t just plonk the 1 and 2 year old in front of the tv and get on with it.

I’m so so sick of this crap. I know comparatively we’re lucky - in good health and have a garden and relatively secure jobs but it’s simply impossible to be a productive employee and look after 2 toddlers. The fact there’s no end in sight is adding a layer of despair and I also suffer from anxiety so constantly worrying about the bloody virus itself. Plus the usual depressing reality that everyone will recognise of plans, holidays etc cancelled for the foreseeable.

We usually have a lovely nanny on my 3 working days who’s currently furloughed. She’s keen to come back and we’re desperate to have her but I’m worried about putting the kids (or us!) at risk as her housemate is frontline NHS and she also has another job. We’re just going round and round in circles tying to decide what to do. Legally she can be at work and wants to be, but I’m so worried about exposing the kids to any risk of contracting it from her - they’re still tiny so lots of close contact.

I feel like if we can physically carry on without childcare (even though it’s so bloody hard) we should - but then what’s going to change in a few months?? Nothing.

Realistically we can’t go on like this. Feel completely trapped.

Blimey - if i had a nanny and my kids have no underlying health issues then I would have them back in a shot, no question.

cocktail get a nanny! They’re a godsend (if you’re not neurotic like me haha).

I know logically I should get her back but I can’t help the nagging thought that it’s somehow selfish - I mean I know the risk is small but they seem to be discovering new things about the virus all the time (like the Kawasaki thing) - And I would prefer to avoid DH and I getting it if poss as in the unlikely event we both got really ill we’d be screwed. Realise avoiding it may be impossible - but having someone coming in several times a week who’s coming from sharing a house with a frontline worker just seems a bit unwise 🤷🏻‍♀️

Has anyone brought in the GP's yet? I'm teetering in asking my DM to come a few days a week and I'll pay her if it makes it legit. She's under 70, totally healthy. We are at breaking point and the kids are picking up on our exhaustion - everyone is miserable.