Have your friendships changed or ended due to COVID-19?

[SistemaAddict]

Being unable to socialise as normal I'd thought that friends might keep in touch more frequently to make up for not seeing each other in person. I was wrong. A friend who knew we were self isolating 10 days ago hasn't been in touch since. Our dcs play together and we get together in a local cafe about once a week for a face to face catch up normally. She's not one for replying to messages at the best of times and it can be days before she replies. She's a SAHM like me but has one child and a husband whereas I have 3dc and am single. Other friends are on a school WhatsApp group but no one has been in touch outside of that and after the initial rush of messaging everyone is very quiet. Maybe because I'm single I feel it more and they all have partners/husbands.

Has anyone else experienced this? I expect a few friendships to end over lack of sticking to the rules of lockdown of threads on here are anything to go by! People can be so selfish and self centred.

My good friends have been in touch, checked in more than usual and have videoconferenced etc. People on the outer circles of my friendship group less so although there's been a lot of facebook contact. Pretty much as you'd expect.

To be honest it doesn't sound like this woman is a reliable friend even in normal times so I'm not sure why you thought this was going to change now. She may be selfish and self-centred or, to be blunt, she may only ever have considered you a convenience friend in which case she's bound not to be prioritising you. It's shitty, but the trick is to learn to spot these people before a crisis.

Do you have anyone else who can provide support?

I'd considered letting the friendship slide before all this tbh but it just got me thinking about if this situation would affect friendships for people. I guess people either come together in a crisis or become selfish. It's certainly made me think less of some people and more of others.

My long term true friends have also kept in touch, but friends I chat too or usually message through made through my kids havent. I'm also single and have three children and it Is a lonely time.

It's changed a couple of friendships for me, a few good friends are not on the same page as me (they're in full on denial or intent on playing down the seriousness of what is happening) and I'm finding that lonely and a bit sad. I love them both but on reflection, they are both friends who when you turn to them and really need them and their support, they just don't come through for you. Not in a flaky way but just in a lacking empathy sort of way.

So that's been a bit pants - but I don't blame them, I just need different kinds of things at the moment from my friendships and both these friends just seem a bit childish and innocent and like I can't lean on them or vent to them at all.
Other friendships have deepened though, which has been lovely. All of this virtually via email, Zoom etc.

I wouldn't be too harsh just yet. It's a strange time and people are adjusting to the new normal.

I've found it hard with one or perhaps two friends - not all (most have been amazing). My father is currently seriously ill in hospital battling the virus to stay alive. Tonight one of my friends (who hasnt been in touch for over a week despite us being friends for over thirty years and her knowing my father was seriously ill) told me that she was enjoying the experience (fair enough) and thought that the virus was a lesson from God telling us to slow down and remind us what was important in life! I said I thought this was quite a hard lesson/ a bit unfair for some (eg my Dad.who is in huge pain, discomfort and frightened).
I know I am very sensitive and emotional at the moment - but when a much loved family member is in such difficult circumstances it is hard to hear such comments. When other peoples family members have experienced poor health I wouldn't have dreamt of saying something similar - it wouldn't have crossed my mind.

I suppose ultimately we are all having different experiences and should try to be supportive of one another /understand were we are each coming from- but it is hard.

Thanks everyone. I think situations like this make you reevaluate your life and relationships. I had a friend who lives in China. My oldest and dearest friend who wasn't in touch very often but was the kind who when you got in touch it was like you only saw them yesterday. When this all started getting scary o we there I messaged to check on them and their family. No response. After a couple of weeks I checked Facebook to see if they had posted anything. Sure enough there were regular posts. Just hadn't bothered replying to my message of concern. That was it for me. Since I've hit my 40s I have less tolerance for people who don't treat me as I treat them and have cut out a lot of old friends and family who were toxic. I suspect I have ASD and this has become more apparent in recent years and I think that's instrumental in my black and white thinking on friendships.

Hi @Bercows I definitely think during this time many of have reflected and looked deeper into friendships. I recently cut a friendship off & it saddens me as I don’t have a huge circle, our children have known each other from babies & I’m not sure I explained myself properly to her when I ended the friendship. I hope I made the right choice.

I would actually like someone else’s opinion. I ended a friendship of 4 years recently. She’s a lovely person but lacks motivation I’m happy to support my friends and I would like the same. But in recent times it was my birthday and she basically ruined it (due to her situation). I do feel for her but in recent months it started to grate on me as you have to push yourself in life. Also sometimes I have off days too & would like her to meet me in town for coffee simple things such as this we haven’t done since the kids started school last Sept, although I have met up with her at her house. I have never complained about her lack of motivation as i think everyone has flaws. But when somebody’s lack of motivation affects things like you can’t go on holiday, having to change birthday occasions to benefit her, any simple trips like taking the kids to a ball pool. Do you think I have been some what selfish? Hasty in cutting the friendship off?