Preparing for the worst - please only read if you have something useful to add

[helpthismama]

Don't mean to scare monger at all but preparation helps me to feel in control. And these are things we really should've dealt with before tbh - covid has just brought it home that bit more.

I have two young children 3 and under, we haven't got round to sorting out wills etc so we've had a chat today about basics. How each other would financially cope if the worst was to happen. We need to discuss who we would want the kids to go to.

I also want to write down medications / doses for my kids as both have health issues and their rough routine as I would want them to be as comfortable as possible.

I'm trying to think if I owe anyone any money

Anything else?

Aesopfable I kind of agree that funerals are for the living. However, it causes a lot of stress at a very difficult time trying to decide what people would have wanted if they don't specify. I saw this recently with a relative and half the people were convinced burial would be best, the other half cremation. If the person had specified- cremation, close family only, two hymns or pieces of music (the specific ones), reading X then it would have been much easier. It's hard putting together a funeral, finding photos, trying to chose music, not quite knowing what the person wanted and it's kind to let everyone have some guidance in advance if you can. I have a lovely friend who chose her own burial plot so her children could visit a beautiful place, sadly she did need it. It takes courage to think about it and let people know but funerals don't just happen, people have to make decisions and it's much easier if you feel it's what the person wanted (or if they want direct to cremation, no service and everyone to go on a holiday, leave the money for that, but tell them!)

If you are handling these matters for someone else (especially an elderly person), make an good effort to notify their friends.

You should tell your next of kin if you want to be out in a ventilator if medics feel you wouldn't come off it. So I've said no, in that situation but DH has said yes. I've spoken to DD about what kind of funeral I would like and about what bits and pieces I'd like to pass on to her and to her half sister. Definitely end of life/ living will stuff.

Very useful thread OP. Many thanks for starting it.

I made a list of all my online bank accounts and credit cards, online bills so they know what to look for, and put them with my will, as my family would have no idea how many I had. I also listed pensions, life insurance etc, although it is all filed in the same drawer its handy to have just 1 list of it all.

I don’t have a will but I have a “what to do when I die” book (Amazon) which has instructions in it as to what happens to the dc, how to access my life insurance and accounts. I’m a single parent so no other adult to leave things too, just my dc. I don’t have loads of money and don’t own my own home but I do have 2 disabled children, one of whom will need life time care.

I have a file of all this useful information, with a bank account spreadsheet, will, etc. In it, I include a Word document with list of family heirlooms (medals, jewellery, old letters, etc) including their photographs and family stories to go with them. (My DS and DD will probably just sell them, but it makes me feel better!)

Be sure you are a named beneficiary on any benefits - DH has death in service, and I am named along with the children.

But one of his colleagues didn't fill out the form, and although it did go to his wife, it was a massive hassle.

Practical things such as the names of the children's doctors, contact details and children's friends and parent's names and contact details. Also, names of builder, guy who fixes the doors, plumber, electrician, not forgetting the drain guy!!

Thinking of this as “preparing for the worse” is just going to add to your anxiety.

These are simply sensible measures. I did this a few years ago.

You’re being responsible. No drama, nothing related to the current situation, you’re doing what needs to be done as a parent (in fact, an adult)

If you have a mortgage you need to check that you are or aren't paying mortgage protection insurance already. Most of us do and it's often mandatory.

Life assurance payouts are usually quite low and you need to choose carefully. They decrease as you get older because everyone does die.

You could also look at critical illness cover which would pay to cover things like childcare if one of you can't work.

The most important thing is a Will and appointing legal guardians for your children.

Anything else is icing on the cake, so to speak.

Presumably for household bills, accounts and so on, you and your partner already share these and can access them if the other one dies?

Years ago we had life insurance tied in with our mortgage so that if one of us died the mortgage would automatically be paid off. I think it was compulsory at the time.

If they still do this it would be worth taking out a policy to cover this.

There's a book availalbe on Amazon called I'm Dead Now What? which is American but still very applicable. It's spiral bound with stuff to fill in so all your info is in one place.

A big thing is to make sure that ALL your bank accounts, ISAs, savings any financial stuff is listed somewhere because otherwise no one will know where your money is.

Check with household bills whether they are both in your name as it will make it easier.

Research and make a note of good local probate lawyer so can be drawn upon without stress. I asked a local estate agents and they have a brilliant recommendation as it turned out.

Getting a certified copy of birth certificate is always useful - not just for this, generally

Most mortgages have a life insurance element so that it is paid off in the event of one of the partners dying. Do you have that?

To be honest, irrespective of Covid, this just a sensible thing to do anyway. All Covid has done is shove it up the agenda in most people's minds from being the boring ‘it’ll never happen’ or “I’m still too young’ item that many people do until its too late. You can ask people on this thread, but I’d just ask for recommendations and contact a solicitor - most will be working remotely. A really good solicitor will ask you all of those probing “what if” or “what would happen if” scenarios. We went though this last year after a family member sadly died very suddenly from a brain tumour. He had no will provision in place - such a mess for family to sort out. It made us get our act together and contact a solicitor - they take into account all kinds of permeatations and possibilities - no matter how unlikely, including a total wipeout. So my advice is get a recommendation, take your time to sort it out and do it properly. If doing this, gives you peace of mind at night, then absolutely crack on.

A big thing is to make sure that ALL your bank accounts, ISAs, savings any financial stuff is listed somewhere because otherwise no one will know where your money is
True and Yes do it. But a good solicitor (if paid) will also contact all institutions proactively as part of their searches for conducting Will services.

* But a good solicitor (if paid) will also contact all institutions proactively as part of their searches for conducting Will services.*

Fees rack up swiftly so where you can save time and do things yourself, you will save money.

Plus they can only contact... if they know the institution

Otherwise the process takes much longer, as has to contact many to exhaust the possibilities

I know this sounds odd but think carefully about who you would want to be the executor of your wills. Many people just use the solicitor who draws up the will but some of them charge thousands in fees so that it doesn’t leave much in the estate!

.

This is an excellent thread!

I thought I was organised, but I've actually been really slack with the electronic stuff.

Thank you, OP, and everyone else.

You really don't need a solicitor to conduct searches etc if one parent dies and the spouse is the main beneficiary of the Will.

When my father died a year ago, there was nothing to do other than get several copies of the death certificate and send to banks etc as proof as my Mum inherited everything.

When you register a death, they ask you to complete a form which is then sent by them to whoever may need proof of death (eg council for council tax purposes.)

We also did all probate for my MIL (no surviving spouse) and the solicitor's fee was less than £1K.

If you are reasonably literate you can work through a lot yourself.

However, unless you both die soon after each other, a lot of what people are suggesting is not needed.

We don't have life insurance any more (in our 60s) as the premium increases annually and the payout decreases.

The mortgage was always covered by mortgage insurance through the building society as part of the package.

Thank you for this - hope it’s only a precaution for all of us

Very useful thread, thanks to everyone for the input.

Children - you can not dictate who will get them/‘leave them to someone’ in your will. You can only request but it is up to social services/courts to decide

That’s a bit of a stretch. No guardianship clause and social services decide. Guardianship clause, there would need to be a very extreme situation akin to removal to stop it happening.