Failure for not coping

[tattyteddy]

I’m really starting to struggle with the lockdown. I’m working from home as his DH, with two kids 4 and 9. Trying to get the big one to do some school work and trying to do my work at home is basically me being a shit employee and Mother. I’m a key worker and I’m contemplating sending the kids back. I don’t think my mental health can’t take much more! Help please

Forget about the school work battle! Get your 9 year old to do whatever work they enjoy. You aren’t a teacher and shouldn’t expect to be able to cover what they usually do at school. Relax.

If you're allowed to send your kids to school/childcare, why not do that?

I think a lot of people feel the same. It is extremely tough. I would send the children back if you have that option. They will most likely be very safe.

It's ok to send them to school.

You are not a shit mother and a shit employee, you are a woman attempting two full time jobs simultaneously.

You are not alone, other people are not managing better. Some people may look like they've got it sussed, but their situation is different. Don't let it get to you- give yourself permission to underperform occasionally.

It’s totally impossible to do schooling and your own work at the same time. We are doing shifts and it’s still knackering. One thing I would warn you is a friend who is a key worker told me her kids are going to school on the days she works, but they don’t actually do any school work, so she is feeling the pressure to do the home learning anyway but just after a full days work. It’s a total juggling act and I just think we all need to go easy on ourselves and accept we are not superhuman. I see it as a success if none of us are in tears and if that means taking the pressure off school work then so be it.

Thanks for replying everyone. It does always seem people are managing better than me. I’m a children’s social worker so have to go and do visits to families too.

I think I’ve been reluctant to send them in as the guidance has been only do that if you don’t have any other options.

Are you comparing yourself with social media posts? They aren’t real life! Honestly, most people are struggling.

I'm a key worker and working full time, my dd goes in two days a week. She's in high school but just gives that adult eye on her work. I'd send them in. And you haven't failed in any way

Gosh, if you are a children's social worker than you have my admiration and absolute respect, even in normal times, let alone this nightmare

I'm a teacher and honestly, being at home with my DC whilst trying to maintain my class online AND remember to feed the DC AND put the washer on AND do it all in good grace?
No chance. Loads of people feel like you do. Just focus on surviving the day.

Oh it’s all a nightmare isn’t it. I’m working from home full time. DH is out at work full time. I have a 15 yr old, a 9yr old and a 12yr old. All trying to do school work. Music practise. Brownie badges. Make me coffee to cheer me up. Read me their poems. Need feeding. There’s a house getting messier by the second and the laundry fairy is apparently self isolating too.
Fffuuuuuuuucccckkkkkk

Thanks everyone, it’s a nightmare isn’t it. I’ll try and finish this week as we are and reevaluate things over the weekend. I wish people on social media would just be honest!

Very few people are honest on social media! Everyone is struggling. I've had so many conversations with people who feel the same way as you. If sending them in is an option, I say go for it. Especially if your mental health is suffering.

Bloody hell, the consensus seems to have changed. I posed a similar question a few times early into lockdown, DH is the keyworker - out at work, and I'm not but have a very stressful and demanding FT job in Higher Education. I am really really struggling with homeschooling a 7 year old and watching a 2 year old and doing my work. I was told categorically and very rudely in many cases to not send my 2 year old to the childminder or I was essentially a selfish twat.

Why can't your husband work FT from home and watch the kids?

I've always thought being a children's social worker would make you feel better for just being a "good enough mother"

I said exactly the same the other day (ASC SW role WFH due to shielding) that I'm meant to parent my toddler like I dont have a job and work like I don't have a toddler to look after. I'm failing at both and as the other person in our team an under school aged child its not great. I think it's totally normal to feel like that though at the moment..I'm taking some leave days to help and watching Netflix in bed once DD is asleep to feel like I have some time off.

You are not alone. I am NHS frontline and my DH is WFH so, when I am not on shift I am trying to help my DC with school work.

It is really tough but I don't want to send my DC into school they find it difficult already. I think it is about working day by day try not to get stressed and if it's really difficult it's ok to have a break.

My dd was crying earlier as she has multiple apps with tons of work and it's overwhelming, she is 12 and worried about getting into trouble. The school however are very realistic and told us we need to protect our DC and our own mental health. The head has said it's ok to have a day off do some baking or exercise and has said they are working on plans to catch the children up.

OP you have a stressful job already cut yourself some slack, your DC will be fine.