Is it just me, or is this working from home with children completely unsustainable?

[Lovemyphone]

I'm terrified that the schools will remain closed until September.

I'm wfh with two dc. Youngest is 4, as the weeks go by it's becoming more and more unbearable and I can't do it much longer. I'm on my own because dh is still out at work. My employer have been pretty good and taken a 'just do what you can when you can' approach. But the work is picking up again, at the same time the dc are climbing the walls now.

I can't even make a phone call or do an online meeting without constant "mummyyy", or one of them hurting themselves, or asking for snacks, or trashing the house.

Surely it's neglect to essentially leave your children unsupervised for 7-8 hours a day? Which is essentially what you're expected to do.

Is anyone else in this position and just cannot possibly see how this can go on?

Early years settings include childminders and nurseries. DfE Twitter last night mentioned nurseries specifically as one setting being asked to prepare for more children from 1 June.

'Early years settings' is nurseries/ preschools/ childminders

Elsewhere in the guidance it says paid for childcare e.g. childminders and nannies can work...

That guidance is a mistake. They've now confirmed that nurseries and childminders can't open until 1st June at earliest.

This whole thread is heartbreaking.

It is impossible to wfh with children. Anyone who thinks you can has no idea what a full time job or what childcare actually entails.

We have been technically breaking guidance by moving my parents in on workdays so that husband and I can work. I can't feel bad about it. If anyone tries to arrest me I'll just pay my parents and then it will be magically ok. I feel absolutely awful for anyone who doesn't have this option - have ended up covering for a few people at work who basically have stopped working on certain days but trying to give the appearance of it, due to no childcare, and they are all at breaking point.

It's the women who are bearing the brunt of this. Lots of families with two working parents, but in almost every case it's the women who are suffering. It makes me sick.

Nobody should have to sacrifice themselves and their kids to this idiotic, sexist guidance.

Tanith that's good to know, thanks!

Hello all
We have just received a survey from school asking us if DD1 would go back => yes
Similar survey from nursery
Need to see if our CM is considering it

deep breath. Wed is when I start to lose it during the week so hoping we have a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel soon

I reached the end of my tether today. DH is a key worker and working long hours but from home. I’m private sector and I am absolutely exhausted. The work keeps on coming and I can tell I’m supposed to be “senior enough” to suck it up. I’m so close to emailing boss and saying I just can’t do this anymore but if I do what then? The work needs done so do coworkers pick up my slack? Then they resent me? Then I get a poor year end review? I don’t know what to do. I cannot go on. I was sat at a desk from 7-8pm today. I got as far as the kitchen and the toilet. My 2 year old doesn’t understand why he can’t play with mummy. I’m broken.

It looks like our nursery will be opening. I'm so relieved, my kids need a bit of normality and I really need to start pulling my weight at work. DD starts reception in September and I'd have been so worried about her starting after 6 months stuck at home.

@beepbeeprichie, I don't have any magic words but I am you. I emailed work (not HoD) to say that I am totally not coping and that I am very close to calling the GP and asking them to sign me off. Like you, I don't want to do that as it would impact on others. We are running on a skeleton staff with an icnreased workload like others. I have pulled back from what I can but do have some flexibility (academia). It's still utterly shit. DH working out of the house. I am so fucking angry that women are typically bearing the brunt of this.

Can your DH help if WFH? Entertaining a two year old all day is hard at the best of times. I am still working, it means we have no break . It's crap. Sending you these which I know are of little use. .

@beepbeeprichie, do you think your line manager would be receptive to you saying how things are for you?

@purplepandas I think I am going to email him. If schools don’t open all summer then we face 3 months of this. I’m really trying to look on the positives and put one foot in front of the other but I’m not myself. My DD asked me today if I like shouting. Just about in tears typing that.

It sounds really bad for you @beepbeeprichie. I think emailing would be a good idea. I am weighing up doing the same with HoD but feel a bit better after really laying it on the line earlier with my team lead. We will see.

I have cried so much this week if it makes you feel any better. I think we are just responding now as so utterly exhausted. Let us know how you get on, it sounds so tough for you.

And don't be hard on yourself about the comment about shouting. Mine (who are older) are wary of me after me bursting into tears I think three days in row.

It's so hard, isn't it? I'm really lucky that my DS in YR 3 has two older brothers who are effectively home schooling him, especially my YR13 DS as A Levels have been cancelled.
My DH on the other hand is being bloody useless. He disappears at 8 am to his study in the garden and pops in for coffee breaks and lunch as if he was at work. He's not a key worker by the way.
I'm furious that he's assuming that me, his other children, or whoever will take on the responsibility of homeschooling the youngest. It hasn't even occurred to him or his boss that he may not be able to work a normal schedule. It's so 1950s, it's infuriating.

My kids have been in front of the tv since 8am when my work calls started

does anyone just feel that they are failing their kids right now?

I don’t get off calls until 6.30

@pitter I know. We are not though. We are doing the best we can to bring cash in to support our families. It’s not like they’re plonked in front of the tv so we can lie in bed! Don’t be too hard on yourself (says I!! Easier said than done!)
@purplepandas I spoke to my boss at length today. Long and the short of it is that he wants me to block a couple of hours out of my day every day and if something needs attention or a presence he will do it. He’s super senior which really does restore my faith in mankind.

@pitterpatterrain, I do too, it's hard. I agree that we are not failing them. We are showing them many important skills but I totally get that it does not feel like that right now. I see all the other bloody amazing things people are doing with kids school work and craft and there is no bloody chance. I can't get them to do what school wants. I even sent school my timetable this week if that helps as I was so fed up of the pressure from them. Screens are so easy and it's bloody hard. Definitely not just you and you are not failing you children. If you were, you would not even be posting to ask. Solidarity to you, you are doing a great job. I agree, food and a roof over their heads is bloody critical.

@beepbeeprichie, I am so glad you spoke to your boss and he was understanding. I hope this alleviated some pressure. I imagine that was not easy to do, so go you. How do you feel now? I don't for one second think the pressure will all go away but I am hoping you might feel that you have some breathing space now. I did also briefly talk to mine via email and say i was struggling. Maybe not as hoenst as I could have been, but better that than nothing. I felt better for saying it anyway.

@NotABeliever, I get what you mean about you DH. The 1950s thing is making me literally ragey. I just don't understand why it has to be th women in most instances that do this. I actually bloody earn more than my husband anyway so not a finance thing. His work are just shit and would not consider any more flexible working request from him. Even more annoying if your DH is home (mine is not). I would be cross too. Actually, I would be livid but I feel generally ranty atm at the unjustness of all of this. Glad your older boy(s) are being so fab.

and for all of us who are keeping on keeping on. Bloody respect to us all.

We've made the decision to send DD to nursery 2 days a week when it reopens on the 1st, on the proviso that infection rates dont shoot up between now and then and on the understanding we will pull her out again if things do start going to shit again.

Such a tough decision, but at the moment she is simply not getting the time, attention and stimulation she needs from being at home with 2 working parents. No matter how we juggle it, there are times when she is basically left to her own devices for long periods of time, albeit in the same room as us (which makes it worse). A couple of days at nursery will make so much difference, more work can be done when she is there so we can then have more quality time with her when she is at home.

Although I am basically murdering her by some peoples reactions. Of course I am the one being judged over this...

I’m in this boat shortly as OH is a teacher so from 1 June I will have to juggle the two. As I won’t be going away this year I’ve booked every Monday off for 6 weeks to try to help as I can’t see me doing much school work when working so it will be TV and Nintendo for them. Does that count?

Thanks purple and beep it helps to know others are still in the same boat

to everyone!

pertella DD2 will be back at nursery 2 days the moment they tell us she can be... same as DD1 at school - this isn’t good for them or for us, they both miss their friends

Just in case people didn't know as a lot of my friends didn't and I haven't seen it mentioned on the thread but you can request furlough for childcare reasons. Just might be a better option than resigning as some people have suggested. Employers do have to agree it but it costs them nothing and if you quit they wouldnt have the resource either. I know it won't be a solution for many but maybe in some cases.

Glad I found this thread as im pissed off. I’m a single parent with 2 children in different key stages and working FT as a social worker.

I’m wfh, no face to face visits as currently shielded. Caseloads have shot up due to staff illness and rising referrals so despite sensibly reducing my hours/pay at the start of all this I now have even more complex and time sensitive work than I originally had, but for less pay.

I can take annual leave however the work just builds up, it’s not covered. Plus I need that to cover school holidays if they return.

Days are a constant haze of zoom, teams and various other platforms and educating my own children is bottom of the pile. It absolutely is borderline neglect. I like baking, crafts, games and can make a good attempt to help with schoolwork - but not if I have no fucking time and it’s unfair on the children to see their schools social media praising all the work completed by other kids who have parents at home who are not working/furloughed.

I’m sick of seeing people gloating about how easy it is - yes I would be absolutely loving it and ‘making memories’ and all that jazz if i wasn’t under insane pressure. I also feel guilty of being jealous of those on furlough as I understand many are worried about their jobs.