I've never seen my husband so angry and upset

[Aquamarine1029]

Just here to vent, really. My PIL's, along with SIL and BIL live very close to each other, about 3 hours away from us. To put it mildly, my SIL can be hard to love, nevermind like, but there have never been any issues to speak of over the many years.

However, she has treated the lockdown and risk of COVID-19 like it's all some big joke, still hosting/meeting up with friends and PIL's at their homes. My husband has spoken to her about this countless times in hopes of changing her attitude, to no avail. My FIL is firmly in the high risk category. Obese, diabetes, high blood pressure and he's a heavy smoker. Obviously, he should be taking lockdown seriously, but he isn't either.

Anyway, we found out today that one of BIL's colleagues tested positive last week, and this man is now very ill in hospital. Two days ago, BIL started having symptoms and he has gotten very ill very quickly. He got tested for COVID today, results not back yet.

As it turns out, SIL and BIL have been to my PIL's home FOUR times within the past week for dinner, the last time when BIL had already started to feel ill.

My husband is absolutely raging he is so angry, and he is a person who rarely gets upset about anything. I feel awful for him because he's so worried about his dad. Honestly, he's sick with worry. I could just throttle my SIL, even though I know it's just as much my PIL's fault as hers. If my FIL gets the virus and dies from it, my husband will never forgive his sister. He's already ranted that he never wants to see her again. His anger talking, I'm sure.

Why do people have be so fucking foolish?!

[YinMnBlue]

If MIL has suggested that she would rather isolate properly then I think it is SILs responsibility to respect that and not steamroller in. Either there is such a thing as bullying and co- ercion or there isn’t. If there is, is it the target’s responsibility to withstand it?

Your PILS are vulnerable: even if there was no bullying and they were begging SIL to go and visit she has a responsibility to say no!

The risk has been taken. If they catch it now, whatever happens, your DH will hold his sister at least partly responsible for the rest of his life, unless he gaslights himself for the sake of family unity that it was his parents’ responsibility.

Did MIL and FIL know that BIL has symptoms before they arrived, or was that fact held back from them until he got there?

Stupid people like them are responsible for this thing spreading and they deserve people’s anger. It isn’t all right to put people’s lives at risk. If your parents are genuinely happy to have him in their house, that’s their look out, but someone stupid enough to risk their own PiL will also be putting unsuspecting members of the public at risk.

[chatterbugmegastar]

I'd suggest that your DH speaks to your parents doctor and asks him/her to ring sister in law and tell her and brother in law not to visit parents

This worked for a friend of a friend who is similar to your SIL

[Biscuitsneeded]

This is extra difficult because it's not your own family and you can't speak your mind. Just be there to listen to DH, who is absolutely right to be furious. How is BIL this morning?

[Ineedtobecalm]

Just be there for your husband. Ultimately your SIL may have to live with the guilt of knowing she helped contribute to someone's death although I hope it doesn't come to that.

[Bluntness100]

Your husband is scared. However his parents are adults, and I’m not sure I’m buying that his parents had them round to dinner four times in the week because she bullied them so much and they were so scared they couldn’t say no.

If that was the case why was your husband allowing his sister to bully and traumatise their parents, I strongly suspect she wasn’t, and they all wanted this, as such, they are all idiots.

[TheReluctantCountess]

your dh has every right to be angry, and I would be too.

I hope to god that your film doesn’t get ill.

[SignGrudgeBluebook]

OP I think you have to learn the gentle art of not giving a shit.

It really is a freeing mindset applicable to a variety of situations that might previously have made you quite ill with stress.

Unless bad things are being done to children, animals or the dead, let it pass you by. Serenity awaits.

[AnotherEmma]

What nonsense.
Of course we are going give a shit about the people we love.
Of course we are going to worry about them getting ill at the moment.
I do agree that with people like this you do have to let go - you can't control what they do and it's no use trying to change people.
But it's also ok to feel frustrated, angry and anxious.

[poppy54321]

I can see being more annoyed at his sister. Siblings should stick together and explain to parents in this situation. My brother and I were pushing my parents to isolate and it worked well. As parents get older we take responsibility for them more don't we, this is the way of life. What a shame his sister has been so rubbish.

[FelicisNox]

I hear you but stop.

Seriously. Stop right there.

Your DH has every right to be upset but these people are all adults and their choices are their own. They are all now being faced with the consequences so let them deal with the consequences of their own stupidity.

Your DH needs to take a massive deap breath and a massive step back from this for his own sake because he's no power over others and he will put himself in an early grave trying.

[Liketoshop]

It was their choice to ignore the warnings and now there's a distinct possibility they'll be a drain on the NHS, it's hard but that's what makes my blood boil, risk can be reduced and your FIL is high risk, if he falls ill he'll be very difficult to look after. I've no time for such people I'm afraid. Reap and sow

[MummyMayo1988]

Theres a similar situation in my family.

Very complicated...

MIL's house.
BIL + SIL and their 1yr old live with her.
After Xmas; other BIL + DP and 2 of their children were made homeless and also moved in. Their eldest lives with her partner a couple of miles away.
Eldest daughter has been frequently visiting the house as she is bored and missing her mum.

My DH is fuming at this as she is putting the entire family - most importantly the baby - at risk.

We live 50 miles away (around an hour) and havent seen either side for nearly 11 weeks. We were due for a weekend visit around the time lockdown was announced.

Obviously we miss everyone but wouldnt dare risk it.

It is completely unacceptable behaviour but we cant say anything for fear of upsetting BIL's DP and causing a family argument.
SIL has called me most days worrying that her LO will catch it but feels she cant do anything about it.

People are idiots and soo selfish.

[Tinkerbell1980]

I truly hope they'll all be fine and this will be nothing more than a wake up call for them x

[LaurieMarlow]

Ultimately they’re all adults and have to take responsibility for the actions they’ve taken,

Try to detach OP. Getting angry won’t help anything.

[angelfacecuti75]

I have not read the whole thread.
Clearly suggesting things isn't working and silly and fil* needed a wake up call. Karma came and they got it. I would bluntly tell my sister in law this. I'd say "well this thing isn't a joke , it kills people, and you've treated it like a joke and now brother in law is ill. Father in law has played along too. You all might have it. You have endangered lives for no reason other than your stubbornness to conform. I'm angry because we warned you and not for the benefit of our health because we love you . I'm angry because you've endangered your life and frankly, I don't want you or anyone else to die. I have wasted my breath with the softly softly approach with you and I'm currently wondering why I've wasted my breath on you. You have been stupid. I urge you to think about your actions in future because I'm reluctant to waste my breath on you any longer and am about at the end of my tether with it all. You are an adult , your responsible for your own behaviour and actions. Your actions were wrong. Now people are I'll and are going to get hurt because of them. I'm angry now because of a break in trust. I still love you but in no way do I condone your behaviour. I've now said my piece and will not comment any longer. I just am so disappointed and upset and concerned. ".
Or if silly and fil won't listen call the police.

[angelfacecuti75]

Sil*

[Jux]

Does your FIL perhaps feel that he's well on the way to death as it is, and therefore why worry about the possibility of catching COVID? He'd rather enjoy what joys life contains now while he can?

I'm pretty sure I know quite a few people with that mindset, who only behave sensibly atm wrt social distancing, limiting how often they go out and who they see etc because they're more concerned with protecting a partner or parent who is more vulnerable. Not doing it for themselves.

What that says about the 4s' attitude to each other is another matter.

[thea543]

Here we go again fat bashing. Thin people die of it and people who exercise every day die of it. You could get it and die,I could get and live. It doesn't care who it kills. But most people don't die of it they get better

[Jux]

Obesity is a factor, as is sex, as is age etc. Stating that is not fat bashing. What a ridiculous statement.

[Xenia]

Obesity does seem to be a factor - the Government health adviser said age, gender (being male) and obesity are definite risk factors.

In fact if you want to "save the NHS" people should try to get down to healthy weights as much as staying inside. Stay inside and don't eat much might be a good slogan.

[Jux]

Stay inside and don't eat much

Splendid, Xenia!