Massive with with dp

[Cocoandclive27]

Dp had a call from his elderly father this morning who has very bad chest pains. As dp is classed as vulnerable with asthma himself I tried to very gently say he needs to stop and think before he goes to see him. What will he do when he gets there? He's potentially exposing himself. Suggested that his dad call 111 to see what they advised. He completely flew off he handle told me to get a fucking grip and punched a door on the way out. He quite literally screamed at me.

I'm absolutely stunned. He has never behaved like that. I realise this is a horrible stressful time but I'm livid. I was only trying to offer advice. Was I wrong to suggest this? I understand he's worried about his dad. I really wish there was somewhere else I could go

OP, your opening post showed zero concern for your husband, or his father. 50% of it was complaining about your husband's behaviour. You were "livid", remember? Not worried sick, or slightly concerned, or upset. Livid.

@chatterbugmegastar my initial response was to ring 111 as that's all we've heard over recent days - if you suspect you have covid19 stay at home, if your symptoms get worse ring 111. I thought I was reiterating government advice. When it became clear he was bad enough for dp to feel like he needed to go to him I simply said ok that's fine but think about what you're going to do when you get there. I appreciate it maybe was the wrong advice. I'm not an expert on dealing with global pandemics.

And yes initially I was worried about dp and his asthma but he could totally be passing stuff on as he's been out for work quite a lot this week.

He has reduced his time in the office but is still attending certain meetings that in my opinion should be cancelled unless really urgent. He is vulnerable due to his health condition and people like him have been told to socially isolate as much as possible

@SnoozyLou I was livid at the way he reacted. Would you be happy if your dp swore, screamed and punched a door when you were doing was trying to help? That doesn't mean I'm not concerned. I'm allowed to be pissed off at his behaviour and worried about him and his dad at the same time.

You're clearly here for a row and I'm really not in the mood for it this morning. I've admitted i maybe gave the wrong advice, I didn't mean to. I'm just uncertain and worried. Thanks for the comments.

Chest pains is a sigh of a heart attack though OP not CV? Its important I think that even though CV should be at the forefront of our minds not to automatically assume everything is it. It is and always should be a 999 call

What job does he do its difficult to gauge whether he is being irresponsible or he has no choice

I think you both let your worry get in the way of rational thought. Your worry about CV lead you to immediately link your FILs issues to it. Your DH’s worry about his Dad (plus a does of worry about CV presenting as denial) led him to blow up.
Your DH was wrong to be so aggressive but I think he is far more worried than he is letting on.

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude yes I think you're right. Now more than ever it's important to try and keep a rational head on. It's very tough with so much uncertainty and extreme circumstances. We have spoken. His dad is waiting for an emergency gp to get back to him and to take advice from there. They have been advised not to to to hospital at this point after assessing his symptoms.

Not a row, OP. Just presenting a different opinion.

@Cocoandclive27 how is your FIL?

If one of my elderly parents rang with very bad chest pains I would be there like a shot. And I wouldn’t take kindly to my spouse trying to stop me tbh. I’d like to think I wouldn’t swear scream and punch a door but I’d certainly shout a lot. I’m not surprised he reacted angrily.

Any word back re fil op?

You did no wrong at all.
Your husband could end up killing his father by going there, if he gives his father the virus as well as the possible heart attack he will definitely die.
He needs to calm down and stop and think - we all do before rushing to the bedside.
Nothing is cut and dried anymore.
You have done your best OP, if your husband goes off the rails and acts without thinking whatever happens next is on him.
Hopefully it will all be ok but equally it might not be.

Fil is ok. He had a call from emergency gp. They suggested painkillers and rest. He wasn't admitted to hospital. I don't know whether this is right or wrong but it's a professionals opinion after assessing him.

It's clearly not a good time to be unwell with anything.

For the last time for those too dense to understand, I never told dh not to go. I just wanted him to think things through since were all being told to be so careful. I just hope we will all be ok