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Covid

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Original poster

I've never seen my husband so angry and upset

96 replies

Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2020 20:32

Just here to vent, really. My PIL's, along with SIL and BIL live very close to each other, about 3 hours away from us. To put it mildly, my SIL can be hard to love, nevermind like, but there have never been any issues to speak of over the many years.

However, she has treated the lockdown and risk of COVID-19 like it's all some big joke, still hosting/meeting up with friends and PIL's at their homes. My husband has spoken to her about this countless times in hopes of changing her attitude, to no avail. My FIL is firmly in the high risk category. Obese, diabetes, high blood pressure and he's a heavy smoker. Obviously, he should be taking lockdown seriously, but he isn't either.

Anyway, we found out today that one of BIL's colleagues tested positive last week, and this man is now very ill in hospital. Two days ago, BIL started having symptoms and he has gotten very ill very quickly. He got tested for COVID today, results not back yet.

As it turns out, SIL and BIL have been to my PIL's home FOUR times within the past week for dinner, the last time when BIL had already started to feel ill.

My husband is absolutely raging he is so angry, and he is a person who rarely gets upset about anything. I feel awful for him because he's so worried about his dad. Honestly, he's sick with worry. I could just throttle my SIL, even though I know it's just as much my PIL's fault as hers. If my FIL gets the virus and dies from it, my husband will never forgive his sister. He's already ranted that he never wants to see her again. His anger talking, I'm sure.

Why do people have be so fucking foolish?!

OP posts:

pocketem · 17/04/2020 21:10

FIL made his own decisions. If he is an obese heavy smoker he has already put his health at risk far more than the coronavirus would

LoveIslandVirgin · 17/04/2020 21:11

@UnaCorda there is a distinct lack of “bargains” anywhere at the minute. All offers are off. Supermarkets are selling the key worker angle but are fleecing the rest of us.

CallMeRachel · 17/04/2020 21:12

It's awful but some people just refuse to listen and don't believe it will happen to them.

Perhaps the only way to get the message through is for the law to start prosecuting people for reckless conduct by spreading this virus to others who they have been instructed to stay away from.

That, and billing them for any nhs costs incurred due to their stupidity.

TaighNamGastaOrt · 17/04/2020 21:13

I understand your anger but you can't talk to stupid. This happened with my sister. Her son at uni was diagnosed with covid-19 and told to self-isolate. 3 days later, she collects him, brings him home to our small community. Claims to self isolate, off work etc. But there she is, out and about with her family walking the dog, possibly spreading the virus. She's a feckin nurse, can't even follow their own guidelines.
Some people are just so arrogant they believe the guidelines are for everyone else and not them.
Gives me the rage, but theres nothing you can do. Hope your FiL is ok, my nephew recovered luckily.

Xenia · 17/04/2020 21:13

Your FIL is an adult. It is his fault if he gets it - no one else's and would be very wrong of your husband to blame his sister.

We certainly may need some changes - eg full cost NHS before you get treatment to be paid for anyone over weight etc

UnaCorda · 17/04/2020 21:14

@LoveIslandVirgin - sorry, I don't understand your point?

Original poster

Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2020 21:14

@pocketem

FIL made his own decisions. If he is an obese heavy smoker he has already put his health at risk far more than the coronavirus would

I agree completely. My husband has always been really upset that he still smokes. FIL thinks that because he always smokes outside and never in the house it's not as bad.

I also think my FIL suffers from the delusion, not uncommon amongst some men, that he's somehow bulletproof.

OP posts:

coughcoughcoughitty · 17/04/2020 21:15

Urgh. Sorry OP. In my experience (watching my friend) it’s horrible and intractable. She went NC with her sister but because she’s still close to her parents she doesn’t even really get the peace and quiet you’d normally get from going NC because she still hears all the drama and still (obviously) cares about her parents and gets wound up. I know my friend thinks her DH is an rock though - if she’s too angry/upset to talk about something sister-related to her parents he will step in and do it himself. He’s quite tough with them but because he’s at one remove he’s not quite so furious or upset, and he generally has a good relationship with them so they can’t brush him off completely. So there might be a role for you there, if you can bear it.

Ponoka7 · 17/04/2020 21:17

It's the anger looking for someone to blame, because he doesn't want to blame the person he is fearful of dying. Your FIL hasn't taken his health seriously upto now, so this isn't going to change that and to a, large extent SIL has been given that example from him. He can see the damage he is doing to his body by his obesity. He knows he has health issues, but he hopes for the best, because he wants to continue with his lifestyle.

He probably sees himself as an individual whose choice it is. As selfish as that is, they rarely ever change.

I hope he doesn't die of this, but particularly because SIL will be unfairly blamed.

I say that as someone whose Granddad, Mother and Father put themselves in an early grave because of lifestyle/addiction choices.

Areyousurethatsright · 17/04/2020 21:18

I know someone like this. He was posting on facebook that it was all media hype and that it was just flu. He carried on seeing friends and didn't even consider self isolation after returning from Vietnam 2 weeks ago. His mother died last week from the virus and he has suddenly gone very quiet. Some people just cant be reasoned with. Your DH had every right to be angry and I would probably cut all contact if it were my sister.

LoveIslandVirgin · 17/04/2020 21:19

Apologies @UnaCorda but until I logged I didn’t notice you were quoting @caringcarer. My point is the elderly mother can be reminded that shopping around is no longer an option. Safety first.

SickOfLockdown · 17/04/2020 21:19

It’s FIL responsibility to look after himself too. He should be saying “you can’t come to our home” it’s just really silly. My In laws are still going to each others houses, I’ve told my DH if they turn up on my doorstep I’ll throw a brick at them

Ponoka7 · 17/04/2020 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Porcupineinwaiting · 17/04/2020 21:21

I dont think it's that unfair to (partially) blame SiL. It's the equivalent of offering to take someone with an alcohol problem to the pub. It is their choice to neglect their health but you dont have make the situation worse.

diddl · 17/04/2020 21:21

Shame MIL & FIL couldn't have moved in with someone else then if they really can't say no to their daughter.

weliveincrazytimes · 17/04/2020 21:22

I think some people won't take it seriously until it happens to them or a loved one and then of course it will be someone else's fault they are sick.

bluebeck · 17/04/2020 21:34

I agree with PP - how come SIL is getting all the flack for this?

You said PILS haven't been treating the lockdown or the virus seriously so they have taken adult decisions and will have to take whatever the repercussions are.

If your DH is really in such a rage it should be with FIL but he's entitled to risk himself if he wants to - stupid but there's plenty of it about.

recycledbottle · 17/04/2020 21:41

I understand why your DH is upset. He shouldnt voice that at the moment. BIL may get sicker and FIL and MIL may not get sick at all. Let the dust settle

LilQueenie · 17/04/2020 21:41

You can report the SIL for being at their house.I had to do this with a neighbour.

koshkatt · 17/04/2020 21:42

I feel for your DH. He must try to make it clear to your PIL that they need to stop these idiots visiting at once and not when BIL feels better.

I hope that your in laws stay well but it will be a worrying wait for you all now.

koshkatt · 17/04/2020 21:42

FIL made his own decisions. If he is an obese heavy smoker he has already put his health at risk far more than the coronavirus would

Show some fucking compassion FGS.

TiddlestheCat · 17/04/2020 21:44

Your husband is justified. But the anger ought to be directed more at his own father than sister. Siblings usually get the brunt of the blame. Let him be angry and just be there for him. Lots of long daily walks etc.

Rosebel · 17/04/2020 21:44

I can understand why your husband would be more angry with his sister. He's not going to be angry with his dad as he's worried he'll die.
It must be an awful for you and especially your husband and I think all you can do is be there for your husband, hope the family all get through it and learn something.
I get so angry with people who don't listen, it's people like them who are making the rest of us suffer. Totally selfish.

theThreeofWeevils · 17/04/2020 21:52

I had to do this with a neighbour

You didn't 'have' to. You chose to.

laidbacklife · 17/04/2020 21:57

Look your FIL has made selfish and stupid choices for a long time now - he is an obese heavy smoker. Does your DH get riled about that? He should do because that is what is really killing your FIL.

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