Has this changed you forever?

[moobar]

Late night musings so I thought I would try and articulate them here.

I admit I have anxiety and a tendency to overthink.

However, at the moment, I can't see how I will come out of this the same person I was at the start.

I'm fairly isolated location wise anyway, but I was thinking it will be a long time before I feel safe or happy going, for example, to a concert.

Shopping? Unlikely to do it unless I had to.

Routine trips to busy busy places, possibly?

Travel, very unlikely. I can't see me ever having the courage to travel to somewhere huge and busy, ever. Even quieter places, that would mean an airport and I don't know if I could.

Dd got norovirus on holiday in January and I began carrying antibacterial gel and wipes after that. That's going to get worse.

Nursery, she will have to go back but it scares me already. As does school.

I suppose I mean just things I've taken for granted, popping to a soft play on a busy day, shopping centres, ikea on a bank holiday, anything where there is likely to be hundreds of others, makes me feel really sick and scared.

Whilst some of this is no doubt my health, I do wonder whether this has changed me in a way that may never be corrected. And that makes me sad as well.

Nah, this is just a temporary blip for me. As soon as we can I’ll be out there doing all the things I love, seeing all the people I love and travelling and adventuring all over the place. If anything, this has made me even more keen to do all these things.

I'm gagging to get back to normal life and once the virus has receded and assuming the economy hasn't completely collapsed I'll be straight back out again. Can't wait to see people again and never been prone to over-thinking health stuff.

I think where this has changed me is more in how I see myself versus society and work:

a) its made me far less inclined to put up with the kind of crap I endured prior to the crisis as a working single mother -- such as having to be seen to be at my desk at an arbitrary point just to make my employers feel I am toeing the line and having to pretend I don't have a child on conference calls etc
b) its made me realise the limitations of capitalism as a societal structure and that we are utterly fucked without a significant degree of state intervention. I knew this theoretically before this but this has really brought it home
c) it's really rammed home to me that life is short and that friends and loved ones are much much more important than material things and that ultimately as long as you have a roof over your head and food in your belly, earning lots of money doesn't significantly improve the quality of life

Trite, maybe, but that's how I feel.

Surely it's too early to say whether this has changed you forever?

No. As soon as we’re allowed to get everything back to normal, I’m grabbing every slice of my old life back, because I really liked it. I’m not afraid of catching Coronavirus so that won’t play much of my mind after lockdown.

Honestly, I can’t say I know a single one of my friends or colleagues who feels any differently so it’s a perpetual surprise how many MNers claim they’ll always be living in some kind of fear from now on and don’t think they’ll ever go back to normal.

I get you OP.
My son has a liver transplant so we are already quite vigilant but the thought of shopping fills me with dread. On our local Facebook group, someone posted a video of what it looks like outside the shop with distancing. It was so weird to watch and made me feel quite anxious to be honest.
I know I'm going to struggle with socialising after this and feel anxious in a crowd.

ofwarren so sorry to hear about your son, I hope he's doing well and I totally understand why this must be really worrying for you.

It's not changed me, but I suffered some life-changing damage from an adverse reaction to a medication three years ago so for me personally this isn't anything like as bad. It's a horrible, worrying time but it too shall pass, I just feel desperately sorry for those that lose loved ones.

No, not at all. In fact I forget it's happening most of the time, and get a shock whenever I feel like going out and then remember that everything's shut.

I never "shopped" so obviously don't miss that. I had already had the "there is no wealth but life" epiphany several years ago, so this just reaffirms all that, for me. I have really missed getting out and about in the countryside, though. I really savour my one walk a day. I miss wandering freely and pitching the tent and looking at the stars...

No.

But it's made me finally do something about my weight which I carry far too much of.........it's made me fear my own mortality basically. And realise that I'm worth a lot more than I am right now.

It's definitely changed the course of my life. I no longer want to be a nurse or work in care. I'm not strong enough for it . I'm not sure what my long term plan is now.

No. If anything, it's made realise how short life is and I want to do more, spend more time with family and friends, see more of the world and live life to the full.

Once it’s stabilised I’ll be happy to go back to normal life although I think I’ll always keep a little more food in than I have previously as I’ve always lived shop to shop with no more in than I need each week. I actually also think I’ll live a little more for the moment as this has shown me how easily this can all end.

no I don't think it will change ME, though it will change my behaviour a little.

I do think further pandemics are (in my mind at least) more likely, and they could well be more serious than this one. So I guess I could become more of a "prepper" type of person - but I was a half arsed one anyway (always have at least a month of food/loo roll/toiletries etc here - but that is how I have always been).

I will also put some serious effort into saving more of my earnings so I have more of a financial buffer should I need it.

I will really really appreciate the gym/pool once I can access it again.

No, it won’t change me as a person.
I have ocd anyway, so I’ve always been ultra hygienic and wash my hands a lot.
Other than that, I can’t think of another way it will change me.

It won't change my physical activity but one of my emotional relationships has been altered beyond repair. I'll never be able to see this person in the same light again as their selfishness has astounded me.

I'll be taking better care of my health by exercising more, getting fitter and losing weight.

I won't take things for granted.

I do think I will have a fear of being out in public and busy events for a long time.

As this is the first big recession as a working adult, it made me realize the importance of a financial buffer and having a larder. Also feel more sure that I only want 1 DC so I don't overstretch financially.

Yes

I’m feeling very anti authoritarian.

I will go back to using cash to keep it going, go out without mobile phone, not care about ....anything. Drinking a lot now, was practically teetotal before.

No more volunteering work etc. Ditching friends who claimed to be shielding and turned out to be lying.

Nope. Not yet anyway.

Yes. I will be embracing online shopping much more. I’ve seen who my real friends are, I’ve seen how gullible people are when hearing what they want to hear and not what is actually being said or seen with their own eyes. I will be slot less trusting of others - pretty hard considering I don’t trust anyone much in the first place.

Definitely shocked me into doing something about my weight. I lost loads and then let it creep back on again with excuses. My life is worth more.

I expect to get back to my life as more or less normal. But I wont take my friends, family or hobbies for granted again

I think I'll be more paranoid about hand washing though 😆

Barge “I’ve seen how gullible people are when hearing what they want to hear and not what is actually being said“

Yes, that’s been shocking.

No. As maternity said, it's far too early to think like this. We're all expected to get it at some point, all we can do is keep washing and distancing. For me, any worrying beyond that is pointless. It achieves nothing and limits everything.

It's cemented for me how much of a homebird I am and how much I don't enjoy commuting into London so I'll be extending my job search outside of London.

It's made me more sure that I don't want children.

I will never take online shopping for granted again!