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Original poster

Sister refusing to fly home

55 replies

Elephantlover66 · 07/04/2020 15:47

Hi
Would like some opinions to help me get beyond my rage at my sisters refusal to fly home.
She is currently staying with other family in a country where both governments have urged non nationals to return home. She is refusing to do so and believes the country she is in will be less effected than our home (both “1st world” counties with decent healthcare).

I am furious- our parents are heartbroken and although not technically in a at risk category concerned they may never see her again if they get sick. I also think she is bound to be invalidating any health insurance she may have seeing as the govt has said to get out.

I’m so angry and hurt I’m finding it difficult to get beyond this. Any advice how?

OP posts:
LilacTree1 · 07/04/2020 16:41

I think you need to accept she’s happier where she is. Medicare should cover if she needs it.

user1493494961 · 07/04/2020 16:49

I'd stay put if I were her, she probably is safer. As pp have pointed out, if you or your parents become ill, she won't be able to see you anyway and you won't be able to visit each other during lockdown.

cstaff · 07/04/2020 16:52

I know any irish in the US have been advised to come home as if they get sick in Ireland they are guaranteed treatment whereas a lot of people living in the States would not be guaranteed to be treated. It would depend on their health insurance.

LesFleursDuMal · 07/04/2020 17:10

I'm in a similar position, except I'm the 'sister'.

My mother is loving the drama of it all and is doing my head in with all the phone calls, urging me to come 'home'.

Truth is, I'm much more happy where I am, don't feel the urge to see her, and will be staying put for the foreseeable. I'm an adult, and perfectly capable to decide what's best for me. I'm a dual citizen though, not on visa.

I love my brother and he's back there. But we're both reasonable and rational people. He's already had covid (fine now) and I suspect I'm having it at the moment (I'm fine). We'll see each other once this is finished, whenever that might be.

QuestionMarkNow · 07/04/2020 17:21

I think with how things are it does feel like she doesn’t love us enough to feel like she should be with us. Emotions are crazy atm for everyone.

Yep THAT is a crazy thought, sorry.
If your dsis was back home, she wouldnt see you more than she is seeing you now. I would expect her to be in her accomodation/home, not doing visits to you or your Dparents.

Tbh, seeing the situation in the uk and IF she has proper health coverage from her job where she currently is, I can see the attraction of staying away.

QuestionMarkNow · 07/04/2020 17:24

Btw, I would also question where she would live if she is 'back home'.
Does shehave a house to go back to?
Would you expect her to stay with your Dparents? Self isolating with all the issues that can come with that? (aka no privacy, following their rules etc)
Would you expect her to stay 'somewhere' like a small room in an AirB&B?

Coming back home like this can be a source of endless msery at the best of time when its nt well managed. Now, with the self isolation etc... it has the potential to be a proper nightmare.

HuntIdeas · 07/04/2020 17:30

No way would I be asking my sister to get on a plane at the moment - it doesn’t sound like you have her best interests at heart at all, expecting her to put herself at risk to please you. You need to stop nagging her

Iwannabeadored20 · 07/04/2020 17:32

Are you in Ireland, OP? Because I thought Ireland was telling people only essential travel is Ok now.

LilacTree1 · 07/04/2020 17:34

Oh, I’m so thick....I hadn’t thought, she won’t have a home in her home country, will she? She can’t come back to that situation if that’s the case.

Lelophants · 07/04/2020 17:37

If she's self isolating, she wouldn't see you in uk either op Flowers she'd be coming home to live alone.

It sounds like she's with family where she is anyway?

Greggers2017 · 07/04/2020 17:39

My sister is in Australia at the moment. She's been backpacking since October and is working on a banana plantation. No way would I be telling her to come home and neither would my parents. She's much safer there then on a plane for 24 hours.

backinthebox · 07/04/2020 17:51

I’d be amazed if could get back home now anyway. I work for an airline - between all the airlines in the UK only about 10-15 long haul flights a day are departing. Most of them are freight only, and none of them are going to Australia. The main routes from Australia have been curtailed by hubs such as Singapore, Hong Kong and Dubai closing their doors to transit passengers. The time to flight was 3 weeks ago or longer. Every passenger who needs to fly puts airline crews at risk. Cabin crew and pilots are catching Coronavirus at work. People should only travel anywhere atm if absolutely essential.

KaptenKrusty · 07/04/2020 17:55

She’s living abroad on a working visa? So am I! The thought of coming home never crossed my mind - am staying put! Wouldn’t be able to visit my parents anyway if I did fly home - So what difference does it make ? You are being unreasonable - if she’s an adult I’d stay well out of it

couchlover · 07/04/2020 18:05

We are on lockdown so she can't see your parents anyway. I think you are over reacting to this whole situation. We should all be staying put. If countries had put more travel restrictions on sooner we wouldn't be in this position.

Original poster
Elephantlover66 · 07/04/2020 18:05

In my defence she’s not currently acting like someone who is taking this very seriously or appear to be making much effort to prevent catching it. My fear is that she will catch it and the govt will say that she’s no longer entitled to Medicare as they are focusing on looking after Australians.
I appreciate theee is an element of risk to international travel but given that airport use is literally 99% down are you not more likely to pick it up at a supermarket?
I know she couldn’t see me if she came back and as she lives with my parents would have to self isolate in a section of the house for 14 days and this would be really hard.

OP posts:
PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 07/04/2020 18:14

I appreciate theee is an element of risk to international travel but given that airport use is literally 99% down are you not more likely to pick it up at a supermarket?

Have you ever been in an airport?

That just shows you're not thinking logically and you just want her home because you want so. Her decision and choices have nothing to do with how much she loves her or not.

If anything you are starting to sound like the reckless selfish one not her. She's an adult let her be. If she fucks up,she fucks up. She's with family not alone in some youth hostel. She's fine.

Your relationship won't be though if you keep nagging her and emotionally blackmailing her.

KaptenKrusty · 07/04/2020 18:24

How much seriously should she be taking it? Her trip home doesn’t sound like essential travel to me - it would be if she was on holiday but she is living there! It never even entered my head to travel home to be honest - nobody from my family suggested it either ?

better to wait it out where you are !

You sound too involved in this - she’s an adult - she can sort herself out, look after herself and it’s not up to anyone else to pay her medical bills or whatever so don’t know why you are using that as a reason - surely she has the right instance in place for her working visa anyway if she was to be hospitalised.

Getting on a plane is a crazy idea right now

PeacockPies · 07/04/2020 18:26

You are catastrophising. Medicare is part of reciprocal agreement between governments. Not something scrawled on the back of a beermat by the owner of Sports Direct

The situation in Australia is less severe at the moment.The restrictions aren't quite as severe as they are here and neither are the cases. Only a small number of people have died and some of those deaths were passengers on a cruise ship. There is far more space there, even in the cities.

I take it you've never done the gruelling flight? Jammed in with hundreds of people for 14 hours all breathing the same air. It's terrible at the best of times and is no way equitable with a trip to the supermarket.

You are saying she's 'refusing' to come home like she has to do what you want but she's just decided that it's not what she wants to do at the moment.

SnoozyLou · 07/04/2020 18:30

She lives there by what you're saying. Possibly not committed to spending the rest of her life there, but for now, she regards it as home. So to fly to the other side of the world, facing a much greater risk of contacting it on the plane or at the airport, to arrive back in the UK - to do what? No job, no home. A lot of people will have to start again when we get a handle of this. Maybe she'd rather do that where she is now.

cinammonbuns · 07/04/2020 18:34

@Elephantlover66 I think you are overthinking it. There are Australians in the UK too. What would be the response of the UK government if Australia stopped providing healthcare to UK citizens? It won’t happen.

I think she is best staying put.

HuntIdeas · 07/04/2020 18:38

Yes, sitting on a plane with 100 other people for 10 hours, then moving onto a new plane and sitting on that for another 10 hours with 100 new people, not to mention queueing through security / customs etc is less risk than visiting the supermarket! FFS

LilacTree1 · 07/04/2020 18:49

OP if she doesn’t even have a home to come back to, it’s a bonkers request

Australia is much safer I reckon and it will blow over faster there

BusterGonad · 07/04/2020 18:50

We (family of 3) were advised to fly home too, but why would I? I'd be living in my parents house, all 3 of us, isolating for 2 weeks, no money as we would've made ourselves skint with huge flight costs, no entertainment for my 11 yo. No freedom to do as I pleased. Flying home sounded like a terrible option. Where I am now hasn't good medical care but at least my apartment is a nice place to isolate in. My cupboards are full of food, I have plenty of books to read, my son has all his toys. I'll only fly home if I had no other option. To me the country I live in now is home.

QuestionMarkNow · 07/04/2020 18:56

I have to say I would also wonder about all this talk of 'coming back home', would someone actually going back hme after LIVING in a foreign country entitled to any treatment in the NHS?
Because normally, you need to prove residence, aka to have lived in the UK for 3 months to be able to be entitled to free NHS treatment.

Has anyone looked at that?

Personally, I would have understood 'brits need to go home' as a message directed towards people who are away in hols, backpacking etc... Not people who emigrated and worked in whatever country they are living in. I mean no one is expecting all the retired brits in Spain to 'come back home', do they?

MoltonSilver · 07/04/2020 18:58

At this stage I think she's safer staying put. If you put pressure on her to come home and she become seriously ill, you'll never forgive yourself.

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