How's the competitive isolation going?

[Borkins]

I've not stepped out of the door even though I'm low on food and starving and I reported a runner to the secret police because they will be breathing their Covid germs all over town and infecting the nurses. The police said it's not scientifically possible to transmit the disease this way but I read it in the Daily Mail so it must be true.

Why would you report a runner?People are allowed to go out for brief exercise as long as they are on there own or just with people from there household. Sadly I'm not an exercise fan so I'm happily staying indoors ☺️.

Did the secret police shoot the runner? ... athletic fucker! 🤣

Lol! I better watch out for the secret police then because ive been running everyday

I'm having to mop up the rage of all the people reporting that someone's using the local playground and green.
One woman is going to call the police if she sees more than one household there. I'm not sure how she plans to monitor it as she doesn't have a view of it from her house, where she is supposed to be.

Ha. Love this!

I get people's rage and concern but feel very sorry for police call centres (or whatever they're called) as they're now receiving 1000s of calls about 3 kids in an alleyway or a jogger with a dog.

Yesterday I saw my next door neighbour doing some gardening. Shall I report them to the police?

I have reported 14 cyclists to the police, they are not two metres from the pavement!

Massive frothing from someone on the local fb group complaining about hoards of teens out and about - fair enough if they are, they shouldn't be.

But when someone pointed out they'd never seen so many older folk still just going about their business pottering around town buying non essentials the OP hit the roof.

It's all getting a bit age-ist on there - in both directions.

Well I received an on the spot fine for £38668 for buying a Mars Bar and now I've seen the error of my ways, I'm taking photographs of everyone who walks down my street and sending them to my local police. Also I plan to only go out for essentials (a tin of sardines and a hair shirt) once a month until all this is over.

I don't bother with the police, they take too long to reply. If I see anyone passing I hang out the top window with my bull horn and shame them into retreat.

Not on my watch.

Yesterday I saw my next door neighbour doing some gardening. Shall I report them to the police?

Not extreme enough. Scream from your window that they have the blood of all mankind on their hands.

I've taken to tipping buckets of dettol over passers-by from my bedroom window.

Better safe than sorry.

I’ve been logging all my journeys with 101. I have to sprint back home if I’m approaching my 15 minute curfew.

I’m discusted that newspapers are on sale; not essential. Too many old people combining daily exercise and buying a paper. I mean can’t they use their iPads for news.

I’ve seen the police check people’s shopping and bollock them for buying chocolate.

I’m not buying anything online as I don’t want the virus to spread. I’d rather the economy collapsed completely.

I’m going to volunteer for the UK Stasi as I love policing other people. I can’t wait to inform on them. It’ll make me feel so good.

This virus has been the best thing ever for my enormous judgey pants. At last there is something I excel in.

Can someone please report professional athletic fucker Joe Wicks for trying to murder me please?!!!
way too old for this shit

Attempts at being funny should have at least some element of humour.

I'm thinking of reporting my neighbours. They clearing aren't fulfilling the requirement that you should take daily exercise. By not taking steps to maintain good health they are increasing the risk that they will need help from the NHS...

I agree sunshine. There has been a massive sense of humour failure all over the country.

I reported my neighbours as their 5 year old kid was riding their tricycle round the shared empty courtyard yesterday. It is not ESSENTIAL. They are literally killing people.

The sooner they bring in the army the better.

Snitches get stitches make
I was only semi-joking...''P.E with Joe'' set by the school teacher to do this morning I have been ignoring all week
Fine, I says, let's have at it...wtaf, planking and thrusting and squatting. I had thought it was going to be a cbeebies move-your-arse wiggle type thing. Shit got real. Am back on sofa hyper-ventilating with kids laughing at me. flicks vs at Joe.

I saw my neighbour taking her dog for a walk just now when I know for a fact she’s already been out this morning to put her bins at the end of her driveway, which definitely counts as her exercise for the day. Should I call 999 or just go and take her out myself (I’m trained in martial arts and could perform a citizens’ arrest)?

[To clarify, in case it isn’t 100% clear - I am joking and in no way am I recommending anyone call 999 for anything other than a genuine, life-threatening emergency.]

I am joking

Dammit cletter

I was going to go for option 2

Joe Wicks is making me stabby.

Luckily ds has poo pooed him.

I sneezed on first of Jan so I’ve been isolating since then.
I never get bored because I’m too busy being “furious”.
I love to post videos and snippets of my own advice on FB and anywhere I can.
Hopefully EVERYBODY should know that I am the messiah of Corona by now but in case they don’t I’ll keep posting.
Aside from educating others about never leaving the house I do like to hop on the odd thread to talk about how many lovely things I’ve purchased online. Seeds, haribo, plant pots, shoes etc. I mean that’s OK isn’t it? They just get droned here through the anti bac skies don’t they? What!? They don’t? Shit - this is actually going to make a change to my normal life. Bollox.

DH says that if we get it in the house, he's going to put a cross on the door like they did in the Plague. I hope he is joking!!