To expect partner to stand up to his boss and stay at home

[Jigglemonster]

Really not sure if I've lost the plot or my partner has;

I'm 30 weeks pregnant, currently working from home as a result of company measures for coronavirus. My partner was at work yesterday , they had been told up to then that it was business as usual except they were not allowed have any face to face meetings with clients (it's an office based job).

Fast forward to yesterday's announcements and it seems clear that I will have to socially isolate and need to take extra care, and therefore him spending 2 hours a day on tubes into the city exposes me to unnecessary germs.

Despite the news yesterday and the fact that they are not seeing any clients his company have insisted that everyone goes in. He called and emailed his boss yesterday to discuss his circumstances and ask to work from home and they refused.

AIBU to be annoyed with my partner for going in today and not making more of a fuss? Personally I wouldn't want to work for a company that clearly had no regard for their staff. I suggested he say I had a cough but he said at this stage he couldn't after discussing the situation with them.

I've said to him if he keeps going in he'll have to stay somewhere else otherwise it's pointless me isolating. So I'll be home alone and pregnant for the forseeable which isn't ideal.

Really interested to get other people's views on this.

It’s easy to say stand up to your boss but realistically you have a baby on the way and you’d have him unemployed?!

You are not being unreasonable. Work from home if possible is the official advice. If travelling on public transport surely that should be emphasised. It's spreading more in London than anywhere else at the moment.

He is probably equally as worried about keeping a roof over your head and you all fed and watered which makes “standing up to the boss” harder.

Can he change working hours to reduce peak times on transport?

Does he work for a big company? If so, the decision may be taken out of the bosses hands soon after yesterday’s instruction to WFH. Someone further up the hierarchy may well issue instructions to managers to increase remote working.

boss’s

Yabu are you expecting them to let your partner stay off for 12 weeks? The advice is for YOU to stop home not the whole household.

I’m in the same position though. My boss has been discussing how we will ‘work around’ the social isolation rules by saying we are an essential service (we aren’t) and even suggested one girl who’s been feeling under the weather is putting it on.

"Personally I wouldn't want to work for a company that clearly had no regard for their staff. I suggested he say I had a cough but he said at this stage he couldn't after discussing the situation with them."

Personally i wouldnt riskmy job if i had a pregnant wife, especially in an situation where peoples workplaces are being shut and people are on leave without pay.

The cough thing is also totally transparent

Your not unreasonable to be worried, but unreasonable to as to see this as a fault of his.

My difficult and subtly-bullying boss challenged my wanting to start working from home from today (we can do our job and have prepped). Am fit and well and not in contact with vulnerable peolle like you, just feel it's now time to follow advice. I was challenged that 'we are not there yet'... Slept badly worrying about being in trouble. Then this morning message to staff changed and was a bit more accepting. I hate the macho culture and pressure and feel for your partner.

The problem is, you are very unlikely not to get CV.
If you are a healthy woman who is pregnant, would it not make more sense to have CV now? Your baby is in a lovely safe womb, no evidence that can cause risk to them if you get CV now. Your baby would be born with the immunity if you did get it now.
The alternative is that you give birth and your newborn baby is exposed to the virus.

I listened to an expert on the radio yesterday morning (radio 5) and one of the questions was about the risk to babies and the unborn. They are least at risk out of all of us according to the data coming out of China. I wouldn't worry about it.

I would say that you're low risk and it would be good for him to have a job.

To be fair keeping his job is probably more important (unless you’re swimming in money that is).

Appreciate the responses, know that it's not straightforward.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers @Marlox- I get what you're both saying, but in this case his job isn't salaried as such, it's full commission so he will likely be hit by coronavirus in any case without help from the company. I'm the main earner and in the worst case scenario we'd be ok with just my salary. Not ideal to lose a job over, though honestly don't think they would. He is a big earner for the company in terms of money brought in.

@Sirzy - unfortunately they won't allow any flexibility, he suggested that as a compromise but again they won't budge.

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude - it's a large group, but small company within it. I'm hoping sense wins out and the group makes a decision for all entities.

@raspberryk - I know it sounds ridiculous but in fact the government guidelines published say if you live with someone in the vulnerable group (including pregnant women) to treat it as if you have someone self-isolating in the household.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-on-social-distancing-and-for-vulnerable-people/guidance-on-social-distancing-for-everyone-in-the-uk-and-protecting-older-people-and-vulnerable-adults

It's a tricky one, I know he doesn't want to rock the boat at work, and given we're having a baby it is sensible to an extent. But, should the worst happen and there are implications down the road as a result I know he will regret it.

Op I think you are being unreasonable. You seem to have tunnel vision and blaming your husband is very immature. Do you expect him to lose his job over your anxiety? Because that's what it sounds like to me. You have a baby on the way and will need to ensure your family is financially stable. This is the situation and you just have to manage it best you can and follow guidelines for yourself. The advice is not for him to self isolate.

@Savingshoes @Collaborate - unfortunately the data is limited, and the number of cases in pregnant women so far is low and therefore not credible. Bear in mind that it is only a few months since Covid-19 truly hit, so no evidence of what happens later.

There is no way of knowing whether there is an impact or not to an unborn baby, hence the updated advice. It is cautious, but for very good reason.

I’m the main earner

That’s a bit dismissive of him. Do you mean you are the higher earner?

I listened to an expert on the radio yesterday morning (radio 5) and one of the questions was about the risk to babies and the unborn. They are least at risk out of all of us according to the data coming out of China. I wouldn't worry about it.

Does that mean that the article about the newborn baby with Coronavirus was fake news then? (Supposedly born in North Middlesex University hospital). Admittedly, it was reported in The Sun first, I think. I think it’s all the fake stories/fake preventative measures/fake “expert” advice that are making things so much worse!

But, should the worst happen and there are implications down the road as a result I know he will regret it.

That's extremely harsh. So you would make your husband feel guilty for something that serious that he hardly has any control over and the only way to avoid it is for him to likly lose his job???

YABU

@Collaborate - impossible to say what the impact on unborn babies is at the moment, as we don't even know the outcomes for babies exposed in early pregnancy yet! The virus is only 3-4 months old

@Jigglemonster your partner should definitely push for working at home. Maybe if one of you suddenly develops a cough and are off for 14 days his company might find a way for him to keep working from home?

@Jigglemonster your partner should definitely push for working at home. Maybe if one of you suddenly develops a cough and are off for 14 days his company might find a way for him to keep working from home?

How are we supposed to get through this if people who aren't actually symptomatic are telling their work that they are in fact symptomatic?

YABU

YANBU to want him to be at home.
BUT YABU to have him risk his job by making a Nast scene or conflict., realistically, his business will send everyone home in a few days time as he is in a commission based profession the customers will disappear.
The next few days they can decide whether they want to also make him redundant and only pay notice period sick pay and then he can register for benefits, or if they want to keep him employed for after the outbreak and send him home. Any insubordination could put him in the group to have their jobs cut.
Yes you can get by on your salary alone but that’s only for the next six to ten weeks after which you’ll be going through childbirth and on lower maternity pay. Can you survive on your maternity pay alone?

I feel for you, and you must be feeling terribly anxious (Who could blame you)This is a difficult one to call ,Your poor DH must be feeling pressure from all sides! Much hand washing for both of you .Travelling by tube is not great, but you will need all the money you can get with baby en route! BJs fiancee Carrie is also expecting , and he is still having to run the country in this crisis (probably doesnt travel on the underground though)! Many young ladies will be in a similar position to you .Try to eat fresh fruit/veg(on offer at our Sainsburys ATM due to rush for tins /packets).Maybe vitamins for both of you (check ok for pregnancy first obv) Try to sleep well and relax if you can (Not easy I know )My DH/DS still at work as well .Both big companies too .