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Original poster

How long can you realistically not see your family for?

109 replies

YourNameIsSenNow · 23/04/2020 14:06

I know the simple answer is 'until lock down is over'

However, I took my kids out of school a week early.

We've followed every lockdown rule since then.

Complete isolation for the kids. Just walks in fields. They've been near no adult but us.

I'm feeling so lonely.

As is my sister. Single parent.

She lives a short walk away and we've not seen each other for a month.

I'm seriously considering asking her over for the kids to play

She's been isolating too completly.

Highly unlikely any of us have it. No symptoms at all.

It seems like A&Es are very quiet

I know I'm probaly being unreasonable but we've followed every instruction and I feel like I'm going insane for some adult conversation and normality.

I can't do this much longer

OP posts:
Thefaceofboe · 23/04/2020 14:42

Can you not meet your sister for a walk? My brother who has mental health problems and lives alone has been meeting his neighbour to walk the dogs in the field behind their house. They are staying metres apart but can have a chat etc. Obviously this is still frowned upon but if it’s either that or having them over to play, I’d go for a walk.

Original poster
YourNameIsSenNow · 23/04/2020 14:42

Facetime to me is just a nightmare. I hate having photos and videos taken. I have none of myself so going on camera is absolutely panic attack inducing. I just go bright red and can't even think straight. Very stupid I know. I'm the same on the phone. I just feel SO self conscious.

It just seem slike the risk is so small.

I don't go anywhere to pass it on to anyone

OP posts:
mindutopia · 23/04/2020 14:54

As long as it takes. I'm really not bothered. We don't see family often anyway. My family lives abroad. We saw them at Christmas, were planning to see them again in end of May (not now obviously). I can't imagine it would be before December that either of us would be able to travel long haul (I can't travel because work and children and I have asthma; they can't travel because they have multiple underlying health conditions). Dh's closest family is 1.5 away, both on shielded list. We only see MIL maybe 4 times a year anyway and we refuse to see her partner. I wouldn't really plan to see any of them for 4-6 months or more. It's a bit nice to not have to deal with the hassle tbh!

Hoggleludo · 23/04/2020 14:56

I took my kids out 3 weeks before lockdown. As they weren't well

I'll keep it going till it's all over. But oh my god. I miss them. Like really miss them

I see my mum most days. And it's been hard. We've always been incredibly close. Speak 10 times a day. And this has been hard

Troels · 23/04/2020 15:02

No idea how long to see my sister. She's in Spain, so on total lockdown alone with the cat. She's a complete workaholic this is really doing her head in.
I see my Mum for 5 minutes when I drop off her groceries once a week.
Mostly I really want to see my sons. One lives an hour and half away, had planned to come the week lockdown happened. Other one lives 5 minutes away and I've chatted on the phone for a few minutes he's still working.
Just me Dh and Dd. All in different parts of the house and doing our own thing.

Rollercoasteride · 23/04/2020 15:02

It is so rubbish, but it is for the greater good.
I haven't seen my dad in over a month, Tuesday will be the first anniversary of my mums sudden death. So its going to be extremely hard.
The more people sick to the rules, the quicker this will all be over with x

LilyE1234 · 23/04/2020 15:03

My grandmother passed away on Saturday (not Covid, but a sudden illness) and it’s been really hard not being able to see my mum, grandad, siblings etc but even with the risk being “small“, we understand that we just have to sit tight until it’s the right time to see each other again

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/04/2020 15:08

Sorry for your loss Lily

It's horrible not to be able to hug your mum at a time like this. Take very good care of yourself.

majesticallyawkward · 23/04/2020 15:13

You may think the risk is small but the snowball effect could be catastrophic. Some people decide they know better and it's fine to meet up/have family over, more see this happening and think 'well if they are I am too!' and it escalates and we have a new wave of infections and lockdown starts all over again. Or you or your sister have been to a shop, or been in contact with another person in another small way, and then pass the virus around all of you...

Honestly, I'd love to see my family. I'm struggling badly but I understand why this needs to happen and will not be so selfish as to assume that I know better or am more special than anyone else.

BenjiB · 23/04/2020 15:14

I wouldn’t have them over but can’t you walk to hers and speak from a safe distance.

minmooch · 23/04/2020 16:36

It's hard for everyone. This time will pass, we will resume a new normal life soon.

I'd love to see my dad, who's in a Care home. I'd love to see my son, my other family members. But I will protect them and others for as long as necessary and not see them until we are told social distancing can relax a bit.

sunandrose · 23/04/2020 16:40

I miss my parents so much. God knows when we’ll get back to our usual routine with them, as they’re elderly and at risk.
My little boy misses them desperately too and as he’s 2 it’s just impossible to explain. I’ve a 9m baby and it breaks my heart to think she won’t have the same relationship with them.

Also really missing friends. I’m getting really down about it today but we’re nearly another day down....

Let’s hope this vaccine is doable by the end of the year

BirdieFriendReturns · 23/04/2020 16:43

People are going to start ignoring the guidance and start seeing family again soon...I’m getting the impression that the populace has had enough.

Musicalmistress · 23/04/2020 16:46

As long as it takes - my dad has serious respiratory issues catching this would almost definitely kill him.

RJnomore1 · 23/04/2020 16:48

I’m a bit of an oddity, linger this goes on longer I could cope without seeing anyone except DH . I miss going out but not really the people.

As I said, oddity.

SeasonFinale · 23/04/2020 16:51

My parents and sister live abroad. Saw them last Summer but before that the longest gap was 4 years.

BestOption · 23/04/2020 16:52

How are you all getting food?

You need to stop seeing it as an option. When it's not an option you just have to crack on with it. When it's an option it seems hard

My Dad died a few years ago - I had no idea how I'd cope with never seeing him again, but you do because you have no choice.

My Mum lives overseas. I'm incredibly worried about her, but I can't go and see her, so I just have to cope

My SO lives half a mile away - it's hard not seeing him because he could just walk around here (we chose to live separately during LD due to his DS). He could walk here & soend the night, we'd both like that.

My closest friend lives 3 miles away I used to walk to hers several times a week. I could easily walk there as 'exercise' and sit on her front wall & have a chat to her sitting on her front doorstep

..but I don't do these things because saving lives & saving the NHS is more important

People thinking they're different or special is going to spread this and then we will have a second wave, worse than the first!

Original poster
YourNameIsSenNow · 23/04/2020 16:59

Thing is. I wouldn't go see my parents. The risk to them is greater.

I've been very lucky to have gotten an online shop delivered everyry week to 10 days so haven't had to go shopping. I never went shopping previously due to my MH issues. My anxiety is too great to cope with the crowds and interactions

OP posts:
ravenmum · 23/04/2020 17:03

I'm also abroad, and the longest time away from my parents or siblings has been a couple of years. I usually see them once a year or every 18 months. Live alone now, and see the (adult) kids once a week. My son was in NZ for 9 months alone at age 19; my daughter spent a couple of years in France.

Won't be long now anyway, OP. Maybe you need to adjust your habits and find a new way of occupying yourself, so you're not sitting there on certain days noticing you're alone?

ravenmum · 23/04/2020 17:05

My bf's mum died at the end of last year. He lost his dad when he was a teenager. I have to remember not to complain about not seeing my family enough.

Devlesko · 23/04/2020 17:08

We did it and are all fine.
If none of you have been in contact with others, there's no risk.
I don't think I'd do it again though as too many cases round here at the moment.

anothernotherone · 23/04/2020 17:09

How long can you realistically not see your family for? Obviously the answer to that is decades - a friend of mine moved to New Zealand and had five children, then due to cascade of circumstances including job losses, I'll health, a death and mental health issues her financial circumstances drastically altered and she can't afford to visit her parents, siblings and wider family in the UK, especially not with her children. She was and is really close to them. Her mother has been out twice but can't afford to subsidise flights all of
them either. She's sad sometimes but at peace with it and has a good, if different to planned, life with her children.

I haven't seen my extended family since December either.

It's hard being isolated during lockdown but of course people can manage without seeing their families in person. Your screen and telephone phobia makes things more extreme for you and is something you could work on with your sister. Put the webcam on for the children to interact and stay out of shot the first time.

BirdieFriendReturns · 23/04/2020 17:11

I imagine some people will never see their families again if they die of non-Covid issues.

kingkuta · 23/04/2020 17:11

If you sister is only a short walk away cant you walk over and chat from 2m away? My mum and dad regularly knock as they are walking past on their walk anyway and we can chat from door to end of path easily adhering to 2m. Did the same with my sister today.

namechangenumber2 · 23/04/2020 17:12

Weirdly I'm talking to my family more now than ever before!