Struggling to work with no nursery

[moomoobaabaa]

We both work FT, now both WFH, and we have one preschooler aged 2. Neither of us are key workers so we have no access to childcare. Usually our child goes to a great private nursery.

Our employers are letting us work at odd times as we can't both do 9-5. This means we are up early and working till late, with one of us 'on duty' with childcare or working. When DS goes to bed often one of us is still working and the other does the dishes or tries to do a load of laundry.

We have zero me time or family time. We are stressed. I can't see how we can continue like this longer term.

I don't believe private nurseries will be able to reopen any time soon, as little kids can't be looked after while social distancing. They need touch and cuddles, they need help feeding and toileting.

We are really struggling fitting in full time working hours for both of us. Not sure of the point of my post it's just a rant I suppose. I feel so tearful and hopeless

Have others in a similar situation got any advice? I'm thinking one of us needs to quit or both need to go PT, which will really hurt our income especially since we are still paying partial nursery fees.

I think I would do as others suggest and maybe aim for 7 hours rather than 8. Without tea breaks etc... this should be doable (you can make each other tea!)

Also, why can't you do some washing up or laundry whilst on duty with the 2 year old? They love to help. Or sort it out whilst the little one is in a high chair with a snack. I'd get as much done with the toddler as possible and make sure you have an hour or 2 in the evening to relax together.

Also what about a running buggy? You could take the toddler out for your daily run so then in the evening you have more time for each other.

I’m amazed by how many people on this thread and others expect (and seem to be able) to keep being paid their normal salary but just working as and when they can around their kids. Yes employers have to be understanding of the situation but they also have to make money (well, private sector do). DH and I are both consultancy workers-all our time is charged to clients and we have to complete timesheets every day, accounting for all our time and billing someone for most of it. So it’s not just about getting certain tasks done then feeling we’ve done enough-we simply have to work at full productivity for the amount of hours we’re contracted to. Luckily we both work four days a week around our toddlers so we can just about fit our hours in by doing six hours a day each from 7am-7pm and topping up at weekends. Our employers are flexible on when we work which is lucky, but there is no question that we must do our hours. I’m just shocked and a bit envious that for so many people ‘wfh’ seems to be picking bits and pieces up as and when they can get the kids in front of the tv for a while. For me, and I suspect the OP, work has to be sitting down uninterrupted at a computer and working productively for my full hours. For people in that situation I would suggest that both maintaining full time hours is impossible. Starting work at 4am is just not sustainable.

@moomoobaabaa are you able to vaguely describe the kind of work you and DH do, if it's not too outing, so we can help with more suggestions?

Do you HAVE to be online continuously for 8 hours straight? Would it be possible for you to reduce your hours to do 6 each? DH could start at 6am instead then.

I can see why you are finding it difficult if you are both up from effectively 4am until at least 8pm, that's definitely not sustainable for any period of time.

Thanks to everyone for the suggestions.

Just to reply to a few points:

1 nannies - I think the revised guidance permits live in nannies only. I really don't want someone random living in my house and my child has been though a lot lately, I don't think another huge change like this would be for the best.

2 the reason I can't do laundry etc while doing childcare is that I'm also expected to monitor my emails during this time and deal with anything that is time critical. This means I am looking at my phone fairly regularly and taking 10 mins here and there to deal with work things during 9-12.30. I need to ignore my young child to do this. I don't feel I can ignore for even longer to also do laundry.

3 run while with DC in buggy- we do have a running buggy however I need to check emails every 20 mins or so to deal with anything urgent, making it hard to get out while also keeping DC safe and entertained outdoors, exercise and also still deal with urgent work at the same time. DC won't stay sitting happily if I stop to spend even 3 mins on my phone. It leads to screaming and stress.

I honestly don't think there is anything I can do in terms of organising my day in order to make this better.

It's a shit situation and there isn't much that can be done. I just hope it's over soon.

We don't have to work in a straight chunk of 7-8 hours no, and can be flexible about when work is done but can't be flexible about how much work is done. Flexible means different, not less.

Work allow flexibility, they don't allow working a couple of hours a day less.

OP I'm a single parent of 3 children, working f/t from home at the moment. My children are older but all need support with home schooling, and although they can occupy themselves for periods of time, my days (and work calls!) are plagued with fighting, whinging, and demands for attention.

At the moment I've no support at all, I crave any bit of time away from children.

I'm in a team leader role in a public sector job - so without the same pressures as private sector - but in an area significantly impacted by the current crisis, so it's very busy & pressurised. There's a lot of talk of doing what you can & minding yourself but actually, there's pressure to deliver and ensure team output.

I know this isn't a competition and it's challenging regardless, but I seriously envy someone with another adult to share the load.

My observations:

1. You talk about doing 7.5 hours. Then you mention checking emails & responding in your non-working hours. You need to address this with your employer. I know it only takes minutes, but you've to be available, which you've noted interrupts your time with your DC, leisure time. If you're checking emails from eg 9 - 1230, you need to do less than 7.5 hours at the other part of the day. Think of a normal day in work - you wouldn't work 9 - 530, then stay on 2 or 3 more hours to check email.

1. WFH in the concentrated way you describe should not require you to do 7.5 hours exactly. You can get the equivalent work done in less time at home. No extraneous meetings, walks to printers, chats with colleagues. I know you say the same hours are required but the different conditions have to be recognised. You need to focus on priorities with your manager and do less actual hours, something like 6.

This won't solve everything but it's clear to me you are both essentially working longer, more intense hours when you have childcare to factor in plus the fact that everyone is struggling with this new reality.

I've struggled with all this myself, often racking up 10 or more hours work a day, as I've done chunks throughout the day, stopping for child-related activities, and feeling I've to 'make up' time, then ultimately working much longer than I should.

The fact that we're both online at 4 am means neither of us is getting this right😊

Definitely review how much actual time you are working. If you're checking email, you're working. You wouldn't normally think you could bring LO into the office with you, and balance the two, so you have to set better limits and communicate those to your manager.

Good luck 🌺

@EarringsandLipstick that sounds awful! 3 on your own must be tough.

It sounds like you are actually doing more than you need to @moomoobaabaa, so it might help if you think of your work in terms of output, rather than in hours.

Don't forget you haven't got any of the usual distractions of colleagues interrupting, chit chats, coffee making, going out to buy lunch etc, and are focussed solely on work for chunks at a time.

When I used to write client reports in the office, on a good day it would take me about 3 hours. When I worked from home, it would take me about half of that.

I'm also seeing increased productivity for my staff who input invoices, even though they've never worked from home before. E.g. if they usually input 120 invoices a day per person, that has increased to 150 invoices a day per person on average.

Although I am officially logged on 6 hours a day, the work I'm producing is what could reasonably be expected in 7 hours, and I'm also keeping an eye out for urgent emails (and ONLY replying to those which genuinely can't wait, actually very few) outside of that, so am comfortable my hours are covered.

I feel for you @EarringsandLipstick, I don't think I could actually do my job if I was a single parent, at 2 and a half and 3 and a half, our children need to be occupied and stimulated constantly. You are doing an amazing job to keep it all going by yourself.

*I honestly don't think there is anything I can do in terms of organising my day in order to make this better.

It's a shit situation and there isn't much that can be done. I just hope it's over soon.*

I agree. I said as much to my DH when I was getting worked up! It’s not works fault, it’s not my child’s fault it’s just an impossible situation.

Flexible means different, not less.

@moomoobaabaa yes this! You’ve summed up what I was trying to say far more succinctly!

Moom, I would have hired a live in nanny were my children still small for the duration of lockdown - yes I hate people in the house and we had a daily nanny - first one stayed 10 years when the children were little, but when she had her first maternity leave we hired a live in one for the 6 weeks she was goodand although it is very intrusive it means you can earn a living and work. I do think it is worth even using savings to fund one for those trying to maintain a decent career. Also for some it will save their sanity and even if you have to move 2 toddlers into your own bed room and free their room for a live in nanny.

I WFH - one in primary school, one severely disabled and I am getting hammered with stuff from her special school. Now my printer broke. and I am a lone parent on top. now other adult to help.

I just had a long cry. I just want to run away.

Is it really feasible to get a live in nanny at the moment?

You’ve got to interview and meet them all, presumably also meet the children and I can’t see how you can do that without breaking social distancing rules/guidelines or safely within those guidelines.

@TriangleBingoBongo I agree it's not really feasible. Basically the nanny needs to become part of your household, so can't leave your house except for exercise, food shopping etc. They can't go home, they can't see their own families... it seems a bit like keeping a slave. Not something I'd want to do. We couldn't afford it anyway.

It wouldn’t be a route I’d like to take right now. As you say a bit like a live in slave. Really not a healthy way to introduce someone new to the household.

Unless you live on a vast estate can provide the Nanny with separate accommodation. I can see that being slightly easier, but still far from ideal.

Have not read a replied but will soon.

OP nannies don't have to be live in, FYI

I think one of you needs to drop hours, go pt, lose an income etc.
It's awful times but many are having to change their lifestyle, the kids can't mind themselves.
I don't see schools and nurseries going back anytime soon, learning is starting on BBC now, too.

They’d have to live in at the moment with the restrictions surely?

@TriangleBingoBongo
No, we don't :)
I am a nanny and am allowed to continue to work. Some of my families have furloughed me but am still working for some.

I’m pleased you’re able to work but don’t think that’s a risk I’d want at the moment.

@Hugglespuffed are you saying you are working for non-key worker families as a live out nanny?

Yes I am @moomoobaabaa
Nannies and childminders are different. Nannies are allowed to still work for non key worker families.
Trust me, it is true because nannies kicked up a huge fuss (rightly so) when lockdown first started because we were included in the closures. I had about 2 weeks down to 1 family followed by 2 weeks no work at all but am starting back a bit more now.

That should say because we *weren't

It is tricky @TriangleBingoBongo
There is a thread on the nannies forum on here with hundreds of comments with a huge debate. My opinion has changed as time has gone on. I think it is about risk assessing for sure.
Unfortunately, in my boat, I'm employed so if I was the one who chose not to go in then I would not get any pay, and I can't afford to not get paid for months on end, I live in an expensive area and rent.

Luckily my families took the decision to furlough me so I'm grateful. I was then only working for 1 family (both key workers, but working at home)
This week I reintroduce one more child (non key worker)