Not coping with baby and lockdown.

[DebbehofMaddox]

Backstory: Husband is an ICU doctor and moved into a hotel 2 weeks ago to reduce the risk of spreading Corona to me or our 3 month old daughter. He’s been working many more hours than usual anyway as his dept. is struggling with staff illness/having to isolate due to suspected Corona. Initially I was to self isolate for a fortnight then move in with my parents to give me some support with the baby. I’d already had a few periods of struggling before, not quite PND but not far off. I’d been getting better as I was seeing my NCT group and going to classes, and my husband made sure to give me some time tomyself.

Now that’s all gone and I’m on my own with a 3 month old and I am not coping now. Managing just about in the day, and using video chat to try and stay social, but seeing other people having family time together just makes it worse. I’m crying and generally low most of the day. Still haven’t left the house other than the odd walk around (husband drops off food and waits 2m away).
What’s worrying me is that I’ve started hurting myself to cope with the stress, banging my head on the headboard or wall or scratching myself- especially when the baby is crying or won’t go down for a nap. I’m certain I won’t hurt her, but I almost shouted at her the other day and felt so guilty. I’m worried about how much longer I can manage on my own. I remove myself from her if I feel I’m getting stressed, and I can’t imagine hurting her, but I honestly can’t manage like this much longer.

Tried speaking to GP but the lines have been either down or busy every time and the receptionists are not seeing anyone face to face.
Don’t want to worry my husband as he’s working so hard and is under so much pressure at work. I’ve told him I’m struggling and he’s offered to come home, but realistically he’s on the ward so much it wouldn’t make much difference. Plus the risk of infection.

I’m so tempted just to pack up and go to my parents anyway. They think they’ve had Corona as they both had bad coughs/throats and were ill for a week. They’re pretty much self isolating anyway due to living rurally. I’ve been self isolating as per the original plan. Husband thinks it’s still a good idea- and he’s frontline NHS-but I know how important the lockdown is.

I know other people have it worse, or are in similar boats, so would love to know how you cope.

I’m glad you’ve made the decision to go to your parents tomorrow. Hopefully tonight won’t be as stressful now that you’ve made your mind up. Good luck and huge thanks to your husband for everything he’s doing💐💐

Go to your parents! Also get out of the house for walks, EVERY day! Force yourself!

Your mental health is important too, I really think you should go to your parents.

@runrabbitrunrunrun I haven’t wanted to as I’ve been trying to be strict with the self isolation- I’ve been in the garden with the baby though.

Definitely the right decision. My daughter has a three month old and is staying with us . She is a great mum but I shudder to think how she would have been on her own . When you get to your parents they can take the baby out for their exercise and you can get some free time to help clear your head. Am sure your husband will be relieved and he can do his amazing job without having to worry you .💐

God yes go, you absolutely need time to yourself even 10 minutes of just not holding or thinking about the baby. Your MH is important too.

OP please go to your parents if they are happy for you to go. And you absolutely mustn't feel guilty at all. It is an essential journey to protect your health and wellbeing. Most of us, me included, would have really struggled to look after our dc completely on our own for weeks at a time at that age. Babies are exhausting at the best of times, and this is definitely not the best of times for any of us.
There is such a lot of support for NHS workers which I completely agree with. However I really feel for the families of those workers, people like you, who are sacrificing an awful lot in their personal lives with no recognition at all. It is really appreciated by us all too.

You poor love, sending you a big hug. I had terrible PND (including self-harm and suicidal ideation) and cannot imagine how terrible it would have been under lockdown. Please go to your parents and as someone else said, if you can, try to go for a walk with the baby everyday. Fresh air and a change of scenery is so important for mental health. Keep posting on here for support too, you are not alone 💐

This sounds so so difficult, nothing new to add just to say I'd defo go to my parents and it sounds like you've coped brilliantly considering

Oh OP that sounds really hard, I agree, you should go to your parents as soon as you can

Oh OP, listen to everyone here and go to your parents. But also speak to a GP, a midwife, a HV or someone. Your mental health is so important and someone trained to recognise and help with PND will be able to offer further support.

This is temporary. This will pass. You will get through this. It is important and brilliant that you have asked for help.

Glad you're going to your parents OP. I'm alone a lot but I am used to it, and I am finding it really hard, must be much more so for you who isn't usually on your own.

You're doing a great job OP, being alone for 2 weeks with a 3 month old is hard enough, given all that is going on in the world and with your DH being on the frontline must make it so much harder. Definitely go to your parents, take care of yourself x

OP, you've done amazingly to get this far. It is tough with a baby but even more so with a newborn and alone! Get to your parents as soon as you can.xxx

Thanks again everyone, your support has really helped. My husband got a chance to call and I told him everything. He also said to go to my parents ASAP, so I’ll call them tomorrow morning and make a plan.
I feel better knowing there’s something in motion.
Thanks again- think I’ve been holding it all in so long that it felt good to get everything out.

Excellent plan OP. Definitely the right thing to do, hope to get some help and rest now x

Sounds like a great plan op. Hope you feel safer and happier with your parents x

Good plan OP. Safe trip tomorrow and relax xxxx

Definitely go to your parents. The first 6 months with my firstborn were very dark indeed. Cried every day. Can't imagine doing it under this corona virus threat and self isolation. Hope things get better soon

Packed your bags and go to your parents first thing, you need their support to help you through this xx

Oh OP I'm so glad you're going to your parents. You're in such an unnatural situation with a new baby to look after without any support. Your difficulties coping just now are no reflection on you but purely on the situation and how difficult new motherhood is.
Sending so much love, I found becoming a mum so difficult and I can't imagine how I would have coped in your situation.

Yes love - get ye to your parents ASAP. You shouldn't be suffering like that.

Anyone would be struggling in your situation and with depression/anxiety looming it is in everyone's best interests for you to be somewhere nurturing.

I had severe PN anxiety and depression and if I hadn't been able to go out during my recovery I don't know what I would have done.

I'm so glad you're going. I'm struggling with PND at the moment and even with DH here full time and medication it's a tough time to be going through it. I could not do it alone!

Go to your parents - having a baby is such a massive shock and can be incredibly hard. I have a lovely husband but struggled massively after DD1 was born, my mum came over for a week initially (they were living abroad at the time) but changed her flights twice and stayed for a month. You need your sleep and you need support

Sorry, just read your update 🙈 Glad you're going, take care of yourself and enjoy the company as well as being looked after