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Covid

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Original poster

Not coping with baby and lockdown.

79 replies

DebbehofMaddox · 03/04/2020 20:26

Backstory: Husband is an ICU doctor and moved into a hotel 2 weeks ago to reduce the risk of spreading Corona to me or our 3 month old daughter. He’s been working many more hours than usual anyway as his dept. is struggling with staff illness/having to isolate due to suspected Corona. Initially I was to self isolate for a fortnight then move in with my parents to give me some support with the baby. I’d already had a few periods of struggling before, not quite PND but not far off. I’d been getting better as I was seeing my NCT group and going to classes, and my husband made sure to give me some time tomyself.

Now that’s all gone and I’m on my own with a 3 month old and I am not coping now. Managing just about in the day, and using video chat to try and stay social, but seeing other people having family time together just makes it worse. I’m crying and generally low most of the day. Still haven’t left the house other than the odd walk around (husband drops off food and waits 2m away).
What’s worrying me is that I’ve started hurting myself to cope with the stress, banging my head on the headboard or wall or scratching myself- especially when the baby is crying or won’t go down for a nap. I’m certain I won’t hurt her, but I almost shouted at her the other day and felt so guilty. I’m worried about how much longer I can manage on my own. I remove myself from her if I feel I’m getting stressed, and I can’t imagine hurting her, but I honestly can’t manage like this much longer.

Tried speaking to GP but the lines have been either down or busy every time and the receptionists are not seeing anyone face to face.
Don’t want to worry my husband as he’s working so hard and is under so much pressure at work. I’ve told him I’m struggling and he’s offered to come home, but realistically he’s on the ward so much it wouldn’t make much difference. Plus the risk of infection.

I’m so tempted just to pack up and go to my parents anyway. They think they’ve had Corona as they both had bad coughs/throats and were ill for a week. They’re pretty much self isolating anyway due to living rurally. I’ve been self isolating as per the original plan. Husband thinks it’s still a good idea- and he’s frontline NHS-but I know how important the lockdown is.

I know other people have it worse, or are in similar boats, so would love to know how you cope.

OP posts:

Neighneigh · 03/04/2020 20:33

This sounds so hard and my instinct is to say yes you should speak honestly to your husband and plan to go to your parents. But. How long ago do they think they had it? How far away are they? I would wait at least two clear weeks before you go, but I'd hope that having the light at the end of the tunnel will help? One thing, on your maternity notes do you have any numbers for your midwife or maternity ward? You do need some help, please try and reach out to them. Wishing you all the best too

frumpety · 03/04/2020 20:35

Can you get through to a health visitor ? I really feel for you OP, its a rubbish place to be and it sounds like you need some sort of help soon.

TwistyHair · 03/04/2020 20:38

If you can get to your parents’ house then that would be a good idea.

zelbazinnamon · 03/04/2020 20:38

Go to your parents, OP. Your mental health is important.

Original poster

DebbehofMaddox · 03/04/2020 20:39

I’ll see if there’s a 24 hour number, as it’s normally now that I feel the worst. I can kind of muddle through in the day. I think it’s the loneliness that’s making it worse- I have never been apart from my husband for this long either so that’s an extra struggle.

OP posts:

wheresthehope · 03/04/2020 20:40

I think if I were in your situation I would go to my parents. I think getting the support is extremely necessary for you and your DD.
How are they feeling now ?

Original poster

DebbehofMaddox · 03/04/2020 20:41

My parents both had it a couple of weeks ago, but milder than I’d expect for their age (in their 60s). They live less than an hour away and have already said they’d be willing to take us. I feel like I just need to be able to hand the baby to someone and have 10 minutes of not having to worry about her.

OP posts:

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 03/04/2020 20:42

I would absolutely go to my parents house in your situation. Your mental health is important. Wait the 14 days then head to their house, you can’t go on like this.

JanewaysBun · 03/04/2020 20:42

It's completely fine to sometimes put the baby down and let her cry and go to another room.. your mental health is suffering and she really won't remember. Good luck xx

Original poster

DebbehofMaddox · 03/04/2020 20:42

Stupidly I’m also a bit worried that a HV would see me as a risk to my daughter. I honestly know I wouldn’t hurt her, I feel sick if I think of doing anything like that to her, but I don’t know what they’d think.

OP posts:

Razmataz92 · 03/04/2020 20:42

Go to your parents as a matter of urgency OP. It sounds as though the risk you are at with your mental health outweighs the very small risk of you or your baby contracting coronavirus and being hospitalised.

Health visitor and GP cannot do an awful lot. You need real life support and that isn’t going to be possible living in isolation with your small baby. Go to your parent’s house and seek help once you and baby are safe there.

Original poster

DebbehofMaddox · 03/04/2020 20:45

@JanewaysBun I let her cry one night as I was just so tired, it was probably only 2 minutes but I felt so guilty afterwards that I couldn’t sleep. I hate the thought of her crying herself to sleep wondering why I’m not coming.

OP posts:

Pentium85 · 03/04/2020 20:45

Go to your parents.

Please.

Buzztothemoon · 03/04/2020 20:46

Go to your parents. One of the things I’m very worried about (professionally) is the number of people who are causing themselves actual harm in an attempt to avoid (probably small risk of) potential harm. Yes there is a risk from contracting the virus, but for most that risk is low. Whereas massive deterioration of mental health or, as increasingly we’re seeing, people too afraid to go out for food or essential prescriptions. Or, most frightening, people failing to seek medical help for other urgent problems... there is no such thing as a risk free option. Just minimising risk which needs to take account of people’s circumstances.

happytobeheresparkl · 03/04/2020 20:47

You need to speak to your husband and then go to your parents.

Original poster

DebbehofMaddox · 03/04/2020 20:47

Thanks everyone, husband’s on a long shift tonight but I’ve asked him to call me when when he gets off or a break (unlikely I know!)
I’ll call my parents tomorrow and see if they can pick me up, as I don’t want to get any worse.
Thank you for the support.

OP posts:

TwistyHair · 03/04/2020 20:48

Your HV will be glad you’ve spoken out about how you’re feeling. And will know that you’re not a risk to your baby

grangeranger · 03/04/2020 20:48

I would go to parents as well. This is probably going to be more like a marathon than a sprint, and your mental health is so important for you and DD, and for your DH to know you are ok. As long as you are not putting others at risk, it seems like a no brainer to me.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/04/2020 20:48

Sending you a hug. Go to your parents. Your husband will feel better knowing you’ve got proper support and you’ll get some much needed company and help

Danceswithwarthogs · 03/04/2020 20:49

You should do this, you are suffering now. Other illnesses and family crises do not stop because of covid, in your case it’s likely that covid measures have caused/exacerbated it. Your family’s health can’t be forced to bear the brunt of this and the risk to your mental health has to be the priority right now, more than a collective effort for the greater good.

If you and your parents have been stringent in your self isolating up to now, you will still be a closed group if you move in for a while. It’s likely to be a weight off for your husband too if he feels torn between being there for you and his colleagues/patients or worrying about what your not telling him.

Good luck op

Bellendejour · 03/04/2020 20:51

God OP you are doing so well to deal with this - I had none of the stress of lockdown and my partner with me full time and I still had points when I got so stressed I would hurt myself (punching myself in the head etc). I had post natal anxiety and it was hard but your situation is genuinely so tough! I would definitely go to your parents ASAP - you need support. Sorry you’re going through this - it will get better but you need some help

Baboutheocelot · 03/04/2020 20:55

You are doing the right thing by going to your parents, best of luck to you. And once you’re there perhaps see if you can still get a phone appointment with your doctor or health visitor, it can’t hurt to try.

KMoKMo · 03/04/2020 20:56

Absolutely get to your parents as soon as you can.
Those newborn days are tough anyway without all the added pressure you are under.
Look after yourself

Mummyshark2018 · 03/04/2020 20:59

The priority right now is your mental health as that poses a more immediate risk to you and your baby than the virus, please go to your parents house.

Goodnighttv · 03/04/2020 20:59

Wow OP a baby that age is really hard work at the best of times, let alone in these circumstances! If it was me I would finish the 14 day isolation period and then go to my parents, definitely.

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