Is it just me, or is this working from home with children completely unsustainable?

[Lovemyphone]

I'm terrified that the schools will remain closed until September.

I'm wfh with two dc. Youngest is 4, as the weeks go by it's becoming more and more unbearable and I can't do it much longer. I'm on my own because dh is still out at work. My employer have been pretty good and taken a 'just do what you can when you can' approach. But the work is picking up again, at the same time the dc are climbing the walls now.

I can't even make a phone call or do an online meeting without constant "mummyyy", or one of them hurting themselves, or asking for snacks, or trashing the house.

Surely it's neglect to essentially leave your children unsupervised for 7-8 hours a day? Which is essentially what you're expected to do.

Is anyone else in this position and just cannot possibly see how this can go on?

That's great @Runbikeswim, it must be very challenging.

@bikerunski, that sounds so hard. I'm pleased you've just got one thing to concentrate on now. That will help a bit.

I said to a colleague in the week it's as though there is a daily question of 'would you like to be a bad employee, a bad parent or a combination of the two today'? Sigh.

Yep. I've been logging on and doing a few hours of emails after the kids are in bed at night to try and feel less of a shit employee but I'm bloody knackered and could definitely do without it. My work are not very understanding and expect me to bill the same number of hours as before.
I am praying that nursery does open on 1st. If anything fucks this up I might have a full on breakdown.

I said to a colleague in the week it's as though there is a daily question of 'would you like to be a bad employee, a bad parent or a combination of the two today'? Sigh.

This is my life, with bells and whipped cream on!

I'm trying not to make comparisons with DH who is worshipped like a God by both his workplace and our children.

Just joining to moan sorry! Also an in house lawyer. I’m full time and normally have a team to help. My assistant and one of the lawyers is furloughed and I’ve been given a 20% pay cut plus likely no bonus next year which is normally 25%.

So I’m attempting to do three jobs on much less money and while neglecting my 5 year old. Hit a massive wall yesterday, honestly felt quite desperate. Stupidly read some posts about how the people struggling are those who don’t like spending time with their children and ended up in tears all evening.

Sorry to unload here, just feel like I’m going insane.

Stupidly read some posts about how the people struggling are those who don’t like spending time with their children and ended up in tears all evening.

Was this the stuff on Twitter written by people with no kids? Just ignore they have no idea!

I am also an in-house civil service lawyer me three

Hi again... Not a lawyer here but a senior manager in the corporate world, so I can totally empathise. Most of my zoom calls start at 8am to accommodate global hours and I rarely finish before 6pm.

With four children ages 10 to 15 it hasn't been easy. I feel particularly sorry for the 10 year old who has been a little star but looks quite sad at thr end of some days. Some parents in her class even attend thr zoom calls with their children! and yes to thr stream of prizes for projects which are impossible as a 10 year old to achieve by yourself. It's a bit crazy.

I try and tell myself that I am offering thr children a good role model but it does wear thin. I am not sleeping well and like others said, if I have a day off thr work just sits there so I am doubly busy later.

On a positive note, I have May half term off and I am determined to enjoy every minute of it. Really feel for those on here with younger children... It is incredibly hard.

I said to a colleague in the week it's as though there is a daily question of 'would you like to be a bad employee, a bad parent or a combination of the two today'?

Absolutely.

I am going to ask which nursery the Nanny works at and try and do some stalking.

Stupidly read some posts about how the people struggling are those who don’t like spending time with their children and ended up in tears all evening.

It’s the opposite. People are struggling because they care. If I didn’t care, I’d be fine just shoving the children Infront of the tv all day but I want more for them, I want them to be happy and I want to be able to do a good job at work.

I do think many schools and nurseries will open on the 1st. Be prepared for:

• Part-time patterns
• Needing to support children settling into a different sort of normal as they return
• Having to quarantine with child at home if any other child or teacher in the bubble becomes ill with Coronavirus symptoms

I expect things will get easier and easier with time as testing is quicker and everyone gets into the swing of it.

Everyone on this thread is doing a better job than they think in circumstances beyond their control, in a global emergency situation. It’s tough but it won’t be forever.

Ignore them @CarlottaValdez. They aren't walking a mile in your shoes.

I'd love to be spending all day with my kids but I have other responsibilities to take into account as a key worker.

My DS is in yr 1 so could be going back soon. I've got all the armchair virologists / psychologists on the class Facebook talking about how it's basically murder to send them back / will harm them psychologically etc etc. It's completely draining to see those types of views aired so strongly. I know exactly how you feel.

@Travelban have you considered retraining as a lawyer for the purposes of this thread

I feel less alone reading this. Bulk of my mum friends work part time or have one parent furloughed. OH and I are both working our usual 50ish hours a week and have a 5 & 3 year old. My job has always been stressful but at the moment I feel so overwhelmed. I can’t go part time as department is understaffed & we are getting in extra work as a result of new projects to manufacture masks/hand sanitizer and to manage charitable donations. Hubby can’t go part time as he manages his office. We can’t afford for one of us to take unpaid leave for an indefinite amount of time and been told neither of us can be furloughed as there is no shortage of work. I’m feeling guilty currently as we’ve both had a lie in till 7:30 and shoved TV on for kids so we can lie and read stuff on phones. I’m being a rubbish employee and a rubbish parent currently and the degree to which I feel stressed is messing with my sleep and making me feel physically ill. Meanwhile my parents are desperate to see the kids but aren’t allowed to help us even though they and we have been minimising social contact in so far as is humanly possible. We could have our cleaner back though after she’s been round a dozen other houses. I’m usually a rule follower but increasingly feel like the rules around this make zero sense and so so tempted to say screw it and move in with my parents for a couple of weeks so we can both get caught up a bit at work and kids can have more attention.

Another in house lawyer here! I've just about given up. Our team has been cut and cut over the last year or so and there's just two of us doing the work of four now. No recognition of that, no additional pay. They've just announced a round of redundancies instead.

DD is 2 and I just can't cope with juggling work and childcare without any of my usual support network. DH is wfh too but constantly on calls as his team is far less forgiving. I've struggled through the lockdown so far but this just isn't sustainable for much longer. I'm not comfortable sending DD back to nursery in June so I'm wondering about moving in with my parents just so we have childcare during the week.

Being a good role model to your kids can also be a stay at home parent also. Just read some of the comments on here.

@RaggieDolls or I could just pretend.. Sounds like we face the same challenges!

I don't even have young kids, I have teens, but working from home is not easy for me.

When I do go into the office, my desktop computer is so fast, all my files and documents that I do need are there. It makes it so easy.

All the suggestions from Twitter is great. But what about those of us who want to work from an office?

Didn’t we all go in-house for an easier life?

I said to a colleague in the week it's as though there is a daily question of 'would you like to be a bad employee, a bad parent or a combination of the two today'? Sigh.

Yes!

Heads up for anyone this applies too, critical worker kids are now actively encouraged to go back to school/childcare even if they could be kept at home - government advice

Mime are going to school for 1 day next week and despite how social media/MN makes it seem the staff were really welcoming of our decision to send the kids in.

I am so relieved. We really hit such an awful low point a few weeks ago I was wondering if I should quit even though the financial risk would have been massive and I love my job (normally).

It has made me realise that a lot of the messages about ‘having it all’ never really refer to dual working households. Even at the moment, when there are issues, we’re prioritising my husband’s work needs because he’s more senior and the consequences greater but I’m senior enough that i can’t do my job properly as we are. Most of the people at my level at work seem to be the main earner with a sahp, main earner with other parent doing something to keep their hand in or have both parents at middle management where their roles are a bit more equal. I can’t really say sorry I can’t do that because my husband is mega busy but it’s the truth and it’s making me feel totally inept. If I get through this period without being sacked, it’ll be a miracle.

100% @travelban. It doesn't matter what the nature of your employment is if the volume is still there or increasing.

@sushigo my DC's school are still saying they will only accept children where both parents are key workers. I'm in central government but DH is in the private sector.

@Cremebrule

I totally agree. I also think there is an element of alienation when none of your friends, family or work colleagues are in the same situation, which makes these threads so refreshing.

I think it’s also hard because at one level, we are both lucky that we have good jobs it within our jobs, we are comparing quite unfavourably to our peers. My husband was young to be a director so all his counterparts have older or grown-up children, many of them have a sahm so while he’s doing childcare on my working days, there is no leyway or understanding at all and he is mega stressed. Things have totally fallen apart when something has gone wrong for him and he needs to carry on working but I’m due to handover childcare to start. I am desperate for nurseries to re-open so we can all have a break but many of my sahm friends are making me feel like I’m taking risks so I just can’t talk to them for the moment.

my DC's school are still saying they will only accept children where both parents are key workers. I'm in central government but DH is in the private sector.

That's really frustrating. I hope there are more schools out there like ours than yours.

We really desperately need some recognition that even if you are able to wfh, critical jobs are still critical and need our time and attention to do them properly.