Preparing for the worst - please only read if you have something useful to add

[helpthismama]

Don't mean to scare monger at all but preparation helps me to feel in control. And these are things we really should've dealt with before tbh - covid has just brought it home that bit more.

I have two young children 3 and under, we haven't got round to sorting out wills etc so we've had a chat today about basics. How each other would financially cope if the worst was to happen. We need to discuss who we would want the kids to go to.

I also want to write down medications / doses for my kids as both have health issues and their rough routine as I would want them to be as comfortable as possible.

I'm trying to think if I owe anyone any money

Anything else?

My husband lost his first wife in an accident which was devastating. When we married he sat me down and explained where all his details, passwords etc were. I found this very difficult at the time but as someone who had gone through this once it was important for him.

We both know each other’s passwords for online banking, investment information, pensions etc. We also both have Wills drawn up and held by our lawyer and have discussed our requests for funeral arrangements and most importantly what we do not want. We both know where all our documentation is including birth certificate, marriage certificate etc.

This is a very difficult conversation to have and we had it over a period of weeks. However, there is a feeling that at least some things are in your control.

Make sure you both have bank accounts in your individual names only. My understanding is joint accounts are frozen until after probate is completed. This is why having a Will is especially important.

You need life insurance AND income protection insurance.

Most people only get life insurance which covers death. But there is also the possibility that you or your husband will be alive but not able to work.

You can also get insurance to cover the costs if one of your child was injured/became ill and had long term financial needs.

So my advice would be INSURANCE!

Can only echo what others have suggested. Something else to think about (and only in the event of both you and your partner dying together), do you have a 'naughty' drawer/box/cupboard? A friend of mine has been instructed to deal with this for someone before her mother sees it.

On a serious note, the usual day to day bills and online stuff - also contacting dentists and health care professionals (especially as your DC have health conditions). You would be surprised how many patients we discover have passed away as their local team hadn't thought to update us.

My (adult) Ds and I had ‘the talk’ back in January when I was seriously ill with pneumonia... he gave me all his details of who to ring for help with his work stuff, important contacts etc, and I did the same. We also discussed money, wills, funerals, all the grotty bits - and we both said it made us feel better afterwards. There will be no nasty surprises, and no guessing as to what the other would have wanted.
As long as you keep ‘the talk’ about practicalities and leave emotion to one side, it does settle a lot of worries.
Difficult - but necessary. Anyone with partners, children or close family members, please do this!

I feel I should do the same. Its heartbreaking to think we could die and leave the kids this year. But there's a real risk.

Oooh, forgot to mention... passcodes for phones!! A lot of seemingly trivial info is kept in them...

I have already done this. TBH, once it is all done, the anxiety lessens IME.
I have a notebook in which I have written:
Bank account details
Life insurance details and corresponding deed of trust
Contact details of key people re Mortgage, life insurance, etc.
My DC are adults, but it is still important to give them as much information as possible.
The wills and POA documents are in one folder and i have shown the DC, but also written the location in the notebook.
Other useful information are things like who to send a death certificate to in order to manage affairs.
I have written down information about council tax, gas/electric bills, house insurance/contents insurance, water rates, etc.

My advice would also be insurance. I found out the hard way when this isn't in place. I have income protection and life insurance and you BOTH need that. That would cushion the still working/parenting partner in the event of illness and/or death. Having said that, income protection (mine at least) didn't kick in straight away, I had to pay in two years before I could claim (otherwise everyone would be getting it this second) but it's absolutely worth doing all this with a good company. I used LV and have been happy with their quote and their service, but luckily I haven't had to get them to pay anything yet so no idea if they are good on that front.

All good points.
I think re the mortgage that is why they make you take out life insurance for when you get one?

Make sure you include an expressions of wishes for each pension. You should contact them all and ask if there is one in place. The legal impact of not having one can be great as the rules are different if there is no one named.

Passwords, including social media.

I friend of mine died suddenly in her 40s. Her parents have not been able to access her facebook account which has caused considerable distress.

would the mortgage etc be put on hold until things were financially resolved

Nope. Also all debts in your name (if you owe any tax or if you have any credit cards etc) automatically pass to your next of kin. They are not written off.

Hi OP hope you're doing ok?

I've nothing to add myself other than to say that whilst I'm not yet thinking about worse case scenario this thread is an excellent life admin resource. I'm going to use it. Thanks for starting x

I know you're not old but look up the Age uk Life book. You can download/print it and it has space for all your information plus funeral wisheservice.

Also all debts in your name (if you owe any tax or if you have any credit cards etc) automatically pass to your next of kin. They are not written off

This is not true at all. I have recently had the pleasure of sorting this out and the answer is if it is not a joint debt, then you do not owe other people's debts. If your spouse has a credit card, dies and owes money, the debt has to come from their estate (their money) if there's any left, and if there isn't, then they cannot claim it from you.

Also- mortgages used to have compulsory life insurance but do not now, so if you have a mortgage taken out recently, check and if you rent, you will not have life insurance unless you take it out

love the idea of the naughty drawer needing to be cleared up!

mummyoflittledragon

I think you have got this the wrong way round. Individual bank accounts are frozen until probate, but funds in joint bank accounts are still available to the surviving signatory. But you should inform the bank.

Pensions- you can either call the pension fund or go online into the account and check there's a named beneficiary and any other info you need to update. This does not happen automatically and if your partner has been somewhere for 20 years predating your marriage, they may not have updated their pension beneficiaries. Also remember you need to find out ALL the pension funds you ever paid into- that can be fun if you moved around a lot, but worth it even if you were only there a short time.

Good thread, OP. Good thinking. Useful for many. Thank you.

this is all wise stuff anyway and at least now you have time to do it! While hopefully you will be around to bring your kids up to independence, all parents need to have a plan B if you aren't. And you are definitely going to die (although we all hope not soon) so you need wills.

a lot of this is even more urgent if you aren't married so it is not panicking, it is sensible adulting.

passwords - write down and hide in a sealed envelope.
do 'advance directives' for adults - compassion in dying have the template.
household bills should come out of a joint account which doesn't freeze if one person dies.
and yes - insurance. Think what happens if one of you vanishes tomorrow. Then the other. Then get insured to replace the missing income or childcare.

Funeral plans seem a bit odd to me - it is not ‘my’ funeral in the sense I would be dead so what they choose to do makes no odds to me. I would want them to do whatever comforted them most.

Children - you can not dictate who will get them/‘leave them to someone’ in your will. You can only request but it is up to social services/courts to decide. Though in most cases if you request someone and they agree then the courts will go with this especially if know family. Social services won’t want to make extra work for themselves.

National Insurance number for the other person. Everything for the govt. is done using this, and although I know mine, when my husband died I needed to know his. TBH he died very suddenly and there was no-one who did not help, every organisation was thoroughly professional and so very kind.

Sorry if already been mentioned, but when we did our wills the solicitor asked us to consider what we wanted to happen to our assets if ALL of us were to die, children included. I'd not really thought beyond the children inheriting if we both died. Worth thinking about.

Get the will written ASAP - dying intestate leaves a lot of untangling for your family, and is bloody expensive.

All passwords to everything, laptops, phones, even stuff as inconsequential as the Sky account - it can be a right pain in the arse to access accounts if you're not a joint account holder

Documents for all pensions/insurance/credit cards/mortgages, etc.

Death in Service benefit - make sure all names are up to date, my husband had split his between myself and our two kids at time of setting it up, and never got round to adding the 3rd. Obviously we agreed it would be split 4 ways, but it can lead to sticky situations for other families.