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Lovely dad passed away in hospital

95 replies

IDidNotSignUpForThis · 05/04/2020 06:42

I am heartbroken. My 74 year old father was taken into hospital two days ago suffering with Covid 19. He passed away last night with only a nurse by his bedside. My mum is ill with symptoms at home. I am beyond heartbroken. I don’t even know if we will be allowed a funeral. I cannot take it in. It doesn’t seem real.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 05/04/2020 08:02

I am so sad to read this *@IDidNotSignUpForThis**. I really hope your mum only has very mild symptoms and makes a quick and full recovery.

Funerals and cremations are taking place and every council has their own restrictions. For example, in mine no one is allowed in the crematorium. Some funerals are only having five people.

Take care of yourself and I really hope everyone who reads this stays home if they aren't or strongly encourages those who thinks it's fine to do X that it isn't. So many threads with people saying Cani go out, so this and people saying yes you're fine people are being over dramatic. Well read the OP and see the reality of someone not staying home has broken *@IDidNotSignUpForThis** heart.

IDidNotSignUpForThis · 05/04/2020 08:07

Dragonicicle thank you for what you are doing. Someone like you sat with my dad tonight and held his hand constantly and phoned us to let us know how he was doing. She also called my mum on my dads mobile in his last moments of lucidity so he could tell her he loved her. You are amazing and I am eternally grateful that you are doing what grieving relatives cannot. Thank you xx

OP posts:
redcarbluecar · 05/04/2020 08:07

Sorry to read this terrible news, OP. My thoughts are with you
.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 05/04/2020 08:11

I'm unfortunately another one in the same position as you OP. Mum passed away on Tuesday in hospital alone. Dad is now in 2 week isolation and my heart breaks for him. Video calling is fine but it doesn't take away the agony of not being with him. Her funeral is on hold until dad's able to go out again, but there will only be 3 of us there, Dad,me and my eldest sister...my younger sister will be "there" via skype. Covid not only stole Mum from us but has also stolen our need to morn together as we so desperately want to.

feathermucker · 05/04/2020 08:13

So very sorry for your loss.

StarintheMorning · 05/04/2020 08:14

We are aware that we may face the same, as our DMs are both in their 90s.

My DDad was in hospital many years ago due to come home when he died unexpectedly, all alone. It does feel as though some part of the rites surrounding the loss of a loved one is missing, although I now think it is more common than we believe.

My heart goes out to you, your family and everyone that will have to face this over the next few months.

IDidNotSignUpForThis · 05/04/2020 08:14

trappedsincesundaymorn I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is heartbreaking. You are right, how do we process this and mourn our loved ones in these unbearable circumstances? Sending you and all your family love and light. I hope your dad is getting better.

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 05/04/2020 08:17

I’m so sorry OP. Flowersa as

I think the lack of support for the victims as they die is the hardest thing about this disease.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 05/04/2020 08:22

IDidNotSignUpForThis

Thank you. My thought are with you and yours also. Dad is showing no symptoms (touch wood that continues to be the case) so fingers crossed we can be with him soon. I hope your mum recovers well also.

I feel like a member of the shittiest club around at the moment...we are not alone, but right now we feel like the loneliest people around.

Curious78 · 05/04/2020 08:24

@IDidNotSignUpForThis I am so, so sorry for you and your family Flowers

beautifulteeth · 05/04/2020 08:28

Oh my goodness

This is heartbreaking

So sorry for you and others who have lost loved ones op

Sending you so much love, strength and hugs to you all

💕💕💕

SunshineCake · 05/04/2020 08:28

I'm sorry for you too @trappedsincesundaymorn and @JoyceByersWasRight Flowers.

Sparky87 · 05/04/2020 08:30

I’m so sorry Flowers

CookieSue222 · 05/04/2020 08:30

I am so sorry for your loss Op, and for the losses of other posters too.
I lost my beloved 85 year old Mum last monday (although not corona related). It is so sad as we had not seen her for over 2 weeks, as she had been in hospital for a while, and visiting ceased a fortnight ago.
We were also unable to be with her at the end, its just heatbreaking.
We have been told we can have up to 15 immediate family members present at her funeral (East Midlands), but that stops at adult grandchildren - no one else.So as several of her grandchildren don't live locally, we estimate 6 mourners at present.
Due to the current circumstances, we are still waiting for her death certificate, one week on. That's really slowing the process, and we fear that funeral rules could change again before we have a chance to hold it. Our greatest fear is that they will have to resort to direct cremation/interment, and she will be alone again.
My hope is that we can hold a memorial later this year, as I have a sibling abroad, who is obviously unable to travel.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss - for all our losses.
I wish your Mum a speedy recovery.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 05/04/2020 08:33

CookieSue222

Flowers.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 05/04/2020 08:33

I am so sorry for you op and your family and all those that have lost loved ones to this awful virus. To not be able to be with them and family after just adds to the pain and it’s so so sad x

My cousins couldn’t be with their dad and are absolutely heartbroken

The funeral is via an online service people are trying their best to make it as comforting as possible of course it’s not the same it’s just such a sad sad situation
Flowers

lmcneil003 · 05/04/2020 08:35

Poor you, and poor mum.
This COVID-19 pandemic is wretched. I hope you're able to grieve in the fullness of time.

CookieSue222 · 05/04/2020 08:48

trapped - thank you.
It must be so hard for your poor Dad, I so hope he has avoided the virus. You are right - this is a really shit club to be in.
We have found this week so difficult. There's so much to sort out, and yet your hands are tied because all of this is new to everyone, and all normalities have been swept away. When my Darling Father died 3 years ago, process and proceedure were so clear cut, and everyone knew what they were doing. Now everything seems to change daily and we have to work within the current restrictions.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 05/04/2020 08:58

I am so very sorry for your loss. Flowers My heart goes out to you for losing your dad in such tragic circumstances too.

Funerals are going ahead still but with very limited numbers. Sadly though I don't think you'll be able to see your father when he is at rest. Perhaps you can have a funeral after your DM recovers?

My Mum's funeral (not a CV death) was in March and I am now truly grateful that restrictions were not in place for that. It is a very difficult situation.

I hope your mother recovers quickly from her symptoms so that you can comfort each other.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 05/04/2020 09:04

Just in case it may be helpful to you, there is a thread on the Bereavement board particularly for people bereaved by the loss of a parent/parents.

HeidiHoNeighbour · 05/04/2020 09:06

I’m so sorry.
We lost a family member too and the funeral only allowed ten people.

It means you can’t grieve properly.

Knowing that once we’re allowed out again we’ll be having a proper send off does help.

Rewy · 05/04/2020 09:07

I am so sorry Flowers

Yallreadyforthis · 05/04/2020 09:10

So, so sorryFlowers

blackistheneworange · 05/04/2020 09:11

I'm so sorry.

LondonJax · 05/04/2020 09:17

I'm so sorry about your dad. I hope your mum begins to improve. I can't give you words to take away this pain - it must be awful for you and all you can do is be kind to yourself and do whatever you can for your mum.

It's very hard at the moment with regard to funerals. My mum died at the beginning of March - not from Covid 19 so we were incredibly lucky and were with her at time.

Her funeral is in late April, it's a very long process to get dates at the moment in some areas.

Mum's funeral won't be the one we had planned for her (we knew she was ill for a while and she'd told her wishes years ago). We can't have a wake - nowhere to hold it is open and, even if we could get somewhere, you can't have a gathering now. We already made the decision that it was immediate family only before the lockdown took hold as two of the family children have health issues so we can't take the chance.

The crematorium has asked that each individual family (i.e. me and my family, my sister and her family etc) sit 2 metres apart, spread around the chapel. So we've had to get a recorded choir piece for the hymn she requested as 12 of us just can't make the noise that a huge family could.

And, of course, we can't get flowers. Many florists have shut, some can't guarantee what they can get that far in advance. So we've tracked down a silk floral tribute and her coffin will have that and only that. It seems that, as you overcome one issue, another pops up. Like the flowers - we didn't even think about the fact that flowers aren't essentials! It's a funeral, you don't even think that flowers aren't 'essential'. I know many people will say 'you're being ridiculous' but the flowers became a huge thing for us - we were trying to fulfil her wishes even through we knew mum would tell us we were daft to even try. Someone's death is all consuming. You feel so lost that just being able to get the funeral 'right' feels like you have some sort of control. And now you can't even have that.

However, we've already spoken to our local minister about a memorial (or thanksgiving for the life of) service next year when, hopefully, all of this is over. We'll make that mum's proper service and it will be full of the people who meant so much to her, she'll have the flowers she requested and a huge wake to celebrate the time we had with her. It's something positive to plan, to work towards.

This is an awful time and my heart goes out to you. Once it settles down, try to go with the flow - it's the only way we've managed. You can't change this, you can't let it overwhelm you. We've just had to shrug at each stop in the road, take a breath and recite our mantra 'we'll give her that at the memorial' - which we will.

I do hope your mum gets better quickly. My thoughts are with you.

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