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Original poster

Sister refusing to fly home

55 replies

Elephantlover66 · 07/04/2020 15:47

Hi
Would like some opinions to help me get beyond my rage at my sisters refusal to fly home.
She is currently staying with other family in a country where both governments have urged non nationals to return home. She is refusing to do so and believes the country she is in will be less effected than our home (both “1st world” counties with decent healthcare).

I am furious- our parents are heartbroken and although not technically in a at risk category concerned they may never see her again if they get sick. I also think she is bound to be invalidating any health insurance she may have seeing as the govt has said to get out.

I’m so angry and hurt I’m finding it difficult to get beyond this. Any advice how?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/04/2020 15:49

No one should really be flying anywhere at this point.

Original poster
Elephantlover66 · 07/04/2020 15:50

Fair point but the govt literally saying to get on a flight

OP posts:
Horehound · 07/04/2020 15:52

It's up to her.

Doggybiccys · 07/04/2020 15:52

It sounds tough on your DPs but assuming she is an adult with no learning disability, she can make her own decisions. Then its up to her to deal with any fall out re insurance etc. Sort out Zoom/Whatsapp video messaging etc.

bluebeck · 07/04/2020 15:52

Impossible to say really without knowing where she is.

She may have a point that she is safer staying put. I wouldn't want to get on a plane right now......

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/04/2020 15:53

Yes but the British government isn't saying, "please fly home".

And the chances are, sadly, if anyone got sick they wouldn't be able to see each other anyway.

I can see why you're angry though.

Dozer · 07/04/2020 15:54

If she’s an adult her visa and health insurance situation is for her to manage.

Unfair of you to seek to guilt trip her about your parents. Anyone could get ill / die with this and not be able to see family again, even family living v locally to each other.

Pipandmum · 07/04/2020 15:54

If I was her I would not fly home. It is far riskier going through an airport and being on a plane (if she could even get a flight). Is she there for a vacation or does she work there? Plus she shouldn't be visiting her parents if she did return home unless she resides there (and should probably self isolate before if she does).
Urging is not the same as commanding so I don't see how her insurance would be affected. But that's for her to figure out.

Original poster
Elephantlover66 · 07/04/2020 15:57

I guess so Im not trying to be unreasonable, I’ve been asking her to come home for weeks now and she hasn’t seen the urgency. We are usually so close I can’t understand why she would want to be so far away at a time like this and I do genuinely worry she could get sick and then be landed with a ridiculous bill that none of us could afford.

OP posts:
ChipotleBlessing · 07/04/2020 15:57

Is she there on holiday or does she live there?

LilacTree1 · 07/04/2020 15:59

If the bill worries you, that’s her responsibility.

Original poster
Elephantlover66 · 07/04/2020 15:59

Working visa but recently quit her job to prepare to travel

OP posts:
Permenantlyexhaustedpidgeon · 07/04/2020 16:04

The thing is, just because it’s ‘home’ for you and your parents doesn’t mean it’s home for her. She will have links to where she is now I’m assuming, and to be honest, last place I would want to be is an airport or a plane right now. Also, fear affects us all differently. It propels some people to move, and others to freeze. Sometimes doing nothing can feel safer than acting. Try and be kind to her - she’s not acting to spite you or your parents Flowers

Mlou32 · 07/04/2020 16:07

When it asks for non nationals to fly home, does it even mean people who are from another county but settled in that country for work? If she has been living and working there then shouldn't she stay? Does it not mean people who are there on holiday? I can't really comment thought due to not having seen the guidance myself.

esjee · 07/04/2020 16:10

They're urging people to fly home to prevent them being stranded. If she's been living there, that's different. Now is not a good time to be travelling.

hellsbells99 · 07/04/2020 16:12

I am assuming she is in Australia as their government is telling everyone on visitor/working visas to go home?

Batshittery · 07/04/2020 16:13

It's her choice. If she or your parents get sick they won't get chance to see each other, even she were home, I'm afraid.

MonaChopsis · 07/04/2020 16:15

I lived in the UK but am not British. My government was urging all citizens to go home, but I stayed. I'm an adult, everyone makes their own choices, if she's lucky enough to be in NZ or another country handling this in a really effective manner, then she will be better off staying than coming back to the UK where there is likely to be recession, job losses etc.

Original poster
Elephantlover66 · 07/04/2020 16:15

Thank you permentlyexhauatedpidgeon that does help.
I think with how things are it does feel like she doesn’t love us enough to feel like she should be with us. Emotions are crazy atm for everyone.

She’s not settled there and was only supposed to be there for 6 months

OP posts:
mallachy · 07/04/2020 16:15

Your parents wouldn't be able to see her anyway if they got sick. I think she's probably doing what she thinks is best, don't get why you're so angry with her.

bluebeck · 07/04/2020 16:24

Yeah, sorry OP but I suspect most of us would stay put in her position. Much safer for her to stay in Australia (I assume she has some insurance) than to get on the plane for that long flight with hundreds of other people (not to mention navigating the airports)

I don't think it is fair to be angry with her, she is behaving sensibly and in her best/most healthy interests, which I assume is what you and your parents would want? All this "doesn't love us enough" stuff sounds really manipulative to be honest.

Dozer · 07/04/2020 16:26

So presumably her visa will expire at some point and if travel is available she would have to leave then. You can advise her to check that out, and check her insurance cover and any UK/country she’s in “reciprocal” emergency healthcare arrangements (eg E111 in the EU).

She may, however, not welcome the advice!

PeacockPies · 07/04/2020 16:27

The Australian government wants people to leave so that they won’t end up with a load of backpackers and holiday makers with nowhere to go. If your sister is living in a home with members of her own family then I would say she is better off staying where she is. She’s putting herself in far more danger going on a flight now.

If she’s in Australia and she’s British she will qualify for Medicare.

Your entire stance seems to be that you have told her to come home time and time again and she’s not doing what you are telling her to do. she’s the one in the situation and she’s the one best equipped to make the decision about what she should do.

11plusfinished · 07/04/2020 16:38

If I were in her position, I will not fly home. It is more risky to go to the airport and board flight. You can check with her about her insurance status. If she has valid insurance or is able to extend it, it's better to stay there.

I have many foreign national friends here in UK. None of them fly back to home. They stay here although their families are in their home countries because all we know it isn't right to move right now.

Original poster
Elephantlover66 · 07/04/2020 16:40

Thank you it is useful to have other perspectives

OP posts: