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Covid

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Original poster

'D'H let someone in our house...

88 replies

Chilver · 08/04/2020 12:35

...what do I need to do to make our home safe again?

Absolutely livid, H let a client into the house whilst I was in shower. Client stayed for 20 mins and H maintains they maintained 2m but I find that hard to believe. Have made him bleach every surface in kitchen and front door, open all windows, and wash the dog (he jumped up and was stroked!). H won't change clothes and says I'm overreacting, although I even heard him say to client 'wife is upset you're here as she is in the at risk group'!!! (I am!)

I'm still hiding in bedroom with child. What else can I do to make the house 'safe' again?? (Aside from getting rid of H!)

OP posts:

AprilFloundering · 08/04/2020 14:51

OP has lung disease and cancer!

Her DH has showed a serious lack of judgment and concern for not only her health but her understandable anxiety about acquiring a virus that would be much harder for her to survive than a lot of the population.

MintyMabel · 08/04/2020 15:06

Don't worry, I am calm on the outside

Hiding in the bedroom with your child isn’t being calm on the outside.

She is 8yo and fully aware if the current situation (in an age appropriate way). She is upset too that her father let someone in the house

My 10 year old is entirely sensible. There is no way I would hide away with her in a room and have her feel she should be upset with her father for doing something like this. That’s too much to put on a child.

MintyMabel · 08/04/2020 15:09

OP has lung disease and cancer!

A fact you’d have thought would have provided important context to the initial post, wouldn’t you think?

BlobbaGob · 08/04/2020 15:13

Have you asked your DH why he did it? What a tool, is he thick?

Original poster

Chilver · 08/04/2020 15:18

MintyMabel I said that I was in the at risk group, didnt feel ai had to go into War and Peace when I was actually asking how to make the house safe, not 'am i being a good parent or causing irreparable harm to my child'? (Personally i think a child being ill enough to be hospitalised or a parent &hospitalised and/ or dying is more traumatic, but obviously I'm in the minority with that believe)

OP posts:

Sparkletastic · 08/04/2020 15:19

How has he explained himself? Sounds terribly thoughtless. He should indeed change his clothes.

Original poster

Chilver · 08/04/2020 15:21

*belief

OP posts:

Lumene · 08/04/2020 15:21

I would be furious.

LOLeater · 08/04/2020 15:22

I’m really sorry that this has happened OP. I do think the chances are you will be safe but I would be upset too.

And your DH needs to know he’s been an idiot. Apology due.

kingkuta · 08/04/2020 15:27

Why on earth did he do it OP? What reason did he give? I'm sorry but he us an absolute fucking idiot.

Camopetals · 08/04/2020 15:33

Another day, another ignorant load of posters who have no idea how stringent the instructions are for those in the shielded group.

OP you have done all the sensible things you can (including removing yourself to the bedroom) the only thing i would add is to open all your windows and make sure the space is well ventilated (which I'm sure you're doing anyway as the shielding instructions mention this).

Stress won't help your immune system so now that the situation is resolved try to take some deep breaths and relax. When you're ready you also need to sit down and have a serious chat with your husband and maybe go through the NHS guidelines with him again. If he let someone into your property I'd be worried that he might be flouting other rules too (eg is he cleaning down any shared bathrooms after use, staying 2m apart when out at the shops).. He needs to understand that he is literally risking your life if not.

Cissyandflora · 08/04/2020 15:52

Take no notice of people piling in for sport. Your husband has let you down and I’d be furious if that happened to me too. You’ve taken every precaution since so now you need to make him shower and change (for your own peace of mind) and then get him to realise what an idiotic and thoughtless thing he has done.

Home is a safe space for us too. My immediate neighbours are not being careful and they have friends round most days. Lots of people are not taking it seriously and they seem to be ok. I think my neighbours are behaving really badly but I’m just trying to give you some perspective. But I really understand your fear and feelings about this. It’s absolutely not ok.

MoltonSilver · 08/04/2020 16:02

I don't think that you are over reacting at all. Bringing anyone into the house was stupid. Bringing work contacts in is ridiculous.

scrawnybutscrumptious · 08/04/2020 16:03

I'd be angry too. I hope he understands this was risky and you are vulnerable. If anything, be should respect your wishes. This is your home and safe haven

madcatladyforever · 08/04/2020 16:07

I don't think you are over reacting at all.

You are at risk and he deliberately put you in the firing line.

He is a monster twat. I would have turned into the incredible hulk.

MigginsMs · 08/04/2020 16:07

Your DH is a total dickhead

CuppaZa · 08/04/2020 16:10

I’d also steam the carpets/flooring. He should be having a shower and washing his clothes. He is an absolute twat.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 08/04/2020 16:12

A fact you’d have thought would have provided important context to the initial post, wouldn’t you think?

I bet you’re the kind of person that judges someone with a blue badge, using a disabled spot, because they look healthy.

1Wildheartsease · 08/04/2020 16:20

OP you are right and your DH wrong.

It sounds as if you have taken all the steps you can to make the place safer.

To the poster who said that 90% of hospital corona-patients die... Where are you getting these figures? The figures I've seen (on those surviving hospital care or even ICU) are much much better than this.

blackcat86 · 08/04/2020 16:22

Your 'D'H is awful. Awful for putting you at risk and awful for joking about it. I would ask him what preparations he's making to be a single parent. This may sound overly harsh but I am also shielding and my DH starting making more and more excuses to go out, wasn't washing his hands etc. This drilled home the consequence. How will he explain to your DC that his actions contributed to your death? Does he know how much his life will change as a single parent should you die and how will he deal with that? His cavalier attitude could cost you dearly.

CoffeeRunner · 08/04/2020 16:32

Good god. My initial thought was “total over reaction”. But then you told us you had lung disease & cancer. Now I’m just sad & furious in equal measures. Why does your H have such little respect for your life?

Of course if you were to catch Covid-19, you may recover very well, but - as you know - you stand a real chance of being very poorly. With a possible knock on effect for any cancer treatment etc. I don’t understand why he can’t see that.

Original poster

Chilver · 08/04/2020 16:42

Thanks for those supporting. He hasn't said anything further and closeted himself away working. I will let him think things through and then calmly discuss later. He isn't a bad person by any means, just can be quite single minded, particularly when working. Also, unless it impacts him, he doesn't really 'get it' sometimes. I might remind him how scared of being a single parent he was with the cancer diagnosis and see if that sinks in....

I took the advice and aside from cleaning down, have opened all windows and got on with things.

I'm sure we will all be fine (hope?) But it has made me question his judgement and what he does when I am not with him.

OP posts:

HyacynthBucket · 08/04/2020 16:47

YANBU at all. In fact the idiots on here who say you are are in denial themselves. Feeling really sorry for your feelings at the moment and really identify with them. When you feel strong enough, take control of any cleaning you feel remains to be done, and tell your halfwit husband that he must never jeopardise your health again and must respect your need to feel safe at home. If he disregards the 'no mixing of households' again I would be inclined to phone 101 and get the police to advise him. In the longer term, if he cannot look after your health and wellbeing needs better than this, I would seriously consider if I wanted a future with him.

picklemewalnuts · 08/04/2020 17:03

Look, I'm sorry to up the ante, but...

Point out to him that he could now have caught CV19 from an unsymptomatic colleague. Neither of you have any way of knowing.

He should now be in isolation from you for 14 days. There is no other way to be sure.

Maybe you risk it this time- I'm not suggesting you pack his bags and kick him out- but really, if he exposes himself again then that is what he should do.

14 days in isolation, to keep you safe.

picklemewalnuts · 08/04/2020 17:04

It's the poisonous jellybean scenario.

If I give him a bag of 1000 jellybeans and say you're probably ok to eat them, but there's one in there which is lethal and a few which will make you feel pretty sick...

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