Preparing for the worst - please only read if you have something useful to add

[helpthismama]

Don't mean to scare monger at all but preparation helps me to feel in control. And these are things we really should've dealt with before tbh - covid has just brought it home that bit more.

I have two young children 3 and under, we haven't got round to sorting out wills etc so we've had a chat today about basics. How each other would financially cope if the worst was to happen. We need to discuss who we would want the kids to go to.

I also want to write down medications / doses for my kids as both have health issues and their rough routine as I would want them to be as comfortable as possible.

I'm trying to think if I owe anyone any money

Anything else?

You should have:
Wills
Power of attorney
Life insurances - at a minimum, term assurance so that if one or other of you dies, the imortgage is paid.
Other life insurance polices - do you have any? Are they connected to your pensions and if so..
have you nominated the death in service beneficiaries?

Pensions statements.
National insurance details.
N&I bonds.

Digital assets - bank details, ISAs, investments, savings accounts, credit cards - need to put passwords in a document, note any ingoings and outgoings.

Children's accounts?

It's the new tax year - are your tax affairs up to date?

Keys to properties. Tenancy agreements. Tenants' contact details. Their deposit/s. Contact details for managing agents if you use them.

Is your shit all cleared out? Not leaving letters from a long-lost love to be found or embarrassing photos?

Is your shit cleared out generally? not leaving a cellar full of crap stuff you meant to Ebay or throw away? If your stuff is good, but surplus to requriements, box it up and put directions on where it might sell e.g. collection of clocks, local auction house. (it took me two years to clear my late husband's stuff - he never wanted to throw anything away, and getting a big house iwth lots of storage didn't help!)

That should keep you busy, OP! Good luck - it's not morbid, just sensible at any point to get organised. The alternative is to assume you are immortal, and see how far that gets you...

Some great practical advice here. I wanted add Record Me Now which might be of interest, it's based on research with people who lost their parents as children and what they wish they could ask them.

I agree strongly with funeral plans. Not only to relieve the stress of people who would want to know your wishes in a difficult time when they might not know what is comforting, but deal with any inter-family issues where there is conflict on what is 'comforting' or the right way to do things. It doesn't always solve everything, I've had to deal with certain family members who entirely disregard final wishes, but for many, they're a great comfort and guide.

Haven't read all the thread but in addition to children's doses, it might be an idea to write your take on their medical history, childhood diseases, vaccinations they've had and so on.

Less practical but possibly more valuable, have you written down any recipes for their favourite meals, family stories, your favourite memories of them, how you met their other parent (if a happy experience), have you saved photographs of you with them and printed some off, saved recordings of you singing and speaking and laughing with them, if they can, sing a song along with them. In effect, what will they want to look at or listen to in the next few years to the next few decades and with their children?

Try not to worry, OP.

Whether you are married or not makes a difference.
www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

Do you have life insurance to pay off the mortgage?

Bit random - my Mum died before I had children and I would have loved to know about how she was when she was pregnant/ had her children. When I had cancer it was one of the first things I thought about writing down for my children (luckily I’m ok, but it is in my mind to do whilst home).

I do understand why getting things in order makes people feel like they have control. But while you're making your will and whatever please try to keep things in perspective. You have a tiny, tiny chance of dying from this. Please don't go through the next few weeks and months expecting to die. Because you are very unlikely to and that's no way to live.

Take care of yourself.

Life insurance point

If you die, the payout comes under your assets for IHT purposes.
If you are unmarried there is no spouse's IHT exemption.

And if you are a single parent, your DCs will pay IHT.
The way round this is to write your life policy(s) in trust. The payout then goes to the person you have nominated and this falls outside your estate for IHT purposes.
You can obtain standard declarations of trust direct from each life policy company.

My will has been checked.
Life insurance reprinted.
Letters to my DH and DC written.
Have been looking at buying cards for milestones (major birthdays, graduation, getting married).
I have spoken to my husband about the funeral I would want (cheap, I feel that people overspend as they feel guilty going with the cheap options).
Everything is being put together in a shoe box.
I am low risk but I could die next year in a car crash, who knows.

My dc have had the talk long ago as their df died a couple of years ago.
The only thing I regret is that he didn’t leave any letters / cards/ videos etc for them to see as they are growing up so that would be something to consider especially as your children are quite young

Any specific tips for single parents?

I am worried about who would deal with everything if something happens to me as I live abroad and have no family who speak the local language.

I've written down the tips so far and will make a file and perhaps tell a friend where it is. Don't want to stress out teenage DC.

Mind you at this stage, as exH is stalling on the divorce, he would have to deal with it all. But would have no idea who my landlord is etc.

Does a will have to be a legal document lodged with a solicitor? I don't have much disposable income, but I own my own house. Can I just write down my wishes for my estate after death, get it witnessed by someone and leave it somewhere?

If not, why not?

@Zaphodsotherhead no it
Doesn’t need to be lodged with a solicitor, just signed and witnessed by someone

So useful! Thanks.

I hadn’t thought of who should be my beneficiary if all of us die before.

Kind of strange to leave it to seconds cousins I’ve only met once.

also placemarking.
Thanks OP, a useful thread at the best of times but timely now for people to feel in control - (hope for the best, prepare for the worst)

Is there any way of PRINTING a thread?

Thank you @wowjustwowyes17262. I've only got my adult children to leave stuff to, and I'm just going to split it evenly between them, so I did wonder why I needed to pay a solictor to write that down.

I've been unfortunate in that I've had to deal with the deaths of my mum and dad before I was 30 and so here are the things that would have helped me.

• Have wills in place detailing all important matters from custody to finances etc.
• Have health insurance / funeral plans / arrangements.
• Specify what you want your funeral to look like. Church, no church? Burial, cremation? Religious ceremony? Humanist approach?

-Write down all your pins, account details and any companies or services you use ranging from utilities to gym memberships etc as these will all need to be contacted. -Write letters / leave videos for your children.

Cremation versus burial
Is organ donation relevant?

Don’t know if it’s been said, but what are your wishes around organ donation? Would you like to make any advance directives about treatment if you were brain dead or in a coma?

Zaphod, Wow - This is really important. For a will to be enforceable and not to cause much more trouble than dying intestate then what it needs depends on the jurisdiction. In England and Wales, I think it needs two witnesses who are not beneficiaries and who sign at the same time as the personal making the will. In a few other jurisdictions, holographic wills (no witnesses) are enforceable. I'm happy to be corrected but it is essential to get this right for your jurisdiction. The content of the will rather than the formalities is very important too and getting it wrong can cause much more trouble. Please know what you are doing or get advice.

Wills are very important as we found when my uncle died without making one...choose an organised executor and think carefully about who you want to act as guardians to children if the worst happens. Also pets- I think Blue cross say they look after pets whose owners have died. Your children’s chosen guardians might not take your pets. I have chosen the hymns and anthems and readings I’d like at my funeral but I guess if the virus gets me they will have to be sung at some sort of memorial service later.

Zilla I'm just reluctant to pay a solicitor to do something that I can do for myself. If I can write my wishes, have them witnessed and that is good enough, then that is what I want to do.

I can, fairly easily, get two witnesses to sign. Why would it be disregarded? If it was my desire for disposal of my effects, signed, witnessed and dated, what objection could there be? Why should somebody 'legal' need to be involved?

Thank you to everyone who has contributed. Glad I started this thread, was worried it was going to get negative comments. I named it 'preparing for the worst' so people didn't start trolling on it @Bringringbring12!

@BorsetshireBlueBalls I like your thinking! I'm always clearing out for this very reason - I don't want to inconvenience the people I've left behind with my random bits and bobs. We had to clear out for a relative and it wasn't fun.

@Zilla1 wonderful ideas! No I'm not worrying as such, just really like to be 'ahead' of things. Plus it'll give me something to focus on whilst we are stuck at home.

Zaphod, I felt the need to comment as I saw a PP say "Doesn’t need to be lodged with a solicitor, just signed and witnessed by someone". Now if you are in England and Wales, if you will is witnessed by someONE then it won't be recognised. As it needs two witnesses. And if either or both of those witnesses were a beneficiary (as they would tend to be in a household in some circumstances) then again, it wouldn't be recognised.

The link here sets things out better in simple language for England and Wales.

www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-may-aug-2017/who-can-witness-a-will/

Now I'm conscious that many posters I've seen on most threads don't say where they're based and most seem to think that if something applies where they are then it's like that everywhere. Wills/estates generally are different in different ways in different jurisdictions.

Finally, it's more of an anecdote but I've heard several family solicitors socially say they earn their money from (badly) self-written wills that are costly and time consuming to administer. So even if you could get the mechanics of witnessing and form correct but you use words that cause trouble. Now it might not make any difference if your executor and all beneficiaries agree what you meant and none of the beneficiaries or any non-beneficiary feels aggrieved. If the executor and beneficiaries don't agree or someone feels hard done by then you might be storing up expense that is hundreds of times the cost of a will being written by someone who knows what they're doing (which is turning your simple wishes into incontrovertible, clear language and understands any relevant law around dependants and so on).

Good luck.

@helpthismama, you're welcome. There's things I wished I'd done/saved/received with/ by my mum and dad and it's not the legal/financial (though I know they are important) so wanted to mention them. I also wanted to say 'don't worry' in a nice but not patronising way if I could as many people are struggling at the moment and almost everyone will survive the COVID experience. I'm not being complacent - I have tidied some of my affairs and am busy writing some recipes and things for my DC too. Good luck.