Struggling to work with no nursery

[moomoobaabaa]

We both work FT, now both WFH, and we have one preschooler aged 2. Neither of us are key workers so we have no access to childcare. Usually our child goes to a great private nursery.

Our employers are letting us work at odd times as we can't both do 9-5. This means we are up early and working till late, with one of us 'on duty' with childcare or working. When DS goes to bed often one of us is still working and the other does the dishes or tries to do a load of laundry.

We have zero me time or family time. We are stressed. I can't see how we can continue like this longer term.

I don't believe private nurseries will be able to reopen any time soon, as little kids can't be looked after while social distancing. They need touch and cuddles, they need help feeding and toileting.

We are really struggling fitting in full time working hours for both of us. Not sure of the point of my post it's just a rant I suppose. I feel so tearful and hopeless

Have others in a similar situation got any advice? I'm thinking one of us needs to quit or both need to go PT, which will really hurt our income especially since we are still paying partial nursery fees.

I think if your employer expects you do respond to time critical items 9-12.30 hen you can feesably count these are part of your 37.5 per week. So you are checking and responding to emergencies 9-12.30, lunch 12.30-1, then at your desk focussed work from 1-5.

At the moment if you cannot even go out for the morning with dc without having to check emails every 20mins then you are working those hours.

@Hugglespuffed I completely understand why you’re continuing to work. For the same reason I’m tearing my hair out with a 13 month old wfh!

It’s a bloody nightmare quite honestly. We’ve got a 14 month old and my parents have moved in to help look after him so we can work.
I told my husband I’d end up having a nervous breakdown if we didn’t get help. I was beyond stressed and my employer are very understanding but it’s virtually impossible.

@missionalmostimpossible please can you come and run my house for me? I'm on mat leave and still not as organised as this!

Thanks for the nanny info, that's interesting to hear. I'm still not sure we could afford it but I can check.

"You’ve got to interview and meet them all"
You could easily do interviews by video call and then meet the favourite in person to confirm before going ahead and signing.

Also I completely agree with Bernadette, your employer is taking the piss if they are expecting you to be constantly on call, you are either working or doing childcare, and you shouldn't have to make up hours if you have already put in hours checking and responding to emails while also looking after the kids.

@moomoobaabaa I completely understand. It is expensive but just throwing it out there as an option. Even if it was 2 days a week and you both work longer hours on those 2 days and then less hours around each other the rest of the week.

Either way, I hope it all works out for you :)

it's good to know I'm not the only one in this position. This thread has shown me that are some people that are in even worse positions and perhaps I just need to get on with things. My employer has hinted that there could be redundancies so I think everyone is trying to make a good impression and work 100% so that we aren't the ones to go if you see what I mean. I don't think a nanny is possibility but will look into the costs before I rule it out. I think I will just try to do less but go under the radar a bit as I don't want to have an explicit conversation and draw attention to the fact that I can't do full time. It's hard as our time is billable so we need to record what we do for each hour. Hopefully I can get enough done in the time that I do work that they won't suspect I am working a bit less.

Look into parental leave. Yes, it's unpaid but it might just see you through: www.gov.uk/parental-leave

For what it's worth, we are managing with our three year old and two full time jobs as follows:
6am-10am DH works (4 hours)
10am-12pm I work (2 hours)
12pm-12.30pm Lunch together
12.30pm-3.30pm I work (3 hours)
3.30pm-6pm DH works (2.5 hours)

I also manage another hour or so during the afternoon stretch with my son in front of the TV so I average about 6 hours a day and DH about 6.5 hours (he is contracted to slightly more hours than I am). After DS' bedtime we check emails and deal with anything urgent and we will keep an eye on our inboxes at other times. I feel my output is similar, most days, to my usual 7.5 hour work days. I need uninterrupted time to do most of my job and use the afternoon time simply to reply to emails.

I have sent my internal out of office message (which only colleagues can see) to state I am working with a young child and that my dedicated work block is between 10-3.30. I've said they should expect a delayed response outside of those times and blocked out the time in my calendar so no one tries to book a meeting then. I am available outside of that core time, as noted above, but it seems to be working at managing expectations.

I am extremely emotional and exhausted today so I can't say this is all working perfectly but I'm at least keeping things ticking over and achieving what I need to achieve.

Not much help but how about eating off paper plates ?

It's hard as our time is billable so we need to record what we do for each hour.

Mine too! It’s a nightmare, I have nothing to record some days 😭

@Sleepyquest I spent most of my two maternity leaves looking after baby and did barely anything else, so you take your time and relax when you can!

The reality is I HAD to get organised quickly as the first week or two of WfH was awful; DH and I were arguing constantly over who was working when, he was basically expecting me to be a SAHM AND work full-time at home, neither of us were giving enough attention to work or the children, so something had to change, and fast. We've got into the rhythm of it all now, and while it's not perfect, we're managing a decent balance, given the circumstances.