Would never have had second child if I’d known about coronvirus

[Napqueen1234]

Just that really. Had a really bad day. 12 week old and almost 3 year old. We don’t have family nearby anyway but my mum often helps (like when DC2 was born) if I’m struggling. I feel so alone (I know we all do and a lot of people have it harder I just need to vent).
No nursery so older child bouncing off the walls. No groups soft play swimming etc to tire them out. No friends to meet up with and run around at the park. I have no mums to meet up with a have a natter.
Older DC just stopped napping so I have them 7-7 wanting to play constant entertainment (they struggle to play alone even with constant encouragement and trying). DC2 now wants a fair amount of attention when awake. Still doing night feeds obviously.
I’m just completely utterly exhausted. This isn’t what I signed up for when I had another baby. DC1 should be in nursery 3 days, I wish I had time to enjoy the baby instead of being an inconvenience, wish I could walk round the park or meet a friend in real life or get some help from family. DC2 has only met our families a couple of times and a lot of our friends haven’t even met them and it makes me so sad. I wish we hadn’t had them. I feel so low and sad can’t stop crying and HV aren’t visiting/running clinics and haven’t returned my calls.
I just want to say I know this is how it is, we all feel the same it’s SO much worse for nhs staff on the front line etc. I’m just struggling so much and it feels neverending.

You are in a really crap situation and you don't have to apologise for feeling like you do.

I remember the newborn with toddler phase all too well and I would have broken if not for the eldest going to nursery and my parents helping.

It is awful and hard and just generally shit, I get it.

I can't believe no HV has gotten back to you.

I think that this whole thing will have such far ranging impacts it is unthinkable.

Oh I remember those days well. They are very difficult, so you are perfectly entitled to feel the way you do. But it does get easier with time.

Holy lord. I felt like this with a 12 week old and three year old. That was eight years ago and no social distancing. I feel for you so much. "Can I get you a cup of tea." That's what a kind lady said to me in Asda cafe when both children were crying and I was on the verge of just walking away. I could have sobbed to that kind lady. It's like she saw into my soul where nobody else did. I wish I could get you a cup of tea. But I will say this. You will day by day find parenting wins. You will find beautiful moments. Your love for DC 2 will hit you. It might take time and it might take help but you will get there I have absolute faith in that. If your HV isn't calling back, try your GP.

So sorry OP, I remember the same but at least had help with DC1. Hardest time though. It does get easier. Please do whatever you need to do for the next few weeks and of that means lots of paw patrol etc so be it

It's tough op

Ivan relate. I'm 36 weeks pregnant with no 3, absolutely exhausted and stuck in the house with a 6 year old with no off button and a 4 year old with SN

Sending you lots of love

It’s shit. Mine are slightly bit older but I have the same gap. What I would say is do what you need to do for you to get through it. Go out for the park a couple of times a day. If you have a partner around try to get out on your own once a day so your exercise isn’t only exercising the children. Take a ball for the toddler to kick around. You are important in all this too. CBeebies or TV channel of your choice for toddler and don't worry about too much about TV/screen times these are exceptional times...

3 months is a tough age!

You’re at an incredibly tricky stage and with no help, I’m not surprised you feel like this. Hang in there, it will get better.

I had my second at what was a tricky time on a personal level and the HV suggested I saw the GP. My GP said, very kindly, that under the circumstances I was in, she too would feel tearful and tired all the time and that if I still felt that way in a few months, she would chat to me about anti depressants. It meant a lot to me to be told that I was not over reacting and that it was a normal response to horrible circumstances. I hope it helps you, too.

Oh your wonderful post made me cry @SummerHouse! I'm sure it will feel just like that cup of tea to the OP.

OP, it is hard. Just take it one day at a time, and be kind to yourself - do you have anyone to talk to on the phone at least? A partner to give you some breaks?

OP I have a 3 yo and a small baby, I am exhausted. My mum probably won’t meet my baby for months, she hasn’t met her yet.
But I am having mental health help with video calls from MH team. You can get the help even if on the phone. I had a rubbish week and the HV and other staff were calling and texting, they are still working. I also arranged my meds on the phone. Do ask your HV or GP for some help, it is very tough.
I pretty much collapsed I’m bed today at 5, I am exhausted.

4 year old here, and yes, a 12 week old. Absolute shit. She was born in third week of Jan. feel free to PM me if need be - as you see am in exact same boat.

Oh OP I really feel for you. Was just saying to DH that I'm glad this didn't happen during my maternity leave with DS when DD was 2. It would have been hellish. Much and for you.

Ok. Practically thinking here. Do you use or have a sling for baby, so you can put them in it while going for walks with the toddler? We used a buggy board with the pram for a while, it wasn't great as it kept breaking off but DD loved it and it meant we could do longer walks without having to worry about her getting tired.

Look for virtual parenting support groups, there must be some. Keep chasing your HC, I'm so sorry they are not getting back.

Can you do Skype or zoom calls with grandparents or other family? Ask them to read a book or do an activity with the 3 year old, will hopefully give you a bit of peace while they are distracted (prob not for long though!)

One day at a time. Coffee, cake, whatever it takes to get you through. And you will get through, I promise.

HV not HC.

I really feel for you OP. When I had my first two at 19 months apart the on;y reason I'm still alive now is that I went out to play groups every single day. You are allowed to find this hard. It's really shit. I now have a 6,4 and the worlds most shouty and screamed 17 month old but luckily the older two are pretty good now and I've also triained them to watch inordinate amounts of TV. Do you have a partner who is able to give you a coupe of hours down time when the baby naps? If not, can you set your three year old up with some kind of tablet for quiet time when the baby naps. One foot in front of the other. I really hope your HVs get in touch. If not, look at crysis support line. That's run by mums, I think, who have a supportive ear at the ready.

I was talking to DH the other day and I think, along with lone elderly people, the hardest hit people with this isolation will be parents of 3-4 month old babies. The honeymoon newborn period is over, the sleep probably isn’t any better, it’s just when you’re wanting to get out the house more and rely on friends for moral support and structure to the days. And to top it off - you have a relentless toddler too!

Do you have any family/parents who aren’t vulnerable themselves? You sound really down and I don’t think at this time you’ll get the depth of support you need from HV or GP. Common sense sometimes has to prevail, and if it’s possible for you to stay with someone who can help with your children then I think that would be good. You sound like you need a long bath and some general TLC. Take care of yourself

It’s horrible for you OP
Mine were 15 months apart and seemed to work as a relay team from the word go.
When one fell asleep, the other woke up; when one quietened down the other started screaming, and so on, and on and on.
It felt like torture at the time and I only got through by walking miles with the double buggy, going to toddler groups/ friend’s houses, so this must be incredibly hard for you.
Just try to remember, this is not forever and things will improve.
Best of luck to you OP.x.

Yes OP, you’ve got a shit deal at the moment. It will get better. Right now it’s just about survival. As much tv as is needed, as much chocolate as you can stomach. Hand both children over as soon as you can and have a long bath every night.

Are you ebf? If so would you consider combi so that your OH can help with night feeds?

I feel you, OP. I also have a 3 year old and a 12 week old. It is impossibly hard at times, and not at all how it was 'supposed to be.' I know there's nothing we can do about it, but it's absolutely okay to feel sad (I sometimes liken the lost quality time with my new baby to grief in a way). I just tell myself each day that goes by is a day closer to things improving, and hope my older DS doesn't hate me for losing my patience and my young DD doesn't hate me for never really being able to give her any real quality time.

Realise I haven't said anything helpful, but just wanted to send solidarity and let you know you're not alone.

Also what spoons said. If you need someone to come and stay or you to stay with someone, do consider it if it can be done safely.

Mine are 2 and 4 now, and friends and I with same age kids were just saying how sorry we feel for those with newborns and toddlers right now. It’s hard enough at the best of times!

Just take each day as it comes. I hope you have a garden and a partner. Get your toddler outside as much as possible, baby in sling. And also make sure your partner is doing as much as possible

Honestly I really feel for you, it must be so hard

Sending you strength across the internet OP. I know every hour feels like a day right now, and a day feels like a week, but eventually this will all come to an end. You will come out of it knowing that, as a parent, you can handle anything.

I can totally identify with the pressure of 7-7 full on child entertaining. My advice is to start encouraging playing alone now. Dont wait till he is 5, like I did with mine (who is now rapidly learning that I cannot play all day everyday, and it isn’t going down well). Use every resource available, sans, water, paint, slime, TV, you tube etc.

My goal is simply to get through this alive and with a modicum of sanity left.

Oh love I so so feel for you. I have a 3 and a half year old and a one year old and it’s bloody hard work. But at least I’ve had a year to adjust to this. Every day I think of new situations other people must be in (like this ) and I feel so sorry for all the brand new Mums or like you trying to manage a newborn and a toddler.
All I can see is that it’s hard anyway (not this hard though I know) and things will only get better! Just wanted to reply and say that

I know it’s easier said than done but are you managing to get out for a walk most days? I take the baby (4 months) in the carrier and the 4 year old on the scooter (against my better judgement I actually find it less stressful as they touch less stuff!). I ask older DC to look out for and count one thing each day. Rainbows in windows, cats, dogs. Makes me feel like we’re working on their number skills!

My 4 year has the shortest attention span ever. The only thing I can get them to concentrate on is weighing ingredients so we bake a lot. Not helping with shifting the baby weight... I’ve given up on encouraging any writing or art activities.

Do you have your evenings back yet? If not that won’t be far away and will help hugely by giving you some time to unwind from the day. Or sleep. Or drink wine.

You are definitely not the only one struggling with this. I’m gutted about how my maternity leave has worked out. Neither child is getting what they should be from me and I feel sad for both of them. But we will get through it and so will you!

I feel you op. I have a 5 month old who just wont sleep, and a 2 year old, who doesn't stop and seems to be able to instantly find the most dangerous thing in any room you put him in. Hes going through the tantrum stage too. Baby still wakes in the night, wont nap at all during the day unless shes being held in a reasonably quiet room, and our garden was mid renovation when all this happened. It feels relentless. I miss my mum terribly, she lives 40 minutes away, and I miss my sister too. I need a break, but from what the government have said today its going to be at least another three weeks of this, if not more, and that feels endless right now. I've been trying to stay positive, and find the joy, but tbh it's starting to break me now.

Sending love OP. In the same boat here, clingy 3 month old & 2.5 toddlerbeast. Also feel like I’m failing both children as I’m struggling with lack of patience most days, I need a break & some adult company.

Trying to tell myself that those on the front line are risking their lives, I just need to stay sane, at home and survive on a few hours sleep.

YABU To say you would never had baby if you had known, because we never know whats round the cornor do we. Go out every day. Carry baby around the house in sling if you have one, leaves a hand free to do things with dc2.