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Original poster

Dying alone

130 replies

SouthWestmom · 31/03/2020 20:26

I'm genuinely horrified at reports of people dying alone due to infection potential. It seems so inhumane. The latest is a child - what is being stored up in terms of mental health and emotional damage? I don't know the accuracy of this ; I can't understand this being the best or only course of action.
Does anyone have a better understanding of the reality from experience of the wards or hospitalisation processes?

OP posts:
LonerGirl · 31/03/2020 21:43

I wouldn’t care if I was at risk if my child was so poorly. I’d demand to be there & self isolate after. There is just no way I’d leave my child when he needed me. But I haven’t experienced anything like this, but I’m sure parents could attend

CoffeeRunner · 31/03/2020 21:45

All I can tell you are the policies in my trust. Adults who are EOL (end of life) and not symptomatic will be allowed one visitor for a short time. Adults who are Covid-19 positive will unfortunately not be allowed visitors at any time.

Children may have one parent or Carer with them at all times. Regardless of Covid-19 status.

DisneyPlus · 31/03/2020 21:46

The hospital absolutely does allow a parent/carer with a child and will also allow a visitor for someone at the end of their life.

I think hospitals are trying their hardest to ensure people aren’t alone whilst minimising the risk to everyone, where possible.

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 31/03/2020 21:47

I honestly think the long term damage in terms of eg ptsd for families is going to be huge. What cost later for this ?

OP posts:
astericia · 31/03/2020 21:55

My DD is newly 18 and highly vulnerable due to a respiratory condition. I now worry she would be considered an adult and we wouldn't be able to be with her, should anything happen.

Troels · 31/03/2020 21:58

We have a lot of end of life patients where I work, if family can't be there or won't come in when we think the end is coming we make sure a staff member sits with them, talks to them and holds their hand. It must be awful to think no one was with their loved one right at the end.

GrumpyHoonMain · 31/03/2020 22:00

Parents are permitted to accompany dying children but this boy’s dad had died recently and we have no idea what his mother’s health was like (or if she were pregnant or not mentally well). If he were being looked after by a sibling then many hospitals may not have allowed them to accompany him.

GrumpyHoonMain · 31/03/2020 22:01

It’s also possible that there are other family members also in icu

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 31/03/2020 22:02

Grumpy you are right and I'm trying not to fall into the trap of spreading fear. It's really useful to hear from people working with these processes.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 31/03/2020 22:04

The coroner has not yet given the cause of death, it may well have been something else. Neither does it say why the family were not with him when he died. We should not scaremonger as we do not know the facts.

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 31/03/2020 22:08

Soon I'm not trying to scare monger my op says I don't know the accuracy but I e read reports and asks if anyone knows about processes. I'm trying really hard not to post Panic! We're all going to die! type posts

OP posts:
middleager · 31/03/2020 22:11

This is haunting. I have two 13 year old boys and the thought of this is too unbearable to contemplate.

Our children have been used for herd immunity. Told a lie that they would be spared.

Randomschoolworker19 · 31/03/2020 22:11

I think dying alone is one of my worst fears and something I wouldn't want to wish on anyone, let alone a child!

It was incredibly hard for me to be there for the deaths of both my mum and dad, but I am incredibly grateful that I was able to be there for both of them.

It's awful being an orphan before you're 30, but in some ways I'm glad they're not around to see what's happening now.

Poppi89 · 31/03/2020 22:12

I knew about the 13 year old dying but I didn't realise he was alone. Does anyone know where they found this information because I can't see it?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 31/03/2020 22:14

I really hope by family they mean wider family maybe. Otherwise it's just appalling

Apparently not; there's thread running where a son's been refused access to his dying father. Not the whole family, which would be understandable, but his son (who'd probably have been in close contact with him before the hospital admission anyway)

As I said elsewhere, this is just too much for me; if we lose even our humanity there's nothing left

Michelleoftheresistance · 31/03/2020 22:16

Gently, people deal with awful circumstances all the time, it was only a few generations back that we stuffed thousands of kids on trains, billeted them with complete strangers and people were being dug out of bombed rubble on a daily basis without mass mental health collapse. Syrian refugees in awful camps keep going, humans are staggeringly resilient things. We've been lucky enough to live through some very safe, stable times without encountering this kind of crisis before or having to deal with such hard, horrible emotions but it's been in the nature of the human race from the start, this happens. As a society the next challenge will be to build widespread resilience and support in a way we haven't had to do before. Flowers

Desperately sorry for that poor little boy and his family, it's horrible.

Scruffyoak · 31/03/2020 22:16

This is just heartbreaking. I just got back from work and my anxiety is breaking me.

Michelleoftheresistance · 31/03/2020 22:18

I doubt hospitals are keeping people apart out of lacking humanity, more that there are many other considerations they have to take into account, and the normal priorities and emotional considerations can't always be met.

ChipotleBlessing · 31/03/2020 22:18

I doubt that is the full explanation, all trusts have been reassuring people that it isn’t true that children will have to be alone.

DisneyPlus · 31/03/2020 22:19

Please can people consider what you’re reading and what you’re posting. Children are absolutely permitted a parent/carer at all times. Hospital policy is this trust is that this was, of course, allowed! Tragically, this poor boy may have passed away when his parent slipped out of the room. My heart goes out to the family, what a very sad loss for them.

RufustheLanglovingreindeer · 31/03/2020 22:19

My DD is newly 18 and highly vulnerable due to a respiratory condition. I now worry she would be considered an adult and we wouldn't be able to be with her, should anything happen

Dd doesn’t have a respiratory condition...but she is a young 18 and i feel the same

And obviously 21 year old ds1...but he doesn’t live in my house

Esptea · 31/03/2020 22:21

FIL is currently dying from Covid19 in a hospital and DH and MIL have been allowed to spend the day with her. They offered to let MIL stay overnight but she refused. They have been told they cannot return now as they must both self isolate for 14 days. He got a side room though so possibly they've been lucky.

twinnywinny14 · 31/03/2020 22:21

Does anyone know why this has been referred to the coroner? Seeing as he had no other health problems, why would this be necessary?

Poppi89 · 31/03/2020 22:26

Source please

ChipotleBlessing · 31/03/2020 22:27

@Poppi89 The Guardian