Struggling to work with no nursery

[moomoobaabaa]

We both work FT, now both WFH, and we have one preschooler aged 2. Neither of us are key workers so we have no access to childcare. Usually our child goes to a great private nursery.

Our employers are letting us work at odd times as we can't both do 9-5. This means we are up early and working till late, with one of us 'on duty' with childcare or working. When DS goes to bed often one of us is still working and the other does the dishes or tries to do a load of laundry.

We have zero me time or family time. We are stressed. I can't see how we can continue like this longer term.

I don't believe private nurseries will be able to reopen any time soon, as little kids can't be looked after while social distancing. They need touch and cuddles, they need help feeding and toileting.

We are really struggling fitting in full time working hours for both of us. Not sure of the point of my post it's just a rant I suppose. I feel so tearful and hopeless

Have others in a similar situation got any advice? I'm thinking one of us needs to quit or both need to go PT, which will really hurt our income especially since we are still paying partial nursery fees.

We’re doing the same - trying to work and have childcare in shifts, but I find the juggling work and childcare and the lack of down time to get other things done, really hard work, and I can’t wait for nursery to open again!

At the minute I’m afraid you probably have to suck it up and carry on. I know it’s difficult, but there are limited other options.

If there is work to be done then I can’t see your employer being willing to furlough you. It wouldn’t be fair on other employees who are working full time for their wage if you are doing nothing for 80% of yours.

I would suggest one of you works 6-1pm and the other 1-7pm. Or have an hour or 2 overlap in the middle where you stick CBeebies on for your preschooler.

Can either of you work weekends instead?

So currently DH is working 4am till 12.30 with no breaks and he takes over childcare at 12.30.

Neither of us have a lunch "break" we just shove something in while also watching DC.

I work 12.30 till 7pm with no breaks then I do bedtime and DC is in bed for 7.30.

DH does dinner with DC about 5ish, so I have mine reheated about 8pm if he has made something for me or I just have cereal or toast.

Then one of us goes for a run or walk (alternate evenings) while the other stays home and does laundry/dishes/clean up. Quick shower then bed for 9pm as DH is up about 3.30. I try to get back to sleep for a bit but it's hard as we live in a flat so I hear him. Often DC wake up with the noise even though he tries to be quiet, so often I'm on duty with DC from around 4.30.

This is ok for 2-4 weeks but not ok for a long time eg until September.

DC will not even watch tv I supervised, they are only just 2 so still v young and just can't manage on their own.

Yes we are working in shifts but even then I'm not quite fitting all my hours in.

www.littleoneslondon.co.uk/blog/2020/03/little-ones-covid-19-parent-guide

Same apart from we have a five year old too. No furlough. It's bloody tough.

If you are NHS workers, you are eligible for key worker places at a nursery, regardless of whether you are working from home or not.

Why not just take these up?

@EYProvider we are not NHS workers

Hopefully nurseries will start again soon. It really isn't clear social distancing is needed for toddlers.

What I meant to say was - it’s still really tough
By Friday I am exhausted and tearful

If I think one week at a time, it’s ok
When people start going on about until September for schools it feels damn bleak

But do you HAVE to do 8 hours each? I know that's what you're contracted for but does it take you that long to get everything done? Surely without tea breaks and colleague interruptions you can condense things into fewer hours. Can you work smarter? Do a good enough job for now, rather than your absolute best?

Speak to your employer, they really need to give a bit of flexibility here.
These are tough times and you need to find a balance or you will burn out.

OP I am in a similar situation, except my DH is a key worker and so out all day, every day. He has two days of off a week and I try and work then to make my hours up. Typically he leaves around 7am. I then try and log on at 6, at which point I’ve been up 12 hours already with DS. I am just exhausted with it all. I’m constantly torn between 13 month old DS and work. I am dreading tomorrow already. I’ve worked a little this weekend but it just feels like there’s no let up. I feel I’m letting my son down actively trying to ignore him. Some days he’s been tired and needy and just wants cuddles. Other days he’s been ok and we’ve managed. But I’m struggling to feel or be productive. I have tears in my eyes now. I’m just dreading tomorrow. I can’t go on! I’m just so so bloody tired.

4:00-12:30 is about 8.5 hours, can your husband shift that to 5:00-12:30, so he isn't working more than his contracted hours? Can he shift his shower etc to later in the day so he gets up at 4:50, pulls on clothes, makes a cup of coffee and gets going?

If you start at 12:30, you should be finishing at 8pm?

If you finished a bit earlier could you make up 2.5 hours one weekend day? Or your husband could stop a little earlier (say 12?) And make 30 mins up at 7 when the children are in need?

I think you need to accept you just can't do 8 hours a day at the moment.
Aim for 6 hours, one 7am-1pm, the other 1pm-7pm.

Starting work at 4am is just unsustainable!

My DH works full time; I work 0.6 FTE and we have a 4 year old at home.

My DH has been working longer days on the days I don't work and shorter days on the days I do. We've both been getting maybe 6 hours done on the days we both work through getting up early, tag teaming and doing a bit once DS is in bed. As my contracted hours are only 7 a day, and I'm working smarter at home (fewer meetings and tea breaks), my boss is happy with the current situation.

I think employers just have to accept that for those of us with young kids at home, we can do what we can and no more. We're both fortunate enough to have understanding employers (DH - university; me - think tank) who have accepted the flexible nature of our working patterns. It is going to become harder for DH from tomorrow once students are back, delivering lectures via zoom. At this point I will have to take DS out during those hours as he'll just want to get involved.

It is tough. I hear you.

Is your work flexible in terms of days? If it is, I would consider working compressed hours/4 day week & work opposite days? That way there's only 1 day of the week where you both have to work on the same day? No solution is going to be ideal in the circumstances unfortunately

I just add a few hours at the weekend to catch up - so can do 7-9am and still have time with the family.

I'm replying because we are in a similar position so I can feel you. Our break point was a week or so ago but we've come through it and you will too. Good luck

I'm shocked your employers are expecting normal productivity when they know you have childcare to factor in.

DH and I are similar, normally both work full time with DS (15 months) in nursery. Since the start of lockdown he's been home with us and we're technically WFH full time but there's no way either of us is achieving normal hours. Usually I manage 9-12 then DS has his nap for a couple of hours when we can both work, then I have DS in the afternoon while DH works 2-6ish, then we both log off for the evening.

Both of our employers have been understanding of the fact we can't be as productive as normal, but we're in roles that are still needed so they're grateful to get some work out of us rather than none if we had to be furloughed or request unpaid leave.

Have you tried speaking to your employer about needing some flexibility?

We are in the same boat, both of us working full time from home with a toddler.

I’m lucky that my workload has reduced with the current situation but DH is as busy as ever. He spends most of the day on conference calls meaning I pick up most of the childcare which I am feeling resentful for. Granted, I am not as busy but I am conscious I should still be contributing to work given I am still being paid to do my job. The situation is unsustainable.

I’ve found the five minute mum blog useful for ways of keeping my toddler entertained but it is never for long enough. Like a PP above, I am actively ignoring them to try and do some work. He is too young too understand that we are working and can’t play with him.

I am not doing well at work or as a mother

OP we're in same position as you, except in addition to 2 year old we also have a 5 year old so doing home schooling too. We are stressed, no family time, little sleep. It's not fun but remember this will end at some point.

Hi
I'm a lone parent who works from home as the norm.
Due to my youngschool age now being home and needing educating, I start earlier and do not take a lunch break as I eat on the hoof if hungry. Its not perfect, but generally I'm balancing all the balls alone between conference calls, general child needs and supporting my child's learning.
730 to 230 gives me 7 hours of work. The earlier starts let me catch up with emails and messages first, before the onslaught starts.

Does lo nap still? Could you have 1 parent doing the early slot one week and alternate to later slots next week, straddling over nap time? Then swapping?
What time does your lo wake up?

It's absolutely grim.

It’s basically impossible. We have a 3 year old and 6 year old so at least the 6 year old can kind of occupy the younger one. I’m a key worker (but can work from home) working v long hours where I’m lucky to get 1 day off a week and DH is wfh but is the main breadwinner - we couldn’t survive without his salary and it’s quite bonus heavy so his performance is really important. I go on mat leave at the end of this week (currently 36wks pregnant) and I literally cannot wait - even life with a newborn will be easier than this.

I recognise everything you are saying OP. Mine are 8 and 6 so can look after themselves a bit more than a pre-schooler but I am required to help with their school work too.

It's ground dog day everyday. I'm so tired. My DH is still going to his workplace each day so I'm on my own with them trying to get through some work at the same time.

A number of my friends are furloughed. I can't help but be envious of how much easier that must be.

No advice, I just wanted to sympathise.