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Original poster

Newly pregnant family member wants DP not to go to work - sensible or not?

28 replies

leli · 23/04/2020 15:46

As title states. A newly pregnant family member has asked our advice about whether her DP should go back to work. She has been furloughed and his building project had been put on hold. It's now off hold and he is expected back to work w/c 4 May. Reading between the lines I think she's hoping we'll back her in saying he shouldn't go back to work. I'm thinking that it's very much their decision not ours but I realised that I don't actually know the answer. The plan financially would be that they live on savings I think.

Is there any information on this? My assumption would be that since neither of them are high risk apart from her being pregnant, that he would be expected to work and they would both be expected to practice meticulously all the hygiene measures they can.

What do you think?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 23/04/2020 15:49

What does he do?

Cuddling57 · 23/04/2020 15:50

Ultimately it's their decision! They shouldn't really be putting you on the spot like that. If u think they should return and something happens, will you feel responsible?! If they have savings to use, then can't get a job later on then it's best if they make that decision themselves!

SpudsAreLife84 · 23/04/2020 15:51

Of course he should go to work, why wouldn't he?! Pregnant women themselves are still working in lots of industries, let alone their partners!!

RoosterPie · 23/04/2020 15:52

How long can they live on savings for? The whole pregnancy? It’s their decision, i don’t think him staying off work is realistic though.

ukgift2016 · 23/04/2020 15:52

He has to work. Does she expect him to wait for an vaccine? This could be well over a year.

kimlo · 23/04/2020 15:54

I thinl she will have to go back before she gives birth anyway and even people in the sheilding group the other people in the household can go to work.

ChipsAreLife · 23/04/2020 15:55

Given that pregnant women are being advised they can still work then I'm not sure why the father can't?

If they can afford it and his career can take him having the year off that's their decision. But where will it stop? Will he be expected to stay home until a vaccine comes?

There is good reassuring advice here for her to read

www.rcog.org.uk

Btw I'm pregnant myself so I understand the upset and fear she's enduring

SpudsAreLife84 · 23/04/2020 15:55

Unless she does a job where she ready works from home full time SHE will have to return to work let alone him! I work for a government department, once the 12 week period is up in June, pregnant women will be returning to work and socially distancing in the workplace. This will be the same for everyone, unless they can afford to live on SSP. Very few employers will pay full pay for the duration of a pregnancy, same with those off for other conditions. People can't expect to stay home being paid indefinitely!

HermioneWeasley · 23/04/2020 15:58

Unless she’s otherwise high risk I’d be shooing him out the door. Families need money!

MsChatterbox · 23/04/2020 15:58

I completely get where she's coming from. I'm 31 weeks pregnant and I'm happy my husband has been sent home unpaid so the decision is out of our hands. I feel very safe atm. However if his employers opens business again then he will be returning. As she's newly pregnant she has a long way to go and I think realistically he should go back. But I understand why she doesn't want him to.

jenniuol · 23/04/2020 15:58

Yeah I think he should absolutely go to work! I mean he can’t just take off the next 9 months as she’s pregnant Confused they’d need to have an awful lot of savings to cover that. And then what? We have no idea how long things could take to go back to normal. I take it it’s their first baby? Grin

TimeForChange123 · 23/04/2020 16:01

Very unrealistic of her.

Diyhaircutgonewrong · 23/04/2020 16:04

why wouldn't ge go back to work?

TinnedPearsForPudding · 23/04/2020 16:05

I'm pregnant and I work as a nurse in A&E. So...yes...I think an expectant father can work

allthesharks · 23/04/2020 16:06

We had this debate ourselves as I am pregnant with a very high risk pregnancy with a baby that is expected to be born premature. My partner was expected to go to work as a teacher, but we felt the risk was too high, especially considering he wouldn't be able to visit the baby in NICU. Our options were for him to move out for that period so he didn't risk infecting me or for him to take unpaid leave. On balance, taking in to consideration the risks involved we decided it was best for him to take a period of unpaid leave. But this is self limiting as once I'm past a certain point in the pregnancy the risks will be lower.

It's a very difficult position to be in but given she's quite early in the pregnancy and unless she is high risk I can't see that him not going to work is sustainable long term.

Raaaa · 23/04/2020 16:08

I think people are forgetting there isn't going to be a 'safe' month for example on other threads people are saying children should go back in September, yes the risk may be reduced but it's not as if the virus is going to disappear on the 1st September. Therefore business as usual really, I'm pregnant myself and my OH is working all over the country it's just how it is.
At least she has had some time with DH Smile

DeRigueurMortis · 23/04/2020 16:13

The global economy is taking a massive hit due to the virus and we are highly likely to see a severe and prolonged recession as a result.

Construction is an area that's very susceptible to the economic "weather".

So frankly, depleting savings right now through choice rather than necessity doesn't strike me as particularly sensible especially as we have no idea how long lockdown will last, how/when restrictions will be lifted etc.

It sounds like a very short sighted "plan" that unless they are sitting on a fortune in savings (unlikely I would have thought) can't possibly be sustained and could well put their medium/long term financial security at risk.

That said it's their choice and I'd personally be wary of engaging on the matter.

Whatever you say you're going to get one person annoyed that you're "siding" with the other.

So for my part I'd very much responding along the lines of that there's a lot to consider and they need to discuss all the implications and agree what to do as a couple.

BenjiB · 23/04/2020 16:14

Anyone that can go to work (and cannot work from home), and can do so safely should go to work.

Imboredinthehouse · 23/04/2020 16:23

Is there any information on this? My assumption would be that since neither of them are high risk apart from her being pregnant, that he would be expected to work

DH is extremely high risk and in the shielding category.
His hospital unit have said there is no government advisory for me not to work. I have no choice but to go to work. CV would kill him. All I can do is take my clothes off as soon as I get in the house and put straight in the washer, have a shower, sleep in a separate bedroom and not spend time together in shared spaces.

UnilakTea · 23/04/2020 16:29

I thought only women in the 3rd trimester needed to follow stricter social distancing 🤷

Original poster
leli · 23/04/2020 16:31

Thank you. Obviously it's not my decision and I'll be trying to avoid getting drawn in. He's a builder working in a team of 5 or 6 people. It's a first baby, yes. I'm a very practical person so I'd be worried about the money and I'd be wanting to keep partner working, so it's not all that easy for me to understand health anxiety so I'm going to be tactful of course.

It's interesting that some pregnant people on the thread feel very worried too though.

I think the government should be issuing much wider and more specific guidance. It would be helpful. Many pregnant families must struggle with this.

OP posts:
Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 23/04/2020 16:31

Why are they asking you?

Lemonpink88 · 23/04/2020 16:37

Tell her to look at the obstetrics & gynae published advice which is pregnant women can work practising social distancing until 28 weeks when it is recommended they try & work from home. All partners of pregnant women can work.

AnneOfCloves · 23/04/2020 16:41

She's got a case of Precious First Baby. Of course he can work in these circumstances.

Ginfilledcats · 23/04/2020 16:48

I'm 33 weeks and working from home as am NHS and can luckily work from home. My husband is front line NHS and still expected to work.... and is doing merrily.
He's doffing his clothes showering etc before coming in to see me.

The only guidance out there for pregnant WOMEN is that over 28s should work from home if possible (unless have other conditions too) nothing about partners so in my opinion he should be working

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