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Original poster

How long can you realistically not see your family for?

109 replies

YourNameIsSenNow · 23/04/2020 14:06

I know the simple answer is 'until lock down is over'

However, I took my kids out of school a week early.

We've followed every lockdown rule since then.

Complete isolation for the kids. Just walks in fields. They've been near no adult but us.

I'm feeling so lonely.

As is my sister. Single parent.

She lives a short walk away and we've not seen each other for a month.

I'm seriously considering asking her over for the kids to play

She's been isolating too completly.

Highly unlikely any of us have it. No symptoms at all.

It seems like A&Es are very quiet

I know I'm probaly being unreasonable but we've followed every instruction and I feel like I'm going insane for some adult conversation and normality.

I can't do this much longer

OP posts:
monkeytennis97 · 23/04/2020 17:15

My mum and dad probably 3 months

My in laws a year would feel a long time (usually see them every 2-3 months)

My sisters a year or so

My beautiful boy in his care home... 3 weeks on Saturday feels too long- if I had to I think I could last 8 weeks without seeing him although I don't think DH could.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 23/04/2020 17:28

No bother 😉 Family live overseas, MIL can't drop in whenever the f*ck she likes which is frankly ace, my colleagues are all available online and friends I see socially are usually about once every 3 months anyway.
Would quite like a girls night out as it's DH and I on every zoom call with friends but I'll live.

DeRigueurMortis · 23/04/2020 17:35

It's tough - I get it.

I'm missing my parents and my DM in particular is feeling very sad about the prospect of not seeing me or my son for op

DDIJ · 23/04/2020 17:42

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

helpfulperson · 23/04/2020 17:43

The date for review is 5th May. I think it unlikely that nothing will change on this date so just hang on in there until then.

It's not going to be anything like a free for all but as Nicola Sturgeon said today we need to learn to live along side this so I think it may move to visiting family discouraged rather than not allowed.

hopsalong · 23/04/2020 17:44

I think it's fine. I haven't done anything like that but don't have any close family other than the people I live with.

I've been following the 'rules' and it's not even that I'm getting especially bored or fed up (lots to occupy me, nice garden etc, happy not to be ill anymore).

It's that I've lost faith in the government's concept to understand what 'the science' (that nebulous entity) is or how to protect lives. There's not really a lot of point in low-risk people staying at home losing their jobs, destroying their businesses etc to save the lives of the elderly and protect NHS workers if large numbers of elderly people are being treated like total shit in care homes, receiving no hospital treatment, and having their deaths lied about.. and NHS workers lack the PPE and testing facilities to protect themselves... We've done our bit for the social contract now but the government has completely fucked up. I don't even trust that they will honour their financial promises, and anyone who owns a business should be very worried ...

DeRigueurMortis · 23/04/2020 17:46

Oops posted by accident....to continue...

for months more.

Of course we are contact - ironically probably more than normal (phone calls, FaceTime, zoom etc).

My DF is taking it much better - he's generally less sociable anyway and has been finding lots of "projects" around the house/garden to keep busy.

All that said, we won't break the rules however tough it is.

It's a slippery slope I think - once you convince yourself that x is ok, it's not long before y and z are alright as well.

Tbf I think it helps to know everyone (or nearly everyone) is in the same boat and that frankly we are very, very lucky.

Unlike some families (myself, parents and in laws) all have plenty of space in our houses so we have the opportunity to have some solitude/privacy if we want it, a large garden and no money worries. We're all IT literate, so keeping in touch is easy.

It's as good as it gets and when I'm feeling a bit down about missing family it's good to give myself a kick up the bum to remind myself there are families in much, much worse circumstances and I should be bloody thankful for what I have rather than being upset about what I don't.

MrsSchadenfreude · 23/04/2020 17:50

I’m stuck overseas for work. DH went back at very short notice as DD’s university closed with hours’ notice. She needed his help to move her stuff and we thought that both the DDs should have a parent in the same country. I don’t think I’ll be seeing them till late June at the earliest. My DM is 87 and on her own back in UK and is convinced she will never see me again.

megletthesecond · 23/04/2020 17:52

Lone parent. I think it'll be a year until I see my family again 🤷‍♀️.
They're not local. We'd usually see them every month.

Bluebelle24 · 23/04/2020 17:54

I think at least two years will have passed before I see some of them again.

MigginsMs · 23/04/2020 17:57

People are going to start ignoring the guidance and start seeing family again soon...I’m getting the impression that the populace has had enough.

I think so too. There’s only so much that people will be bothered about “protecting the NHS” for compared to living their own lives.

CoronaIsComing · 23/04/2020 18:02

As long as it takes. I’m from a military family so “we’ll see you when we see you” is normal for us. I didn’t see my parents or brothers for 5 months when I was 12 years old and there was no facetime, zoom or anything like that back then, even email wasn’t the norm!

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 23/04/2020 18:09

I can see my parents house from mine but 2 members of their household work in a supermarket whereas I'm managing to only leave the house once a week for shopping.
We normally see them everyday so this has been tougher than if we lived further a way. Tougher on my parents than us I think, particularly for my parent whose not at work now and keeps saying theyll take DC for a bike ride and surely that would be OK, I've said no.
We've been into their backgarden through the side gate to play with some of the DC toys in their garden that we don't have and chatted through the window but I won't go in the house or be in the garden at the same time.

Frompcat · 23/04/2020 18:30

I think it may move to visiting family discouraged rather than not allowed.

Pretty sure thats what it is now isn't it? Govt guidance just says "advised against".

IvinghoeBeacon · 23/04/2020 18:33

We aren’t all in the same boat at all. It is much much harder for some people not having family support than it is for others.

DeRigueurMortis · 23/04/2020 18:50

Iv

I meant "same boat" re: contact and made very clear in my post that my family is very lucky re: our circumstances and that others are significantly more impacted.

At no point did I imply that everyone is facing the same level of impact to lockdown.

Mumshappy · 23/04/2020 18:52

So those who rarely see their family will find it easier than others. Ive not broken any rules to date but as a single parent of three its harder for as I dont have a partner. My parents arent old and havent left the house for the duration. Neither have I. If hypothetically we did see each other, how is this any riskier than a situation where people live with a key worker. We are so caught up in 'the rules' we arent thinking correctly.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 23/04/2020 18:57

But, today, there's so many ways of keeping in touch - text, group chats, facetime, skype, email, phone, etc etc., I really can't understand all these people saying they're missing friends, family etc. Aren't you talking, texting, facetiming, eachother? Surely you're keeping up in other ways? Do you really need to physically be in the same place at the same time?

You do realise not everyone has FaceTime, Skype etc? My elderly family don't so while we're talking on the phone, it's not the same as seeing them so yes, we do need to be in the same place.

TheHoneyBadger · 23/04/2020 19:22

Hopefully I won't get flamed but today I've been to the chemist to pick up my parents medicines and bits they urgently needed from the shop (they've been fully isolated and haven't left their home and are reliant on myself and my sister to supply them with their needs. I then walked to their house via wilderness route and into their back garden. I put the medicines on the windowsill then backed off into the garden on the furthest bench, they then came out and sat over two metres away on another bench and we had a five or ten minute catch up before i walked home.

I'm unclear whether this breaks any rules - I don't go inside and we maintain a minimum of 2 metres distance. Perhaps lingering for ten minutes for a distanced chat breaks the rules but I can't see that it creates any risk for anyone concerned I have to go there to take them their medicine anyway.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 23/04/2020 19:27

TheHoneyBadger for what it's worth I don't think you've done anything wrong. I'm thinking of doing the same with my Uncle but I'll have to drive. His shopping is sorted but I'll get some extra bits to take with me in case I'm stopped. I can't bear the thought of not seeing him for months.

Diyhaircutgonewrong · 23/04/2020 19:29

my parents are elderly and vulnerable and live abroad. I was hoping for the summer but now I think I am lucky if I can see them within a year. I find it incredibly hard.

Bluebelle24 · 23/04/2020 19:46

So those who rarely see their family will find it easier than others.

Not all of us. Because some of us will have to wait much longer than most of the people here.

Janaih · 23/04/2020 19:59

My df is vulnerable but he popped round for a socially distanced cuppa this week. He has mh issues and I could sense the pressure in him building up. I said yes for his partners sake as much as anything. I used my judgement and concluded it was worthy the risk.

Personally this fetishisation of the nhs by the fucking tory party is getting very distasteful and is wearing thin.

TheHoneyBadger · 23/04/2020 20:03

Thanks PinkSparklyPussyCat. Only you can decide about your Uncle. My thing is that my son (13) stays in place at my house (and we went into lockdown the week before the government finally announced school closures) unless he comes out with me for exercise and my parents are under strict orders not to leave their house as they're older and there are additional health issues. My parents still need food and medicine and me in the middle of the generations can do the out and about essentials needed for both them and my son.

I think sometimes people forget that generations are interdependent and at least one link in the chain needs to be able to move (cautiously) between them.

I also find myself thinking about what if you had parents with life limiting conditions? A couple of years back we were finding out that my dad had cancer and coming to terms with that - if this had happened then and we were thinking we could lose him any time I don't know how I would have felt. For people who aren't sure their parents will last the lockdown it must be devastating to think of not going to see them - I'm not sure I could judge 'rule breaking' in those circumstances.

Wired4sound · 23/04/2020 20:11

Thing is op you mention your anxiety, say you did meet family - how do you think you’d feel afterwards?
Dreadful, guilty and scared you’d passed something on? It wouldn’t be worth it honestly, you can do this one day at a time.