Would never have had second child if I’d known about coronvirus

[Napqueen1234]

Just that really. Had a really bad day. 12 week old and almost 3 year old. We don’t have family nearby anyway but my mum often helps (like when DC2 was born) if I’m struggling. I feel so alone (I know we all do and a lot of people have it harder I just need to vent).
No nursery so older child bouncing off the walls. No groups soft play swimming etc to tire them out. No friends to meet up with and run around at the park. I have no mums to meet up with a have a natter.
Older DC just stopped napping so I have them 7-7 wanting to play constant entertainment (they struggle to play alone even with constant encouragement and trying). DC2 now wants a fair amount of attention when awake. Still doing night feeds obviously.
I’m just completely utterly exhausted. This isn’t what I signed up for when I had another baby. DC1 should be in nursery 3 days, I wish I had time to enjoy the baby instead of being an inconvenience, wish I could walk round the park or meet a friend in real life or get some help from family. DC2 has only met our families a couple of times and a lot of our friends haven’t even met them and it makes me so sad. I wish we hadn’t had them. I feel so low and sad can’t stop crying and HV aren’t visiting/running clinics and haven’t returned my calls.
I just want to say I know this is how it is, we all feel the same it’s SO much worse for nhs staff on the front line etc. I’m just struggling so much and it feels neverending.

Another one here in similar circumstances. DD1 is nearly 4 and dd2 is now 5.5m. We have been in lockdown for a month now.

To preserve sanity some ruled have been relaxed, and other new ones created. (Less TV, more help with tidying).

It’s really hard. I am tired every night and all the mental health advice about exercising or taking time for yourself is impossible when all my time goes on making sure everyone is fed, all bums are wiped, laundry is done, house is occasionally cleaned, baby hasn’t been cuddled to death by older sister. This wasn’t the maternity leave I had in mind but I have to have faith that the things you miss (nursery for your eldest, soft play, visiting friends and family) will start back up at some point and a different order will be restored.

It's incredibly hard having two young children all day by yourself before they are old enough to also provide some conversation back. What really gets me is how draining it is to constantly have to be the one driving everything, I just want to be able to zone out occasionally.

I don't know what your almost 3 year old is like, but my 3.5 year old will do bits of PE to videos if I sort of participate with my 8 month old in a sling. She likes Andy's wild workouts (iPlayer) and cosmic kids yoga (youtube) and will do either for 20 min ish spells. If you haven't tried yet, they might be worth a go.

Other online things that might be worth a go to mix up with the TV (which stops working with mine after about 45 minutes) and take the strain off you of being chief entertainer for a while are that a lot of authors are reading their books and putting the videos up. Some of them like Caryl Hart have released activities like colouring to go with the books as well which might give you a few more minutes break.

Sorry you're having a tough time OP. I remember the toddler and baby days. It's is bone crushingly tiring. But you can do this and try not to think beyond the next hour. Each day is a victory. It does get better with time. Hang in there.

My only advice is ignore the mess. Lower your standards of how the house will look and also don't sweat meal times if they are stressful. Also use absolutely every toy and activity you have. I remember my toddler had to be shown how to use something or okay with something about a hundred times. He finally got it and now teaches the younger one so worth investing the time now. They love getting messy at that age and those activities would last the longest. Fill up the sink with bubbles and plastic kitchen stuff and cups, pull up a chair and let them play there. Shaving foam in a bowl. Mixing pastas. Hand painting. Feet painting if you are feeling brave. Just anything messy really! Also baby in the sling means you have hands free to play with toddler.

Safe venting here OP, it's tough.

I saw on the news a man who froze
his kids favourite toys into ice blocks and gave them a spoon to retrieve it. Guessing that occupied them for 20-30 mins and I thought totally fair enough when you just... want... a.... quiet.... brew.... PLEASE!

Hope you have some outdoors space the older one can just make a mess in whilst you sit down for a minute.

I completely empathise OP, this is totally fucking shit if you have very small DC. My two are almost 4 and 11 months. Everyday I feel like I wake up and start counting the minutes until it’s time to go back to bed and I hate that.

I feel as though this virus has stolen my ability to enjoy my D.C. because I’m so bloody exhausted and all of my coping mechanisms for when I’m finding things tough (principally getting the DC out, meeting friends etc) have been taken away.

In practical terms, I have found getting DH to take one day a week annual leave mid week every week has made quite a big difference. I do the weekly shop that day and do housework and just take some time out from looking after the DC. I also try to do a fair bit of garden time which does help a bit.

It’s unbelievably hard but every day we get through is another day we don’t have to get through. It will get better.

I feel for you too OP. It's relentless and intense with such small kids. You literally don't get a minute to yourself.
I know lots of people don't agree with screen time for little ones but under the circumstances that might help you get a break.
My oldest used to watch busy beavers on YouTube. There are videos for learning colours, shapes and numbers. We still remember the songs! Red caaaaar! They're fun.
Sorry can't offer any better advice. It's hard, hard work. 💐

God sympathy. I only survived that stage because I found like minded mothers now friends and we hung out together. I don’t think humans were intended to go through this stage alone. It’s really shit for you.

Oh OP
I advise you to call your GP. Most HVs are useless at the best of times.

I don’t think many of us past the baby/toddler stage can really appreciate what it’s like for OP.

Sure, I remember the tough days of having a newborn with a toddler but there were baby groups, soft play meets, seeing other mums in cafes, having friends and family over, days at the park, the eldest at nursery in the mornings- all filling the days and passing the time. I think OPs struggling more with all this stuff she’d envisioned and now it’s a different set of shorty circumstances.

OP I can’t imagine how tough it is for mums with babies, particularly new babies. Try and stay connected as much as possible with others over the phone and via social media. Maybe join some Facebook groups and communities for mums with babies of a similar age, or groups with ideas and tips for lockdown and keeping toddlers busy. Make the most of the daily exercise and a nice walk with the kids. Don’t stress or worry about a tidy house- pointless anyway at the moment with no visitors! Just remember that this will pass eventually and you will get back to having the life you’d imagined.

Another one here in a similar boat - DD is 3.5 and DS is 4 months, and was just starting to get out and about and feel a bit better after a tough first 3 months (bad birth, colic and reflux, Velcro baby who would only nap in sling etc!). Feeling really sad that we are now stuck inside, just as going out was becoming feasible and enjoyable. Very much missing the social side of things, it is such a big part of what keeps a lot of new mums/new mums of two sane, and like a pp said, feel neither child is getting the best of me at the moment and yet I'm absolutely exhausted regardless! Yes people have it so much worse than we do but you are absolutely entitled to feel sad as it is still a v tough situation. Sending lots and lots of sympathy

Oh god I questioned why I had another baby when my youngest was that age and his brother had just turned 3, and that was before anyone had heard of covid19. The youngest is now 11 months and I am finding this lockdown HARD. I'd already been back at work 30+ hours a week from January, and of course DS1 had nursery, so the weeks are long and sometimes depressing. The 3 year old's behaviour has been absolutely atrocious and he's regressed with his toilet training. You have my absolute sympathy!

My nearly 3 year old has also had a toilet training regression. My 8 month old has given up day time sleep. I'm feeding them toast and chopped fruit for most meals and feel like I'm in prison. So yes, I feel your pain!

You’re at an incredibly tricky stage and with no help, I’m not surprised you feel like this.
Maybe you also have postpartum depression, it doesn't always come right away... I would look for professional help.

Really feel for you OP. I only have a 3 yo and finding it hard.

Are you sure oldest has completely dropped naps? Mine is probably transitioning but now is really not the time for him to drop him. I need them for my sanity! I always put him to bed as usual. Sometimes he sleeps, sometimes he doesn’t. As long as he’s not unhappy and just chatting away to himself, I’ll just leave him in the hope he’ll eventually fall asleep. Sometimes he doesn’t but at least it’s given me half and hour or maybe even an hour!

Also, what I find helps me is splitting the day into small chunks. For example play with DC for half hour, then have a break for half hour. Go for a walk. I actually find doing housework much easier than trying to play with DS. I do it and let him follow me round. Sometimes he helps and it kills time.

Hope you feel better. Sending hugs.

I just wanted to say I feel the same way you do OP. I have a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old and the days are so tough. Not sure how or when it will get better but hoping it does soon.

I’ve also had thoughts that I wish if not had my 10 week old dc2 sometimes. I would be finding lockdown a lot easier if I had just dd1. I totally feel you, babies are hard enough work without being in this situation.
My eldest is 7 so I suppose I’m lucky in that she’s a bit more independent and is quite happy watching tv all day which I’ve had to let her do to get through the day sometimes.
It’s all about survival at the moment so do what ever you can to keep the oldest entertained. It won’t be forever.

I feel for you OP. A toddler and a newborn are a handful at the best of times. I'm returning to work in a few weeks post mat leave and have an older toddler as well.

Would moving your mum in safely be an option? I've seen exemptions for cooling off periods mentioned today so I'd hope your circumstances would mean it could be considered.

I've been getting out x2 a day with my two. I know it's not allowed but it's that or I have a breakdown. We go to a park in the morning I take coffee/cake/juice the play area is shut but there are grassy areas we can explore and the older one can run about with a ball. Then we go for another walk or back to the park about 3. It's better than being in & we wash hands and try to touch as little as possible. I feel so much for you OP. It's just shit . But for me the risk of me getting PND is higher a risk than me dying or getting severely ill with covid and if taking them out more than once a day is what you have to do to get through it so be it.

I feel the same, have a nearly 4 month old and a just turned four year old (so a bit easier than your age gap I think). Like you my eldest was going to be in nursery three days a week. We couldn’t have seen this coming. If we can get through this we can get through anything!

I’m finding there are actually less arguments in a way as there’s no other kids about for him to annoy or fight over toys with. But it is so tiring and relentless to never get a break, especially with the night feeds. I’ve been trying to find physical things that need little mental input from me. For instance we have a ball pit and my eldest is ecstatic if we spend twenty minutes throwing balls back and forwards at each other. We are also doing Easter egg hunts every day now.

Similar boat here, four year old and six month old. I'm really struggling DH is trying to help as much as he can but six month old is only really content with me as he's so used to me and four year old only wants to play with me because it's a novelty.

He'd never been jealous previously but now he's so jealous and it's really hard.

I'm used to my four year old being at nursery three days a week, the other days with grandparents and he'd usually stay over so we'd get a night or two a week where we could just focus on the baby rather than the constant demands of a four year old. He's missing his grandparents and his friends, and we are slowly all getting more and more exhausted.

I also have PND and relied on my support groups which are all cancelled and I'm Mum 24 hours a day rather than having a bit of down time or being able to meet my friends or go and sit in a cafe on my own or go to the hairdressers.

I'm really sorry you feel like this, and it is a shit time but it will be over at some point and things will slowly fall back in to place.

Sending my love to you. YANBU and I totally understand how you feel. 5 year old 3 year old and 15 week old here. We can only do so much and as long as they are clean, fed & happy we are doing something right. These are hard times but you will get through it.

Get the 3yr old a bike and use that to tire him out in the evenings.

During the day time, depending on the weather - it’s either A bowl of water with toys in it (you won’t believe how fascinating this and be) , sandpit time, or colouring indoors, tv time, play doh, mega blocks, cardboard den, each occupying him for anything between 5min to 2 hrs.

Exhausting!!

You sound as if you are losing hope and enjoyment OP. Do you think you might have a bit of PND? I did and I feel so much better with medication. I am actually enjoying my 6 month old and 4 year old now
(some of the time)!

Could you encourage the older one to entertain the baby? win win! Sing a nursery rhyme, dance, peekaboo, pretend to be a balloon and blow away. Pretend to be an animal. You merely supervise from flat on the rug!

When the baby naps, try to sit the toddler in front of the TV so you get a bit of headspace.

Maybe try busy boxes? I could generally get 20 mins peace out of a new object/toy at that age.

My older one is enjoying the Scholastic daily resources. It has a fiction book, non-fiction, a video and then a simple activity like acting out the animal you have been learning about. It uses up about an hour and is engaging. classroommagazines.scholastic.com/support/learnathome/grades-prek-k.html

Paint a fence/wall with water.

Stickers/felt books.

More ideas for occupying them here handsonaswegrow.com

It's tough, it's so tough and it's not what we imagined, but this too shall pass. Hang in there OP. Self-care. Be kind to yourself. Make sure you fill your own cup up and don't feel guilty about it.

Take the white parts off the stickers so that he can get them off himself!

Mine are teenagers but i found baby + toddler incredibly hard and find teenagers much easier. Sympathy.