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Original poster

Not coping with baby and lockdown.

79 replies

DebbehofMaddox · 03/04/2020 20:26

Backstory: Husband is an ICU doctor and moved into a hotel 2 weeks ago to reduce the risk of spreading Corona to me or our 3 month old daughter. He’s been working many more hours than usual anyway as his dept. is struggling with staff illness/having to isolate due to suspected Corona. Initially I was to self isolate for a fortnight then move in with my parents to give me some support with the baby. I’d already had a few periods of struggling before, not quite PND but not far off. I’d been getting better as I was seeing my NCT group and going to classes, and my husband made sure to give me some time tomyself.

Now that’s all gone and I’m on my own with a 3 month old and I am not coping now. Managing just about in the day, and using video chat to try and stay social, but seeing other people having family time together just makes it worse. I’m crying and generally low most of the day. Still haven’t left the house other than the odd walk around (husband drops off food and waits 2m away).
What’s worrying me is that I’ve started hurting myself to cope with the stress, banging my head on the headboard or wall or scratching myself- especially when the baby is crying or won’t go down for a nap. I’m certain I won’t hurt her, but I almost shouted at her the other day and felt so guilty. I’m worried about how much longer I can manage on my own. I remove myself from her if I feel I’m getting stressed, and I can’t imagine hurting her, but I honestly can’t manage like this much longer.

Tried speaking to GP but the lines have been either down or busy every time and the receptionists are not seeing anyone face to face.
Don’t want to worry my husband as he’s working so hard and is under so much pressure at work. I’ve told him I’m struggling and he’s offered to come home, but realistically he’s on the ward so much it wouldn’t make much difference. Plus the risk of infection.

I’m so tempted just to pack up and go to my parents anyway. They think they’ve had Corona as they both had bad coughs/throats and were ill for a week. They’re pretty much self isolating anyway due to living rurally. I’ve been self isolating as per the original plan. Husband thinks it’s still a good idea- and he’s frontline NHS-but I know how important the lockdown is.

I know other people have it worse, or are in similar boats, so would love to know how you cope.

OP posts:
Healthyandhappy · 03/04/2020 23:20

Go to your parents or they come to u

Healthyandhappy · 03/04/2020 23:23

1st babies r hard I was always at parents. 2and time when u have a 5 year old and a baby it's nice even if by self as u have someone to talk to and keep u busy and a baby to cuddle. 3 months is hard as cant sit up but are awake quite a bit 3 more months and can sit up and eat. Goes quick dont worry but go u mums make life easier and dont worry x

ChipotleBlessing · 03/04/2020 23:24

Go to your parents, go tomorrow. This is fine under the guidance. It’s the right thing for all of you. Young babies are hard. Isolation is hard. Make it as easy as you can for yourself.

Lynda07 · 03/04/2020 23:25

Go to your parents, you'll feel better there. Good luck.

DonPablo · 03/04/2020 23:29

Go to your parents. Go as soon as possible. You see that you're not coping, you've done so well to recognise it. Now act on it. Honestly. It'll save your sanity.

I hope you're OK. You're not alone. Flowers
Your sacrifice and your husbands' makes me tingle. Thank you. Now looks after yourself and your baby. Please.

MoltonSilver · 03/04/2020 23:29

Well done for reaching out Daffodil

RainMinusBow · 03/04/2020 23:36

It must be so hard for you. I'm due my third in eight weeks. My OH is a ft key worker and I have two boys who will be 10 and nearly 13 when baby arrives. My parents live in the same village but of course they won't be able to help. I honestly don't know how I'm going to cope!

Foldinthecheese · 03/04/2020 23:41

So glad that you’re going to your parents’ house. I said to my husband last week that I worried about how many women would struggle with PND due to experiencing isolation at a time when support is so important. I really hope things improve for you soon.

Confuddledtown · 04/04/2020 00:22

Go to your parents Flowers

Excited101 · 04/04/2020 00:24

Another vote for your parents op.

RainMinusBow · 04/04/2020 00:49

If OP goes to parents, will her husband also have to move in with them?

ineedaholidaynow · 04/04/2020 00:56

I am assuming the DH will have to stay away.

Also OP unless your parents were tested there is no guarantee that they have had the virus.

Original poster
DebbehofMaddox · 04/04/2020 06:49

The plan will be for my husband to move back into our house when I’ve left (he’s in a hotel atm).
We won’t be back together for at least another few weeks, as he wants to wait until the first peak is over and see how things are.
I’ve explained the risks to my parents, but they want me to come regardless, and we’ll isolate as a household when I’m there just in case.

OP posts:
TwistyHair · 04/04/2020 07:04

That’s a great plan. I’m really pleased you’re gonna go to parents. Get some sleep and rest as much as you can.

ArtichokeAardvark · 04/04/2020 07:15

Sending a big hug OP. I'm also struggling with a toddler and a baby (10 weeks) and I'm similarly considering moving in with my parents. It's not just to have help with the children, it's to have some human interaction with people who aren't either whinging or screaming at you. I would have gone already but I at least have DH in the evenings and weekends.

Good luck - we'll get through this but it's hellish now!

MindyStClaire · 04/04/2020 07:18

I'm so glad you're going. I found the first six months so damn hard, I've always been lucky with my mental health and ability to cope, but lockdown and DH moving away at that time would've broken me.

Please also consider getting out every day for a walk. Unless one of you is very vulnerable or your parents live somewhere very crowded, the risk is minimal. Getting out with the pram would do you and the baby good, and getting out alone sometimes would probably be even better for you.

MrsMozartMkII · 04/04/2020 07:21

So glad to read your update lass. You need that support.

stairgates · 04/04/2020 07:27

Good news opSmile I hope you are all ok x

Needingsupportplease · 04/04/2020 07:31

No advice just a handhold, I went through these feelings and scratched my legs ridiculously hard although the situation wasnt the same. This will soon be over, you will be ok, it will get better. Do what you need to do for you and your baby xx

IrisAtwood · 04/04/2020 07:45

I am so sorry OP. You should definitely move back in with your parents. Advice has to be balanced by relative risk and your mental health declining further is a greater risk than any theoretical risk involved in moving back.

nowmorethanever · 04/04/2020 07:50

I’m so glad you’ve made the decision and got things organised. Flowers

Original poster
DebbehofMaddox · 04/04/2020 16:31

Update: Am now at my parents house with a happy little one asleep on me! Already feeling a lot calmer and happier. Thanks again to everyone for their support and suggestions.Flowers

OP posts:
Gypsyrosa · 04/04/2020 16:45

Was about to post ..go to your parents please OP! So glad you did. Hope you're feeling lighter and that things get easier for you Thanks

MrsMozartMkII · 04/04/2020 17:02

So glad you're all safe. Definitely did the right thing.

TwistyHair · 04/04/2020 18:46

Sounds lovely

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